O ! how Uh*b stick ! Far better, children, 
that you he covered with pitch from head to 
foot, than consent to go with bad company, 
or learn bad habits, or read bad books, or gay 
bad things. Remember that there are many 
other tilings as black as pitch. 
Witness—(Getting mad)—“No, he didn’t 
say you was drunk either, but if be had, 1 
reckon lie wouldn’t a lied any. Do you 
s’pose the poor fellow charged this whole 
court with being drunk ?” 
DORTABLE STATIONARY 
AND 
AGRICULTURAL 
STEA.M E3XTG-INTES. 
Equated l»y none in Combined Merits of Ca¬ 
pacity, Economy, Durability, Sim¬ 
plicity and Perfection, 
Our PORTARLE ENGINE, oiuuntod on T.ocomo- 
tive Holler, having fire-box and ash-pit entirely sur¬ 
rounded hy wilier space, in sot upon legs and tim¬ 
bers; occupies little room ; needs no brick work; is 
suitable for use in any place where a power is re¬ 
quired—In Mint, Simps. /bund rf**, or I’riutina Room). 
or in Stock Barns, for grinding, cutting ami steam¬ 
ing food for stock. 
The STATIONARY ENGINE Is complete, with 
Governor Pump and Hen ter, with connections Sited. 
The AGRICULTURAL, ENGINE, supplied with 
Locomotive Boiler, is. mounted on wheels, with pole 
for attaching horses for moving from place to place; 
is suitable for Grain Threshing, Com Shelling, 1 rood 
and Shingle Sawing, Ac. 
Circulars, with description and prices, furnished 
on application to 
WOOD, TAUF.lt A MORSE, 
Eaton, Madison Co., N. Y. 
UNDERGRADUATE ORIOLES. 
ILLUSTRATED REBUS.-No. 12, 
font little mouths agape forever. 
Four little throats which are never full. 
Four little nestlings, who dissever 
One big worm by a mighty pull. 
Up on a limb—the lazy fellow— 
Perches the fathpr, bold and gay; 
Proud of his coat of black and yellow. 
Always singing throughout the day. 
Close at their side the watchful mother, 
Quietly sober in dress and song, 
Chooses her place, and asks no other, 
Flying and gleaning all day long. 
Four little mouths In time grow smaller. 
Four little throats in time are filled; 
Four little nestlings quite appal her, 
Spreading their wings for the snn to gild. 
Lazy no longer sits the father. 
His is the care of the singing school; 
lie must teach them to tly and gather 
Splendid worms hy the nearest pool. 
Swinging away on the shaken branches, 
Under the light of the happy sun. 
Dropping through blossoms like avalanches. 
Father Oriole's work is done. 
Four little beaks their mouths embolden. 
Four little throat* are round and strong; 
Four little nestlings, Hedged and golden. 
Graduate in the world of song. 
{Samuel IF. Dnffleld's IFarp ami 1 roof. 
CAPITAL AUTHORITY. 
STREET SCENES IN NEW YORK, 
People who enjoy the discomfiture of 
lawyers,—and who does not?—will laugh 
over Ibis incident: 
“ I call upon you,” said the counsellor, 
“to state distinctly upon what authority you 
are prepared to swear to the mare’s age ?” 
“ Upon what authority?” said the hostler, 
interrogatively. 
“ You are to reply, and not to repeat the 
question put to you.” 
“ I doesn’t consider a man’s bound to an¬ 
swer a question afore he’s time to turn it in 
his mind.” 
“ Nothing can he more simple, sir, than 
the question put. I again repeat it: Upon 
what, authority do you swear to the animal’s 
BY UNCLE PAUL. 
Side-Walk Refresh incut h. 
Tiif. vicinity of City Hall Square abounds 
in refreshment stands, where pies, cakes, 
candies, coffee, colored lemonade and ice¬ 
cream, one or all, arc dealt, out to those who 
desire, at a very cheap rate. They find con¬ 
siderable patronage, and the old women who 
attend thorn often acquire small fortunes. 
