HUMOROUS 
Teacher  :  “Tommy,  can  you  spell 
“fur”?  Thomas:  “Yes,  sir;  f-u-r.” 
“That’s  right.  Now  can  you  tell  me 
what  fur  is?’  Thomas:  “Yes,  sir.  Fur 
is  an  awful  long  way.” — New  York 
Times. 
Young  Man  (to  coquette):  “If  you 
don’t  answer  me  one  way  or  the  other — 
yes  or  no — I’ll  hang  myself  at  your  gar¬ 
den  gate.”  Coquette :  “You  mustn't  do 
that.  Father  doesn’t  like  "“young  men 
hanging  about  the  place!” — London  Opin¬ 
ion. 
Teacher:  “Tommy,  if  there  are  ton 
sheep  in  a  field  and  one  jumps  over  the 
fence,  how  many  will  he  left?”  Tommy: 
“None,”  Teacher:  “Why.  Tommy!  I’ve 
been  teaching  you  subtraction  a  whole 
year.  Try  again.  IIow  many  would  be 
left?”  Tommy:  “None.  Teacher,  you 
may  know  subtraction,  but  you  don’t 
know  .sheep.” — Credit  Lost. 
“Gladys.”  remarked  a  dear  but  irre¬ 
sponsible  young  thing,  “I  am  very  much 
afraid  my  hank  is  in  a  bad  way.”  “Non¬ 
sense.”  said  the  other.  “Why,  that  bank 
is  one  of  the  strongest  financial  insti¬ 
tutes  in  the  country.  Wherever  did  you 
■get  that  idea?”_  “It’s  very  strange,” 
said  she.  still  unconvinced.  “They’ve  just 
returned  a  check  of  mine  for  $30  marked 
‘No  funds.’  ” — Credit  Lost. 
“Isn’t  our  ice  bill  rather  high,  dear?” 
asked  the  young  husband  as  he  looked 
over  the  household  accounts.  “I  was  just 
going  to  ask  you  about  that,  love.”  said 
the  bride.  “I  can’t  understand  it  at  all. 
I’ve  been  just  as  economical  as  I  possibly 
could,  but  we  never  seem  to  have  enough 
ice.  Why  I’ve  even  left  the  icebox  door 
open  on  hot  days  to  cool  off  the  ice.” — 
Credit  Lost. 
“Well,  I’ll  tell  you,  gents,”  said  Mr. 
Gap  Johnson,  who  was  serviug  on  a  jury 
at  Rumpus  Ridge,  Ark.,  “I  kain’t  pre- 
sizely  see  how  the  prisoner  could  have 
burnt  the  barn  on  the  night  in  question, 
bein’  as  he  ’pears  to  have  been  in  jail  at 
Tumliuville  at  the  time.  But.  as  some¬ 
body  has  been  pizonin’  my  dogs,  and  he 
looks  like  that  sort  of  a  cuss,  for  my 
part  I  find  him  guilty.” — Washington 
Star. 
An  inspector,  visiting  a  provincial  ^ 
school,  was  much  worried  by  the  noise  of 
the  scholars  in  the  next  room.  At  last, 
unable  to  bear  it  any  longer,  he  opened  - 
the  door  and  burst  iu  upon  the  class. 
Seeing  one  boy.  rather  taller  than  the 
others,  talking  a  great  deal,  he  caught 
him  by  the  collar,  carried  him  to  another 
room,  and  banged  him  into  a  chair,  say¬ 
ing:  “Now.  sit  there  and  be  quiet.”  A 
quarter  of  an  hour  later  a  small  head  ap¬ 
peared  round  the  door,  and  a  meek  little 
voice  said :  “Please,  sir,  you’ve  got  our 
teacher !” — Melbourne  Leader. 
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The  perfect  cut  and  fit  of  Hansen 
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