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MODEL MATRIMONIAL ADVERTISEMENT 
HA'.Rft 
Face intellectual, 
Color and tone. 
All the accessories 
Strictly home-grown. 
.Eyes—here 1 hesitate— 
Rather like blue, 
Black not an obstacle, 
Hazel would do. 
Nose or the Grechin type— 
Not to seem proud, 
Some little latitude 
Therein ullowed. 
Figure that's squeezable, 
Plump, but not fat. 
Steers clear of soruggluess. 
Couldn't stand that. 
Quiet and ludy-llke, 
Dresses with taste. 
Ankle dlsplayable. 
Neat little waist. 
Sphere of home-duties her 
Element quite, 
Pie crust especially 
Warranted light. 
Common accomplish merits, 
Hut, in a word, 
Those of the useful kind 
Greatly preferred. 
Little lilt musical, 
Able to sing, 
Clurlbel, Clurlbel, 
That sort of thing. 
Chatty and sociable, 
Likes a cigar. 
Pleasant to old people, r‘ u 
Pa and mamma. 
Pious, devotional. 
Gentle and kind; 
'1 each In the Sunday school, 
If she’s a mind. 
Lady of such a stamp 
Wanting a bean. 
Strictly in eontldence, 
Knows where to go. 
(Here follows name and address in full.) 
P. S.—Applicant penniless, 
Ditto with tin, 
Ceteris paribus 
Latter would win. 
he MOST durable handle table knife made.-will not 
CET LOOSE by HOT WATER. Sold liy all dealers in Cutlery, and made exclusively by the 
MERIDEN CUTLERY CO., 43 Beckman St., New Y ork. 
[ T .NION PACIFIC RAII.KOA O COM- 
U paiiv.hnve n Land Grant direct from the Gov¬ 
ernment of lid,000.000 Acres or the Hext Farming 
and Mineral Land* in America. ,’i,(>oo,(KKi acres choice 
farming lands tin the line of the road, in the STATE 
OF N KB l< A SICA, In the Great. Finite Tolley, now' for 
-ale. for cash or credit at low rates of interest. Those 
lands ure near the 41-t parallel of North latitude, In 
u mild and healthy climate, and for grain growing 
ami stock tm ,»ing are unequsleil. Prices range from 
tt.'J) to f 10 nor ucn*. gkeai iNDt’OKMRNrs to Set¬ 
tlers with limited meniia. 2..10IMHXI Acres rich 
Government lauds nhJug the road, let ween Omaha 
and North Pi.A'iTt , surveyed and open for entrv 
under the Homestead and Pro-omptluii laws, and 
can tie taken by Act mil Settlers Only. Art opportunity 
novel before presented lor securing homes near it 
great Railroad, with all the conveniences of an old 
settled country. New edition of descriptive pam¬ 
phlets, with maps, now ready, and sent free to all 
parts of the l ulled States, Canada and Europe. Ad¬ 
dress 
O. F. DAVIS, Land Com tnlMHtoner. 
IT. P. It. R. Co., Omaha, Neb. 
GEO. A. PRINCE & CO. 
Organs tV lelodeous 
The Oldest, Largest and Most Perfect Manufactory 
in the United States. 
Now in use. 
No oilier Musical Instrument ever obtained the 
same popularity. 
!3?~ Send for Price ListB. 
Address BUFFALO, N. Y„ 
Or CHICAGO, ILL. 
THE FREE MASON 
GETTING UP CLUBS. 
GREAT SAVING TO CONSUMERS 
For 1071. 
The Largest Masonic Monthly In the World. 
Contains tidings from the Craft in all parts of the 
globe. It is strictly cosmopolitan, and is the organ 
of the Cruft everywhere, and not confined to any one 
State or locality lCneh number complete In Itself. 
Sample copies sent tree. 
Kvery Master Mason lu good standing authorised 
to act as agent in sending siibscniniouH. A discount 
made to club agents, IT deal ted. and m H n cases n 
copy sent free to such agents, if notified. 
cr.rn bates. 