Upon none of them does the food look of 
the cleanest, and our young friend Ciiarlif, 
when he comes to town for the first time, as 
lie is going to do, in the fall, will not care to 
partake thereof, Yet it is devoured greedily 
by many young lads, who seldom sec any¬ 
thing more tempting, and who relish it as 
well, perhaps, as though it were far daintier. 
KNITTING 
I }\ Till; I SE of tl.c LAID It KMT* 
) TING MACHINE, families arc un.-thled to pro¬ 
vide everything in knit goods, superior in quality 
and at half the east of enmnioii hoiurbten goods. 
The machine knits a pair of socks in ;hi minutes, 
shapes them perfectly, making its work the sumo ns 
that produced !.y hand. Any one dependent upon 
their own exertions for their livelihood, can procure 
it more easily by the use of this machine than in any 
other way. For Circular and sample stocking, ad¬ 
dress, inclosing stamp. ,1. H. Olt.VK ,k CO., 
1 and8Market Si., Rochester, N. Y. 
All low-prircd Knitting Machines compare with 
Lamb’s Family Knitter ns unr-s a ton-dollar band 
sewing machine with any I'.rst-cliiss sewer—like the 
Singer, Howe, Grover & Raker, and others. 
“ The best authority 
gruffly. 
“Then why such evasion? Why not state 
it at once?” 
“ Well, then, if you must have it,-” 
“Must! I will have it!” vociferated the 
counsellor, interrupting the witness. 
“ Well, then, if you must, and will have 
it,” rejoined the hostler, with imperturbable 
gravity, “why, then, 1 had it myself from the 
mare’s own mouth.” 
A simultaneous burst of laughter rang 
through the court, and the judge on the 
bench could with difficulty confine his 
risible muscles to judicial decorum. 
responded he. 
25?“'Answer in two weeks. 
MISCELLANEOUS ENIGMA.—No. 16, 
I am comprised of forty-four letters. 
My 23, 32, ft. 7, 43 wc all carry. 
My 17, 41,14, 10, 7.31 is prized by epicures. 
My 40, 3k 10, 13,3, 42. 27.18 we all want. 
My 1,28,25,8, 31 Is a number. 
My 4, 2,12, 21, 44 is to reproach. 
My 3ft, 22, 6, <5, 23,15 is to be dreaded. 
My 34.28,23, 0,39 Is the power of sensation, 
My 37, 35, 20, 30. 35 we often low.*. 
My 7, 24, 19, is, 2ft, 83 is a social necessity. 
My 11,32,43, 37, 39, 23 is bo secure. 
My whole young men should remember. 
Kirkwood Center, N. Y. Geo. W 
65?"Answer in two weeks. 
Ci6>~ A DAY MADE AT HOME! HI Kn- 
»!?«-*) tlrelv pew articles for Agents. Samples 
sent free. Address II. B. SIIAW, Alfred, Me. 
THE JEALOUS DOG. 
We have a nice little dog, black and 
white and shaggy haired. He is very fond 
of being noticed and petted, and when any 
one of the family begins to pet a child or a 
cat, he will come round and put up his head 
for a share of the love. lie is very fond of 
the kittens and will play or eat with them 
and not growl or bite. One of the kittens 
is very fond of him and they often play to¬ 
gether; hut one named Molly don’t seem to 
like him, and spits at him sometimes when 
lie tries to play with her. 
One day a neighbor's dog came to the 
house with his mistress and Molly took a 
great fancy to him. IIis name was Tut, not 
half ns pretty n name as our dog has, for his 
name is Caper. I do not suppose Molly 
cared for his pretty name; but she showed 
him in her way that she liked him, and he 
played with her for some time, rolling upon 
his back and sticking up his great puppy 
feet for her admiration, and opening his j 
r FHU OLDEST, LAIHJEST AND 
1 Most l*<' rf flirt, Mini lift alary in tbo United States. 
4 5,00 0 N O W I IV USE. 
CEO. A. PRINCE &. CO.’S 
ORGANS 6 l XVIELODEOIVS 
will be delivered in any part of tlin United States 
reached by Express (where they have no agent,) 
KxtEE of ill Alto F., on receipt, of list price. 
