Monday morning rose fair and clear. Six o’clock 
saw Susy drive away from the door in the carriage, 
the trunk strapped behind, the lady’s pretty travel- 
ing-dn ss, and the shawl oi' her cousin and cavalier, 
all bespeaking travel. Seven saw the servant depart 
to spend a month with her mother in the country. 
Nine o'clock witnessed the. meeting of the merry 
young bachelor#, 
“Now then." said George, after the first greet¬ 
ings were over, “ I, as the eldest host, will take the 
charge to-day. As Susy says, ‘when are you going 
down town?’” 
“ J have nothing to do to-day, so I'll stay to assist 
you.” said Minnie/ 
“Thank you!” 
“ TV hut's Ibr dinner?” sairl Joe, trying to look like 
the head of a respectable family, and failing most 
deplorably in the attempt. 
“ You’ll see at three o’clock.” 
“Is that the hour?” 
“ Yea.” 
“ Remember,” said George, “1 wait for no one. 
‘Punctuality is the soul of dinner,’ as somebody 
once said before I mentioned the. fact.” 
Having seen the others off, George and Minnie 
went into the library lor a smoke, to prepare them 
for the Herculean task before them. 
“See," said George, producing a cook-book; “we 
are safe.” 
“Mrs. Hale! that's a woman!” cried Minnie. 
“Whew! never once thought of that. Wo will 
stick to the contract. My dear madam, I am sorry 
to appear rn.de, but I must show you back to the 
book-case.” 
“ What's for dinner?” said Minnie. 
“Roast lamb, potatoes,green peas, asparagus,and 
strawberries.” 
“That’ll do. Don’t you have to shell peas or 
something?” 
“ Yes, that’s easy enough.” 
“It’s awfully hot,” said Minnie, after a short 
silence. 
“ Horrid 1” 
“ Suppose we shell the peas up here. It's cooler 
here than in the kitchen. I suppose there’s a fire 
there?” 
“ Of course.” 
“I’ll go bring them up.” 
“ They’re in a basket on the table. Just leave the 
rest of the things down there.” 
Shelling peas was rapid work even for unaccus¬ 
tomed fingers, but it is a matter of taste whether the 
thorough smoking they had from two actively-puffed 
cigars improved their flavor. 
“Now. what do ynii do with them?” said Minnie. 
“ There ain’t many.' - he added, as he looked at the 
little green balls foiling about at the bottom of the 
huge market basket, and then eyed the large pile of 
shells on the floor. 
“ You boil them, of course.” was George’s answer. 
“ Oh! Suppose we go down.” 
“ Well, come along.” said George, taking up the 
basket. 
The fire burned brightly; Jennie had left all in 
good order, and the prospect, was not bad lor the 
amateur cooks. 
“ What do you boil them in, George?” 
“ Oh, anything!” 
“ But where is it?” 
“ In some of the closets, I guess!” 
Susy would certainly have fainted could she have 
seen the overhauling of her neatly arranged closets 
that followed. 
“ This?” Mimiie dragged forth a pot large enough 
to boil about tw enty pounds of meat in. 
“ Yes.” 
In they went, unwashed. 
“ Hot water, or cold?” 
“ Either.” 
“ AH right; that’s done.” 
“ Now the asparagus. How do you fix it?” 
“ 1 wonder if you roast mutton in this thing?” said 
George, holding up a large pudding-dish, 
“ I guess so. Put it. on in the oven, don’t you?” 
“ Y-o-s.” George determined to find a hook on 
cookery, written by a man. the very next day. 
“ You boil asparagus, don't .you, George?”' 
“ Yes; here’s a tin thing that’s long and shallow; 
I guess that’s for such tilings” And a dripping- 
pan came forth from the closet, 
’flu* asparagus lilted in like a charm, as both men 
declared, and water was added and ull set on the 
range. 
Tile mutton next went, on the pudding-dish, into 
the oven. 
“ Come, let’s go up stairs again; it’s fearfully hot 
here,” said George. 
