mimm mi 
barn floor, and sort of huddled round Mr3. 
Grant, and T took off my hat and stepped 
a step or two back of the cow, and says I r 
I have the 
“How are you, North Carolina?” “How are 
you, Virginia? was the ready response. The 
stair continued: “The blockade on turpentine 
makes you rather hard up, don't, it? No sale for 
tar now, is there ?” 
“ Well, yes," was the slow response. “ We sell 
all our tar to Jeff. Davis now." 
“ The thunder yon do! What on earth does 
the President want with your tar?” 
North Carolina answered: “He puts it on the 
heels of Virginians to make them stick on the 
battle-field!" The stall' rode on. 
|bc filibuster's 
miter 
Chas. A. Dana’s Paper. 
The cheapest, neatest and most readable of New 
York Journals. Everybody likes it. Three editions 
Daily. Sum-W eekly and Wu ic i.y. at ftff, *2 and 
Si a year. Fidl reports Of markets, agriculture,and 
Fanners’ and Fruit Growers’ Clubs, and a complete 
STOI tY in every Weekly and Semi number. A pres¬ 
ent TO EVERY SCBSCR1 a F.u. Specimens free. Send 
for a copy, with premium list. 
997-lt ’ 1. W. V.N'GLA N D, Publisher. New York. 
“ Mrs. Grant and Gen. Grant 
honor of presenting to you in behalf of my dis¬ 
interested and patriotic fellow citizen. John 
Smith, Rsq., of Brantown Corners, this beauti¬ 
ful cow. Her ancestors were in the A rit with 
the i ion. M r. Noa ft, and were milked by that es¬ 
timable lady Mrs. Noah, all that rather damp 
time during which the Ark was swashing round 
like certain politicians, because she could find 
no landing-pJace. Her forefathere came over in 
the Mayflower and landed on Plymouth Kock, 
with the other Pilgrims, and spread out. over the 
country like a greases pot on a blanket. And her 
uncles an«l brothers and cousins are now statul- 
ing on the highest peaks of the Kooky Moun¬ 
tains, pawing the golden sands under their l'eet, 
and shaking their frowzelly heads at the gush¬ 
ing waves of the distant Paoilic, and ready to 
poke their stubby horns into any st ray earth¬ 
quake that may disturb their peaceful shores. 
“There stands the heifer, honored madam. 
She's yourn, and may you and the. General feel 
each day when you drink your tea and coffee, 
that you have one t hing about you in which you 
can repose the utmost confidence.” 
The General took liis cigar out of his 
mouth, and touched liis hat. J thought I’d 
got him now for a speech. Says he, “ Major 
PhOtv handle, we like i his cow first-rate; 
SPRING HAS COME! 
THE SKIES ABE BRIGHT! 
THE PROSPECTS CHEERING! 
And Now ia the Time to Open 
SOME QUESTIONS, 
Discordant music no one would abide; 
But should a crying baby be decried ? 
When footmen beg a sitting at our side, 
Should we, while riding, them at once deride? 
On boat or train Time travels much ; alas! 
Should he in passing never show his “ puss ? ” 
Should not the River Hull roads, allorone, 
Tell why noon the River’s Bank they “run?’’ 
Could singers mtike a raise, when very low 
And needing bread, by just producing Do 7 
When cutting editors with scissors play, 
Should they not toll us whence their cutting’way? 
If you should fall when “high," ami “ up“ bo sent, 
Would yuu consider that a pun ish meant? 
PLEASE REAP AJVIi ACT! 
The Rural’s Spring Campaign 
opens with 
March, during which month we trust its Agent- 
Friends, (who have done bo nobly already,) and 
others who can conveniently lend their aid, will 
kindly put forth extra efforts to increase its circu¬ 
lation in their respective localities. The Rural 
is a good paper to canvass for; it 1 b undeniably the 
Largest, Cheapest and Best Paper of its 
Class—and so popular that an active, wide-awake 
person can easily form a club of 10 to 30 or more in 
almost any locality. For this kind service we pay 
liberally give “flood l’ny for Doing flood,” 
Send for our Premium Programme and examine 
the list of Harvesting, Sewing and Knit¬ 
ting Machine**, Musical 1 nstriiincii'**, (in. 
eluding Pianos, Organs and Melodeon**,) 
Gold and Silver Watches, Cuckoo and Man¬ 
tel Clocks, Improved Plows, Washing Ma¬ 
chines and Wringers, Plated Ware, Die- 
tbinaries, Books, Albums, &c„ which are 
offered for Clubs. Tbe list is too long to publish 
here, lint. Is sent free to nil applicants. Thousands 
Of our Subscribers can easily make from $10 to $200 
each, during the ensuing month, by working for the 
Rural, -and also do good and benefit community 
by introducing such a paper as the Rural New- 
Yorker. How many of our readers will kindly 
aid the Rural during its Spring Campaign ? 
