aalit  iini)  iiimoi-. 
SPAEKS  AMD  SPLINTERS. 
Neveb  forgot  ten—Dobtorfl. 
What  animiU  is  BUggcstlveof  Jioavy  rain?  The 
fox — lie  iy  well  known  as  Reynai'd. 
Mrs.  V.vv  Slvckk  says  Rho  hopes  the  silver 
Rorvico  bill  will  pass — wJiatevcr  it  is. 
CossiDEUABnT  taken  dowir— Tlio  boy  that  was 
caught  up  in  a  neighbor’s  apple  ti'oo. 
Are  your  words  of  more  weight  when  you  pro¬ 
pound  anything  than  when  you  announce  it. 
TiiE  latest  India  notion  is  the  preparation  ol  a 
British  atlas  to  put  Wales  in  the  Indian  Oc<‘an. 
SwiKOLKR  is  the  suggoRtivo  name  of  the  i>rin- 
cipal  contractor  for  the  groat  catml  in  <Joli>ra<io. 
Wiiy  ia  it  vulgar  to  uso  a  wooden  platter  for  the 
loaf  ?  WhVj  of  oourso,  becau.se  it  is  underbred. 
“It’s a  lovely  doll,  dear  grandpa  and  giTuid- 
ina;  but— but— I'd  been  hoping  it  would  be 
twins.” 
The  fellow  who  asked  the  policeman  “  What 
are  you  giviu'  us  ?”  found  out  when  the  police¬ 
man  knocked  him  down  with  hl«  club. 
An  SiNO  and  Ah  Sin  havo  been  at  law  in  San 
rranoiscu  about  the  sale  of  a  wife.  The  matter 
has  been  I'eferred  to  Ah  Bitration. 
“Pa,  do  Btorma  over  make  malt  liquors?” 
“No,  child;  why  do  you  ask  ?”  “  Becaus  I  heal’d 
matell  Jane  to  bring  in  the  clothes,  for  a  storm 
w’as  brewing.” 
A  New  IlAMrsninE  man  sends  fourteen  of  his 
chilch’en  to  one  school,  and  when  they  combine 
against  tire  teacher  he  knows  that  he  can  safely 
bet  upon  the  result. 
AriEn  the  clergyman  had  united  a  happy  pair 
not  long  ago,  an  awful  silence  ensued,  which  was 
broken  by  an  impatient  youth  exclaiming,  “Don't 
be  so  unspeakably  happy." 
A  SooTOHMAjf  asked  an  Irishman,  “  "Why  were 
half  farthings  coined  in  England  ?”  Pat’s  answer 
was,  “  To  give  Bcotchraen  an  opportunity  of  sub¬ 
scribing  to  charitable  iustitulious.” 
“SAV,"8aid  a  city  youth  to  a  modest  country¬ 
man,  "got  the  hay  seed  out  of  your  hair  yol  ?” 
“  Wall,”  was  the  deliberate  reply,  “I  jedgo  not 
from  the  way  the  calves  run  orter  me.” 
“  SoRR,  avye  piase,  ■whist  now,  while  oi  ax  ye 
whin  is  the  bist  mouth  to  tell  a  lie  in?”  “Ye 
give  it  op,  yc  do  ?”  “  An’ah,  now,  if  ye  want  the 
hist  mouth  for  a  lie,  what  nd  it  he  but  Eib- 
ruary  ?” 
It  has  been  discovered  that  Ihe  same  kind  of 
coloring  matter  whicli  ])oi8on.s  the  sti’iped  stock¬ 
ings  is  also  used  to  color  the  bad  whisky.  In 
both  cases  it  goes  to  the  legs  and  ruins  the  under¬ 
standing. 
“John  Henbv,”  said  his  wife,  with  stony 
severitj',  "  1  saw  you  coming  out  of  a  saloon  this 
aftei-noon."  “Well,  madam,”  rophod  the  ob- 
dm’ato  John,  “you  wouldn’t  havo  me  stay  in 
there,  would  yon  ?” 
