80 it and gumntj. 
SPARKS AND SPLINTERS. 
Lady-Killers—T ight stay?. 
A doctor of music—A fiddle D. D. 
A Spirited youth—one dead drunk. 
The bight of impudence—the length of a book 
agent. 
The stamp of civilization—The postage 
stamp. 
Taking too much whisky straight will make 
you walk crooked. 
Hi that wears a tight boot Is likely to have a 
narrow umlersturullng. 
The most successful kind of mettle these 
days uppears to be brass. 
The good little bootblack’s epitaph—Gone to 
shine among the angels. 
The latest way to check a bore Is to say, 
“ Write me the rest on paper." 
The last performance that Samson gave 
literally brought down the house. 
A Vermont girl eloped In boy’s clothing. 
She evidently “ pants " for matrimony. 
The whirligig of time brings Its revenges. A 
Cleveland eating house was “devoured by the 
flames.” ' 
PlimsOIL Is to have a monument right away, 
because ho got mad. George Washington never 
got mad. 
Rejected lover—But couldn't you learn to 
love me? Young lady—I might If—If I never 
saw you again. 
Jimmy —•“ Give us the core of yer apple, will 
ye?” Richey (still eating) —“ You don't want 
this, It's a cooking apple." 
This Is what a country editor perpetrates: 
“A flock of sheep composed of all ‘wethers’ 
may be said to resemble our climate." 
A CELEBRATED wit once said of bis debts 
that it was neither his Interest to pay the prin¬ 
cipal, nor his jjrlnclple to pay the Interest. 
A Kentucky girl having arranged an elope¬ 
ment, invited about fifty friends to bo in wait¬ 
ing at her house “ to see how romantically they 
scooted.” 
Tom Moore compares love to a potato “ be¬ 
cause It shoots from the eyes.’’ “Or rather,” 
exclaimed Byron,“ because It becomes all the 
less oy pairing.” 
An Iowa man rushed excitedly Into a lawyer’s 
office and said “ A mau has tied a hoop to my 
horse's tall; can I do anything about It?" “ Yes, 
go and untie it -fee $5." 
“ W hat can I do to make you love mo more?" 
asked a youth of his girl, the other evening.'' 
“ Buy me a ring, stop eating onions and throw 
your shoulders back when you walk,” was the 
Immediate reply. 
DON CARLOS,though “111 at Durango," 
Is going as l'ast as he can go, 
And while he's eloping 
Alfonso Is hoping 
To coop him right up In Durango. 
There is one very mad man In Oconto, Wis¬ 
consin. He was a candidate for the Legislature, 
and being too high-toue<j to vote for himself 
he voted fur the other man, who was elected by 
one majority. He is disgust ed with politics. 
Boswell, dining one diy with Doctor John¬ 
son, asked him if he did not think that a good 
cook was more essential to the community 
than a good poet. * I don't suppose,” said the 
Doctor, “ that there's a dog in town but what 
thinks so." 
In what vehicle did the man ride who was 
driven frantic? When u man revolves much in 
Ills mind, does it mnke him dizzy ? If all things 
are for the best, where do the rations for the 
second best come from? What la the exact 
width of a broad grin ? 
Atrhkk-year old boy asked his mother to 
let him have his building blocks to play with; 
but she told her darling that it was Sunday, 
and therefore not proper for him to have them. 
“ Bui., mamma,’’said young Hopeful, “I'llbuild 
a church.” lie got the blocks. 
Ah two ladies were ascending by tho elevator, 
In the Windsor Hotel, one turned to the other 
uud remarked. “ The couducter or this eleva¬ 
tor must lead a very sorry life.” “ Why?” re¬ 
turned the other. “Because he has so many 
ups and down*," was the response. 
The other day, a Vicksburg father gently 
said: “Dou’t stuff victuals Into your mouth 
that way, my eon; George Washington didn’t 
eat after that fashion.” The boy, after ponder¬ 
ing for awhile, remarked to himself “ And I 
don't, helleve George Washington licked his hoy 
for finding a bottle of whisky in the shed when 
he was hunting after a horse-shoe, either!" 
It is sad to hear the Boston Free Press sing- 
lug:— 
Oh ! my love has loft the garden gate. 
She sits on the steps no more , 
And the old man swears If 1 go inside 
He’d boofrne out at tho door. 
The following letter of a St. Louis girl to her 
betrothed tells its own sad story. Not a word 
that we could say would add anything to the 
infinite pathos of this poor scrawl: 
“ Dear Jack—O ur engagement is off. I hear 
that your father's brother married a woman 
whose uncle belongs to the whisky ring. It's 
too awful for anything, i return a box of car¬ 
damon seeds I found on the sofa where you sat 
last night. Yonr forlorn but resolute Edith.” 
M C.G. GUNTHER’S SONS, 
KAO 0- K A/1 T>_ J - 
WOLCOTT BROS. 
