852 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
December 21, 1895 
Humorous. 
Ah, Santa Claus, 
Well may’st thou pause 
To view a sight most shocking; 
Nor all thy stealth, 
Nor all thy wealth 
Might fill that new bike stocking. 
—Cleveland Plain Dealer. 
Mack : “ Can you get me a lock of your 
sister’s hair, Johnnie ? ” Johnnie : “ No, 
but I can tell you where she gets it.”— 
TidrBits. 
Small Margery had just been stung by 
a wasp. “ I wouldn’t a-minded it’s walk¬ 
ing all over my hand,” she said, between 
her sobs, “ if—if it hadn’t sat down so 
hard.”— New York Evening Sun. 
Little Helen, who had never been 
in the country before, was taken to see 
nine little pigs, with her mother, in 
Farmer W.’s pig-pen. “ How many are 
going to be drowned, mamma ? ” she in¬ 
quired.— Youth's Companion. 
“ Do you have any luck in your literary 
work, Wilkins?” “Yes. 1 didn’t used 
to think so, but I do now.” “ What has 
caused you to change your mind ? ” ‘ ‘I’ve 
been reading over my rejected stuff, and 
I’m perfectly delighted to think it didn’t 
get printed over my name.”— Harper's 
Bazar. 
Clovertop : “ Yer see that quilt, young 
man ? Marthy Ann made it out of rag¬ 
ged pieces of pants.” Chappeigh : “Aw, 
may I ask where you got so many fine 
samples of twowserings ? ” Clovertop ; 
“Oh, Tige got ’em. He captured ’em 
from fellers what come ter see my darter 
Mary Ellen.”— Judge. 
“ Did yez rade about Mexico cele¬ 
bratin’ her indipindence day jist ra- 
cintly ? ” said Mr. Dolan. “Oi did,” re¬ 
plied Mrs. Dolan. “ Phat av it ? ” “ Oh, 
nothin’ much. Only Oi’m glad Oi don’t 
live there. T’ink of a country so much 
behoind hand that the foorth av July 
comes in Siptimber ! ”— Credit Lost. 
“Have you ever loved another, 
George ?” “ No, Maud, no. I swear by 
all—” “Nevermind that. If you say 
it, I believe it, but I cannot be yours. A 
man who has lived as long as you have 
without ever loving, must be innately a 
woman-hater, and I shall never marry a 
woman-hater. Good evening, Mr. Jones. 
Maria (calling to the maid), you may 
send Mr. Wilkins up. I am disengaged.” 
— Harper's Bazar. 
itlterrilanrou# gUmtij&infl. 
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A Remarkable Announcement! 
There are few famous writers in Great Britain or the United States who have not already contributed to 
The Youth’s Companion, but some illustrious recruits have been found, who, collaborating with the old 
favorites, will enable its editors to make the paper notably brilliant during the coming year. 
Unusually Readable Articles 
will be given by the Lord Chief Justice of England and 
Judge Oliver Wendell Holmes. Together with articles 
by Hon. Thomas B. Reed and Justiu McCarthy, M. P. 
Three Cabinet Ministers 
of the United States will write for the next volume 
popular articles on subjects of national interest Hon. 
Hoke Smith, Secretary of the Interior; Hon H. A. 
Herbert, Secretary of the Navy; Hon. J. Sterling 
Morton, Secretary of Agriculture. 
Four Admirals. 
A. H. Markham, R. N.; P. H. Colomb, K. N. ; T. H. 
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The Princess Louise. 
The Companion has recently published an article by 
Princess Christian. In the coming volume another 
daughter of Queen Victoria, the Princess Louise, in collab¬ 
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written on a subject of interest to every home. 
Four Fascinating Serials 
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with the following titles: “The Ventriloquist,” “In 
the Clutch of the Tsar,” “Rosamond’s Violin,” “In 
Indian Meadow.” 
A Group of Humorous Stories. 
By dint of earnest effort and of special offers to the 
authors The Companion has procured a half-dozen 
capital Humorous Stories. 
Distinguished 
Contributors 
For 1896. 
The Princess Louise. 
The Marquis of Lome. 
The Lord Chief Justice of England. 
Sir Benjamin Ward Richardson. 
The Secretary of the U. S. Navy. 
The Secretary of the Interior. 
The Secretary of Agriculture. 
Judge Oliver Wendell Holmes. 
W. H. Russell of The London Times. 
Frank R. Stockton. 
W. Clark Russell. 
General Nelson A. Miles. 
Thomas Nast. 
The Dean of Salisbury. 
Bishop Cleveland Coxe. 
Bishop Doane. 
Sir Edwin Arnold. 
Camille Flammarion. 
Justin McCarthy. 
Andrew Carnegie. 
Hon. Thomas B. Reed. 
Archibald Forbes. 
Frederic Villiers. 
Max O’Rell. 
Charles Dickens. 
And 
More Than 100 Others. 
Send for Full Illustrated Prospectus and Sample Copies Free. 
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Send Check, Post-Office or Express Order, or Registered Letter, at Our Risk. 
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Youth’8 Companion. Address THE RURAL JiEW-lORKER, NEW YORK. 
J to 1897, including the Thanksgiving, 
Christmas and New Year’s Double 
THE RURAL NEW-YORRER 
A FEED MILL IKS a GOLD MINE: 
^ The Scientific 
The best on Earth. Grinds 
all grains,including ear corn, 
Numerous styles and sizes 
f or al l po wer. Send for catalog. 
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^ Springfield, Ohio. 
Clark’s Rf c-Cutter. VICTORY 
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WAREHOUSE: 131 Water Street, New York City. " 
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balance as long as interest Is paid. Great bargain. 
FARMER, Lock Box 281, Dover, Del. 
'Feed Mill 
Grinds Corn and Coband 
all kinds of Small Grain, 
Made In four sizes for 2, 
4, 8 and 10 horse power. 
Send for catalogue and 
P TIIOS. ROBERTS, 
Springfield, Ohio. 
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