TW£A nECTAR 
OIL HOUSE 
Chs Pratt 
1770 - 1871 
CCHRGIBER CORNETS 
O and 
BAND INSTRUMENTS 
umor 
■ . . These beautiful Instru- 
I ments are the Easiest 
"v J TonVd, the*beliTfn^us'e 
/ w vmm- : / They are everywhere n,i 
— - ktK.wledgutJtohetheben 
s'--***111 -. adapteil to eut-door mid 
/ concert playing, dtspliiv- 
' i >■- hie Powkb when requir- 
: £ %''■ \y ■' ®u, ah'J emitting tiie 
N, r sweeterl tones in restrir. 
' , s - ted quarters. We send 
. C- ». !>.. allow test, and 
' - warrant the instruments 
/4 to he as we represent 
them. Send for Circular and Price List. 
M. J. PAILLA HD 4 CO.. Agents, 
CSO Broadway, New York. 
AGAINST THE “ HEATHEN CHINEE 
[The Penn Van Chronicle contains the following 
protest from a Prussianized Yankee in that town 
who don’t indorse Ah 8ln, the ** Heathen Chinee,” 
and this is the “ why of It 
VlCH 1 yos going for to say, 
L'nd X gpreclian it blaln— 
Dot dose nonsense dot durns up 
All der peeble’s brain 
’Bout dat drlcky Shon Shineyman’s actions. 
Makes me (lake up mine pen to komplane. 
Vot's der good of dose dings ? 
If Shon Sblneyman pouts 
Mynheer Nye at der kard-hlay, 
Because he can scheats 
Like der duyfel and all of Ills lmbs. 
Shall we shnickcr und shutups off our seats? 
Took the $500 Pork Pucker's Premium In 1868 and 
the $700 Premium in 1869 at the St. Louis Fairs. We 
exhibited these Thoroughbred Hogs, which took the 
First Premium nt the New York State Fair in 1870, 
for pure blood, large, Hue mid finely styled, docile, 
very easily fattened at any age, and vet attaining 
great weight at mauirll r 
1»I<WS ltltf.lt FOR SAI.E, 
And sent by Express. 
TAHF.lt & HOLMES, 
Cnzeuovin, Madison Co., S'. ,Y 
Ncln! 1 now dells vou semcdtngs, 
Vlch you all order see ; 
Hon you bluy at dose kHrd-hoards, 
For four dimes in dree 
Iter pea lit hand is held by unodder- 
Vu'/i 1 found vox xlioost *o mit me. 
DON’T TELL BETSEY JANE! 
ASTEII ALKNTS. (S'JO j«> d .|/,l to «e!l 
the celehnitod HOME SHUTTLE SEWING 
MACHINE. Has tlie under-fie ft, makes the 
"loek-ttiteH'’ (ailke on both sides,) and is 
fully licensed. The best and cheapest family 
Sewing Machine m the market. Address 
JOHNSON. CLARK A CO., Boston, Mass., 
Pittsburg. Pa.. Chicago. HI., or St. J.ouis, Mo. 
"Anu for your life, don’t tell Betsey* June 1” 
Mr. Nicodemus Harding, having utterod this 
caution In a low, earnest tone of voice, alighted 
from a Concord wagon in front of his own 
liirmhoiist 4 dfoor, and stood there a few minutes 
in a brown study, watching the figure of his 
brother-in-law and the lawyer, us he drove back 
towards the village of W-, whence ttie two 
men had just come. 
“Don’t tell Betsey Janol" 
Now, Betsey Jane was Mr. Nicodemus Hard¬ 
ing’s wife, u stining, notable soul, who made 
more butter and cheese, and took more eggs 
and fowls to market in the course of a season 
than any other woman tor miles around. 
Strong, healthy and hearty, she made the house 
work tly, to use her own energetic expression ; 
and if Nieodemus Harding owned his farm that 
day, ami was well-to-do. In fact a rich man to 
boot, It was owing in no small measure to 
the skill and energy and general go-a-heada- 
tiveness of his Betsey Jane. Wlmtwas it, then, 
that the ungrateful uutu was not about to loll 
her? 
