THEA-NECTAR 
. 
iuxto 1)umat% 
SELLING A CONSTABLE 
A certain constable, asbort timesince, espied 
a tin peddler pursuing 1 Ids trade, and Hite a pick¬ 
erel after a minnow, be rusbed after blm aud 
inquired: 
“ Have you a license to sell ?” 
“ No," replied the itiucruul vender of pots and 
pans, “ 1 haven’t." 
"Weil, sir, i ll tend to your case," says the 
Dogberry. • 
"All right," says the peddler, “do." 
The eager olbeial rusbed off to the nearest trial 
Justice and obtained a warrant, and armed aud 
equipped with tbo awful document, starts on a 
chase after the offending itinerant. Some time, 
we believe the next day, al ter a long chase, the 
representative Yankee was found, arul hustled 
before the Justice, who read to him the warrant, 
mid as a matter of form, of course, usked him 
whether he was guilty or not guilty. 
“Not guilty," said the unabashed peddler. 
Tito Justice and the constublo opened wide 
their eyes to such contumacy. They had not 
been in the habit of seeing such. 
“Not guilty?" r|untU the former—" don’t you 
peddle goods around here?" 
“ Yea,” n-plied the alleged culprit. 
“Well, have you a license?" asked Hlmdaman- 
thus, to saroasiionl tones. 
“ i Hi, yes," says the traveling agent. 
“Why,” says the Justice—quite another ex¬ 
pression coming over his countenance—" didn’t 
you tell this gentleman that you had no li¬ 
cense?" 
“No, sir.” 
“ Yes, you did,” shouted Tipstaff. 
“ No 7 didn't,” replies the peddler. 
“ 1 say you did !” vociferated the constable. 
“I swear I didn’t,"still persisted the peddler. 
“ Well, what did you tell me, then?” 
“ You asked me it I had a license to sell, and I 
told you I hadn't a license to sell," continued 
the peddler, lit an injured tone, “for 1 wanted it 
to peddle with.” 
GOOD - NATURED PARAGRAPHS. 
The Rival Regiments. 
A very pious and zealous chaplain of a Con¬ 
federate regiment, called on a colonel not par¬ 
ticularly noted for moral observances, In order 
to talk about the religious Interests of bis men. 
The chaplain wus politely reecl veil, and request¬ 
ed to be seated on n camp stool. 
“ 1 believe, Colonel,” said lie, " that you have 
one of the finest regiments in the service.” 
“ Yes," said the Colonel, “ I think 1 have.” 
“ Well, do you pay much attention to the re¬ 
ligious instruction of your men ?" 
“Not much; very little said about Scripture 
in the drill-book." 
“Well, I just, called to mention the fact that 
in the Fifth Regiment the Hol'd has blessed our 
labors wonderfully, nod ten men have already 
been baptized.” (This was a rival regiment.) 
“Is that so, ’poo honor?” asked the Colonel. 
“ Yes, sir, I am pleased to say that it is.” 
“Sergeant,” said the Colonel, culling to his or¬ 
derly, “have fifteen men detailed immediately 
to be baptized. I’ll bo hanged if that Fifth Regi¬ 
ment shall outdo us in any respect.” 
The chaplain took occasion to bid the Colonel 
good day, and left. 
POPULAR SONGS ILLUSTRATED No. 3. 
WHISKIES. 
“Thou Art so Near and Yet so Far.” 
v r & 
FFIXJSrCE GORTCH? 
LKOFF. — (See Pa«e -4rO.) 
RURAL NEW - If 
PREMIUMS FOR BOVS 
No. 
81 Silver Watch (Swiss). 
82- One-half Dozen Silver Plated Napkin Rings, (R 
83- One Toilet Set, 3 Bottles, Silver Plated Stand 
84 “ Ladies’ Cold Pen, with Holder and Box, (IV 
ORKBvR V 
AND GIRDS. |1 If, s 
20 30 
eed & Barton). 8 10 
. 15 20 
lorton’s Best). 3 — 
. 20 30 
QC k » ^ fi . . . . . 