It  is  said  t  hat  since  his  release  from  confine¬ 
ment,  Brigham  Y  oung  acts  as  a  changed  man.  It 
is  only  necessary  for  one  of  his  wives  to  hint  that 
the  tiro  is  low,  and  he  will  ti’ot  out  to  the  wood- 
shod  as  if  he  was  thankful  for  the  exercise. 
Blaine  and  Cox  are  good  friemla.  After  Cox 
had  saluted  the  gentleman  fiom  Maine  the  otlier 
d.ay  with  “  Bellow  away  then— you  ore  a  hynoa !” 
they  met  in  the  cloak-room,  anddi’ew  cuts  to  see 
which  should  call  the  other  the  dynamite  fiend. 
An  Irishman  recently  handed  into  the  telegi’aph 
office  a  despatch  intended  to  inform  another 
Emeralder,  employed  upon  the  public  works  In  a 
neighboring  town  of  the  decease  of  a  friend.  It 
read  thus; — “Barney,  come  home,  I  died  last 
night.” 
The  dedication  hymn  to  Vanderbilt’s  univer¬ 
sity  ends  thus : 
*■  Patrons  and  boiiefactons  blew— 
To  teachoi’s.  students,  giro  success  ; 
YVe  pray  in  faith,  assured  ibou  wilt 
Sbine  forth  upon  our  Vanderbilt" 
This  sort  of  thing  is  depressing,  and  tends  to  dis- 
oomrago  all  donations  to  colleges. 
Sarrrn  (addressing  his  friend  Jones,  who  is  an 
inveterate  stammerer) — Say,  Jones,  I’ve  started 
out  on  a  now  lino  of  bnisness.  Jones— 'Wli-wh- 
at  l-l-line  friend  Smi-snu-smith  ?  Smith— Well, 
I’ve  gone  Into  the  philanlliropist  business. 
Jones— PUi-phi-philan-lan-thropist?  Smilb— 
Y'os,  doing  good  to  everybody.  You  never  learn¬ 
ed  a  trade,  did  you  ?  Jones— No,  6mi-smith,  uu- 
un-fort-fort-nately,  I  nev-never  did.  Smith — 
Well,  Jones,  I've  tliought  of  something  for  you. 
Jones — De-de-do.-vr  Smi-smitli!  Smith — ^Yes, 
Jones,  I  havo.  Do  you  not  know  that  you  have 
been  born  uith  a  natural  gift  for  a  well-paying 
trade?  Jones — Is  it  pos-poasi-possible ?  Smith — 
Y'es,  Jones,  you  would  make  a  splendid  auction¬ 
eer.  Jones — A  knock-n  knock-a  knocktioneerl 
Smith — ^Yes  vou  can  say  “  go-go-go-going-gone !” 
so  beautifnllv.  Smith  is  now  in  hospital.  His 
ante-mortem  has  been  taken,  and  Jones  Is  in  jail 
awaiting  the  result  of  Smith's  injuries. 
TTAX.Tr*  attt:  A.  ftTITlTTlM  Reserve  for  Tc-lnsnrance,  Accident  Dept. .  tlC9,<17  45 
XX Reserve,  N.  T.  Standard  (4H1.  Life  DoporU  „  _ 
ment . . . 2,050,653  40 
“What,  not  got  anv  lamb?”  “No,  m'm."  “Nor  anv  mutton?”  “No,  m’m.  Mr.  Botcher,  Claims  unadjusted  and  not  due,  and  all 
e  onlv  kiUs  once  a  week,  and  then  only  half  a  sheep  i.t  a  time,  m’m  !”  . .  . .  170,186  04 
’’  a— ■  Total  liabilities . 3944. 1 S  7  SN 
_ _  _ _ _ I  Surplus,  as  regards  policy-holders..*  1, 305.-203  !i5 
ANH  Rll  t  R  Surplus  as  almve.  on  four  per  oent,  reserve,  Mass. 
I  ^11  and  conn,  standard,  *1,090.427  47. 
1876 
STATEMENT 
OF  THE 
TRAVELERS 
n:jSLT..r’  3j:ea.sxjre©. 