£3?~ Wo can Btill supply back numbers from Jan. 2, 
so that all new subscribers may have the entire vol¬ 
ume complete for preservation and binding; or sub¬ 
scriptions can begin at any time. 
PLOWHANDLE PAPERS 
BY PETROLEUM V. NASBY 
Will shortly be commenced In the BLADE. 
TERMS, - Single copies, #2 per year; Clubs of 
five, Sl.7.> each ; Clubs of u*n and over, Si,50 
each, and au extra copy to every person getting up a 
Club. 
PAY? PAY! PAY! —We pay liberally, i n 
ca»li, all who assist us *n extending the circulation 
nt the Blade. 
AGENTS WANTED, —We want nn Agent at 
every Post-Office. In the L lilted States *end for our 
Spcetnl Circular to Agents, 
SPECIMEN COPIES sent free to anv address. 
Bend for a Copy, and nt. the same time give us the 
address of a dozen or so of your friends, at as many 
dilTcrcnt. Post Offices, to whom wo will send oc i 
free and postage paid . Address 
MILLER, LOCKE & CO., 
Toledo, Ohio. 
NEGLECTED CHICKENS, 
(A MIRROR FOR FASHIONABLE MOTHERS.) 
SPECIAL NOTICES, REQUESTS, &c 
Our Premiums. —Agents entitled to Premiums 
are requested to designate what, they prefer (in cases 
where they have a choice) and notify us how and 
where to send — whether by Freight or Express, and 
the name of Station or Office. We are now forward¬ 
ing Premiums as rapidly as possible to nil who have 
given u» proper information, and whose accounts 
show that they are entuied to the articles requested. 
MISCELLANEOUS ENIGMA.-NO. 11 
CHURCH 
PARLOR 
I AM composed of fifty-one letters. 
My 48,34,45,36,13,49, 36, 47 you are now doing. 
My 6. 39, 10, 8, 9, 33, 3 was a rebel General. 
My 30,17. 10,43, is a watering place. 
My J is an insect. 
My 28, 30, to, .’>0,15 Is aline city in Northern Italy. 
My 24, 33,3, 42, 36,21 is a poet. 
My4,40,47, JO Is not low. 
M> 14,51.37. 33, 41 are sometimes artificial. 
My*. 45,38,33, 36, iffl 18 is a stream of water. 
My 12,11, 7 .16 was a famous English Navigator. 
My J.i, ■>>, 27, 44.19, In, 12, 4, 31 is very unpleasant. 
My whole is tho advice of one of t he greatest of 
metaphysical poets. 
Durand, Til. LeonWTute. 
Answer in two weeks. 
MELODEONS 
ALGEBRAICAL ENIGMA 
A certain man, the other day, 
“ Took a wife as people say 
If their ages you w ould know 
Find them out from this below 
W® HAVE MANUFACTURED 
’ ’ Melodeons and Organs twenty-two years, and 
will not risk our well-earned reputation by making 
cheap instruments. 
Wo have, null made a great reduction In prices, and 
cannot, until a. reduction in tbe price of labor and 
material will warrant uh In doing so, Organs are ad¬ 
vertised at $•’/). Gold Watohos at $15, etc., cte. Sensi¬ 
ble people can judge of their value. 
Instruments of our own make (twenty years old) 
lire now valued by their Owners as highly ns the day 
they were bought, and It Is our Intention to sustain 
our old reputation. 
Illustrated Catalogues and Price Lists sent free 
to any address. A liberal discount to Chtfrches and 
Clergymen. 
GEO. A. PRINCE & CO. 
Agent In New York..S. T. GORDON. 
Agent In Philadelphia.JAMES BELLA 1C! 
GLIMPSES OP GENIUS, 
Her age to bis, you’ll plainly see, 
On wedding-day, as two lo three: 
Go back six years, If so inclined; 
Reverse the order in your mind, 
And of their ages you'll know more, 
For then they were oh seven to four. 
And now, young student, we can tell, 
If you have learned Proportion well; 
If so, you'll find, without delay, 
How old they were op mtklmtj-tlay. 
Williamsburg, N. Y. N. Upham, 
C'aY" Answer in tivo weeks. 
hens always lay In tin- day lime. It is not gene- 
nill.v known I but this is caused by their becom¬ 
ing “roosters” at night. 
On his death-bed a distinguished humorist re¬ 
quested that no one might be invited to liis 
funeral, “because,” sighed the dying wag, “it 
Is a civility 1 cun never repay." 