“ But the dinner?” 
“ Oh, that’s got nothing to do but cook till three 
o’clock.” 
“ Oh, George, here’s the potatoes!” 
Another pot was produced, and the potatoes, with 
about two gallons of water to the half peck of Mur¬ 
phies. toil on tin* fire. 
Smoking, chatting, reading, and a little practice on 
the violin filled up Ihe morning, though George 
declared it was “ horrid slow,” and Minnie wondered 
what on earth women did with themselves. 
Half past two brought, home three hungry men to 
dinner.. 
Leaving the cooks to “ dish up,” they all adjourned 
to the parlor to cool themselves. That it was rather 
dusty there was not noticed. Jennie had made the 
beds before she left , but dusting the parlor was Susy’s 
work, and her early start had prevented her from 
doing it, 
“ George ”—Minnie’s voice was doleful. 
“ What?” 
“ The fire’s out !” 
“ Out?” 
“ I wonder if anything’s cooked!” ■ 
“ The asparagus"is burnt fast to the pan.” 
“ So is the meat!” 
“ The potatoes?” 
“ Broken all to pieces, and floating about in the 
water.” 
“ These peas are all mushy, Minnie!” i 
“Punctuality is the soul of dinner,” cried Joe, 
from the parlor; “it’s ten minutes past three.” 
“ Go set the table,” growled George, i 
It was unique in its arrangements, that table, as the 1 
gentlemen sat down (o dinner. The meat figured on * 
an enormous dish, with an ocean of white cbinasur- i 
rounding its shrunken proportions. The potatoes, < 
in little lumps, unskinned. were piled in admit, dish; 
the green mass which Minnie had with infinite diffl- 1 
eulty fished from the big meal pot. was served on a < 
red earthen plate, and the stalks of asparagus were i 
in the salad-bow]. The table-cloth was awry, and 
the napkins were omitted altogether. ‘ i 
“ Where’s the gravy?” was Joe’s first question. 
“ There wasn't any.” i 
“ The moat’s burned.” c 
“ It’s stone cold,” cried one voice. 1 
“ What’s this?” said a third, digging into a pile of i 
peas. ’ 1 
“ Faugh!’' followed a daring attempt to eat some 
asparagus. ” t 
*• Never mind,” said Joe. “ Rome wasn’t made in 1 
a day. Give us some bread and butter, and pickles, j 
George.” t 
“No, not pickles, preserves,” said Charley. a 
“ Susy locked both up,” cried Harry, laughing, s 
“She declared a woman put them tip, and if we 
wanted them we must prepare them ourselves.” c 
Minnie produced the strawberries, and some i 
sugar, and the gentlemen declared they had dined v 
superbly. r 
“You fellows clear away,” said Minnie; “we’re 
tired.” n 
“ You wash up, don’t you?” queried Joe. « 
“Yes.” e 
“ Where's the water?” 1 
“In the hydrant” n 
“ What do you wash ’em in?” C 
“ Pan, I guess.” s 
Away went Joe on a voyage of investigation, and e 
returned soon with a dish full of cold water. The r 
“ leavings," as Harry termed the remains of their d 
sumptuous repast, were thrown from the window b 
into Susy's flower-bed. and, armed with a bar of soap t 
and a tine damask napkin. Joe began to wash up. v 
“ How file flTease sticks?” « 
the market-basket in the library, the parlor chairs 
in the kitchen (“ It was nearest.” Joe said when he 
brought, them out); the frying-pan in the best bed¬ 
room, (Charlie broke his basin); ihe bread-pan in 
the spare room, (for dirty water, J*e said); the 
dish-cloths in Ihe bed-rooms (towels all dirty). She 
contemplated the floors, unsvvept for a month; 
marked the dust, the accumulation of a similar 
time; and Hum went to her own room, the only 
orderly because undisturbed place iu the house. A 
little note lay on the table: 
“ We own' boat! It takes a woman ! We beg 
pardon! We'll never do so no more ! Clear up, 
and invite ns to dinner.” 
