392 
MOORE’S RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
JUNE 42 
Mil anil §|mmrt(. 
SPARKS AND SPLINTERS. 
If a borrower comes lend him your ear. 
There la no adhesive label like a nickname. 
When is a pie like a poet ? When it’s Brown¬ 
ing. 
Carpets are bought by the yard and worn by 
the foot. 
Handled without gloves—Knives and forks, 
generally. 
Somebody says that the father of all corn is 
Pop Corn. 
When la a man tied to time ? When he mar¬ 
ries a second. 
Why Is a spider a good correspondent? He 
drops a line by every post. 
Why do honest ducks dip their heads under 
water? To liquidate their little bills. 
What la that from which if you take the 
whole some will romuln ? Wholesome. 
Tailors are said to be like some of their cus¬ 
tomers —they sponge first, and then cut. 
Why are your eyes like friends separated by 
distant climes? They correspond but never 
meet. 
Seth Green says that fish never become 
deranged; but we have seen lots of fish In¬ 
seine. 
Bronze boots will again twinkle on ladles’ 
feet next summer—’cause so says Dame 
Fashion. 
The saying, “excuse haste and a bad pen," 
has been attributed to a pig who rau away 
from home. 
It Is said that Professor Tyndall has had 
ocular demonstration of sound. He has seen 
his bed tick. 
The advertiser who writes us to “ puph up ” 
his buisuess neglects to remit a phew pharth- 
lngs phorphavor. 
What Is the difference between a belle and a 
burglar? The belle carries false locks, and the 
burglar false keyi*. 
An oculist was elected President of a society 
because a majority wanted to see him In the 
chair and said, “ Kye.“ 
A youno Ittdy In a spelling match finished 
her “education " with a “shun" She “came 
out ” immediately after. 
ORNirno-LooiC.—If all birds that sing are 
songsters, then all birds that roost are roosters. 
Hence, all hens are roosters. 
The difference betweeu a tale bearer and 
sealing wax Is, that one burns to keep a secret 
and the other burns to tell one. 
It Is well enough for a fisherman to take a 
lunch before going a-flshlng, for he may not 
get a bite while away from home. 
A physician writes, asking the renewing of 
a note, and says:—“We are In a horrible cri¬ 
sis; there is not a sick man In the district. 
It oocured to a scholar while writing a com¬ 
position to remark that “ an ox does not taste 
as good as an oyster, but It can run faster." 
A handkerchief of William Penn is to be 
on exhibition at the Centonniul, and a curious 
correspondent writes to ask If it is the original 
Penn wiper. 
A Western paper says of the air, in Its re¬ 
lation to man, "It kisses and blesses him, but 
will not obey him." Jones says that is precise¬ 
ly like his wife. 
Mu. Carruth, the editor of the Vineland 
Independent, In whose head the ball still re¬ 
mains, Is going to change the name of his 
paper to the Bullet-In. 
I'onteneli.e thus daintly compliments the 
sex when ho compares women and clocks: 
“The latter servo to point out the hours, the 
former to make us forget thorn." 
Reynolds, the dramatist, observing the thin¬ 
ness of the house at one of his pieces, said “ I 
suppose it is owing to the war!" “ No,” was 
the reply, “ It’s owing to the piece 1" 
A kind-hearted, peace-loving Baltimore 
man painted his steps twenty-three times, try¬ 
ing to get a color to suit his wife, and then she 
decided that the first color was the best. 
Fast young ladles, like fast raoe-Iiorses, often 
win by a bare neck, and yet with this difference 
—the horse's victory Is due to space covered 
quickly, the young ladles’ to space not covered 
ut all. 
Two Irishmen traveling on the Baltimore and 
Ohio Railroad track came to a mile post, when 
one of them said, “ Tread alsy, Pat. Here lies 
a man 108 years old. His name was Miles from 
Baltimore. 
At a teachers’ Institute in Ohio recently, a 
lady teacher was given the word "hazardous" 
to spell and define, and did It in this style: 
“ H-a-z, haz-a-r-d—e double e, ess—hazardess, 
a female hazard. 
“ Now, George, before you go and play, are 
you quite sure you know the lesson Professor 
Borax gave you to learn ?”—“ O yes, mamma.” 
“ Well, now, what causes heat without light?” 