“Itwould never do, never!” thought Nieo- 
deiniis to himself, shaking his head. “She'd he 
wanting a new carpet, or a new silk gown, or 
the house all painted over, or some such non¬ 
sense. No, the woman Is the weaker vessel, It 
won’t do to trust one too far. Their heads 
won’t bear it.” 
So Mr. Nieodemus passed through the house, 
and out toward the barn with the pre-oeeupied 
air of a hen who has an egg to lay, and don’t 
know where she can hide it from Hie eyes of 
mankind to the beat advantage. The kitchen 
was empty and silent as lie went through iu 
But oli! If be could have seen the buxom, good 
looking female avIio stole silently out of the pau- 
try, und as silently followed him ou his way to¬ 
ward the barn. 
Mrs. Harding came back in about twenty min¬ 
utes or so, with a face red from suppressed 
laughter. 
“Don’t tell Betsey .fane,’’she said, giggling 
iuto her gingham apron. “ You are a very 
smart man, Nioodemus, and my brother, Tim 
Noyes, is another, and a lawyer in Lbe bargain. 
Don’t tell Betsc-y Jane, indeed ] Two wretches, 
you deserve all you’ll got, pretty soon!’’ 
Betsey Jane said no more, but bided bor time. 
A week passed away, and theu brother Tim’s 
wagon drove up again to Hie door, and Nioode¬ 
mus stepped into It, nnd was oil to the village 
once more. Betsey June laid asked in vain to go. 
Nicodemus was bound on business—** business 
which a woman could not understand," he lofti¬ 
ly exclaimed, He, lord and master, well out of 
sight, Betsey June wont about that business a 
woman could not understand, with a merry 
twinkle in her bright black eyes. 
At 4 P. M., Nicodemus returned homo again, 
looking quite as important as before. He tip¬ 
toed rfloug through the kitchen, Betsey Jaue 
watching him from ilie corner of her eye all the 
while. JIo passed out Into the shed. A fragrant 
smell of smoke came forward to greet him —an 
odor of burning corn cobs gradually curing 
am. Nicodemus turned deathly pale, and ran 
frantically forward to a large lire smoldering 
iu the ash-house, and a large ham or two cov¬ 
ered over by blaulcets, hanging placidly there. 
The yell he gave brought Betsey Jane from the 
house lOStanter, to find Nicodemus grovelling 
before the ash-house door, weeping and wailing 
nnd tearing his hair, and uttering yell after yell 
of despair. 
“ Why, bless me! what's the matter? Are you 
in a lit? Let me run for the camphor,” shrieked 
Betsey Jane. 
“Camphor! Bring arsenic! Bring poison of 
Borne kind— poisou 1” yelled Nicodemus, frautl- 
cally. 
“Woman, you've ruined met Twelve thou¬ 
sand dollars in government bonds did 1 put. in 
that ash-hole for safety Just a week ago, and 
now you've gone and burned them to cook that 
cussed bacon. Pison*! Pison! Pison! And let 
me get out of the dreary world." 
“ Oh—so that was what you were not going to 
tell Betsey Jane! Arn’t you ashamed of your¬ 
self, Nicodemus Harding?” 
Nicodemus could not answer. He laid pros¬ 
trate In the ashes and howled. 
"Get up and don't bo a fooll” said Betsey 
Jane, amiably. “ I beard yon and brother Tint 
conspiring at the door that day. and T watched 
you go the nsh-hule, und soon found out what 
you had bid away thore. Woman is the Weaker 
vessel, no doubt, but she don’t put twelve thou¬ 
sand dollars where the first match that comes 
handy can burn it up! Hera are the bonds, 
Nicodemus—for teu thousand. I’ve kept two 
for my honesty.” 
Poor Nicodemus! He gathered himself up 
out of the ashes, and took his bonds—what was 
left of theta. He rather thinks it pays best, on 
the whole now, to tell Betsey Jane. 
PORTABLE, KILLP-AD.JXJSO’I>7Gr, AUTOMATIC CARPET STRETCHER. 