Fivr Penitent Bachelors. 
Godetfs Lady’s Look. 
MY WIFE AND CHILD 
The tattoo brats;—the lights arc gone;— 
The camp around in slumber lies;— 
The night with solemn pace mores on, 
The shadows llilckeu o’er the skies; 
But sleep my weary eyes hath flown, 
And sad, uneasy thoughts arise 
I think of thee, oh, dearest one, 
Whose love my early life hath blest;— 
Of thee and him—our baby son— 
Who Slumbers on thy gentle breast;— 
God of tlie tender, frail, and lone, 
Oh, guard that gentle sleeper s rest, 
And hover, gently bor er near 
To her, whose watchful eye is wet— 
The mother, wife- the doubly dear, 
In whose young heart have freshly met 
Two streams of Jove so deep and clear— 
And cheer her drooping spirit yet 
Now, while she kneels before Thy throne, 
Ob, teach her, Huler of the skies, 
That while by Thy behest alone 
Earth's mightiest powers fall or rise, 
No tear is wept to Thee unknown, 
No hair is lost, no sparrow dies! 
That Thou eanst stay the ruthless hands 
Of dark disease, and soothe its pain; 
That only by Thy stem commands 
The battle s lost, the soldier s slain— 
That from the distant sea or land 
Thou hring'st the wanderer home again! 
And when upon her pillow lone 
Her tear-wet cheek is sadly pressed. 
May happier visions beam upon 
The brightening currents of her breast;- 
Nor frowning look, nor angry tone 
Disturb the Sabbath of her rest! 
Whatever fate those forms may show, 
Loved with a passion almost wild— 
By day—by night—in joy or woe— 
By fears oppressed, or hopes beguiled, 
From every danger, every foe, 
Oh, God! protect rny wife and child! 
VO TJtX OJ\' KJSOU'IFnaF, /lIT 1'flIP 
MIUJUS FOR ITS IiSFFUSIOJ\'! 
WAR WIT 
If was a good supper, anti, piling up the dishes 
which it was “ too hot to wash,” the bachelors re¬ 
turned to the parlor. 
It was involuntary, but each pair of eyes rested 
for a moment on the"seat Susy was wont to occupy. 
A little music, more talk, ami still more smoking, 
tilled the time till midnight, when each one yawned 
himself off to bod. Harry, who was always'the one 
to “lock up,” stayed the latest. The kitchen looked 
dreary; no fire, greasy frying-pan placed as a hel¬ 
met over the coffee-pot, bits of bread lying about 
loose, dirty pots here and dirty dishes there. The 
parlor was in disorder; chairs stood in forlorn con¬ 
fusion; smoke hung over all. The dining-room, 
with its piles of dirty cups, saucers and plates, its 
unswept floor, greasy napkins, and smoky atmos¬ 
phere. was worst of all, and Harry inwardly admit¬ 
ted that “somehow, the house didn't look us usual.” 
There was f.m the next morning making up beds. 
The milkmuu and baker had vainly knocked for ad¬ 
mittance. ami finally “retired in "disgust,” and the 
bachelors breakfasted off the stole bread left from 
the night’s least, and coffee black and sweet. 
“ Every man clear up his own room.” 
The order given, each started to obey. J oe pulled 
off all the clothes Iroin his bed, and, having laid the 
bolster and pillow on, proceeded to pot on first a 
blanket, next a spread, and finally the t wo sheets, 
finishing off Iliu whole by putting fiimself on top to 
rest from Ilia toils.. Minnie, after pulling all the 
clothes off one side in trying to tuck them in on the 
other, and then correcting the mistake by tucking 
them in on the other side and pulling them off the 
first, put his bolster.on over the pillow, and con- 
clinlcd it 11 would do/' Charley merely smoothed 
his down, sagely observing that if he pulled the 
things off, he nt‘vcr could put them on again. Harry 
and George, who shared the same room, having fol¬ 
lowed Charley's plan, put on an extra touch by 
sweeping tboif room, and leaving the pile of dust iii 
the entry. “ Kxeelslor!" 
