’I 
\V,V,'T^ 
OORE’S  RURAL  NEW-YORKER. 
JAN. 
®lit  (ln^l  lumor. 
The  cent  we  are  lookiBg  for— Centennial.  j 
A  BaKBEB-oiis  procedure — Taking  Time  by  the  | 
fore-lock.  | 
A  oood  wife  i8  a  good  thing,  but  a  bad  huaband  | 
beats  her.  | 
When  i8  love  like  a  battle  ?— When  it  cornea  to 
an  engagement. 
A  (K)OD  tenperanoe  work-Rcmoving  the  baiu 
at  the  mouth  of  the  MhiHisaippi. 
How  doOH  man  differ  from  the  brute  creation  ? 
He  atandH  upright,  but  he  di>eHn’t  act  bo. 
li  la  all  well  enough  to  Ray,  “lake  ttogR  as 
they  come,”  but  Bupjwso  they  don’t  come  j 
Jones,  in  writing  to  a  friend,  says  tliat  he  is 
glad  to  see  that  his  wife  is  recovering  very  hIow- 
ly. 
Ql’erv  from  the  Htudios. — When  araanmnrrieB 
a  lady  artist,  ought  he  to  become  a  model  hus¬ 
band  ?  j 
The  Cinciuuati  elephant  that  swallowed  two 
gallons  of  whisky  ^t  one  gulp  aays  that  ho  took  it  I 
for  “  a  cold.” 
Tuk  person  who  comijosed  “  0,  for  a  Thousand 
Tongues  1”  passed  most  of  hts  boyhood  in  mo¬ 
lasses  hogshead-s  on  the  wharf. 
When  Freedom,  I  rom  beruiountaln  hight. 
Unfurled  hc;r  standard  to  Uje  air. 
Her  skirte,  pinned  back  eo  vei-y  tl/rht. 
Made  her  appear  exceedfnirly  fair. 
In  St.  Louis  everybody  is  considerate,  and  ' 
therefore  a  dally  jMiper  remarks  : — “  Two  gentle¬ 
men  and  a  lady  left  for  the  Penitentiary  last 
week.” 
A  vouNU  lady  askttd  a  book-store  clerk  the 
other  day,  if  ho  liad  “FeBtus.”  “No,” replied 
the  cleik,  "but  Pm  afraid,  a  boil  is  coming  on 
the  back  of  jny  neck."  | 
It  is  said  that  some  people  have  what  is  called  j 
“spontaneity,”  and  some  haven’t;  but  nobody  j 
ever  sat  down  on  a  pi Ji-cnshion  yet  without  mani-  | 
festing  something  surprisingly  hke  it,  j 
“"Yoo  here  again,  sir?”  remarked  themagis-  i 
trate.  “'Scuze  me  ju’ge,”  replied  the  victuu, 
"I've  been  vazzinat’d  four  (hie),  flve  times,  an’ 
juz  I  spoz’d,  's  too  much,  *8  too  much.'* 
PftiNTED  signs  of  “Heaven  Is  Onr  Home,” 
may  be  bung  in  every  room  in  the  house,  yet  a 
man  will  siieak  up  promptly  and  emphatically  | 
when  he  can’t  find  the  boot-jack.  } 
Gr.vndpatheb  to  hia  hopeful—"  My  son,  which 
would  you  rather  have  when  you  get  home,  a 
little  brother  or  a  little  alster?"  Grandson— 
"  Well,  I  would  rather  have  a  little  pony," 
If  ia  hard  to  keep  tiack  of  the  sc-mion  when 
you  Rit  in  tiie  back  part  of  the  church,  but  then 
yon  get  out  first  and  have  the  best  chance  to 
select  a  good  umbrella  from  the  pile  at  the  door. 
“  Have  you  any  nice  fresh  farmer’s  eggs  ?”  in¬ 
quired  a  precise  old  lady  at  a  grocery  store.  “  No, 
ma’am,"  repUed  the  practical  clerk,  “  but  we  have 
some  very  good  hen’s  eggs."  She  took  three  to 
try. 
A  new  sect  has  appeared  In  Kansas.  They 
hold  it  a  sin  to  loll  a  bug,  or  for  a  young  lady  to 
lot  any  one  put  his  arm  around  her.  As  for  the 
bugs— good.  As  for  the  young  lady— well, 
better. 
A  Frenchman  thinks  the  Enghsh  language  is 
verj’  tough.  “Hero  is  look  out,”  he  says, 
“  which  is  to  put  out  your  head  and  see ;  and 
look  out  which  is  to  haul  in  your  head  and  not  . 
for  to  see— just  contrarie.” 
“  No  George,”  she  said,  in  response  to  his 
question,  “It  is  not  true  that  a  string  of  new 
belt  buckles  in  a  shop  window  would  make  any 
woman  lose  a  train,  but,"  she  added,  amusingly, 
“  sometimes  she  might  have  to  run  a  little.” 
