FG-’V- 
l?i 31S 
®Eit and 3,'wmoi!. 
SPARKS ARD SPLINTERS. 
The gambler's I-deal—Four aces. 
The favorite pudding among lawyers—Suet. 
A RKOULAU beat—the heart beat; still, the 
heart is never a “ dead-beat.” 
It Is not so much trouble for a man to get 
rich as It i9 for him to tell when he’s got rich. 
Mas. Guhbins says her husband is like a tal¬ 
low candle: he always will smoke when he goes 
out. 
Why is a prosy preacher like the middle of a 
wheel'/—Because the fellows round him are 
tired. 
There are those who think we should take 
care of the poor Indian because he is so willing 
to take hair of us. 
“ T don’t think, husband, that you are smart.” 
“No, indeed, wife; hut everybody knows that 
I am awfully ahreiod." 
Ie time were money, many debts would be 
paid which now languish ; for those who owe I 
them take time enough. 
What Is the difference between an auction 
and sea-sickness? The one Is the sale of effects, 
and the other the effects of a sail. 
A MILWAUKEE lady who paid $50 to have a 
wart removed from her nose, now wants to 
know what has become of the nose. 
It 1s said that an American artist painted a 
snow-storm so naturally that he caught a bad 
cold by Hitting near it with his coat off. 
Why Is a glazier In danger of becoming in¬ 
temperate? Bocause he must always have his 
glass before he can begin his day** work. 
“There, John, that’s twice you’ve come 
home and forgotten that lard.” “La, mother, 
it was so greasy that It slipped my mind.” 
A friend stepped In to pity a neighbor whose 
wife bad run away. “ What am you pitying me 
for?’’ snarled the neighbor; “she hasn't come 
hack!" 
Alt, flies are very wise. No one ever knows, 
as he sits In a doze, how much a fly knows that 
alights on his nose, till he levels the blows, 
when away the fly goes. 
“I say. Bill, what’s the difference between 
your watch and a bill-poster?” “I give it up, 
Julius.” “Well, one is a Bill’s ticker and the 
other Is a bill-sticker.” 
Mrs. Partington desires to know why the 
captain of a vessel can’t keep a memorandum 
of the weight of his anchor, instead of weighing 
it every time he leaves port. 
A man in Denver admires the “pullback.” 1 
His wife hasn’t kicked him since it came in 1 
fashion, excepting when she was in her night¬ 
dress, and then she had her shoes off. 
A melting sermon being preached in a coun¬ 
try church, all fell weeping but one man, who, 
when asked why he did not weep with the rest, 
said : “Oh, I belong to another parish.'” 
“Building castles In Spain, Mr. S.?” said the 
landlady to Spicer, who was thoughtfully re¬ 
garding his breakfast cup. “ No, ma’am,” said 
Spicer, “only looking over my grounds in 
Java.” 
A Burlington boy, being asked by ids teach¬ 
er the other day what occasioned the saltness 
of the sou, after reflection, advanced with some 
confidence the opinion that It " must be owing 
to the codfish.” 
Major X., when asked whether lie was seri¬ 
ously injured by the explosion of the boiler of 
SI. Leonard steamer, replied that lie was “ so 
used to being blown up by his wife, that a mere 
steamer had no effect upon him.” 
A YOUNGSTER, who had several teeth ex¬ 
tracted, was comforted by the dentist with the 
assurance that they would come again. With 
an eye to the Immediate future, little Johnnie 
inquired, "Will thoy come again before din¬ 
ner?” 
What does the bee do? 
Bring home honey. 
Whal does the father do? 
UriDR homo money. 
What does the mother do ? 
Lay out the money. 
What dues the baby do ? 
Kilt Up the honey. 
A schoolmaster, who had an inveterate 
habit of talking to himself, was asked what mo¬ 
tive he could have In so doing. He replied that 
he had two good and substantial reasons. In . 
the first place, lie liked to talk to a sensible 
man ; in the next place he liked to hear a sen- fi 
si hie man talk. * 
“ Eva, did you hear that lady’s name that’s 
come to see mamma?” 
“ Yes, Mrs. Abel.” 
"I wonder if she’s the mother of those two 
boys mother told us of. One of them was 
naughty, you know, and killed his brother.” 
“ What nonsense, Eva 1 Why, that huppened _ 
ever so long ago! If she’s anybody, she must I 
be their grandmother.” 
“ Well, my son," said a Detroit father to his 
eight-year old son the other night, “ what have 11 
you dune to-day that may be set down as a good 
deed?” "Gave a poor boy five cents,”replied > r 
the hopeful. “Ah, ahi that was charity, and ■ 
charity is always right. He wus an orphan, was p 
he?” “1 didn’t stop to ask," replied the boy• — 
“ I gave him the money for licking a boy who \ 
Upset my dinner basket.”— [Detrott Free, Press ’ 
0¥. S 
•A- SAD CASK. 
Bootblack.— “ Say, Mister, le’ me black yer toots, ’cause I’s got a wife an ten chil’- 
ren ter support, an ’ Sam ain’t got nobody,” 
(tPO I Ulirr 1 CLOTHING WAREHOUSES, 
V* vr V* AJ, IrJ 111 1 J 138 & 140 puLTON ST., NEW YORK. 
Successor to FREEMAN & BURR, ) [Established 1853 .] 
tlon r ofVmclm^^ ope,,., the season with an unparalleled stock, to which theatten- 
OVIiUOOATS. 
