1865 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
3i9 
A. : “ Why not ? You ‘had no busi¬ 
ness to stumble.’ ” 
J. (After another moment of thought): 
“ 1 ain’t a horse.” 
A. : “ No, L know you’re not.” (Aside), 
“ Many horses are much better than some 
boys, and men, too.” 
J. : “ Horses don’t know anything, an’ 
they ain't got feeling like folks ; they’re 
just made to go.” 
A. : “ Why, Jack Brown ! A nephew 
of mine say such things ! I can hardly 
believe my ears !” 
J. : “ Father says so.” 
A. : “ Does he?” (aside). “How import¬ 
ant that the fathers of boys should 
‘ know’ something.” (Aloud). “ With all 
due respect to your father, then, 1 say 
that he is greatly mistaken. You just 
watch Dolly, make a study of her for a 
month, and then see if you can tell me 
that she ‘ doesn't know anything.’ In 
the meantime, my boy, remember that 
the command ‘ to do to others as you 
would be done by,’ applies to your deal¬ 
ing with animals as well as with human 
beings.” i. b. 
Not So Simple as It Seems. 
Scene: Farmer Gray and his brother John, 
from the city, walking toward the house. 
Uncle John : “ Well, yes ; the results 
are good. I was very much interested 
by the manly way in which Harry did 
two or three errands at the depot.” 
Farmer Gray : “ He has always been 
treated like a man. Take the one mat¬ 
ter of little confidences, llis mother and 
I always hold them as sacred as we do 
those of larger people. His pretty 
speeches when he was little ; his funny 
questions, and so forth, may be talked 
over between us two, but they never go 
any further. Thus he has been saved 
much useless self-consciousness, and his 
manners are more free and easy.” 
U. J. : “ This reminds me of the words 
concerning Mary, the mother of Jesus : 
“ But his mother liept all these sayings 
in her heart.” 
They sit down on the porch where they 
hear the voices of children. Two-year- 
old Bessie falls and hurts her head, and 
Harry trying to still her cries, carries her 
here and there, and at last puts her down 
again, and says : 
“ See here, Bessie, where you hit the 
floor ! Poor, old floor ! Did Bessie bump 
you hard ? ” 
(The crying stops, and Harry goes on.) 
“Let’s go tell mamma how Bessie's 
head hit the poor, old floor ! ” 
U. J. : “ There it is again. Almost 
any one would have said, ‘ Naughty old 
floor ! Bessie, whip the mean floor ; it 
hurt her. ’ ” 
F. G. : “Yes, the idea is to get the 
child’s attention turned away from its 
own pain. Which way is better?” 
U. J. : “ What is the difference ? One 
is as untrue as the other ! ” 
F. G. : “ Yes, but m the impression 
made on the baby's mind, there is a great 
difference. Harry’s words did not rouse 
the ugly spirit of x-evenge.” s. M. n. 
Starting Right . 
Scene: A conversation between a newly-mar¬ 
ried, middle-aged couple, who have each been 
married before. 
He: “It seems good to be home, ready 
to go to housekeeping again! It has al¬ 
ways been my custom to rise at six in 
the morning!” 
She: “That is a good custom; I heart¬ 
ily approve of it.” 
He: “But—er—Mary Ann always rose 
first, and had breakfast ready for me at 
that hour.” 
She: “I could do that if it were not 
for starting the fire. I don’t know how 
to build a fire!” 
He: “I can easily show you how!” 
She: “I don't care to learn. My 
Joshua never let me set foot on the floor 
till the room was warm, and at my time 
of life, I would not think it safe to begin.” 
He: “You are not so old as I am.” 
She: “Oh no ! I’m not old, but my 
habits are very firmly fixed.” 
He: “I thought mine were!” 
She: “Besides, I would not like to do 
more for some other man than I did for 
MOTHERS. — Be sure to use “Mrs. Wins¬ 
low’s Soothing Syrup ” for your children 
while Teething. It is the Best.— Adv. 
Joshua. I’d be afraid his ghost would 
visit me.” 
He: “Well, what about Mary Ann's 
ghost? ” 
She: “If Mary Ann was the sort of 
woman always to build the fire, I don’t 
think her ghost could be very terrible!” 
He (aside): “What shall I do? 1 
thought I’d begin right this time, but”— 
(to her) “Well, we need not decide till 
morning which shall build the fire! 
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” 
She: “You may as well consider that 
matter settled ! I shall not build the 
fire ! ” c. l. r. 
Both Sides of the Question. 
Scene: Breakfast table in a New England farm¬ 
house. 
Husband: “Well, what’s the matter 
now, Maria ? ” 
Wife: “Your boots smell so of the 
stable.” 
H. : “I guess my boots smell as well 
as yoixr hair looks! ” 
W. : “If you would start the kitchen 
fii - e in the morning before going to the 
barn, I might find time to comb my hair 
befoi’e breakfast!” 
H. : “I wonder if starting the fire 
would give you time to mend that hole 
in your elbow !” 
W. : “Try it and see! Oh, such an 
odor! Why don’t you wear your slip¬ 
pers at the table?” 
H. : "I don’t have time to change 
I'll be late getting the milk to the fac 
tory now, if 1 don’t hurry up. You 
ought to have married a city feller; then 
your husband would have smelled of 
whisky and fine shoes!” 