This being the season of the year when the lidy housekeeper “gets up and dusts" the carpets, &c., T thought I would send the Rural 
New-Yorker a rude drawing of a Portable, Self-adjusting, Automatic Carpet Stretcher, invented nnd put in operation by Schmild & Bros. 
of New York State. It is a combination of knee und elbow lever, easy to be put in operation, and can be used for other kinds of work. It 
is un patented. If the drawing does not explain itself, I will answer any question that may be asked concerning it. A Subscriber. 
GETTING UP CLUBS. 
GREAT SAVING TO CONSUMERS 
fooation, like one singing a sweet song under 
the bed clothes.” 
Wanted — A cover for bare suspicion, a veil 
for the face of nature, buttons for breaches of 
privilege, binding for volumes of smoke, cement 
for broken engagements. 
To cure dyspepsia—Close all the outer doors 
of a four-story house, open the inner doors, nnd 
theu take a long switch and chase a oat up and 
down stairs till she sweats. 
“ How much did he leave?" inquired a gentle¬ 
man of a wagon learning the death of a wealthy 
citizen. “Everything,” responded the wag; “ho 
didn’t lake a dollar with him 1” 
SAYS Katie to her new husband, "John, 
What rock does trim lev* build upon V” 
Quoth John, and grinned from ear to ear, 
’’ The rock of yonder cradle, dear." 
Some people tire never contented. After hav¬ 
ing all their limbs broken, their heads smashed, 
and their 1 1 rains knocked out, they will actually 
go to law and try to got further damages. 
A man telling about a wonderful parrot hang¬ 
ing in a cage from the window of a house which 
be had often passed, said, “ It cries ‘Stop thief!' 
so natural, that every time I hear it I always 
stop.” 
A lady was urged by her friends to marry 
a widower, and as an argument they spoke of 
his two beautiful children. “Children,” replied 
the lady, “are like tooth-picks—a person wants 
her own.” 
The Boston Post tells of a man In Troy “ who 
left, a boardinghouse just because a rat bit otT 
bis ear.” When people get to be l Imt particular 
about tiilles, they ought, to quit boarding amigo 
to keeping house. 
A little boy, throe years old, who 1ms a 
brother of three months, gave as a reason for 
the latter’s good conduct“ Baby doesn't cry 
tears because he doesn’t drink any water, and 
he oau't cry milk.” 
“ I never shot a bird in ray lire,” said a friend 
to an Irishman ; who replied, “ I never Bhot any¬ 
thing in theshapeof a bird but a squirrel, which 
I killed with a stone, when it fell into the rivet- 
arid got drowned." 
RIDDLE.-No. 3 
Parties Inquire how to get tin clubs. Our answer 
Js, send for Price List, nnd u Club form will accom¬ 
pany It with full directions,—making a large saving 
to consumers and remunerative to Club organizers. 
1 am a word of plural number, 
A foe to case and human slumber; 
Now any word you chance to tnke, 
Hy adding 8 will plural make; 
But by adding S to this. 
How strange the metamorphosis! 
Whitt was plural, is plural then no more, 
And sweet what bitter was before. 
New Subscriber 
Answer in two weeks. 
r WILBOR’S COMPOUND OF ^ 
PURE COD LIVER 
.OIL AND LIME. > 
31 <( 33 VE8ET' STKEET. 
. Box 56*3. NEW YORK. 
r|TO CONSUMPTIVES Many have been happy 
L to give their testimony in favor of the use of 
" (Vilbor's Pure Cod Liver Viland Lime." Experience 
has proved It to he a valuable remedy tor Consump¬ 
tion, Asthma, Diphtheria, and all diseases of the 
Throat and Lungs. Manufactured only by A. B. 
Wilbok. Chemist, No. 166 Court street, Boston. 
Sold by druggtats generally. 
IS PURE 
CROSS-WORD ENIGMA.—No. 10 
'siJfeilNil <;lti:i:N *msa flavor. 
855^°™sll!**' Warranted to Suit si) 1 Tastes.’ 
FOR SALE EVERYWHERE. 