John  Henbv  had  a  guest  to  dinner,  the  other 
day,  and  during  a  pause  in  the  conversation  the 
inf  am  terrible  spoke  up:— “I  wish  I  was  you.” 
“  Do  you  little  boy ;  and  why  do  you  wish  you 
were  me  ?’’  ‘  Cos  you  don’t  get  yoiu'  ear  pinch¬ 
ed  when  yeu  eat  vitties  with  your  kuife." 
Pat  had  been  engaged  to  kill  a  turtle  for  a 
neighbor,  and  proceeded  immediately  to  cut  off 
its  head,  Pat’s  attention  was  called  to  the  fact 
tliat  the  turtle  still  crawled  about,  though  it  had 
been  decapitated,  and  be  explained : — “  Sure  the 
baste  is  entirely  dead,  only  he  is  not  yet  conscious 
of  it,” 
.  *■  Onli'  a  lock  of  goldan  liair," 
The  lover  wixAe  ”  Perchonoe  to-night 
It  formetb  on  iny  pillow  fair 
A  halo  bright.*’ 
"  Only  a  lock  of  golden  hair,” 
The  tnalilen,  smiling,  sweetly  sold. 
And  she  laid  it  over  the  back  of  a  chidr 
And  went  to  l«d. 
Thus  does  the  unregenerate  Salt  Lake  Tribime 
scoff  at  the  saints: — “  The  other  day  the  One- 
Eyed  Pirate  of  the  Wasatch  sauntered  up  to  the 
countei'  in  the  provi-sions  department  of  the  Co¬ 
op,  and,  noticing  the  oval  butter  scales  with  the 
hand  pointing  to  the  figiue  12,  'pulled  out  his 
watch  and  set  it  acconlingly.  The  pirate’s  watch 
now  keeps  butter  time  than  any  ticker  in  town. 
r>EA.ll  1 
ArunerU  Maiden—"  What  is  the  price  of  beef  to-day,  Mr.  Frost  ?” 
BiUcher—"  Fifteen  penCiC  a  pound,  Mls-s.”  ,  v  ,  v  ... 
AncietU  3/diden—“  bV  teen  pence  a  pound  I  \STiy  you  are  a  dear  butcher! 
BiUcher—"  Why— eh— yes— thank  you.  Miss,  that’s  Just  what  Mrs.  Frost  used  to  say  before 
I  mai’ried  her !” 
(CIHCUEAB. 
Consamers  Importing  Tea  Co*) ) 
No.  8  Chiircli  Otreec,  r 
P.  O.  Box  5,£09.  New  York  City.  ) 
This  Is  a  oombinatlOD  of  capitalists  to  supply  the 
cfiDSumer*  of  Teas  tbrouahont  the  United  States  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
We  have  experienced  OKenU  In  all  the  best  dis¬ 
tricts  of  China  and  Japan  to  select  Teas  especially 
forour  trade. 
We  expect  every  consumer  of  Teas  to  render  us  ail 
till!  assistance  they  can  In  carrylna  out  our  enter¬ 
prise,  08  we  make  a  specialty  of  BUPPLYING  CON- 
BUMERB  ONLY  (and  allow  no  middlemen  to  make 
any  prout  on  our  Importations),  wnich  will  enable 
os  to  supply  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  than 
have  ever  been  known,  and  of  tnose  Ene  oualitie 
thtt  seldom  reach  the  Interior,  belna  sold  only  to 
the  large  dtles  and  amona  the  very  wealthy. 
Uoplna  the  consumer  win  take  an  interest  In  our 
enterprise,  and  send  at  once  for  a  circular  with  full 
explanations  of  bow  to  proceed  to  obtain  oiar  Koods, 
we  remain, 
hi  ORt  respectfully  yours, 
(]onsaaiers  Importing  Tea  €o.) 
No.  8  Clinrch  8t., 
F.  O.  Box  3.900.  New  York  C'tty. 
Entered, according  to  Actof  Congress,  in  January, 
i  1874,  by  the  Consumers  Importing  Tea  Co.,  In  the 
UBice  of  the  I  Jbrariau  of  Congress,  Washington,  H.C. 
THE  PALACE  HOTEL  TRAIN 
BETWEEN 
NEW  TORK  AND  CHICABO, 
via  Cleveland. 
Leaves  Erie  Railway  Depot,  foot  of  Chambera  St. 
New  York: 
9i00  A.  M.,  Dally  except  Sunday,  Drawing-Room 
keeping  Coactaes  through  to  Chicago ;  but 
ODO  change  of  day  cars. 