. 12 20 
fi*y Rav'c Tool rhftu ifiAapno Parr) 
. 15 25 
88 - Scissors, Full Length G Inches, tH. Seymour & 
89 -Pen Knives, Tortoise Shell Handle, 4 Blades, ( 
H. & J. W. King). 3 10 
... . 8 15 
91 —Silver “ “ . 
. 1 — 
. 18 30 
93— “ Finger Rings, “ .. 
94 li Ear tfc il 
. 6 10 
. 18 30 
. 8 12 
96 “ Studs, Set of Three, (Howard & Co.). 
97 “ Initial Sleeve Buttons, (One Pair). 
98 Ladies' Companion -Containing Perfume Bottle 
&c.. (Andrew King & Co) ■•••••■ 
99 Solid Black Walnut Writing Desk Pearl Centei 
100-Small Shopping Bag, Crain Leather, 
For Eighty Premiums, (preceding above In Number 
.. . 6 10 
. 10 15 
Needle Case, Scissors, Thimble, 
. 5 10 
r, (Andrew King & Co,)..,. ..... 11 20 
“ 8 15 
s and Value.) for the seniors, see next week’s Rural 
GEOGRAPHICAL ENIGMA.—No. 1. 
ILLUSTRATED REBUS.-No. 3. 
I am composed of letters seventeen; 
They’ll soon be known provided you are keen. 
In 1, 5, 9, a Scottish river ken, 
E’en now reminds it me of E. McN. 
My 2, 3, 111, 7, h is found 
In Iceland where’t’s at times the terror round. 
My 12, 8,11,15,1(1, 10, 
A city, in tn.v whole so fair you’ll ken. 
In Naples you "’in find ’force, 15. 
My 13,4, and last or 17. 
Eleven mine begins both llugand furled. 
My whole's "the One great landscape of the 
world." 
{^“Answer in two weeks. Fourteen. 
CHARADE.-No. 1. 
My first is gathered in its prime, 
Aud stored away for winter time. 
My second is both lull and grand, 
And never seen except on land. 
{3?“Answer in two weeks- Fourteen. 
PROBLEM.-No. 2. 
Hood's Humors. 
Among the best puns ever made were those by 
Tom Hood, whom Theodore Hook would not be 
introduced to because he was a “ pretended hu¬ 
morist.” Amoug Hood's many witticisms is this: 
“ His death which happened tn his berth. 
At forty odd betel ; 
Thev t and told the sexton, 
..t sexton lolled ihe hell.” 
On one occasion Hood wrote to his butcher 
that, it was necessary for the sake of cheap lit¬ 
eral ore and the interest of the reading public 
that he should furnish him with meat at a very 
trilling percentage above cost price. Mr. 
Stokes, the butcher, replied Sir, respectin’ 
your note, cheap literater be blmml. Rutellers 
must live as well as other pepel— audit so be you 
or the redin’ publick wants to have meat at cost 
price, you must buy your own beastesand kill 
yourselves, i remane, etc." 
Hood died composing a humorous poem. He 
is said to have remarked that lie was dying out 
of charity to the uudortaker, who wished to urn 
a lively Hood. _ 
My whole is valued very high, 
For we shall need it. by aud by. 
J2Answer in two weeks. 
Milly. 
HIDDEN CITIES.—No. 1. 
1. O, Allon do not do it. 
2. Will you allow Ellen to pass? 
3. He early on Sunday morn. 
4. If you are mad, ride out. 
5. Tell the same x, T come. 
0. My dog Carl is bone eater. 
Answer iu two weeks. e. 
PUZZLER ANSWERS. 
E. W. B. 
SQUARE-WORD ENIGMA.—No. 1. 
My first is a beverage; 
My second is that which cuts; 
My third form a valuable article of commerce; 
My fourtli is that which many people need, but 
will not stop to take. D. p. 
Answer in two weeks. 
GEOGRAPHICAL PUZZLE.-No. 1. 
The Result of the Krnnco-I’riiSMnn War. 