Three days’ experience convinced them that 
bachelors’ cookery was slow starvation. Steaks and 
coffee lor breakfast wore followed by coffee and 
steaks for dinner, and both for tea. Charley sug¬ 
gested that they should have their meals sent from a 
restaurant. 
.“All men cooks, so we stick to the contract.” was 
his final observation. 
The motion was seconded, and carried by unani¬ 
mous vote. 
By this time every dish, plate, napkin, pot and 
pan m ihe house was dirty, and, joyfully concluding 
that they wouldn’t want them any more, the gentle¬ 
men piled them up in the kitchen sink, on the floor 
and tables, and left them. 
“ Harry”—it was George’s voice—“I haven’t got 
a clean shirt.” 
“Nor 1.” 
“ Nor I.” 
“ Nor I.” 
“ Eve got one.” 
“ Nor a handkerchief, nor a collar, nor a pair of 
stockings, no—” 
“Stop! Two weeks since Susy went, and no 
washing-day.” 
There was a dead silence. 
“ Who knows how to wash?” 
No answer. 
“1—I've seen it done,” said one faint voice, 
owned by Charley. “You soap the things and rub 
them on a board. 
“Can anybody iron?” 
They all thought they could manage that part. 
The kitchen was opened for the first time for ten 
days. One cry burst from five lips. Tables, chairs, 
floor, dresser, sink, were one mass of roaches, col¬ 
lected by the piles of greasy dishes. They over¬ 
ran every place. 
“ Shut, the door. Now for it!” cried George, and 
dashed at the invaders. Bedlam seemed to have 
broken loose. In reaching after one of the “ crit¬ 
ters,” Charley' upset the table. Crash went the 
crockery. Screams of laughter, cries of disgust, 
blows thick as hail, comments on the heat, jokes, 
warnings flew about for tin hour, and then the 
panting party ceased from their labors, and viewed 
sternly the “cold corpnses” of their foes. A 
scream from Minnie'— 
“There’s one down my back!” 
George cried—“Joe, there’s one on your hair!” 
“ Don’t mention it. Look at the lellow on your 
shirt-sleeve ! ” 
A general stampede for the bath-room followed. 
“ Let’s wash up here.” 
No sooner said than] done. The soiled clothes 
were collected from all the rooms, and the boards 
The Tennessee Senate has voted to increase the 
wages of the rebel soldiers of that State to fifteen 
dollars a month. But the wages heretofore have 
been paid in paper of no value, and the increased 
wages will be paid in paper of no value. “ I’ll give 
you nothing the first year and double it the next,” 
said Billy Burch. 
In a late number of Vanity Fair is a picture 
representing a lady in the act of presenting a gentle¬ 
man in uniform with a pair- of pistols, and beneath, 
Hie following: “ 1 know if is an odd gift from aladv, 
but, Charley, I thought that when you were away it 
might lie pleasant for you 1o—to—have my arms 
always about you.” 
We notice among the captures by our troops at 
the battle of Somerset, the pregnant item of fourteen 
hundred mules. We always knew there were a 
great many jackasses in Dixie, but had no idea (hey 
constituted so large a proportion of the Confederate 
army. 
Wonder if the Virginians wouldn’t like to see 
“ another Richmond in the field”—a little further 
South ? 
MORE GOOD PAY FOR DOING GOOD! 
PREMIUMS FOR SMALL LISTS! 
EVERY CLUB AGENT REWARDED! 
Now that the period of competition for the 
Premiums offered last November for early lists, 
(and the largest clubs remitted for on or before Feb. 
1st,) has expired —and as the large lists have 
already been received — we purpose giving every 
friend of the Rural who will obtain a small number 
of subscribers (say G to 24 or more,) a valuable 
Reward for bis or her effort In so doing. Our 
Programme for the Spring Campaign is in thiswise: 
CASH AND OTHER PREMIUMS. 