Clubs of ten to twenty.......$1 £0 
Clubs of twenty to fitly. l ;y> 
Clubs of fifty or more... 1 2f< 
Single Subscribers... 2 On 
Names may he added at any time in the yenr at 
club rates, linelt numbers supplied. Address 
GKO. FRANK GOULKV, St. Louis. Mo. 
Parties Inquire bow to get up clubs. Our answer 
is, send for Price List, and u Club form will accom¬ 
pany It with full directions,—maltingn large saving 
to consumers and remunerative to Club organizers. 
SI <{’ nil I TS1.T STREET, 
O. Box 3613. NEW YORK. 
F, JUA 54//: G- Ur sent/ 
THE A NECTAR 
IS PURR 
THE OLD IVLA-TST OF THE PERIOD, (’71.) 
Old Man, — I cannot make up my mind what I shall give my bride as a New- 
Year’s Present; It must be something Rare and Difficult to obtain. 
Sarcastic Friend. — Well, I can help you out of your difficulty. Present her a 
lock of your hair ! 
(1BEEN TEA FLAVOR 
Warranted to Suit all Tastes. 
rOR SALE EVERYWHERE. 
And for sale Wholesale only by the 
JOSH BILLINGS — HIS PLUM-PITS, 
To p iii-cIi rise nud improve 1,700,600 Acre* 
of Choice IOWA LANDS, FOR SALE AT 
83 per A UR E and Upwards, for Oiihli or oil Credit, 
by the IOWA RAILROAD LAND COMPANV. 
Hall roads already built through the Lands, and on 
all sides of them. Great Inducements to settlers. 
Send for our Pamphlet. It gives prices, terms, loca¬ 
tion -tells who should 60Rio West; what they should 
bring; wlmt It will cost; gives plans and cost of dif¬ 
ferent styles of ready-made houses. Atnps sent If 
desired. Address >V. TV. WALKER, 
Vico President, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, 
puzzled. “Take the statutes, Wecznor, ami 
read 'em all over." Juice renewed his quid and 
listened with marked attention t ill George came 
to “impotonoy." “ That's it, Weessner/ ex¬ 
claimed Jake, slapping his thi/.hs; “she’s impu¬ 
dent ns-1” 
Ambisiiin Iz like hunger—it obeys no law but 
Its own nppetlght. 
There lz no ttUdecine liko a good joke—it is a 
Ri I vet -coated piU that- frolics nnd phlslokson the 
run. 
Beauty lz a morning dream which the break¬ 
fast bell puts an end to. 
The man who never makes onny blunders will 
never rise lu the esteem of the world abuv the 
ropulashun ov a good guldeboard. 
I don’t want onny better proof or a good hod- 
enrryer tbiiii to hear another hod-carry or say, 
" Jle is a phool and don’t understand bis bizzi- 
ness.” 
Fortune Iz like a mirror, it don't alter men, it 
only shows them just as they am. 
Dandys are hybrod, a ctobs between a fashion 
plate and an unpaid tailor's bill. 
Debt lz a trap which a man sets and bates him¬ 
self, and then deliberately gets into. 
Diseuze mid pills, when they enter a man’s 
body, nre like two lawyers when they undertake 
tew settle biz allairs, they compromise the mat¬ 
ter by laying out the patient. 
(tile good way I know ov to Arid happiness iz 
not by boring a hole to fit the plugg. 
A lie is like nllro-glyccriue, the best of judges 
Han't toll when It Iz going to bust and skalter 
eonfushun. 
Az Hie flint kontatns the spark, unknown tew 
itself, whioli tho steel alone can make into life, 
so adversity often reveals to us hidden 
fee |3ublisbcr’s Scsh 
P, O. Box D50G. No. 8 Church Si., N. \ r 
Send for Then-Nectar Circular. 
THE BEST WEEKLY, 
AND THE 
Hml No Infirmity. 
