SPARKS AND BPLINTEBB 
Nos. 502 & 504 Broadway, 
CALL ATTENTION TO THElIi BTOf K OF 
A DROP too much—The hangman's. 
Wur Is a dog's tall like an elderly lady ? Be¬ 
cause It Is In-flrm. 
Why Is a $100 bill like a tall liberty pole? Be¬ 
cause It la bard to raise. 
A dead hen Is better than a live one; she 
will lay wherever you put her. 
To Remove Dandruff—T ell your wife you 
took Miss Smith to the theater last night. 
What Is there In |fee world which has only 
one side? Give It Tea. A prison-life—It 
has only an ln-slde. 
“ He was one of our most energetic trustees,” 
#ay» a village paper In an obituary notice, “ and 
we trustees' happy.” 
A modern essayist defines “ gossip ” to be 
the “putting of two and two together and 
making five of them,” 
Why Is a lady happily married like the At¬ 
lantic Telegraph cable ? Because she Is Joined 
to her “ Heart’s Content.” 
Good thing the dynamite fiend killed him¬ 
self, for a jury might have acquitted him on 
the ground of “ Insanity.” 
Why Is a drunkard like abad politician ? Be¬ 
cause he Is always poking his nose In measures 
that spoil the constitution. 
Christmas Is coming, and when the ’roll Is 
called that morning, every little child should 
be able to answer " Present.” 
♦•An Intelligent compositor caused a well- 
known aphorism to read, “ One touch of nature 
makes the whole world kiss.” 
“ This is what they call a ‘ fellow feeling ' for 
man,” as the thief said when the policeman 
was groplDg for him In the dark. 
Says the GraphicThere Is gloom In the 
'ruins’ since Tweed has resigned, as going 
events cast their shadows behind." 
Anne Grub Is the daughter of a Chester 
county farmer, and when she Is at the churn 
she Is the Grub that makes the butter fly. 
The divorce of Mr. aud Mrs. Best leaves us in 
doubt which came off first Best and which 
second Best. They feel comparatively better. 
One of the darkest moments In a boy’s life Is 
when he suddenly reflects that he has Just 
swallowed a dose of castor oil unconditionally. 
A hotel-keeper at one of the watering 
places says generously of the opposition house 
over the way, that It is “ t hotel without arri¬ 
val." 
A Dutchman summoned to identify a stolen 
hog, being asked If the bog bad any ear-marks 
replied, “Te only ear-mark dot I saw vas bis 
tall vat vas cut off. 
Eugene—' “ Come, sit down on the shelly 
shore, and hear the mighty ocean roar." Ame¬ 
lia—’ 1 I can’t sit down, you silly goose, because 
I’d burst my plnback loose." 
“ Patrick, where’s the whisky I gave you 
to clean the windows with ? “ Och, master, I 
Just drank It; and I thought If I breathod on 
the glass It would be all the same.” 
IF ladles of the period are as just as they are 
beautiful they will contribute something to¬ 
wards a monument for King Canute. He was 
the person who originally ordered the tide back. 
Milwadk.ee thought she bad a case wherein 
u young girl died of a broken heart, but it 
turned out that her corset strings were too 
tight, and one stroke of a Jackuife revived her. 
The stove was cold, 
The kettle wouldn’t boll 
Bo she tilted the can, 
And put on a little oil. 
Gone to meet the mau who blow out the gas. 
A yodng lady asking a Williamsport young 
mau In a music store, “Have yofy happy 
dreams?” was astonished when he replied, “ No 
ma’am, I’m mostly troubled with tli£ night¬ 
mare.” 
“That clock, stranger,” said tT Michigan 
farmer, “ was the best kind of clock up to six 
months ago, when my daughter began to have 
beaux, and now the blame thing Is always 
two hours slow." 
The wish has been expressed that the por¬ 
trait of Hon. H. Hamlin might ibe put upon a 
one cent postage stamp. Then the rlghteously- 
Indlgnant people might punch his head every 
time they sent off a newspaper by mall. 