I. To fcA.cn of the Twenty-Five Persons remitting accord¬ 
ing to our terms, for the largest Twenty-Five Lists of Yearly 
Subscribers to the Rural Nkw-Yokkkr between this date ami 
April IS, lSeg, we will give a L'nited States Treasury Note for 
FIVE DOLLARS, (or. if preferred, $5 in gold,)—iu addition 
to one ol' the premiums offered belovr. 
It. To Evert Person remitting, for Twenty-Four or more 
subscribers, as above, we will give (in addition to a free copy 
of tlie Rural.) a perfect and handsomely bound volume of 
the Rural Nkw-Yorkkr for 1861 or I860— price $3; or. if 
preferred to bound Rcuai., a copy of I.OSSINg’8 Illustrated 
History OF Tire Unitkii Statics— (an Imperial 8vo. volume, 
with 300 illustrations—price $3.50.) 
III. To Every Person remitting, as above, either $15 for 
10 copies, ? 2 l for 16 copies, or $25 for 20 copies, we will give 
a free copy of (he Rural, and either Tiie I Ior.sk anl> IDs 
Diseases, (price $1225,) or Everybody's Lawyer, (price 
$1.25,) as preferred, or, either one of the books, or package of 
flower seeds, ottered below, if the person entitled prefer. 
IV To Every Person remitting, as above, $10 for six 
copies, we will give a free copy of Rural, and either the 
Manual of Agriculture, or Lossing’s Pictorial United 
States, (price $1.) or a dollar package of choice imported 
Flower Seeds. 
Alt books (except bound Rural and Lossing’s Illustrated) 
and seeds will be sent by mail, post-paid. Persons entitled to 
book or flower seed premiums can also compete for the cash 
premiums! (Cff” In order to give alt who compete a fair and 
equal chance, traveling agents, post riders, citizens of Roches¬ 
ter, and persons (or their agents or aliases) who advertise by 
circular to receive subscriptions (from a distance, at dub rates,) 
for the Rural in tlieir “clubs,” (whether called “Empire,” 
“Keystone.” or by other title.) are. excluded from competition 
for any of the above premiums. 
Comment upon the above oilers is unnecessary. Every 
person who forms a club of six or more is sure of a free, copy 
aud valuable book; and «a our regular agents have already 
sent in their large lists, of course the premiums now ottered 
will be token mainly by new agents, or those who form new 
clubs, though they are open to all. There is yet abundant 
time to form new clubs, to commence with the volume (we 
can still furnish back numbers,) or at any time, and we trust 
subscribers, those who have sent for specimen numbers, and 
others who receive this, will at once commence the Spring 
Campaign. 
A Yankee Outdone.— A Yankee and a French¬ 
man owned a pig in copartnership. When killing 
time came, they wished to divide the meat. The 
Yankee was very anxious to divide so that be would 
get both hind quarters, and persuaded the French¬ 
man that the proper way to divide was to cut it 
across the back. The Frenchman agreed to it on 
condition that the Yanker; would turn his back and 
take choice of the pieces after it was cut in two. 
The Yankee turned his back accordingly. French¬ 
man—Vich piece will you have—ze piece wid ze 
tail on him, or ze piece vat burnt got no tail? Yan¬ 
kee—The piece with the tail on. Frenchman— Zen 
you can take him, and I lake ze ozer one. Upon 
turning round, the Yankee found that the French¬ 
man had cut off the tail and stuck, it into the pig’s 
mouth! 
FIVE BACHELORS KEEPING HOUSE 
BY MARY CLARKE. 
To a lover there are but two (daces in all the 
world — one where his sweetheart is, and the other 
where she isn’t. 
For Moore's Rural New-Yorker. 
GEOGRAPHICAL ENIGMA. 
I am composed of 35 letters. 
My 8. 10,15. ]0 is a State. 
My 10, ], IS, (1, 24, 20 is a county in Michigan. 
My 23, G, 12, 15. 3. 17 is a town in Georgia. 
My 31, 35. 27, 21. 8, 26. 18 is a city in Michigan. 