7:00  P.  M.,  Dally.  The  Palace  Hotel  Train  to 
Chicago.  Drawl^-Roou)  Sleeping  Coaches 
and  fhillman'*  Hotid  Dining  Oar,  through 
without  change;  but  one  change  of  day  cars 
The  only  line  running  Hotel  Dining  Cars  ont  of 
New  York.  A  ride  of  nearly  a  thousand  mtlea  with¬ 
out  leaving  the  car  to  eat,  drink  or  sleep  I 
SEND  81  FOR  WILLARD’S  PRACTICAL, 
Butter  Book,  to  RgRAL  Pcu.  Co..  78  Duane  »t. 
NOW  IS  THE  TlfflE  WOLCOTT  BROS. 
TO  SECURE 
THE  FIFTY-THREE  NUMBERS 
OF 
o  o  K  e: 
REAL  ESTATE  BROKERS, 
62  Summit  St.,  Toledo,  Ohio. 
IPP"  Eastern  property  exchanged  for  Western  and 
Western  for  Eastern.  Carrt*pondente  noUeUtd, 
OENO  FOR  CIRCULAR  of  the  best  Paint  In 
O  the  world  VO  HDBBKR  PAINT  CO.,  Cleveland,  O. 
GREAT  REDUCTIOX. 
TEAS  AND  COFFEES 
AT  WHOLESALE  PRICES. 
Increased  Facllltlee  to  Club  Organlzera. 
Bend  for  New  Price  Lieu 
THE  RREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  CO. 
P.O.Bossbm.  «i  &  88  Veaey  8t„  New  York 
Euliii  Watches. 
FOE 
Durable  timekeepers  in  the  world. 
OC  market,  including 
ZD  bnAULu  Ladies  and  Gentlemen’s 
sizes,  Key  Winders,  Stem  Winders,  Stem  Setters, 
Full  Plate,  Three-Quarter  Plate,  Plain,  Full  Jeweled, 
Etc. 
DDinCO  ranging  from  a  few  dollars  for  plain 
I  nluLu  but  neat,  Durable  aud  Reliable 
timekeepers  In  Silver  cases,  to  two  hundred  of  more 
dollars  for  a  highly  finished  aud  remarkably  accu¬ 
rate  one  In  fine  Gold  cases. 
1 1/  n  I  n  all  C  o.  D.  advertisers  and  apply  to  dealers 
A I U I U  df  known  respectability,  as  Llgin  Watches 
are  not  Tarnished  to  any  party  whatever  to  be 
THE  CENTENNIAL  YEAR ! 
HEOxL  of  the  Comps 
SUBSCRIBE  EARLY-AT  ONCE!  fSrTaieH 
Canadas,  and  also  in 
WILLARD’S 
PRACTICAL  BUTTER  BOOK. 
Now  Ready.  Price  $1. 
Address  MOORE’S  RURAL  NEW-YORKER, 
78  Dt^e  BL,  New  York. 
Price  only  $2.65-- Less  in  Clubs. 
timekeepers  In  Silver  cases,  to  two  hundred  of  more 
dollars  for  a  highly  fiuisbed  aud  remarkably  accu¬ 
rate  one  In  fine  Gold  cases. 
A 1/  n  I  n  all  C  o.  D.  ad vertisera  and  apply  to  dealers 
A I U I U  df  known  respectability,  as  Llgin  Watches 
are  not  larniahed  to  any  party  whatever  to  be 
sold  on  the  disreputable  C.  o.  D.  plan,  which  la  used 
to  palm  offimitatlon  and  plnchb^'k  goods, 
n  rMIII  n  receive  with  vour  watch  the  reg- 
UlIyiAITU  ular  warranty  medal  or  the  Company, 
as  not^  imow,  and  see  that  the  name  and  number 
eori-eapond.  , 
TUCriU/ITnU  named  T.  M.  Avery  is  offered  at 
I  nCnllA  I  bn  such  prices  as  to  come  within 
the  reach  of  all,  and  Is  uneqimled  in  the  world  for 
the  money. 
PlIRDlllTCC  TheCompauy  makes  no  watches 
UUAllAn  I  Cb  atanyprto!,  low  or  high,  which  It 
Is  not  willing  to  rULny  wakea.nt.  Each  watch  move¬ 
ment  of  ana  omfst«ryvrtMf*i  tuadeby  theElgln  Nationr . 
al  Watch  Company,  aud  bearing  Ita  trade-inark  ” £7- 
ffin,  Is  accompnuied  by  the  ajficM  WAKgaNTY 
HEOxL  of  the  Company,  wlln  number  and  uanie  cor¬ 
responding  to  the  watch. 
Fn  D  P 1 1  C  by  respectable  Jewelers  in  nearly 
Ull  uALl  every  town  In  the  United  States  and 
Canadas,  oaa  alsoin  the  principal  cities  throughout 
the  world.  CaJ!  ok  and  wik  to  tee  them. 