“ Pickled peppers." 
A Memphis fortune teller told a man that a 
fortune of $30,000 was coming to him the next 
week, and he shelled out $50, to his wife to buy 
a new suit. When too late he learned that his 
wife had fixed the thing with the old woman. 
On ace< unt of the popularity of the Wheeler 
& Wilson Sewing Machines, parties have large¬ 
ly been engaged In purchasing old and second¬ 
hand machines of that make, and Imposed 
upon the public by selling them as new ma¬ 
chines. The Wheeler & Wilson Company begs 
to advise the public that any one desiring to 
buy their second-hand machines can be sup¬ 
plied by that Company direct, on better terms 
than others can afford them, and be assured of 
w hat. they are buying. Address 
WHEELER & WILSON M’F’G CO., 
44 East 14th St., Now York. 
Real Estate and Loan Brokers, 
Cor. Summit and Monroe Sts 
THE O-TTlSr THAT KICKED. 
Boy (who has been Upped over by a gun). —Oh, darn you, old crow ! I wish you’d 
been where I was. 
Heal Estate purchased, managed and sold on com¬ 
mission. Large properties and manufacturing estab¬ 
lishments a specialty. Money loaned on Heal Estate. 
All money and papers remitted through bunks. 
CORRESPONDENCE SOLICITED. 
Buy the CHARTER OAK LAWS MOWER 
I>ERM*NENT EMPLOYMENT.-WE ARE 
J. prepared to furnish employment to Males Bnd 
Females in every section of the U. S. at a fair cash 
salary. Address with stamp, UNION PUBLISHING 
CO., Drawer 630. Chicago, III. 
Hundreds of testimonials from owners of the finest residences in the country, with Sample Card of 
Colors, furnished free by dealers generally and by the 
AVBRZLL CHEMICAL PAINT CO., 
32 Burling.blip. New York, or 132 Eu*t Ulver St., Cleveland, O. 
NEW AGRICULTURAL 
Claim to have brought out the best Sewing Machine 
for manufacturing uses ever produced. 
it is called the 
Branch Offices A Factory : 60fl West. St., NEW YORk. 
819 South Sd Street, ST LOUIS. MO. 
83 West Van Burcn Street, CHICAGO. ILL. 
ANY SHADE FROM PITH* WUtTK TO JET BLACK. 
AVe huve many testimonials lUe the allowing, 
from M. F. SHEPPARD A 11 .. Penn Yan. N. Y. 
“ We believe It to bo the HAST PAIN1 inanu- 
t’lcturud ^ 
Hi-Klin Unit our TRADE MARK (afuc-simlle 
of which is given above) Im on every package. 
Prepared ready for use, and sold by the gallon only. 
Send for Sample Card and Price List. 
IT IS VERY STRONG. 
VERY SIMPLE, 
VERY EFFECTIVE 
AND PERFECTLY SATISFACTORY TO ALL 
WHO HAVE TRIED IT. 
Testimonials furnished on application. Examina¬ 
tion solicited. 
Address as above, at 
IIAKTFOK11, CONN., 
Or at Branch Offices in all leading cities. 
ITor 187G. 
More effective, and more complete, and more read¬ 
ily adapted to the various agricultural uses than any 
other In the market. Practical improvements accu¬ 
mulated from twenty years’ manufacturing experi¬ 
ence, with reputation maintained, and success estab¬ 
lished. 
Send for Circulars descriptive and containing testi¬ 
monials concerning our POItTAdJLK, STATIONARY 
AND AGRICULTURAL STEAM ENGINES. 
WOOD, TABER Ar MORSE, 
Eaton, Madison Go., N. Y. 
AT WHOLESALE PRICES 
increased Facilities to Club Organizers. 
Send for New Price List. 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA CO. 
F. 0. Box 5643. 8i & S3 Vesey St., New York 
(CIBCULAIt.) 
Consumers Importing Tea Co., 
No. 8 Chnrcli Street. 
P. O. Box 5,509. New York City. 
This is a combination of capitalists to supply the 
consumers of Teas throughout the United 8tates on 
the mutual principle. 
We have experienced agents in all the best dis¬ 
tricts of China and Japan to select Teas especially 
for our trade. 