Send for I'ricic List, and Circulars. Address 
GKO. A. FRINGE A CO., Buffalo, N. Y. 
GKO. A. FRINGE & CO.. Chicago, 111. 
WHO MOVED DAT WELL? 
GEOGRAPHICAL ENIGMA,—No. 5 
Some years since, a prominent business 
man of Northampton, Mass,, who began to 
sow his wild oats when a boy, and has not 
got all through yet, attended a colored hall 
ill Market street in that town. After each 
“ breakdown” lie noticed that a well near 
the house—hy the way a shallow one—\v;is 
resorted to by tho men to quench their 
thirst. Unobserved while tbe dance was 
going on, be slipped out of the bouse and 
moved the curb a few feet beyond the well, 
and waited the result. Presently out came 
one of the dancers, and plump into the well 
lie went. Plowing and puffing, lie came up 
to the top;«j.'». 'l exclaimed;—“ I3y gorry ! 
who moved > lut well since Use out here 
last?” 
I am composed of thirty-six letters. 
My 1,15, 31, IS, 2ft, 13, 8, 15 Is one of the United 
States. 
My 14.30.13.2,35,24 is a lake in Texas. 
My 32, 23, 27, C, II is a city in Illinois. 
My 20.25,28,30,3,19 Is a famous city in Europe. 
My 4,32.2!, 7,12, 29 is a river in Europe. 
My 9, 23, 17, 30 is a river In Prussia. 
My 19,5, 33, 1(5, 4. 34. 25 is a town in Kansas. 
My 21, 2,33, 29 is a river In Africa. 
My whole is good advice. 
A Lida H. Benjamin. 
f3 ?~Answer in two weeks. 
PERKINS & HOUSE’S NON - EXPLOSIVE 
I KKUOSKNK LAMP will 
Save your Lives. Glass I .amps Explode, 
Have your Houses, Gla.-- Lumps Break, 
gave your Money, Glass Lamp.-. Waste Oil, 
Rave your km Glass Lumps Wear out. 
Prof. W. H. CLARK, Pfes’t Mass. Aff. College, says; 
" Hi* perfo tliinon.ei pin, trc. The Unlit i- better Hum 
is produced by an) other lamp. I believe it true 
notiomy, in view of tlic surety, (be quality and quan¬ 
tity of the light, and ttie diirabilily of this Lamp, to 
throw (tirog alt other kiwis and use this only." 
Good Canvassers wanted I "roily and country. 
Try a Lamp. We will gladly return! the money if 
yo u do not like it. 
VOTAW, MONTGOMERY A: CO., 
42 Barclay SL, New York, or Cleveland, Ohio. 
CHARADE.-No. 10, 
The cheapest dish known to the side-walk 
refreshment business is the “penny ice 
cream.” In the smallest of cups, the ice¬ 
cream woman serves up a spoonful of the 
cold mixture, for the very modest sum oi 
one cent.. What tho quality of the article is 
we cannot say, from personal experience, 
having never tasted it; hut it is pronounced 
“villainous stuff” by one who sacrificed his 
taste to his curiosity, and doubtless lie tells 
the truth. Whether good or bad, though, 
the newsboys and bootblacks consume it 
freely; and among the Johnnies (every 
My first a messenger, in early days,— 
It bore no words, and yet a message bore; 
And e*en to-day it winds in devious ways 
To bear some word a weary distance o’er. 
My second of rny first is ever last, 
When of it in the least ; but oftencst 
We read if with delight when day is past. 
And evening calls to recreative rest. 
My whale is but a little compound word, 
Descriptive of a process very old 
By which a union often has occurred 
Of pieces twain that closely were to hold. 
Eagle’s Nest. Jasper, 
ft?" Answer in two weeks. 
nid Agents inn now business, 
0 NOVELTY CO., Saco. Me. 
A dvertisement* (OUN’h index toi 
for Next of Ktn, ChuIVCvry Heirs, Legatees, mid 
Cases of Unclaimed Money since WOO. Price, <10 i ts. 
JOHN HOOPER X ('<)., 41 Park Row. New York. 