REAL ESTATE BROKERS, 
52 Summit St., Toledo, Ohio. 
13f~ Eastern property exchanged for Western and 
Western for Eastern. <lorretsvndrncc solicited. 
LAMB KNITTING MACHINE7 
I S the only Machine that can knit all sizes of work, 
und narrow tool widen it; that can sliape and 
COMPLETE, without hand-finishing, seamless Ho¬ 
siery, Gloves and Mittens, or knit them in nil sizes i 
orknit Ribbed, Double ana Kancv stitches lor Under¬ 
wear. Jacket*. shawls. Hearts, etc. It kulu over 
different Garments. Over I OR per Cunt. Profit in 
Manufacturing Knit Hoods. The Farmer treble., the 
value of his Wottl by aanvurllng It Into Knit Goods. 
Women make s.i u day with it. Agents wanted. 
Send stamp for .samples of work and reduced Price 
1,1st. Address LAMB KNITTING MACHINE CO., 
at Chicopee Fulls, Mass ; Ciucluimli. O.t t'bicugo. 111., 
or 922 chestnut st., Philadelphia. 
GREAT REDUCTION. 
TEAS AND COFFEES 
AT WHOLESALE PR WES. 
lucrnutcil Facilities to Club Organizer*. 
Srnd lor Now Price List. 
THEGREATAMERiCANTEACO. 
P. 0. Zfoi 5013. 3i & 33 Yesey St.i New York 
RANDALL’S 
Practical Shepherd 
A COMPLETE TREATISE 
ON THE BREEDING, MANAGEMENT 
AND DISEASES OF SHEEP. 
Thib Work, by the non. Henry 8. Randall. 
bL. D., (authorof “ Sheep Husbandry In the South.” 
‘ Fine Wool Sheep Husbandry," Ac.,) Is the Scanl- 
ard Authority on the Subject. It ts the most com¬ 
plete and reliable Treatise on American Sheep Hus¬ 
bandry ever published, and (us the .New England 
farmer says) “should be In the hand and head of 
every person owning sheep.” 
Tho Practical Wikprrbd contains 152 pages, and 
Is Illustrated, printed and bound In superior stvla. 
Twenty-seventh Edition new ready. Sent by mall 
post-paid, on reoelpt of price--f2. Address 
RURAL, PUBLISHING CO., 
?S lluaue St., New York. 
JgUY WILLARD’S 
PRACTICAL BUTTER BOOK. 
Now Ready. Price $1. 
Address MOORE’S RURAL NEW-YORKER, 
78 Duane St., New York. 
ALLEN’S 
Nos. 502 & 504 Broadway, 
CALI, ATTENTION TO THEIR STOl K OF 
LADIES’ FURS. 
ALSO TO THEIR ASSORTMENT OF 
SEALSKIN S1C1IIES, 
WHICH IS THE LARGEST AND MOST 
COMPLETE EVER OFFERED. 
C. G. Gunther’s Sons, 
Nos. 502 and 504 Broadway. 
POETRY PRICES. 
Ladj/ (admiringly).—“Ah! what a wealth of golden hair Miss Wilkins has, Mr. 
Solomon I” 
Mr. Solomon (who is a dealer in hair).—“Not wealLh, my dear. I could sell you a 
handsomer for fifty dollars.” 
(CIRCULAR. 
Consumers Importing Tea Co., ) 
No. 8 Church Street. r 
P. O. Box 5,500. New York City. ) 
* This isa combination or capitalisislto supply the 
consumers of Teas throughout the United States on 
the mutual principle. 
We have experienced agents in all the best dis¬ 
tricts of Clilriu und Japan to select 'l eas espeeiailj 
for our trade. 
We expeel every consumer ot Tea* orendor usad 
the assistance they can In carrying out our enter¬ 
prise, as we make a specialty of SUPPLYING CON¬ 
SUMERS ONLY (and allow no middlemen to make 
any profit on our importations), wntch will enable 
us to supply them with Teas at prices lower than 
have ever been known, and of there fine quantie 
thrt seldom reach the Interior, being sold only to 
the large citlea and among the very wealthy. 
Hoping the consumer will take an loterost In oui 
enterprise, aod send ai once tor a circular with ful 
explanations of how to proceed to obtain our goods, 
we remain, 
Most respectfully yours, 
Consumers Importing Tea Co., 
No. N Church St., 
P. O. Box 5,500. New York City. 
Entered,according to Act of Congress, In January, 
1874, by the Consumers Importing Tea Co., In the 
Olfioe of the Librarian of Congress, Washington, D.C. 
S END FOR CIRCULAR of the best Paint In 
the world to RUBBER PAINT CO., Cleveland, O. 
THE PALACE HOTEL TRAIN 
BETWEEN 
NEW YORK AND CHICAGO, 
via Cleveland. 