W. : “Not necessarily. What makes 
you do things that make me wish I were 
an old maid?” 
II. : “What makes you dress so slat¬ 
ternly that other men’s wives look bet¬ 
ter to me than you do?” 
W. : “I suppose you don’t see other 
men’s wives early in the morning!” 
H. : “There were women in the family 
where 1 was brought up. My mother 
was a woman, had eight children, made 
the butter at home, took care of the 
chickens, did most of the sewing, was a 
good cook and housekeeper, and always 
looked nice!” 
W. : “Your mother was a remarkably 
smart woman!” 
H. : “I think so, myself!” 
W. : “She died rather young, didn’t 
she ?” 
H.: “Yes; but an orderly head of hair, 
and clean, whole clothes didn’t kill her!” 
W. : “People say you resemble your 
fathei*, so most likely it was the pure 
air coining from the boots under the 
table that killed her! You don’t sup¬ 
pose she starved to death?” 
II. : “Say, Maria ; I’ll tell you what 
I’ll do! If you will always come to the 
table with a clean, whole dress, and 
hair combed, I’ll come in slippei’s! What 
do you say? Is it a bargain?” 
VV. : “ V\ hat about the kitchen fire?” 
II. : Oh. bother the fire! I can’t stop 
to start the fire!” 
W. : “Well, I shall have to have m t \ 
hair cut short then, because I don't have 
time to ‘do it up!’ You always want 
breakfast on the table the minute you 
are ready for it! 1 get out of bed as 
early as you but I can’t step into my 
trousers in four seconds, draw on my 
stockings in two seconds more, leaving 
them to hold themselves up, put on my 
vest on the way to the kitchen, and but¬ 
ton my coat w hile stepping into a pair 
of rubber boots! I’d like to have you 
put my rig on just one morning!” 
H. (on starting for milk factory) : 
“ Don’t have your hair cut to-day, 
Maria!” g. 
HRilttlUaeou# gnlvntisinfl, 
IN writing to advertisers, please always mention 
The Rural New-Yorker. 
Leather gets 
hard and brittle-use Vacuum Leather 
Oil. Get a can at a harness- or shoe- 
store, 25 c a half-pint to $ 1.25 a gallon ; 
book “ How to Take Care of Leather,” 
and swob, both free; use enough to 
find out; if you don’t like it, take the 
can back and get the whole of your 
money. 
Sold only in cans, to make sure of fair dealing: 
everywhere—handy cans. Best oil for farm ma¬ 
chinery also. If you can’t find it, write to 
VACUUM OIL COMPANY, Rochester, N. Y. 
r 
Builds Up the System. 
That is what Ayer’s Sarsaparilla does. A fact which 
physicians have been quick to recognize and one reason why 
they recommend it. 
“Our family physician recommends Ayer’s Sarsaparilla to 
purify the blood anti build up the system. This medicine has 
proved wonderfully beneficial in my family. Whenever we feel 
weak or debilitated, especially in the Springtime, we take 
Ayer’s Sarsaparilla, and find it equal to all we expect of it.”— 
Ernest Bohm, Cor. Sec. Central Labor Fed., 04 East 4th 
Street, New York. 
Sarsaparilla 
K 
ONLY MEDAL AT THE WORLD’S FAIR. 
A. YEAR’S PILLS Cure Biliousness and Sour Stomach 
CARRIAGES, BUGGIES, HARNESS JOT 
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Write to-day. 
and Kicycleft, at Factory I*rices. Work guaranteed and 20 to 40 ] 
per 
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W E WANT YOU 
tO w 
C v 
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X Z 
to send for our ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE of 
BUGGIES, SURREYS, etc., and Wholesale Price List. 
Wo can fit you out with anything you want. 
KALAMAZOO BUCK80ARD CO., 
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DYSPEPSIA 
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ALL PAPER 
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for 100 tine samples. $1 
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UNDER A 
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SEND FOR CATALOGUES— 
( A —Wood-working Machinery. 
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SENECA FALLS MFG. COMPANY, 
za Water St., Seneca Falls, N. Y. 
CANNING MACHINERY and SUPPLIES 
and Earn ham v V. 
D. G. TRENCH CO., Chicago. Ill 
Mention this paper 
CIDER 
MACHINERY 
Hydraolio, Knuckle Joint and Screw 
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r The C. F. Gin on Co., Ltd.. Managers j 
UARTER OF CENTURY OT,D. 
sffiSASWATER PROOF,'"SSK* 
Vo RUST nor RATTLE. Outlaete tin or iron, 
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LOW PRICE! 
DURABLE! 
FIREPROOF! 
If you are going to 
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send for sample 
and circular. 
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38 Dey Street. N. Y. 
AROOF £ 
\ THAT IS 
PROOF 
TAgainst Hghtning.flre, Mi iH K'l —ilia HWil 
"Wind 4 water. Roth Iron A Steel. Catalogue A i,rices t 
KFree. Niles Iron A Stef.l Roofing Co., Niles, O. > 
THE BEST CORRUGATED 
ROOFING 
For 2% cents per Square Foot. 
The J. W, Hosford Co., Greenfield, Mass. 
IRON 
AND 
STEEL 
OOFING 
AGENTS WANTED, 
Write to-day to 
CURTIS STEEL ROOFING COMPANY, 
67 Sigler Street, NILES, OHIO, 