And for sale Wholesale only by the 
Mr first is in Paul but not In Ruth, 
My second's in falsehood but not in truth 
My third la In Mary but not in Jane, 
My fourth is in water but not in rain; 
My fifth is in goat but not in sheep, 
My sixth is in dream but not in sleep; 
My seventh's In labor but uot in toil. 
My eighth is In can but not in oil; 
My ninth is in cats but not in dogs, 
My tenth is in cattle hut. not In liogs; 
My hist is in clean, also iu neat, 
My whole is something good to eat. 
!£©'"' Answer in two weeks. Isoi 
TUANTKD IMMICDIATKLY, Twenty 
YV young men und Ladies to enter the Union Tel¬ 
egraph College of Akron or OberlSn, O., to prepare 
themselves to take charge of Offices on a regular 
Business Line over 70 mUes In length. Connected with 
these Colleges, obtaining u practical knowledge of 
Telegraphy only to be obtained In an office on a reg¬ 
ular line; also receiving pay sufficient to defray part, 
expenses, thus acquiring n lucrative profession nt a 
small expense. Upon graduating, good paytngsituu- 
tions guaranteed. Address, with slump, 
j. p. abekNKT'HY, PresT, Akron, O. 
P. O. Box 5606. No. S Church S«., 
Send for Thea-Nectar Circular. 
BIBLICAL ENIGMA.—No. 4 
I am composed of thirty-five letters. 
Mv 2, 8, 28,16,31,21, II was a man of distinguished 
valor. 
My 5,10, 20,13,19,34 were an ancient people. 
My 7,15. 4, 31, 14,0, 22 was u province of Asia 
Minor. 
My II, 33, 20. 22,16, 26,32 was a range of moun¬ 
tains In Palestine. 
M.v 14,10,20.29,3,22,18 was a woman of eminent 
wisdom and holiness. 
My 20, 10,17,28, 22.82,25 was a village of Pales¬ 
tine. 
My 27, 6,13,24,3, 21, 19 is an evergreen tree. 
My 30, 33, 12, 7. 22, 3, 14 is a beautiful animal. 
My 35, 9, 23, 4,18, 22,10 was a city of Persia. 
My whole is part oT a verse in the Bible. 
82sf Answer in two weeks. Ikola. 
e made. Pimple, Llpbt and Easily Managed. 
y town for both or either of these Machines. Send for Illustrated pamphlet. 
NASH 6l BFsO., ilO Liberty St., Tffcw York. 
DECAPITATIONS.-No. 1 
1. Behead a kind of fish and leave a boy’s 
nickname. 
2. Beliead a household article and leave what 
you become every day. 
3. Behead a household article and leave to 
fasten. 
4. Behead a joy and leave a boy. 
5. Behead again and leave a process of mathe¬ 
matics. A. & L. 
Answer in t wo weeks. 
ILLUSTRATED REBUS.-No. 21 
PUZZLER ANSWERS, 
Illustrated rebus No. 19.—One to-day Is worth 
two to-morrow. 
Word-Square Enigma No. 5.— 
p i, u « 
I, O N K 
L' N L M 
SEMI 
Ornithological enigma No. 1.—Wood Thrush, 
(Turdus musteliilUS.) 
Anagrams op Cities No. l.— 
Springfield. 
2. Richmond. 
3. Montgomery. 
4. Concord. 
5. Lansing. 
Puzzle No. 7.—Sister. 
Cross-Word Enigma No. 9.—Bryan. 
ES 1 " Answer in two weeks. Architect, 
PROBLEM.—No. 13 
The circumference of a circle is 113.0976; what 
is the side of the greatest hexagon that can be 
inscribed In it. Q. Cumber. 
Answer in two weeks. 
PURIFY THE BLOOD AND BEAUTIFY TIIE COMPLEXION BY USING 
miscellaneous Qtfcoertisements 
PUZZLE.—No. 8 
In the Spring and Summer months the system undergoes a change. This is the time to use good 
blood-rouewinp, purifying, und tnVlgoniTlnff medicines. '* Helmbold a ^luid ih.vuitct S&ranpfu ilia, und 
" Helm bolds Fluid Extract Crape-Juice Pills," ure the beBt und most reliable. 