“What! Mr. M-said a wedding guest to 
a clergyman, “don't you drink wine at a wed¬ 
ding?" 
“No, sir," was the reply; “ I will take a glass 
of water." 
“But, sir,” said the officious guest, “you recol¬ 
lect the advice of Paul to Timothy, to take a 
little wine for Ills infirmity.” 
“I have no infirmity," was the sententious 
reply._ 
A lUo*t Delightful lilnu. 
Madamk pkStaet. was a pitiless talker. Some 
gentlemen, who wished to tench her a lesson, in¬ 
troduced a person lu her, who, they said, was a 
very learned man. The blue-stockirig received 
him graciously; but, eager to produce an im¬ 
pression, began to talk away, and ashed a thou¬ 
sand questions, so engrossed with herself that 
she did not notice that her visitor made no re¬ 
ply. When the visit was over, the gentlemen 
asked Madame de Stael how she liked their 
friend. “A most delightful man 1“ was the re¬ 
ply ; *’ what wit and learningl” Here the laugh 
came in the visitor was deaf and dumb. 
BEST INDUCEMENTS! 
That MOORE’S RURAL NEW-YORKER l* the 
Best Paper of its Class in the World i* at- 
tested by both Press nnd People,—and that It, has 
for years Offered the Rest Inducements to those 
forming Clubs is known to thousands. But its In¬ 
ducements to those raising Clubs for 3871 are. the 
greatest, ever offered I For Premium Lists, Show 
Bills, Sped mans. Ac.. address 
D. 1>. T. ItlGOTlK, 41 Park Row, N. Y\ 
of THE LADY'S FRIEND and THE SATURDAY 
EVENING POST—the best Laly's Magazine and 
Weekly Paper going. Address Deacon & Peter¬ 
son, 319 Walnut St.. Philadelphia. 
INSURANCE MONITOR EXTRA!! 
Send for SUPPLEMENT of the INSURANCE 
MONITOR, Showing the excellent, condition and 
prosperous business of the 
NEW JERSEY MUTUAL LIFE INSURANCE 
COMPANY, 
ns developed bv the 0(1101111 examination of Hon. 
GKO.XV. MILLt.'lt. Suportmonclent of the Insurance 
Department nl the stale "l New York. Apply for 
Extra, at Mon iron oilier. No. 17 a Broadway, N. Y. 
48 Beekman St., Mew York 
Round Volumes of the Rum I New-Yorker. 
—Handsomely bound Volumes of the Rtiial for iKffi, 
(Vol. XX.) containing 83$ pages and over $00 Illustra¬ 
tions, furnished at either of our Publication Offices 
for *4 per copy. Vol XXI, (January to June, 3870.1 
mu kilning 116 pages and over 100 Illustrations, ut 
* 2 .fi 0 , also now ready. Vol. XXII, (July to Dee., lKYil.t 
same Mze, price, etc., as Vol. XXI, will be bound and 
ready for delivery In two weeks, Sent by Express to 
any purl of the United! States or Canada, purchnior 
paying charges. J *r We ran also furnish bound 
copies of many former volumes. Price of Vol. XIX., 
$1—of any previous one which we have, *3. 
CHARLES A. DANA. Editor. 
Equaled by none in Combined Merit* 
of Capacity, Economy, Dura¬ 
bility, Simplicity and 
Perfection. 
A Newspaper of tlio Present Times. 
Intended for People Nowon Envth. 
Including Farmers. Mechanics, Merchants, Professional 
Men, Workers, Thinkers, and all Manner of Honest 
Folks, und the Wives. Sous, and Daughters of all such. 
ONLY ONE DOLLAR A YEAR I 
ONE HUNDRED COPIES FOR 830, 
Or less than One Cent a Copy. Lei there be u 850 Club 
nt every Poet Office. 