$5 to $40. 
SUITS. 
$10 to $50. 
BOYS' SUITS. 
$6 «o $25. 
OVIClt GOATS. 
$3 to $20. 
Ordering 
Clothing 
By Letter. 
The NEW SYSTEM for ordering By Letter, 
of which Thousands avail themselves, enables 
parties in any part of the country to order 
with the ceitainty of receiving the most PER¬ 
FECT FIT attainable. 
Full directions and explanations for ordering 
SENT FREE on application. 
BR ATTLEBORO* VT. 
The Most Extensive Manufactory of Cottage Organs in the World! 
__ ^ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUES SENT FREE. 
GREAT REDUCTION. 
TEAS AND COFFEES 
AT WHOLESALE PRICES. 
Increased Facilities to Club Organizer*. 
Send for New Price 1.1st. 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA CO. 
P. O. Box 5613. Si & 33 Vesey 8t., New York 
W IUl.ARD’H PRACTICAL BUTTER BOOK 
costs but $1. and Is the standard. Order it. 
RURAL PUBLISHING CO., 78 Duane St., N. Y, 
domestic; 
sewing’ « 
MACHINES. 
(CIRCULAR,' 
Consnmers Importing Tea Co.,) 
No. 8 Gliurch Street. r 
P. O. Box 5,500. New York City. ) 
This Isa comhlnatlonlof capltallstsjto supply the 
consumers of Teas throughout the United States on 
the mutual principle. 
We have experienced agents In all the best dis¬ 
tricts of China and Japan to select Teas especially 
for our trade. 
We expect every consumer of Teas *o render ns ad 
the assistance they can in carrying out our enter¬ 
prise, as wo make a specialty of SUPPLYING CON¬ 
SUMERS ONLY (and allow no middlemen to make 
any proflt oa our importations), wniclpwiil enable 
ns to supply them with Teas at prices lower than 
have ever been known, and of those fine qualities 
tbit seldom reach the interior, being sold only to 
the large cities and among the very wealthy. 
Hoping the consumer will take an interest in our 
enterprise, and send at once for a circular with full 
explanations of how to proceed to obtain our goods, 
we remain, 
Most respectfully yours, 
Consumers Importing Tea Co., 
No. 8 Church St., 
P. O. Box 5,501), New York City. 
according to Act of Congress, in January, 
LAP py.tno Consumers Importing Tea Co.*, in the 
Uihee of the Librarian of Congress, Washington. D.C. 
Wolcott bros; 
REAL ESTATE BROKERS, 
52 Summit St., Toledo, Ohio. 
pY~ Eastern property exchanged for Western and 
Western for Eastern. Correspondence solicited. 
PRICE REDUCED 
OF THE 
AVEfilLL PAINT 
Bend for Iteduccd Price List to the 
AVEIULL CHEMICAL PAINT CO., 
32 Hurling; Slip, New York, or 
I 32 & 134 East HI verSt., Cleveland, O. 
W ANTED IMMEDIATELY 
A few more youngmen a lid women t<> learn Book \f 
lamping, PeiiniiiiiHlilp.fo.- .Io til) iewiMoris.it n sal- ■ 
ary oftflOO IcSlMlU ]«•!•) u.ir. Salary paid while I 
learning Situations guarnntood. Addreuwiih 
stamp M. W, Cohb, I'nra. Bus. Coil., ralticsviilc.O. Kb 
R ClliOlJLAIt of the best Paint in 
p the world to RUBHKR PAINT CO., Cleveland, O. 
INGROWING TOE NAIL 
Speedily cured lor 60 cents. Without pain or Incon¬ 
venience. Bent by mail on receipt of price. Circu¬ 
lars free. Address E. E. STEDMAN, Morgan, O. 
j£UY WILLARD’S 
PRACTICAL BUTTER BOOK. 
Now Ready. Price @1. 
Address MOORE’S RURAL NEW-YORKER, 
78 Dunne St., New York. 
THE WEED 
Claim to have brought out the best Sewing .Machine 
for manufacturing uses ever produced. 
IT 18 CALI,ED THE 
Cv l iberal terms or Exchange 
Tor Second-hand Machines 
-- of erery description. “ 
“DOMESTIC” PAPER FASHIONS.' 
The Best Pa Herns made. Bend 5 cts. for Catalogue. r J 
Address DOMESTIC SEWING MACHINE° CO., 
RjT Agents Wanted. “533 NEW VORK.iC 
IT IS VERY' STRONG, 
VERY SIMPLE, 
VERY' EFFECTIVE, 
AND PERFECTLY SATISFACTORY TO ALL 
WHO HAVE TRIED IT. 
Testimonials furnished on application. Examina¬ 
tion solicited. 
Address as above, at 
HAlMi'OlCI), CONX., 
Or at Branch Offices in ail leading cities. 
T>UY WILLARD’S 
PRACTICAL BUTTER BOOK. 
JCrw Ready. ...Price 81. 
Address AlOORB’B RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
78 Duane St., New York. 
In making up lists of newspaptrs for 1875, we hope 
o kr farmer-friends will not nvcrluok that” old stand- 
b y,” The Rural Nkw-Yohkkk, founded nnd still 
C'OTidue-ted t>y O. D.T. Mooni, New York. No better 
Journal of its class is published anywhere. Join tiie 
C.'ub now being made up at the Post-Office at only 
2.15 a year .—Lyons Republican. 