Said an astronomer to a bright-eyed girl, 
when talking of rainbows, “Did you ever see a 
lunar bow, miss?" “I have seen hcaux by 
moonlight, sir, if Hint's what you mean," was 
the sly rejoinder. 
A Yankee peddler in bis cart, overtaking 
another of hi- class was addressed: "Hallo, 
what do you carry? “ Drugs and medicines," 
whs i lie reply. “Go all cud,” was the rejoinder, 
“I carry gravestones." 
A DkvotiR of Bacchus was overheard the 
other night thus addressing Ins hat, which had 
I'alien from his head : " If I pick you up, I fall; 
if I fall, you will not nickme up; then I leave 
you;" and he staggered proudly away. 
Tom presented ins bill to Ids neighbor Joe, 
who remarked: “Why, Tom, il strikes mi that 
you have made out a pretty round bill here,eh?" 
“ I am sensible that it Is a round one, and I came 
here for the purpose of getting it squared," 
quoth Toftt. 
A Stream of Music, A little boy, on coming 
home from church, where he had seen a person 
performing on au organ, said 10 bis mother: 
“Oh. mother! I wish you hud been at church 
to-day, to sec the fun; a man was pumping 
music out.ol' an old cupboard!" 
Lessing, tho German philosopher, being re¬ 
markably absent-minded, knocked at his own 
door one evening, when the servant, looking out. 
of the window and not recognizing him. suid|: 
“The Professor is not, nt home." “Oh, very 
well,” said Lessing, composedly walking away, 
“ 1 shall call another time.” 
“Now, young people." said a professor of 
natural history to his class, “now, then, as to 
liens. A hen has t he capacity of laying Just six 
hundred eggs and no more, and she finishes tho 
job in just about five years. Now, what Is to be 
done with her after that?" “Cut off her head 
and sell her to a boarding-house keeper for a 
spring chicken,' exclaimed an urchin whose 
father deal! in poultry. 
A correspondent from Jasper, Tcnn , writes 
that during Bragg's retreat from Middle Ten- 
ues><> 6 , two Rebel soldiers stopped at the house 
”f Mr. K—, and one or them proposed a trade 
for a very fine horse, but thought that a very 
I uge white spot on tho horse's forehead lessened 
Iris value some what. 
" AVhy so? " 
“ Because." said the soldier, “the Yankees can 
see it a great way off." 
"Never mind that,” said his companion; 
“hither * ml is always toward the Yankees? ” 
Durum. tin rehellion the staff of Gen. Wise 
were riding through a rather forlorn part of 
North CnroiinH, and a young Virginian of the 
staff concluded to have a little fun ul the ex¬ 
pense ot a long-legged specimen of the (jenus 
homo, who wore a very shabby gray uniform, 
and bestrode a worm fence at the roadside. 
Reining iu his horse, he accosted him with, 
SCRIPTURAL TRANSPOSITION 
Anaoaohhhnnpptz. 
Form from tbe above t ransposition a name oc¬ 
curring but once In the Old Testament, and 
then given to one of the most prominent Bibli¬ 
cal characters, 
i : &~ Answer in two weeks. 
- j I 1 ,1 •» in n, inuv rt, IV II V 
Kz dun I you use Wolcott's A n niiulatou libit bot¬ 
tles $1—and get rid u t Catarrh Y 'Tib sold bv all drug. 
filida. _ aw-it 
l 1UTCOPEK SEWING MACHINE.-First- 
V 'clu-s and fully licensed, .n mils Wanted. 1-ui 
terms, address Cairo rim g. m. Co., Boston, Mass. 
P ORTABLE STEAM ENGINES-FOR 
Farm, mining or Mechanical purposes 
•Uliese machines require no brick work /-mounted oc 
ILLUSTRATED REBUS-No. 9. 
NEW ADVERTISEMENTS 
V aluable farm a mb country 
Seat, known in ELMWOOD, to br, sold ut auc¬ 
tion on til© premises, li'erfu, id-/;/. Muich 24th, at 2 P. 
M. This property Is located on IW'itan Hirer, MX 
miles from New Vork. nod one mile from depot of 
Central Railroad of Now Jersey, containing 145 acres 
of kind highly Improved, dwelling house, furto house, 
Ac. N. It.—Those attending the sale Hum New Vork 
leave foot of Liberty Si. nt 12 o’clock noon. 
For further information, apply to 
„ A. ». 1IOPK, office of 
Central N. J. Land Improvement. Co., 
103 Liberty Sr-., New York. 
3hose watches are till of the well known V plate 
style, and warranted to satisfy the most exacting de- 
niaud for beauty, finish and accuracy. 