A HAPPY REJOINDER, 
At Oxford, some twenty years ago, a tutor 
of one of the colleges limped in his walk. 
Stopping one day hist, summer at a railway 
station, he was accosted hy a well-known 
politician, who recognized him, anti asked 
him if he was not the chaplain of the col¬ 
lege at such a time, naming the year. The 
doctor replied that lie was. “I was there,” 
sitid his interrogator, “and knew you by 
your limp.” “Well,” said the doctor, “it 
seems my limping made a deeper impression 
on you than my preaching." “Ah, doctor,” 
was the reply with ready wit, “it is the high¬ 
est compliment we cun pay a minister to sajr 
that he is known by /tin walk rnt/cer than by 
his conversation 
PATE-NTie 1 > JLJN.Ii; 1, 18GO. 
Superior to any .vet invented, combining all tho 
advantages Oi the French patents, with wonderful 
SIMPLICTI’l, 
l»( IM Itll lTY. 
si ml 4TII MIV\F.SS. 
Lovers of Goon COFPIOI: are unanimous in its praise. 
IPS' - FOR SALM BY ALL DEALERS. 
SIMPSON, NALL, MILLER & CO.. 
siii.h <■ im i iiti mats, 
U iillingfqnl, 4’onu. 
SAMPLE AND SALESROOM, 
ID -lolin Si., .\cw York. 
DECAPITATION.—No. 10, 
For me men every peril dare, 
And every toilsome labor share; 
And having won me, never rest 
Until by me they’re doubly blest. 
Roll cud me, and I tell of all 
Who fondly years agone recall; 
An adjective, I indicate 
Weakness or st rength in presence great. 
Aliquis. 
By tbe Hearth, Somewhere, 1879. 
Answer in two weeks. 
urn err 
WHAT DID THE MAN SAY? 
Those who are in the habit of attending 
police and other courts must have observed 
the difficulty under which lawyers and judges 
labor, sometimes, in getting witnesses to tes¬ 
tily in legal form. The following, which 
took place in a Cincinnati court, is an amus¬ 
ing and perfect example. A man had been 
caught in the act. of thcfl, and pleaded in ex¬ 
tenuation that he was drunk: 
Court (lo the policeman who was wit- 
•“ What did the man say when you 
GLIMPSES OF GENIUS 
CROSS-WORD ENIGMA-No. 14, 
“Tam afraid of the lightning,” murmured a 
pretty woman during a tluiudcr-storm. “Well 
you may bo," said a despairing lover, “ when 
your heart is stool." 
“ What a tine head your boy 1ms,” said an ad¬ 
miring friend. “Yes,” said the fond father, 
“ lie's a chip of the old block, ain't you, Jenny?’ 1 
“1 guess so; my teacher mid I was a young 
blockhead.” 
“ A passive verb,” said a teacher, “ 
My first Is in wot but not in dry, 
My second's in laugh 1ml not in cry; 
My third is in well but not in spring, 
My fourth is in luiwl but not in sing; 
My fifth is in Tom but not in Mike, 
My whole is a. crop that farmers like. 
Answer in two weeks. Franz, 
J|MIIi DEXTER CIRtTLAK. 
1 Explaining a mov discovered nay in make all 
kinds of Horses and Colts tret fast, tty tills method 
u man makes $1,200 on one Horse, and a hoy makes 
$1*60 on two common Colts; n farmer's sou makes a 
common farm I torso trot In 2,16. and lie Is sold for 
<800. All pacers compelled to tint. Only 30 minutes 
required to increase tho speed of any Horse or Unit, 
or tbe money returned. 2JXMreferences. Price f I. 
Address PIERRE D. \ AN IMIESEN, 
Box 6033. lit South St.. N. Y. 
WOODCHUCKS AND RABBITS. 
“ Father,’’ said Eustace, “I do not like to 
kill rabbits as well as I do woodchucks.” 
“ Why, my son?” askecl the father. 
“Because,” replied Eustace, “rabbits 
will not fight hack again. They lie right 
down and die, and look so pitiful and be¬ 
seeching, and seem to say, ‘I forgive you.”’ 