Two little girls were heard on the streets of 
Boston discussing the war in Europe. They 
were divided in opinion as to the result, one con¬ 
tending that Prussia would whip, and the other 
asserting with equal confidence that France 
would be the victor. At lost the champion of 
Prussia settled the question by nn unanswerable 
argument. ” i know," said she, ” that the Dutch¬ 
men will whip. My tut is a Frenchman and my 
tna a Dutchman. They light every night, and 
urn always licks,” 
A LAKE in the Western part of New York l 
arose one morning, and found that during the 
night the mountains in Africa had fallen: after 
eating a breakfast of bread and a river in Mon- j 
tana, he started l'or a lake north of Minnesota, j 
taking his gun and dog in search of a lake In the 
central part of British America, where he met an 
ocean south of Asia with a country in Europe 
on bis beck that he said he bad just killed. 
Alter hunting a lonu lime without killing an.v- 
thingbui a bay smith of Massachusetts, and get¬ 
ting tired, he started tor home, filled with the 
southwestern cape of Washington Territory. 
When he reached home he ate for his supper a 
river in Idaho, baked, pud some soup made of a 
the only arrangement of tlieTules time will satisfy 
tIn- conditions of the problem, or any similar one. 
The radii of the three dissimilar circles will be the 
lengths of the required rules, which, by three unique 
equations, are found to be 9, 10 and 20 inches, re¬ 
spectively, in length.—B. F. B. 
miscellaneous QVbncvtiectncnle. GEO. A. PRINCE & CO. 
Hamilton Opera House OlgailS & MclodtOllS. 
f rho nwi 0 «i [.tin/PHi umi Miist, Pppfept Manufactory 
AN ELEGANT OPERA HOUSE AND $40,000 
IN CASH PRIZES, 
To be Drawn Jiui’y 3I*t, 1N71, Positively. 
References to any Bank in Cincinnati, Hamil¬ 
ton or Dayton, and to the Park national Bank, 
New York City. 
Tickets, *5. Address the ” opeua House Com¬ 
missioners, Hamilton, Ohio. 
river in New Brunswick, seasoned with a river 
in Vermont. He then retired, and slept, soundly 
until awakened by a river in Russia running 
across bis face. He was not disturbed again till 
morning. U. A. c. 
Ssf Answer in two weeks. 
We clip the following from the Louisville, Ky., 
Courier-Journal, Jan. 1st, 1871. 
The Hamilton Opera House Drawing. 
The Commissioners of the Hamilton Opera House 
drawing, finding t he business of gpeh magnitude ns 
to preclude the probability of a successful result be¬ 
fore the :11st 01 January, have postponed the drawing 
until that dale, when, we arc assured, It will posi¬ 
tively take plane. The gentlemen In charge ure well- 
known unil ret-pniiMUlc citizens, aud there I* no ques¬ 
tion that under Lbelr supervision the business will be 
conducted Ir. u straightforward and honorable man- 
net A satisfactory alteration hns boon made by the 
substituting of *4u.bbh in cash for real estate valued 
at the same amount.. The scheme now stands as 
follows: 
The Hamilton Opera House, valued at.$110,001) 00 
I cash price at 1211,Utt. 20.000 00 
1 rush prize at $5,000. fi.bOO 00 
6 easti prizes at. f 1,000 .. 5,000 00 
H cash prizes at $600. 4.000 l*) 
GO cash prizes at $100. ti.uOu 00 
70 prizes...,..$i6o,0o0 00 
There will he one prize to every 450 tickets, and the 
latter ran be procured Upon application by latter to 
tbe Hamilton Opera House < oinmisaionei'H, Hamil¬ 
ton. Ohio, The enterprise is decidedly uric of the 
most popular of the kind ever started, and so much 
confidence is felt in its Integrity, that the probability 
is. before the day ot the drawing, the tickets will 
command a premium. 
GETTING UP CLUBS. 
GREAT SAVING TO CONSUMERS. 