Mounted on LocouioKim! Itntlcr, having fire-box and 
ash-pit entirely surrounded by wntrr space; is set 
upon legs and timbers; nOCUpfcH little room: needs 
tu» brick work ; Is suitable for use in any place where 
a power Is required—in Mills, Shops, Foundries nr 
Printing Rooms, or lu Slock Hams, for grinding, cut¬ 
ting and steamiug fund for stock. The 
gems 
which prosperity or negligence would forever 
lay hid, 
Most people when they cum tow you for ad¬ 
vice, cum tew have their own opinyil ns strength¬ 
ened, not corokted. 
Men seem tew me, nowadays, tew be divided 
into slow Christians and wide-awake sinners. 
The Itnrnl n* 11 I’reseur.— Onr readers are re¬ 
minded that I 11 all casus where a Subscriber Bends the 
Hi'UAI. NKW-YortKKa to a relative or friend, ns a 
present, we only charge the lowest club rate—$2.60 a 
year. The lowest price for copies thus sent to Cana¬ 
da is f2.70 and to Europe 13,80. The Rural is a 
valuable gift,and one which reminds the recipient 
of t he kind donor fit ly two times in the course of 
tilt*year. Many annually order It us a Hobday pres- 
eut, to distant friends. The 13 numbers of this Quar¬ 
ter sent FltEE to all subscribing before Jan. 3,1871. 
POPULAR SONGS ILLUSTRATED-No. 2 
Is complete with Governor, Pump and Heater, with 
connections lifted. The 
THE SEMI-WEEKLY' SUN, 82 A YEAR, 
of the same size and general character na tho THE 
M EEKLY, hut with a greater varietv or miscellaneous 
leading, and furnishing the news to Its euoscrlbei b with 
greater trestiueSB. because It comes twice a week in¬ 
stead of once only. 
THE DAILY SUN, 86 A YEAR. 
A preeminently readable newspaper, with the largest 
circulation in the world. Free. Independent, and teal - 
less In polities. All the news from everywhere. Two 
cents acopy; by mail, 50 cents a mouth, or 86 a year. 
For Terms to Clubs, and Specimens, address 
I. XV. ENGLAND, Publisher, Sun office. New York. 
Snppllnd with Locomotive Holler, having fire-box and 
UHli-pit entirely surrounded by water space; is 
mounted on wheels, with pole t.’.r uttUL'Iiliig horses 
for moving from place to plane , Is suitable for Grain 
Threshing, Corn Shelling, ll ot/d and, Shingle Sawing. 
Ac. 
(irmlars, with description und prices, furnished 
on np llcatlon to 
WOOD, TA1IER A MOKS12, 
V'alofi, Madison Co.. Yew York. 
GOOD - NATUEED PARAGRAPHS. 
A Snppoanblc U'nae. 
On one occasion a young and zoulous lawyer, 
not over punctilious in his allusions to the court, 
nor very formal in his manner, was arguing a 
question before a judge, and in l lie course of 
his argument, by way of illustration, wished to 
suppose a case. “ We will suppose, your honor," 
said lie, “that your honor were to steal a horse-" 
"No, no, no," iriierruptod the judge. "Not at 
all; not at all. Tulu’f a supposable case, Mr. 8., 
'toin'L a Biipposalile case." “ Very well, begging 
your honor's pardon,” proceeded the eager law¬ 
yer, with more zeal than prudence, ” very well; 
then supposing that i should steal a horse-” 
Aii, yes, yes, yes,” said the judge; "that is a 
very different thing. Very likely, Mr. S.. very 
likely. Proceed, Mr. 8." Mr. 8. proceeded to 
take a seat, amidst, the shouts of his brethren, 
and bad the good sense to take the Joke iu good 
part, and repeat It often to his friends. 
Our Rochester I’uhlirn rinn Office —la still 
located at No. 82 Buffalo Street, where the Rural's 
I nterests are promptly intended to by its Business 
Manager, Mr. JOHN G. Williams, the same as for the 
past ton years. Though now electro typed und printed 
in New York City, (_m account of advantages und 
facilities not obtainable in Rochester,) Moohe's Ru¬ 
ral Is still a Western and Central New York institu¬ 
tion. There It was founded anil now has a larger cir¬ 
culation than ever before, and there reside several 
of its able Editors and Contributors. 