“ Ilow do you feci when you kill wood¬ 
chucks?” asked the father. 
“Oh, they get angry, and bite, and fight, 
back again. They look fierce and savage, 
and try to keep me from killing them. That 
makes me angry, and then 1 can kill them. 
I never feel had for killing woodchucks.” 
This tells the whole story. Children are 
cut to the heart when they get angry with 
others, and try to quarrel, and find that they 
will not get angry nor fight hack again. 
Never try to fight hack is the way to con¬ 
quer. 
„ , -- is expres¬ 
sive ol the nature of receiving an action, as 
4 Peter Is beaten.’ ” " Now, what iltcl Peter do ?” 
“Well, I don’t, know,” said the scholar, deliber¬ 
ating, “eept’nho hollered." 
A bov, live years of age, having stolen a can of 
milk.his mother took him to task, with moral 
suasion, and wound up her discourse by exclaim¬ 
ing:-" What. In the world were you going to do 
with the milk, anyhow?” ” l was going to stoat 
a little dog to drink It ,” was the crushing reply. 
Lawyer-F low do you identify this handker¬ 
chief i W it ness—By ds general appearance and 
the fact that 1 have others like ft,. Counsel— 
That’s HO proof, for I have got one just likoitin 
my pocket. Witness—l don’t doubt that as I 
had more than one Of l he same sort stolen. 
“Define the difference In meaning between 
experimental philosophy and natural philoso¬ 
phy,” said a schoolmaster to one or the most 
forward of his pupils. "Why, air," replied the 
boy, "experimental philosophy is our asking 
you to give usuhalf-holiday, and natural philo¬ 
sophy is your eayiug, ‘ Don’t you wish you may 
get it.’” 
A gentleman, in conversation with Dr. John¬ 
son, having to some of tho usual arguments for 
drinking added this:—" You know, sir,drinking 
drives away care, and makes us forget whatever 
is disagreeable. Would you not allow u mun to 
drink for that, reason?" 
"Yes, sir, if ho sat next you,” replied Dr. 
John »oii. 
At a club, of which Jerrold was a member, a 
fierce Jucotdte and a friend as fierce, of the 
cause of William the Third, wore arguing noisily 
and disturbing less excitable conversationalists. 
At lengt h the Jacobite, a brawny Scot, brought 
his Hat down heavily upon the table, and roared 
at his adversary: 
" I to 11 you what It Is, sir, I spit upon your 
King William I" 
The friend of the Prince of Orange was not to 
bo out-mastered by mere lungs. He rose, and 
loured back to the Jacobite: 
“And I, sir, spit,upon your James the Second!” 
Jerrold, who had been listening to the uproar 
in silence, hereupon rang the bell, and shouted: 
u Wnftfir. rtniffnnc frit* t.wn T»» 
ness} 
arrested him ?” 
Witness—“ JT<? said he was drunk.” 
Court—“ I want his precise words, just as 
he uttered them; hu didn’t use the pronoun 
he, did he ? He didn’t say * he was drunk.’ ” 
Witness—“Oli, yes, he did—he said ho 
was drunk; he acknowledged the corn.” 
Court (getting impatient at the -witness’ 
stupidity)—“ You don’t understand me atall; 
I want the words just as he uttered them; 
didn’t ho say, ‘1 was drunk?’” 
Witness—(Deprccatingly)—“ Oh, no, your 
honor. He didn’t say you was drunk; I 
wouldn’t allow any man to charge that upon 
you in my presence.” 
1 Vosecutpr—“ Pshaw ! you don’t compre¬ 
hend atall. His honor means, did not the 
prisoner say to you, ‘ 7 was drunk ?’ ” 
Witness—(Reflectively)—“ Well, lie might 
have said you was drunk, but I didn’t hear 
him.” 
Attorney for Prisoner—(Blandly)—“ What 
the court desires is to have you slate the 
prisoner’s exact Avoids, preserving the pre¬ 
cise form of pronoun that he made use of 
in reply. Was it the first person 1, the 
second person thou, or the third person lie, 
she or it? Now then, sir, (with severity) 
upon your oath, didn’t my client say, '/was 
drunk ?’ ” 
PUZZLER ANSWERS, 
Riddle No. l.-Insatiate. 