Parties Inquire Imwto get up clubs. Our answer 
Is, send for Price I ist, and a Club form will accom¬ 
pany It with full directions,— making a large saving 
to consumers and remunerative to Club organizers. 
:n a an j r stuvet, 
P. O. Box 5643. NEW YORK. 
Agricultural 
Implements 
And FARM MACHINES of every kind. 
SEND STAMP FOR CIRCULARS of whatever you 
need to 
R. H. ALLEN & CO., 
r. O. Box 376. 1S*> A 191 Water St„ 
NEW YORK. 
£ (> I. U M BUS N i; It S E 1C Y , 
Green-House and Bedding Plants, 
GIVE UNIVERSAL SATISFACTION. 
Lkxi.vuton, Ky.. June, 1870. 
Plants arrived tn excellent order. 1 thought I had 
long since acknowledged their receipt, and my grati¬ 
fication with the manner lu which you have always 
tilled my orders. 
Q uantity vh. quality. uuoic}”. 
Yeast powder stands pre-eminent in market 
as being ilie only Baking Powder tlml Is free from 
Injurious substances Not only llils, but each pack¬ 
age contains the FULL t;UA>'TITY REPRESENTED, 
while tho quality Is far superior to all others. Doo¬ 
ley's Yeast Powder will produce from twenty- 
live to fifty pereent. more good bread, rolls, biscuits, 
pastry, Ac , than those of other manufacture, while 
It is always convenient to have ill the house, and is 
reliable and economical. If you have not tried it, 
ask torltai y our (Iroeer'a, aud take no other. Depot, 
till New Nt„ New York. 
X TNION I»A< U K RAILROAD COM- 
puny, have a Land Gram direct from the Gov- 
C REFSE FACTORY AND DA IKY' 
A1*I* A BATES. 
New and Valuable Improvements. 
GREAT REDUCTION IN PRICES. 
The Garden of Eden was in tho form of an 
equatorial triangle, and the several distances 
measured a certain tree within to each of 
the angles, were 13, 17 and 19chains respectively. 
Required tbe length oi the sides of the garden 
true to six places of decimals- w. u. u. 
Answer in two weeks. 
All engaged, or intending to engage, in Cheese 
Making, arc interested. 
ZJT Send 1 or our new ILLUSTRATED CIRCULAR and 
prices. WM. RALPH A CO.. 
ITS and LuCeticsee St.. L'uou, N'. Y. 
Illustrated Ri nrs.-Nu. i.— 
“ 1 pine from cult lily ills to rise. 
And sigh to feast my hungry eyes 
Upon the hills of life that rise 
lit ight o'er the plains of Paradise.’ 
Biblical Enigma.—No. I.—Prove all things, and 
hold fast to that which is good. 
Problem.— No. I.— 
Root Cutters, 
Ilav Cutters, Corn Shelter* 
And all other MACHINES for FARM Use, supplied 
R. H. ALLEN & CO.. 
P. O. Box 376. 189 & 191 Water 8t„ 
NEW YORK. 
The straight lines in the above figure illustrates 
!I> only arrangement of the rules Unit will satisfy 
The Oldest, Largest and Most Perfect Manufactory 
in the United States. 
Now in use. 
No other Musical Instrument ever obtained the 
same popularity. 
C 2T Send for Price Lists. 
Address 
BUFFALO, N. Y. f 
Or CHICAGO, II.L. 
STEAM ENGINE* 
Equaled by none In Combined Merits 
of Capacity, Economy, Dura¬ 
bility, Simplicity aud 
Perfection. 
OUR PORTABLE ENGINE, 
Mounted on Locomotive Boiler, having fire-box and 
ash-pit entirely surrounded by water space: is set 
upon legs a ml timbers; occupies little room; needs 
no brick work : l» suitable tor use in any place where 
a power is required —In Mill*. Shop*. Foundries or 
f ruiting Boom». or In Stock Barns, for grinding, cut¬ 
ting and steaming food for stock. Tbe 
STATIONARY ENGINE 
Ig complete with Govri'liot** Pump and HwtfK, with 
connection* fitted* The 
AGRICULTURAL ENGINE, 
Supplied with Locomotive Bolin , having fire-box and 
ash-pit entirely surrounded by water space: is 
mounted on wheels, with pole for attaching horses 
for moving from place to place : is suitable for Omni 
Threshing, Corn Shelling, flood anil Shingle Sawing, 
Ac. 