C t.lIJiESU I'AUTOItY AND DAIRY 
' APPARATUS. 
New and Valuable Improvements. 
GREAT REDUCTION IN PRICES. 
All engaged, or intending to engage, in Cheese 
Milking, are interestfd- 
Z fr send for our new Illustrated Circular and 
prices. WM. RALPH & CO.. 
_ 373 and 1*5 Genesee St., Utica, N. Y T . 
Sliovi nnd Sweet,-with the addition of name 
and post-office address, (which we omit,) the first sen¬ 
tence of tho following extruet of a letter just received 
Is till that it is necessary to write In ordering the 
Rural ; 
"Dear sir:-I nclosed (hid $3 P. O. Money Older, 
lor which please send the lU lt.U, Niu-Vorklk to 
my address the coming year. ’ It Is no use talking 
cnn 1 k , e ‘,'P u ? with Ibe times without the 
Rural— especially a farmer." 
The WATCHES made by the 
New York Watch Company 
Are the BEST & CHEAPEST, 
Ask to See Them 
There’s a Light in the Window for Thee.” 
An Injunction Asked For. 
From Surprise Valley comes the following 
story of an old follow who got very jealous be¬ 
cause his young wife went to a ball with a good- 
looking follow, nnd stayed out until broad day¬ 
light.. The old chap went to a Justice of the 
Peace and told bis story, winding it up with “ I 
want yer to help mo—for t hat ’nr tiling lias boon 
going on about Jong enoug h.” 
Well, says the Justice, “you can writedown 
to V reka, and see if some of the lawyers can’t 
get you u divoroe.” 
“ Divorce 1" roared the angry man, “ who the 
dickens wants a divorce ?" 
The justice began to get wrathy. 
“ Tf Y° u do,|,t want adivorce, what the dickens 
brought you here?" 
“ Why, I want an injunction, to stop further 
proceedings." 
New Ground lor Divorce. 
l ncle Jake Summers, well known among 
Michigan politicians as a member of the “Sin- 
nit” from Macomb, took itinto bis head cue day 
to marry « rich widow of peppery temper, who 
got the betler of him. The quar rel was long, 
fierce and bitter; and at last, able to hear it no 
longer, Jake made bis appearance at flrmw 
A Request.—All non-subscribers Into whose hands 
a number of this Rural may fall are requested to 
examine it carefully, noting its Size, Style, Contents, 
Ac., and" then deckle upon the merits of our claim 
that. It is the Largest, Best and Cheapest Journal of its 
Class ill the World. Now is the best time to Act- to 
Du Good, for which wc give Good Pay. 
Factory, Springfield, Mass. 
Nol Colored. 
A noLoituu inebriate was lying on a bench the 
oilier evening, in his cell at. the Central Station 
at Providence, when I ho officer made his rounds 
of inspection. Unable, by the fitful gaslight, to 
clearly discern the prisoner’s features, the officer 
mked : 
"Are you colored?" 
"No, answered the enfranchised, drowsily, 
“ I was born so." 
H ORSF. FLIPPING. — ADIE K PATENT 
„Ma 11 1 lv< proved superior to mi CLIP- 
I'VKB hitherto invented. They tiro exclusively used 
Stic lies of Great Britain and France, where 
*?, 4 M > r9 0 . ,mv * 5 been sold. Price JOHN McCLDRE, 
No 151 DrniiUWiiy, New York, AOHJTTS WANTED. 
\ G li \ T S A It H W ELI, l» A I D 
i V who Mdl Pnltuur'si R.WERY GRINDER, for 
Mnwets and Reapors. ami all Edge Tools, Kvery 
farnmr wants It, a* it outs irincli faster than any 
grindstone, and Is light, cheap and durable. Send 
foi term* to_K. G. STORK IS. Aub urn. N. V. 