Biblical Enigma No. ft.—A prudent man fore- 
seelh the evil and hideth himself; hut the simple 
pass on and are punished. 
Decapitation no. 9.—Swing—w'mg—ing. 
Problem No. 12,-26ft. 
Miscellaneous Enigma No. 15. —Faint heart 
never won fair lady. 
Cross-Word Enigma No. 12.—Wisconsin. 
PARING’, COllINK AND SLICING MA- 
L CHINE.- Four turns to sui apple. Sold at stores, 
1). H. WHITTHMORE, MTr, Worcester, Mass. 
See Rural of March l», outside page. 
EDWARD SEARS' 
ENGRAVING ESTABLISHMENT 
ELEC T K 0 T Y P (To, P R INTI X G 
No. 48 Heckman St.New York 
miscellaneous QUmertisements 
Tm-LIIfED LEAD FIFE. 
This pipe is lined to one-quarter its thickness with 
pure Block Tin —a metal eh unify 
resembling silver both in color 
and purity. No water, however 
pure, acta on It. Chemists distil 
water in Tin retorts to secure a 
pure article. Dentists use it tor 
lilting teeth. All our cooking uten¬ 
sils lire coated with it. Fruits and 
vegetables ate preserved in (in 
cons. I/Ohd is never used for such 
purposes, owing to its poisonous 
quality. Why. then, u»e It for water pipes, when it 
strong, safe economical substitute is presented 1 In 
ordering or making inquiries tor price, send bore of 
pipe required and head or pressure of water. Circu¬ 
lars and sample of pipe sent by mall free. 
THE COLWELLS, SHAW & WILLARD MF’G CO., 
213 Centre St., (bet. Canal and Grand Sts.,) New York. 
Positively destroys all insect life on Cattle, and 
cures Mauge, Scratches and Sores of all kinds. 
Boxes of 3 doz. tablets, t'A.OO. 
Boxes of 10 lbs., ?4.tW. 
PURE 
water 
This preparation is far superior to tolmeco. not so 
disagreeable or unpleasant, much less trouble, and 
lucre permanent. Cures Scab and destroys Ticks, 
Lice, etc. Cans of 6 lbs., *1.25; 1(1 tbs., < 2 , 26 ; 6ft lb. 
kegs, *10; 300 lb. BbL, ffto. 
PITCH STICKS 
“On dear, how‘it, sticks!” cried Willie, 
who while passing through a street where 
men were laying a new pavement, formed of 
asphalt, ran against one of the workmen 
who was carrying a kettle of the boiling 
pitch, some ol which made great black 
patches on his clothes. 
Pitch is not the only tiling that sticks. 
There are bad habits—O ! lion’ they stick ; 
and the little every-day sins that you do not 
think anything of; and bad companions— 
For cure of Foul-Rot and destruction of the 
Screw Worm. 1 lb. cans, 60 coins; 3 tbs., *1; 6 
ibs., <1.25. 
Manufactured under license solely by 
JAMES BUCHAN <fc CO. 
Address all orders to 
BOWMAN & BJLEWETT. Sole Agts., 
52 Barclay St.. New York. 
TlLANCMARD’S SELF-THREADING 
J NEEDLES, 
for every Sewing Machine, whether using straight or 
•curved needle. Easily threaded 50 times III one min¬ 
ute. Saves time and eyesight. lOcts. each ; #1 a doz. 
Mailed to any address on receipt of price. Give name 
of machine used and sizes to be sent. Trade supplied 
at wholesale prices. Address, with stamp. BLANCH¬ 
ARD SELF-THREADING NEEDLE CO., li Temple 
Place, Boston, Mass. 
A n HOW MADE FROM 
VllMrfjArif CIDER .wine. M °- 
» ■ ■ ^ I—V-flm 1* lasses, or sor¬ 
ghum, in Ten Hours, without using drugs. 
For Circulars, address F. I. SAGE, Vinegar M . 
Cromwell, Conn. 
Waller, spittonsfor two! 1 