Circulars, with description and prices, furnished 
on application to 
WOOD, TA1SER A MORSE, 
Futon, Madison t«„ New York. 
*K e™c*-«v:» E nt. $]() 
HUNDREDS OF A CENTS make from *5 to $1II 
per tiny, in selling our Patent Extension Keel 
ami Swifts. Combined. Used to every family lor 
winding Yarn, Silk, Worsted, ,vc. Winds fuU wsmd 
skein and weighs less tlmli one pound. ALENIS 
WANTED. For terms, Ac., address 
11. 1,. 8TOK.KK At CO., Auburn, N. \. 
THE FREE MASON 
For 1871. 
The Largest Masoult Monthly In the World. 
Contains tidings from Hip Craft in all parts of tho 
globe. It Is strictly cosmopolitan, and 1* the organ 
of the Craft everywhere, and not con fined to any one 
State or locality- Kunh number complete In itself. 
Sample co|>ies sent tree. 
Every Master Mason m good standing authorized 
to not as agent In setitling subscriptions. A discount 
made to club agents, it desired, and in all cases tt 
copy scot free to such agents, if notified. 
CI.UU KATZS. 
Clubs of ton to twenty.»} M 
Cluti* of twenty to fifty. J 
Clubs ot fifty or more. 1 
Single Subscribers. -. * w 
Names miiv be added at any time iri tbe year at 
club rule-. Buck numbers supplied. Addtess 
CKO. FRANK CiOULEY, St. Louis, Mo. 
10.000 FARMERS 
Spring Catalogue ready lit January, and sent to ap¬ 
plicant* K (J 11 A NFOKI), t olnnil.il*, Ohio. 
To purchase nnd improve 1,700,000 Acres 
of Choice IOWA LANDS, FOB SALK AT 
83 per ACRE and upwards, for Cash or on Credit, 
by the IOWA KA1LHOAD LAND COMPANY, 
lRiihoudS already built through tho Lands, and on 
alt-*udes of them. Great inducement* to settlers. 
Send for our Pamphlet. Jt gives prices, terms, locu¬ 
tion—tells who should come West; what they should 
bring ; what it will cost; gives plans and cost of dif¬ 
ferent styles of ready-made house*. Maps sent If 
desired. Addruss W. W. WALK Ell, 
Vice President, Cedar Kapids. Iowa. 
V puny, have a Lund Gram direct from tin* G ,v- 
einimml ot t‘2.000,000 Acres ot the TL<t Fanning 
mid Mineral Lands in .interim. 3,000,000 acre* choice 
farming lands on thn lino of tho road. In the State 
OF Nkiiii/isK a, III tho I!rent Finite t'alleg, now for 
sale, lor cash or credit at low rntea of interest. These 
lands are near the 41st parallel of North latitude, ill 
it mild and healthy ell mate, nnd tor grain growing 
and stock raising art* unoqunicri. Prices range from 
* 2.60 to »!0 Per acre. Gurat Induct hunts w> Set¬ 
tle! - with limited moans. ‘J.5011.1100 Acres rich 
Government land* along the road, between Omaha 
and NORTH Pi.attr, surveyed ami open tor entry 
under tlo* rioiiiHslcad ami Pro-omptlon laws, and 
cun be taken by Actual Settlers Oulu. An opportunity 
never lictore presented tor securing homes near a 
great Ball road, with all the conveniences *d an old 
selt|nd country. New edition of descriptive pam¬ 
phlets, with ninpa, iu*w ready, and sent t ree to all 
parts of the United States, Canada and Europe. Ad¬ 
dress 
O. F. DA VI Si, J,uiid CnuimlBMftmer. 
U. P. It. K. Co., Omaha, Neb. 
THE WATCHES MADE BY THE 
JW YPF-F VAT Ff* F P- 
ARE THE pflfi AfT'^X’ 
Ask to Rkk Thfm fsctwy, Springfield, Miss. 