Wc expect every consumer of Teas to render us ad 
the assistance they can In carryiug out our enter¬ 
prise, as we make a specialty of SUPPLYING CON¬ 
SUMERS ONLY (and allow no middlemen to make 
any profit on our Importations), wnioh will enable 
us to supply them with Teas at prices lower than 
have ever been known, and of those fine qualities 
that seldom reach the Interior, being sold only to 
the large cities and among the very wealthy. 
Hoping the consumer will take an interest In our 
enterprise, and send at once for a circular with full 
explanations of how to proceed to obtain our goods, 
we remain, 
Most respectfully yours, 
Consumers Importing Tea Co., 
No. 8 Church St., 
P. O. Box 3,509. New York City- 
Entered, according to Act of Congress, In January, 
1874, try the Consumers Importing Tea Co., in tne 
Office of the Librarian of Congress, Washington, D.L. 
END FOR COMPLETE ILLUSTRATED 
i Circular of ull Appm-ulua and FuruiabingH 
KILL THE BUGS! 
CHEESE and BUTTER 
And Save the Potatoes !! 
nTTTTTI Tin I mTT to the Colorado Potato 
V I I U I] I n A U Beetle Is only to bo hud 
111 Ml P. I P. H Ml by the- use of Paris Green. 
U U llLl UJJll 111 Prof. Cook and others say 
nl l other remedies have failed. 
Factories and MILK CONDENSING Establishments. 
New method of manufacture given. HIGHEST 
THEM 11 'MS at T-wenty-Vwu important Fairs and Ex¬ 
positions, Including Am. Inst, test Of three months— 
*78 and ’74—for portable safety 
BOILERS and ENGINES, 
French llarr Slone Grist Mills, &c. 
Discounts to the trade. 
WHITMAN & BURRELL, Little Falls, N. T. 
made with special euro, and for sale by 
Manufacturers and Importers of Colors. White 
Leuds, y.'nts Whites. Varnishes and 
Artists' Materials, 
115 & 117 Fulton St. - - New York City. 
Grangers and Farmers’ Clubs note the above, and 
ask your merchant for Devoe’s Green, {if For Cir¬ 
culars and Prloe Lists address F, W. Devoe & Co. 
BUY MILLER BRO’S CHEMICAL PAINT 
ALLEN’S 
AMERICAN CATTLE 
The Proceedings of the Fi.ohida 
F atriT-GiiowKBS' Association, 
at Us Annual Mooting in January 
t last. 08pp. extra InrgeHvo. Full of 
THEIR HISTORY, BREEDING AND 
MANAGEMENT. 
reliable information concerning Florida, uud the cul¬ 
tivation of the Orange, and other tropicul ami semi- 
tropical trails. Mailed for 35e. Mend 10c. also for a 
copy of The Florida agriculturist. Weekly. *.i 
a year. Address WA LTON & CO., Jacksonville, Fla. 
Please say in what paper you saw tills. 
Bvkrt brecdw or owner of Cattle should bare this 
work by Hon. Lkwih F. allkx, Hx-PresL N. Y. Bute 
Ag. Siajlety, Editor of “American Short-Horn Herd 
Book," Ac., Ac. It is w handsomely Illustrated and 
well printed and bound relume of £23 duodecimo 
pages. Mulled, post-paid, to any address In United 
States «r Canada on receipt of reduced prloe, EL 
A 00ru#j 
O D. T. MOORE. 
78 Dunne nl., R, Y. 
Distribution of 65,1X10 acres of land to 
Emigrants. Address .1. K. FOSTER, 
Emigration Bureau, Houston, Toxas. 
IX making up lists of m-vrspapora for 1875, we hope 
our farmer-friends will not overlook that “ old stand¬ 
by,’ The Uchai, nkw-Yokkkr, founded and still 
conducted by D. D. T. Moobe, New York. No better 
Journal of Its class is published anywhere. Join the 
Club now being mudo up at the Post-Office, at only 
U2.15a year—Lyons JUpubluan. 
Moore’s Rural New-Yobkeb is an excellent. 
Agricultural paper, and very popular. As u family 
visitant it is hard to heat in the attractions it holds 
forth for young und old. We arc plcnsed to see that 
Mr. Moore is full of bis old enterprise and bent on 
making tbe paper better aud better from year to 
year .—Yates Co. Chronicle. 