My 11. 1, 6, 2 is a Territory. 
My 4. 8, 21. 27, 2 is a frith in Scotland. 
My 6. 10, 17, 23, 8, 30 is the capital of 
My 22, 14, 7, 33, 29, 17, 23. 
My 24, 28, 30, 20. 21 is a lake in Sweden. 
My 9, 12. 15,10 is a river iu Texas. 
My 14, 10, 32, 5, 2S is a county in Ohio. 
My 25, 13. 21, 8, 30 is a lake between the United States and 
Canada. 
My 5, 1G, 34. 31, 10, 14 is a county in Virginia. 
My whole is what every one should be fighting for. 
Perry. N. Y., 1S62. Julie Ellis. 
JjjA” Answer in two weeks. 
Two Dm. lake a Year. Three Otpies, one year, $5; Six 
Copies, unit, file fete to Club A pent, 810; Tell, and one fete, $15; 
fifteen, and one free, $21, Tinndy, and one free. $25; and any 
preater number at the name rate — wily $1.25 per copy! Club pa- 
pern sent to different post offers, if desired. As We pay American 
postage cm copits mailed to foreign countries, $1 37 u the lowest 
Club rate fvf Canada, and $ 2 ..VI to Europe, 
I t U. S. Treasury Kates amt Hills on all Solvent Banks in U. 
.S’, and Canada, taken at-par, but Agents will please remit in Drafts 
on Aew fork (lass enhunuc.J or New York. New England or tjp- 
jur Canada money so far tut e.-mvrnirnt All SuhsertpUnrt Money 
remitted by /noft on ,V« a> York, Huston, Philadelphia, Albany, 
Eoehester or Buffalo, (less • ./change,) m ay BIS flK.vr at iuk risk 
or the Pubx.isueh, if made payable to his mder 
03?” Please write all names plainly, that they may be accu¬ 
rately entered upon our books and correctly printed in Mail¬ 
ing Machine. All remittances should be well inclosed, and 
carefully addressed and mailed to 
I). I>. T. MOORE, Rochester, N. Y. 
February 3, 1862. 
For Moore's Rural New-YorkcT 
GEOGRAPHICAL DECAPITATIONS. 
Behead a cape in Russian America and have a weapon. 
Behead a river in England and have a part of a harness. 
Behead a river in Mississippi and have a British title of nobility. 
Behead a river in Louisiana and have a very small insect. 
Behead an island in the Gulf of Mexico and have a part of the 
body- 
Behead a river in Illinois and have an animal. 
Behead a river in Missouri anil have a wine man 
Behead a cape in Ireland and have the fluid which we breath. 
Behead a river in Ireland aud have a girl s name. 
Behead an island in (tie English Channel and have a small, 
close vessel. 
Behead a river in Italy and have a vowel. 
Alabama, Gen. Co., N. Y., 1862. Albert B. Norton. 
C'Vf” Answer in two weeks. 
MOORE’S RURAL NEW-YORKER, 
THE LARGEST CIRCULATED 
AGRICULTURAL, LITERARY AND FAMILY WEEKLY, 
18 PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY, 
D. D. T. MOOltE, ROCHESTER, N. Y. 
For Moore's Rural New-Yorker 
ALGEBRAICAL PROBLEM. 
TERMS IN ADVANCE: 
Two Dollars a Year.- To Clubs and Agents aw follows:— 
Three Copies one year, for $5; Sis. aud oue free to club agent, 
lor $10, Ten, and one free, for $15; Fifteen, and one free, for $21; 
Twenty, aud one free, for $25 and any greater number at same 
rate —only $1.25 per copy, Club papers directed to individuals 
and sent to as many diffwent Post-Ofliees as desired. As we pre¬ 
pay American postage on papers sent to the British Provinces, 
our Canadian agents aDd (rieude must add 12}S ceuts per copy' to 
the cleb rates of the Rural. The lowest price of copies sent to 
Europe, &c., is $2.50—including postage. 