CHARLES A. DANA. Editor. 
<Thc Dollar ■WfcMii Sun. 
THE SEMI-WEEKLY SUN, 82 A YEAR, 
IflEAXECTAR 
IS PURE 
BLACK TEA, 
4 WITH 
GREEN TEA FLAVOR. 
Warranted to Suit all Tastes. 
TOR SALS EVERYWHERE. 
And for side Wholesale only by the 
Great Atlantic & Pacific Tea Co., 
P. O. Box 5506. No. S Church Sf., N. \ r . 
Send for The a-Xrclar Circular. _ 
A PAYING BUSINESS. 
tbe celebrated HUME Mil I ILL hLY\ IMJ 
MACHINE. Has the tfildf r-feed. make* the 
'••locll-sUtch" (alike on both sides,) and is 
fully licensed. The best and cheapest family 
'Sewing Machine tp the murket. Address 
JOHNSON. CLARK A CO., Boston. Mass., 
Pittsburg, Pa-. Chicago. UL, or St. Louis. Mo. 
THI YUllURN PUBLISHING COMPANY offer 
the Verv Be*t Term* to Agents lo every county 
in tbe United States and Canada, to sell their Popu¬ 
lar Boults. Try them, and address 
mi duuu.. a / Q jjtORKE, Auburn, N. Y. 
I ■ ■■ j HOUSEHOLD MAGAZINE 
iTT¥|W|ll ,onWin, m every l,muter .,ue onqiUte yrlxo 
1 l olory valued al fiou. Forty (mces of othur 
Samr. Yearly il. Sold by N — v dealen. .t Pa . p« copy. Spl.a- 
did Premium.. SMK) caib to be awerded for paw tlube. Specmieu 
copy free Addrcti S. S. WOOD, Newburgh, N. V. 
EDWARD SEARS’ 
rt.I - 4 Week Salury 1-Young men wanted as 
i,,cal ami traveling salesmen. Address ( with 
stump) K H. WALKER, ‘M Park How, New Ink- 
, egvm s U IVTKII (S225 « Month.) by 
A Urn A UERICAN KNfTTimillAcriiNE 
CO. BOSTON, MASS., or ST. LOL1S. MO. 
48 Bee kman St., New Yor k. 
Ctniuineriug cured by Bates’A pplhwices For de- 
scription, address SIMPSON A CO., Box Unit, N.Y 
A Newspaper of the Present Times. 
luteudcil for People Nowoii Earth. 
Including Farmers, Mechanics, Merchants,Professional 
Men, Workers, Thinkers, and all Manner of Honest 
Folks, and the Wives. Sous, and Daughters ot all such. 
ONLY ONE DOLLAR A YEAR ! 
ONE HUNDRED COPIES FOR 850, 
Or less than One Cents Copy. Let there he a S50 Cltrh 
at every Post Office. 
of the eurne size and general character as the THE 
WEEKLY, but with n greater variety of Bh6Cellnneoiu 
reading, nnd furnishing the news to Its 6Ubscrlbei6 with 
greater lresiine&n. because K couieB twice a wees in¬ 
stead of once uuiy. 
THE DAILY SUN, 86 A YEAR. 
A preeminently readable newspaper, with the largeBl 
ctrculatlun tn the world Free, Independent, auutear- 
Uiruuialioii 111 IUC WUIIU > l r .Vl -. -- 
less in politics. Ail the news from everywhere. Two 
centB a copy ; by tnufl, 50 ceot® ft rooulh, or JSu u year. 
For Terms to Clubs, und Specimens, address 
I. W. ENGLAND, Publisher. Sun office, New York 
ANTED-AttENTJJ, (fftO Id. sell 
tbe celebrated HOML bliL I 1 bK hKV\ iMi 
'•V 
I 