A Week .Sn Inry !—Young men wanted as 
, iP — local anil traveling salesmen. Address (with 
stamp) R. H. WALKER, HI Park Row. New Yn k. 
The Postage «u the Itnrnl New- Yorkev is 
only 20 cents a year, payable quarterly in advance at 
the office, where received. We only pre-puy postage on 
copies sent to Canada, Europe, 4c. Canada Agents 
and Subscribers should tn all (vises add 20 cents per 
yearly copy for American postage*. 
itmtUH. 1 early 
tilt] Premiums- 
POpV fr«e. Adili 
VINEGAR.—^ 
GHUM, in Ten Hours, without using drugs. 
For Circulars, address F. 1. SAGE, Vinegar Maker, 
Cromwell, Conn. 
The Injured Portrait, 
“ Ma, is the portrait of father torn ?*’ asked a 
little cherub of three summers. 
“ No, child, why do you ask?" 
“ Why, this morning he said, ‘ Darn my 
piotur.’ ” 
All lgnornnr Slump Speaker. 
A stump speaker exclaimed: — “ I know no 
North, no South, no East, no West, fellow-citi¬ 
zens ! *' Then," exclaimed an old farmer in the 
crowd, “ it's time you went to school and larnt 
Jography.” 
How 10 Help the Itnrnl.— 1 There are numerous 
ways in which its friends can aid in circulating the 
Rural. First, show the paper, or talk to your 
friends about It, or both. Get up a club, or aid some 
friend to do so— or Induce your P. M. to act as agent. 
rn miiiering cured bv Bates’A 
1 *ci ipUon, address SIMPSON A 
EMPLOYItlElVT, ^10 
HUNDREDS OF AGENTS make from 83 to 810 
GENTS WANTED —j 8223 11 Month.) bv 
the AMERICAN KNITTING MACHINE 
I, BOSTON, MASS., or ST. LOUIS, MO. 
Addition* to Club* arc always in order, whether 
in ones, twos, fives, tens, or any other number. A 
host of people are subscribing for papers about these 
days, and our Agent-Friends r.hould Improve every 
occasion to secure recruits foi the Rural. 
I ^tRKE ! — SEND FOIt A SPECUUEN. 
1 A roll Catalogue of onr Standard, Miscellaneous 
and Illustrated Juvenile Books, <>r specimen num¬ 
bers of Oliver Optic's Magazine, sent by mull free. 
I.RE & SHEPARD, Publishers, Boston, 
LEE. SHEPARD A DILLINGHAM, 
No. I'.l Green St., New York, 
where a complete stock of all publications may bo 
found. 
MopRK’B rural Nkw-Yoriter.—'T his mammoth 
weekly is tit be again improved forth© '71 campaign. 
It Ih the most complete Agricultural paper in the 
world, comprising a great variety of departments, 
und equally good ill eueh. It lias Sixteen pages of 
reading matter, and each page is replete with Infor¬ 
mation. Although designed especially for 1 he agri¬ 
culturist, it is a valuable family paper, well worth 
the subscription price. Its growing popularity can¬ 
not Pe wondered at, when weconsider Its many excel¬ 
lencies.— Hepubllcan A Democrat, Cooperstown, N, Y, 
No Traveling Agent* are employed by ns, but 
any person so disposed can act as Local Agent, on his 
or her own authority, and secure premiums, etc. 
Show Hi I la, Specimen Numbers, Etc., sent 
free to all applicants. If you want such documents, 
let us know and they will be forwarded. 
Reflection of n Jilted Lover. 
“ 1 " AT me down in thought profound 
This maxim wise I drew, 
It’s easier far to like a girl 
Than make a girl like you.” 
The Rural New-Yorker lias no rival among 
the weeklies, and the enterprise and ability shown 
in its conduct well merit the success they have 
achieved.— N. Y. Commercial Advertiser. 