Leaves Erie Railway Depot, foot of Chambers St. 
New York: 
0:00 A. M«, Dally except Sunday. Drawing-Room 
Sleeping Coaches through to Chicago; but 
one change Of day ears. 
? :00 P. M-. Daily. The Palace Hotel Train to 
Chicago. Diawliig-ltoom Sleeping Coaches 
and Pullman’s llutel Dining Car, through 
without change: hut one change of day Cara. 
The only line running Hotel Dining Curs out of 
New York. A ride of nearly a thousand miles with¬ 
out leaving the ear to eat, drink or sleep! 
[Established 1846 .1 
J. ESTEY & CO. 
Brattlotooro, Vt. 
^“Send for Illustrated Catalogue. 
DOMESTIC 
SEWING - 
MACHINES. 
r f/ Liberal terms of Exchange 
for Second-hand Machines 
-of every description. 
“DOMESTIC” PAPER FASHIONS. 
The Best PaH«rua made. Send Sets, for Catalogue. 
Address DOMESTIC SEWING MACHINE CO., 
B3“Aci •■!'!.. NEW YORK. 4 
Elgin Watches. 
nCPI R DCn by Railroad Officers, Engineers, As- 
U LllLfUlLU trouowers, Explorers, Navigators, 
Travelers and others, to he the Moat Accurate, 
Durable timekeepers in the world. 9 
OC PDIinCC nc,w ,n Ibe market, Including 
ZD U IIM ULu Ladies and Gentlemen’s 
sizes, Key Winders, Stem Winders, Stem Setters, 
Full Plate, Three-Quarter Plate, Plain, Full Jeweled, 
Etc. ^ 
nniprp ranging from a few dollars for plain 
nluLu but neat, Darable Hnd Reliable 
timekeepers lit Silver owe*, Dr two hundred or more 
dollars for a highly finished and remarkably accu¬ 
rate one In fine Gold cases. 
rate one In fineGoL 
A V fl I n a " C.O. D, advertisers and apply to dealers 
M V UIU of known respectability, as Elgin Watches 
are not furnished to any party whatever to be 
sold on the disreputable O. O. D. plan, which is used 
to palm off imitation and pinchbeck goods. ,5 
n CM A AI n ant * reee * ve With your watch the reg- 
U L 111 ft H U ular warranty medal of t he Company, 
W) noted below, and see that the name and number 
correspond. 
TUC U/ATPU T. M. Avery is offered at 
lit' 1? W I Ull such prices as to come within 
the reach of all, and la unequaled In the world for 
the monev. 
Oil 1 n A AITCC The Company makes no watches 
uUAnPlIl I L L at any price, low or high, which it 
is not willing to fully Warrant. Each watch move¬ 
ment of any and pvery grade, made by the Elgin Nation¬ 
al Watch Company, nod bearing its trude-mark “ El¬ 
gin, HU.," is accempauled by the nffirkU warranty 
medal of the Company, with number and name cor¬ 
responding to the watch. 
rnnoCAl C toy respectable jewelers la nearly 
rUll oKLL every town in the United States and 
Canadas, and also in the principal cities throughout 
the world. Call an your jeweler an/I <uk la set t them. ' 
sly to dealers 
AMERICAN CATTLE. 
THEIR HISTORY, BREEDING AND 
MANAGEMENT. 
Bvxry breeder or owner of C&ttle should have tbit 
work by Hon. Lewis F. A llrk, Ex-Prest. N. Y. S ate 
I Ag. Society, Editor 0 / “ American Short-Horn Herd 
Book,” Ac., Ac, It la a handsomely illustrated and 
well prlnte and bound volume of 523 duodecimo 
S ages. Mailed, post-paid, to any addfess tn United 
tales or Canada on receipt of reduced price, #J« 
Address 
U, D. T. MOORE, 
YS Dunne rtt.. N. V. 
Moore’s rural New-Yorker is one of the read¬ 
able, useful, family papers, equally in demand bv 
the lady in her conservatory, the matron with her 
household, the farmer in his fieid, the stoex raiser 
among his animals, at d the young folks around the 
evening lamp.—Laws 0 / Life. 
responding to t he m 
fOfTSALE & 
Canadas, and also in 
J£U\ WILLARD’S 
PRACTICAL BUTTER BOOK. 
Now Rendy. Price 81. 
Address MOORK’S RURAL NEW-YORKER, 
78 Duane St.. New York, 
Moo re’s Rural Nkw-Yorkkh.- With Its full 
corps of editors, und a new publisher of energy and 
ability, the management propose to eclebrate the 
quarter-centennial of the pioneer Rural In such a 
manner us to augment Its popularity and usefulness. 
For a first-class, lively paper, containing matter of 
interest for all classes, take the Rural New-York¬ 
er, and do so at once, for the paper never was bet¬ 
ter. and its prospects never brighter .—Freeport (III.) 
Journal. 