“ Mamma, can't I have some beef?” asked a 
little girl at supper table last week. “ No, my 
dear; but If you eat your bread and milk, go to 
Sunday school on Sunday, and keep your apron 
clean, I will show you the picture of a cow,” 
A cockney tourist met a Scottish lassie go- 
lug barefoot toward Glasgow. “ Lassie," said 
he, “I should like to know if all the people In 
these parts go barefoot?” “Part on ’em do, 
and part on ’em mind their own business," was 
the rather settling reply. 
Mu. W. S. Williams of Illinois announces 
that ” bis wife Ann Eliza, having loft |hls bed 
and board without cause, he will not be respon¬ 
sible for any debts she may contract.” 
Ann Eliza, Aon Eliza, 
Once I loved hut dow despise her, 
And as I no longer prize her 
I will go and advertise her— 
For, althoucb I'm not a miser, 
I won’t pay for what she buys her. 
ALSO TO THEIR ASSORTMENT OF 
WHICH IS THE LARGEST AND MOST 
COMPLETE EVER OFFERED. 
C. G. Gunther’s Sons, 
Nos. 502 and 504 Broadway. 
Cob)A e ' Gobble! 
(CIRCULAR. 
Consumers Importing Tea Co.,) 
No. 8 Cbnrch 8treet. r 
F. O. Box 6,SOP. New YorU City. ) 
This Isa oomblnationlof capitalists to supply the 
consumers of Teas throughout the United States on 
the mutual principle. 
Wo have experienced agents in all the best dis¬ 
tricts of China and Japan to select Teas especially 
for our trade. 
We expect every consumer of Teas to render us ail 
the assistance they can in carrying out our enter¬ 
prise, as we make & specialty of SUPPLYING CON¬ 
SUMERS ONLY (and allow no middlemen to make 
any pront on our Importation*), wnion will enable 
us to supply them with Teas at. prices lower than 
have ever been known, and of those line qualltie 
that seldom reach the Interior, being sold only to 
the large cities aud among the very wealthy. 
Hoping the consumer win take an interest In our 
enterprise, and send at once for a circular with full 
explanations of bow to proceed to obtain our goods, 
we remain, „ • 
Most respectfully yours, 
Consumers Importing Tea Co., 
No. S Church Hi., 
P. O. Box fi,909. New York City. 
Entered, according to Act of Congress, tn January,, 
1874, by the Consumers Importing Tea Co , In th e 
Office of the Librarian of Congress, Washington, D.U 
SEWING * 
MACHINES 
\ , Sy Liberal terra* of Exchange 
y for Second-hand Machines 
^-of every description. 
“DOMESTIC” PAPER FASHIONS. 
’Hie Beetmode. Send fict*. for Catalogue. ^ 
Address DOMESTIC SEWING MACHINE CO., 
car AOEKT* Wxvrxb. "®a NEW YORK. - 
ONLY COSTS $1, 
And should be In the bauds of every Farmer’s 
wife In this country. Tt la full of practical aud 
aclentlflc Information upon every branch of 
butter making, from the care of cows to butter 
In the market, and ahould be kept for constant 
reference In every house where that article In 
made. 
frW This bools it fully and handsomely 
/ llttslraltd. 
Every one can understand It, and Improve the 
quality aud quantity of their butter by refer¬ 
ence to Its pages. Written by one who has not 
only made a life study of the subject, but who 
Is hluiself a 
Practical 
Dairyman , 
It cannot but be thorough and useful. No book 
contains more solid Information upon the sub¬ 
ject In so few words. A complete Index enable* 
he reader to refer to any braueh of butter mak¬ 
ing, and take In the whole subject In a very 
short time. 
Lay it beside your churn, and apply its 
useful lessons each day, and your one dollar 
book Will have yielded you fifty dollars before 
the end of the year. 
Sent, post-paid, upon receipt of $1. 
Address 
RURAL PUBLISHING CO., 
78 Duane Street, New York. 
THE PALACE HOTEL TRAIN 
BETWEEN 
NEW YORK AND CHICAGO, 
via Cleveland. 
Leaves Erie Railway Depot, foot of Chambers St. 
New York: 
9:00 A. M., Daily except Sunday. Drawing-Room 
Sleeping Coaches through to Chicago; but 
one change of day cars. 