Vjr Tn K above Terras and Rates are invariable. Therefore, 
aoy person who is not an agent, sending the club rate ($1.50 or 
$1.25) for a single copy (the price of which is $2.) will only 
receive the paper the length of time the money pays for at full 
aiogle copy price. People who send os less than published 
rates. aBd request the paper for a year, or a return of the 
money, cannot be (PX'/mmoibded —for it would be unjust to 
others to comply, and"a great iuconvenience to return remit¬ 
tances. The only way to get the Rural for less than $2 a year, 
is to form or join a club. 
Back Volumes.— Bound copies of our last volumes will be 
ready in a few days—price, $3; unbound, $2. We would again 
state that neither of the first five volumes of the Rural can be 
furnished by us at any price. The subsequent volumes will be 
supplied, bound, at $3 each — er if several are taken, at $2 60 
each. The only complete volumes we can furnish, unbound, are 
those of 1859, '60 and '61 —price, $2 each. 
Tdb Cash System is strictly adhered to in publishing the 
Rural— copies are never mailed to individual subscribers until 
paid for, and always discontinued when the subscription term 
expires. Hence, we force the paper upon none, and keep no 
credit books, long experience having demonstrated that the 
Cash Plan is the best for both Subscriber and Publisher. 
Additions to Clubs are always in order, whether in ones, 
twos, fives, tens, twenties, or any other number Subscriptions 
can commence with the volume or any number; but the former 
is the best time, and we shall send from it for some weeks, unless 
speaially directed otherwise. Please “make a note of it” 
Any person so disposed can act as local agent for the Rural 
New-Yorker, and those who volunteer in the good caa6e will 
receive gratuities, and their kinduysB be appreciated. 
No Traveling Agents are employed by us, as we wish to 
give the whole field to local agents and those who form oluba 
A and B together carried 100 eggs to market, and sold at 
different prices, each receiving the same sum. Had A taken 
as many as B, he would have received 25 cents for thorn. Had 
B taken as many as A, hewould have received $2.25for them. 
How many did each take to market'/ 
Alabama, N. Y., 1862. A. B. Norton. 
B3?” Answer in two weeks. 
IP YOU PLEASE 
■When the Duke of Wellington was sick, the lust thing be 
took was a little tea. On his servant's handing it to liim in a 
saucer, and asking if he would have it, tin; Duke replied, 
“ Yes, if you please." These were liis last words. How 
much kindness and courtesy is expressed by them. He who 
had commanded the greatest armies in Europe, and was long 
accustomed to the tone of authority, did not despise or over¬ 
look the small courtesies of life. Ah, how many boys do 
What a rude tone of command they often use to their little 
brothers and sisters, and sometimes to (heir mothers. They 
order so. This is ill-bred and unchristian, and shows a coarse 
nature and hard heart. Hi all your home talk, remember, “ If 
you please.” AniOUg your playmates, don't forget, “ If you 
please.” To all who wait upon or serve you, believe that 1 if 
you please” will make you better served than all the cross or 
ordering words in the Whole dictionary. Don't forget three 
little words. “ If you please."• 
“ How the grease sticks?” 
Perspiration streaming from every pore, he rubbed 
manfully at the greasy plates and dishes, and if the 
water was cold, lie certainly was not. 
“ I’ve wet my shirt front!” Splash No. 1. 
“ Good for white pants I” Splash No. 2. 
“ Thai went into my eyes; somebody wipe them; 
my hands are wet. Don't nib them out, Hal!” 
“ Come, some of you. wipe up!” 
The table was cleared at last. Five damp, greasy 
napkins, thrown into a corner of the room, testified 
that tlie dishes were washed and wiped. The water 
followed the •'leavings,” and the quintette sat down 
to “ cool off." (Do cigars assist that operation?) 
Answer to Bornological Enigma:—There is nothing worse 
than a proud mind and an empty purse. 
Answer to Anagram: 
Stars gem the vault of heaven, 
When day's last hues decline; 
As darker grows the even. 
With brighter ray they shine. 
Answer to Charade:—Beetle. 