In this country the 11101111 Inc rare of tl,r»e 
film grade Matcliee is noi even tit tempted ex¬ 
cept 01 AV oltlinm, 
For side by all leading Jewelers. 998-5t 
n E N U I N E 
VT WALTHAM WATCHES, 
IN SOLID GOLD AND SILVER CASES ONLY, 
At Extremely Low Prices, 
Silver nunting Watches_ . . sm 
tiolfi Hunting Watches. 18 carat'Cases "" 
Gold Hunting Watches, Ladles' Size. 7 q 
b!/ "rtWcnte from 
th, American u ntcb company- We will send thoso 
W^chosby Express to uny place, with bill to collect 
on delivery, dad nine the purohaner the pririteac to oven 
the paokane and examine >he Watch before pa ulna, and 
an, watch that does r.ot give satisfaction may be 
exchanged or the money will be refunded. Every one 
Is requested to write for our Descriptive Trlce-l 1 st 
which explains the different kinds with pricesof each' 
Please state that you saw this in Uvea) Xra -Yorker 
Address in full. IJOWA U D & CO., 
Jewelers and Silversmiths, 
J92-tf No, Pi9 Broadway, N. V. 
£35 r ” Answer in two weeks. 
PROBLEM, No. 9 
A wheelwright wishes to know the length 
of a belt required to go around two wheels, 
whose diameters are two and twelve feet, and 
tho distance of their centers twenty feet. 
Noenah, AVis. 0. Church. 
w^“Answer in two weeks. 
YEGLECTED COUGHS AND FOLDS. 
Few tire aware of this Importance of cheeking a 
Cough or " Common Cold," In Us first stage: that 
which in the beginning would yield toa mild remedy, 
if neglected, soon preys upon the Lungs. “ Brown's 
Bronchial Troches, or Cough Lozenges, afford in- 
PU2ZLER ANSWERS, 
POR SA LK.-FIFTY CHOICE, THOR. 
A otlgli - bred Spanish Merino Ewes, comprising 
Lamps, Yearlings and Breeders. Bred by J. K. Ains¬ 
worth of Middlebury, Ft.,and selected from Ills dock 
by me. Address 
100J-2t N ATHAN BOTTOM, Sliaftsbury, Vt. 
Miscellaneous Enigma No. 9.—A cat in 
gloves catches no mice. 
Ornithological Enigma No. 1 .—The wicked 
flee when ur> man jun-sueth. 
Problem No. 7,-On the 10th day of July, 1681. 
Anagram No. 7.— 
If every one’s internal thought 
Were written on ids brow, 
How many would our pity move 
Who wake our envy now! 
Illustrated Rebus No. 8.—Fond memory of 
the departed will cling like the ivy to the fallen 
willow. 
* * n < r A NO” — N o. 1 PER UVIAN. 
\ I SurUa'i ''Soluble Phooptw-Perueiun. 
Do. “Ammonhittd Salable Pacific,'' Also, Carolina 
Hour Phosphate, and Ground Land Plaster. 
’I h‘ ! ascot the above Soluble Phospho-Peruvlan, 
and Aniinaiilatt-d Soluble Pacific Guanos, Is purticu- 
lai ly recommended, being compounds of Die richest 
Pacific Pliosphatic lOhuos. rendered soluble, the 
burner containing 20 per cent, of Peruvian Guano, 
and the latter-highly nmmonialed with itmnjal mat¬ 
ter making the most concentrated and profitable 
fertilizers in use tor Cotton, Corn. Wheat. Tobacco 
and all Other crops. For prices nod full nurticulars, 
send for pamphlet. For sale In Bugs and Bari 
rels In onalditleB to suit, by JOHN II. -ARMY, 
0 i/i' 1 ,x 88 Wall St.. New York. 
Ji eed your land and It will feed you.” 938 - 4 teo 
D ITCHING MACHINE. The Best in Use 
for putting in Tile for undoi'dralning. Send 
stamp and get descriptive circular, terms, Ac. Ad¬ 
dress American Draining Co., Wilmington, Oitio. 
M ILLAR’S* PATENT CHEESE VATS 
and Mentors, fVn Kuot.nries or Private l»uTies. 
Positively the hot in um . Also other great improve¬ 
ments in factory and dairy articles. Send fnran Illus¬ 
trated Circular. C1JAS. MILL A R & SDN, Utica, N V. 
1 Photograph* «f Benuiiful Women 
IDIF sent, postpaid, for 25c. Send stampfol' circu¬ 
lars, Address C. Seymour, Holland, L'rieCo., N- Y. 