One bottle of "Helmbohl's Fluid Extract Ruraupurillu" equals in strength one gallon of the sirup 
or decoction ns made by druggists: and a wine-glass added to a pint of water equals the celebrated 
Lisbon Diet Drink—a delightful and healthful beverage. 
Is composed of FluId Extract of Catawba Grape-Juice nnd Fluid Extract 
. cathartic remedy, and l’ur superior to nil other purgatives, 
tie I InbG Id's Grape-Juice Pill" Is not a patented pill, put up as those 
' - - i. Safe for 
Two 
worth 
i,.j ,,, liman auneiing iruai uuu uiwu, k"^'* »,.,<-, n.4,uuanv—, **‘ l K’i* 
oostiveness and Irregularities; and to those suffering Horn broken and delicate consn- 
e new blood, new vigor, and new life. The "Catawba Ur.tpe Pills" are done up witn 
, u ... handsome bottles, and will surpass all those vended In wooden boxes, and carelessly 
inexperienced men. comparing with the English and French style of manufacturing. AJi 
mirations are Pharmaceutical, not a single one being patented, but all on men 
't’lils Trolling Spoon stands unequalled for catch 
iug Pike, Pickerel, Bitus.-Trout, Ac. Sent by mail se 
'cu rely packed, Price tl. 
JOHN II. MANN, Syracuse. N. Y. 
The “ Grape-Julco 1*111” L . , 
Rhubarb. Usclul in all diseases requiring a 
such as salts, ni.ienesln, Ac. ** II-1-.7.5™*--^-.- .-- . -. -- - 
ordiuarllv vended, but the result of ten years' experimenting and great care in preparation, 
and taken l>y children. No nausea: no griping pains; but mild, pleasant, und sale In operation, 
bottles of the 'Fluid Extract of Sarsaparilla" and one bottle of the 'Grape-Juice Pills'' are 
tiioir weight In gold to those suffering from bad blood, poor complexion, headache, nervousness, 
fullness ut night, < 
rations it will give - 
great care and In hui 
prepared by i_ 
of H. T. Helmbofd’s „ _ _ 
own merits. Prepared by 
11, T. HELMB0LD, Practical and Analytical Chemist, 
CRYSTAL PALACE PHARMACY, 594 BROADWAY’, NEW YOJ 
l’AEACE OF PHARMACY, Gilacy Hoiihc, Broadway and ‘39th Street New Yo 
TEMPLE OF PHARMACY, Continental Hotel, Philadelphia, and 104 South 
Street, Philadelphia, Prescription* Compounded. French, German und Spouish !■ 
STORES OPEN ALL TNI OUT. 
HELMBOLD’S EXTRACT BUCHU 
HAS GAINED A WORLD-WIDE FAME. 
Send for Circular, 108 FULTON STREET, N. Y 
liH ll i.1J.TJ CATALOGUES of Praeti- 
8sa III il Bl 3 SmW*I 01,1 Books on Architecture 
I—A. A1T3I, j| aJMZ# mailed t ree. Address A. J. 
BICKNELT, * CO., 27 Warren St., N. Y’. 
SPABKS OF JOLLITY. 
There was a city which had two high walls 
ftrouiid it; the walls ware fourteen feet opart 
at the top. A mao was placed on the top of the 
outside wall with two planks, twelve feet long, 
and hud to walk over to the Inside wall ou these 
planks, in order to go to the city. IIow would 
he do it? A, G. 
Answer in two weeks. 
“Are you the mate of the ship?” asked an 
emigrant of the cook, who was an Irishman. 
“No sir," was the answer, “ I am the man that 
cooks the mate." 
In describing a new organ, a country editor 
says“ The swell died away in a delicious suf- 
r LI A lift 150 words per minute in 4 
ntHIUi weeks. Send stamp for 
PROP. GRAY, P. O. Box 4847, N. Y. 
N EAItLV 500 Swindlers, Cheats und Humbugs 
are named and exposed in "Star Spangled Ban¬ 
ner” for June. Ventilates every Swindler. Sent 
Ihree months on trial for only teu ots. Nothing like 
it. Address, S. 8. BANNER, Hinsdale, N. H. 