7:00 IV M., Dally. The Palace Hotel Train to 
i.lileago. Drawing-Room Sleeping Coaches 
and Pullman’s Hotel Dining Car, through 
without change*; but one euangc of day oars 
The only line running Hotel Dining Cara out of 
New York. A ride of r.t-urly a thousand miles with¬ 
out leaving the car to eat, drink or sleep! 
REAL ESTATE BROKERS, 
52 Summit St., Toledo, Ohio. 
1ST" Eastern property exchanged for Western and 
Western tor Eastern. Correspondence solicited. 
.WIATCHIA; 
Firm incn by Railroad Officers, Engineers, As- 
ULuLAnCU trononiora, Explorers, Navigators, 
Travelers ana others, to be the Most Accurate, 
Durable timekeepers in the world. 
OP pninrC now ln market, including 
/Q unAULO Ladiea and Gentlemen's 
31) V WlLLAltU'8 
PRACTICAL BUTTER BOOK. 
Now Bendy. Price Si. 
Address MOORE’S RURAL NEW-YORKER, 
78 Duane Sl„ New York 
he best Faint in 
lO., Cleveland, O. 
END FOR CIRCULAR 
i the world to RUBBER PA 
BAND ALL’S 
GREAT REDUCTION. 
TEAS AND COFFEES 
IT WHOLESALE PRICES. 
Increased Facilities to Club Organizers. 
Send for New Price List. 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA CO. 
P.O.Box 5643. 8i & 33 Vesey St., New York 
A COMPLETE TREATISE 
ON THE BREEDING, MANAGEMENT 
ANDitDISEASES OF SHEEP. 
I liil suck prices as to cotne within 
all, and is unequaled Id the world for 
TEC Tlj e Company makes no watches 
| tt atunypri«,low or high, which it 
_ [g to rULLY wakrant. Each watch move¬ 
ment of any and every grade, made by the Elgin Nation¬ 
al Watch Company, and bearing Its trade-mark bi¬ 
gin, Ills.," is accompanied by the official warranty 
medal of the Company, with number and name cor¬ 
responding to the watch. 
rnncOil C by respectable Jewelers In nearlv 
lUn O ALt every town in the United States and 
Canaaas, and a!so in the principal cities throughout 
the world. Call on your jeweler and ask to see them .' 
To those who are making up their mlrnls what 
Agricultural paper to take next year we wish to say 
u word. The leading Agricultural paper or this 
stale has been, is, and will he, Moom. S RURAL 
N uw-Yobiuck. Last year, when rumore were rife 
the reach ol 
the money. 
this Work, by the Hon. Hknky 8. Randall. 
LL. D„ (author of " Sheep Husbandry In the So«^n.’• 
* Fine Wool Sheep Husbandry,” Ac.,) t» the Stand¬ 
ard Authority on the SuCJeot. It is the most ooes- 
plete and reliable Treatise on American Sheep Hus¬ 
bandry ever published, and (as the New England 
Farmer .ays) •' should be in the hand and head of 
every person owning sheep.” 
The Practical BHkPRKRD contains 453 page*, and 
Is Ulna crated, printed and bound in superior style. 
Twenty-seventh Edition new rpudy. Bent by mall 
poet-paid, on receipt of price—f2. Address 
RURAL PUBLISHING CO., 
78 D.rse Mt., New Ysrh, 
Mookb's rural Nkw-Yokkkb became a house¬ 
hold word and power In the land long before we quit 
•• going to school,' and, perhaps, needs no comment 
from us ; still “Its memory Is ever fresh undgreen. 
> PRACTICAL 
!o„ 78 Duane fct. 
ILLARD 
URAL PBB. 
S END *1 FOR 
Butter Book, to 
ALLEN’S 
AMERICAN CATTLE 
THEIR HISTORY, BREEDING AND 
MANAGEMENT. 
Bvxry breeder or owner of Cattle should have this 
work by lion. Lkwis F. Ali.kn, Ex-Prast. N. Y. Slate 
Ag. Society. Editor of “ Amenosn Short-Horn Herd 
Book,” Ac., Ac. It D s handsomely illustrated and 
well print* and bound volume of 533 duodeoimo 
pages. Mailed, post-paid, to any address In United 
State* or Canada on receipt of reduced prloe, tt. 
Address 
O. D. T. MOORE. „ 
78 Dunne 8., H, Y. 
-flv 