The  following  Catalogues  nre  annually  published, 
and  will  be  mailed  to  all  applicants  qn  re¬ 
ceipt  of  price  uCQxed. 
Bliaa’s  IllMBtrated  Heed  CtiiHloguc  and 
Aniiiicar’uCiuidelollir  Floweriind  llitclieu 
C.nrdcn.  -200  puKcs.lneludinsr  several  hundred  fine¬ 
ly  executed  enpravliigs  and  a  bcnnllftall}'  colored 
lllliogi'npli.  35  cts.  An  edition  elegantly  hound 
In  cloth,  11. 
Illias'o  Gurdener'a  .Vlinauuo  nud  Abridged 
rululiigiic.--i»  pages.  Embraces  a  monthly  cal¬ 
endar  of  operutious,  and  a  price  Hal  of  all  the  lead¬ 
ing  Garden,  Field  nml  PTower  Heeda,  with  di¬ 
rections  for  their  culture.  10  CIS. 
Itlisa’n  llluBiriiied  Pniato  <'niBlai:a<f  con¬ 
tains  a  descriptive  list  of  all  the  new  varieties,  with 
many  other  desirable  Bortat  also  much  useful  infor¬ 
mation  upon  their  cultivation.  24  pages.  1 0  cis. 
Address  |{.  Iv.  BLIHH  &  HONS. 
P.  O.  Box  b7l‘i.  34  Uarelay  Hi.,  New  York. 
(CIRCrLAB. 
ilonsuuiers  Imporiiu^  Tea  €o.y 
No.  8  ChnrcU  Street, 
P.  O.  Box  5,609.  ‘New  York  City, 
This  Isa  combination  of  oapitallsts  to  supply  the 
consumers  of  Teas  throuahont  the  United  States  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
We  have  experienced  agents  in  all  the  best  dis¬ 
tricts  of  China  and  Japan  to  select  Teas  especially 
for  our  trade. 
We  expect  every  oonsniner  of  Teas  -o  render  us  ail 
the  asatstance  they  can  In  carrying  out  our  enter¬ 
prise,  as  wo  make  a  specialty  of  SUPPLYING  CON. 
SUMKUfi  ONLY  (and  allow  no  middlemen  to  make 
any  profit  on  our  Importations),  wnich  will  enable 
us  to  supply  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  than 
have  ever  been  known,  and  of  those  fine  qualitle 
thft  seldom  roach  the  Interior,  being  sold  only  to 
the  large  oltles  and  among  the  very  wealthy. 
Hoping  the  consumer  will  take  un  interest  in  our 
enterprise,  and  send  at  once  for  a  circular  with  full 
explanations  of  how  to  proceed  to  obtain  our  goods, 
we  remain, 
Most  respectfully  yours, 
Consamers  Importing  Tea  €o.) 
No.  N  Church  St,, 
CHEESE  an  BUTTER 
Factory  Apparatus. 
“  ECONOMIZER”  "Ur 
Boiler  and  Engines. 
Selling  rapidly.  Pactorymim  “Tnltc"  to  llKTU  at 
onc<!.  Satisfaction  guurntiteed.  Send  for  Illusintted 
Circular  or  liairy  Furnishings. 
WHITMAX  A:  BURRELL., 
Little  Falla,  N.  \. 
StatletlcM  ol’tbo  Year  1875. 
Lira  DKPAHTMXNT. 
Number  of  Ufe  Follcias  wnttea  In  1575........ 2.650 
Net  Gain  In  amount  Insured . *1,200,051  (lO 
Net  Gain  on  Life  Policies  In  force . 
Whole  number  written  to  date . 23.542 
Whole  number  nf  I.lto  Poltoles  In  force . 10.51 1 
Total  atnouDt  insupcd . *19,169,114  OO 
accident  DKPABT.11KNT. 
Number  of  Accident  Policies  wntlen  in  ’75.. 32.857 
Net  Cusli  Premiums  rec’d  for  same...*  159. n 25^  OO 
Whole  number  Aocldeni  Policies  written. .396, 1 64 
Number  «  f  Claims  paid  In  IKI.'i.  .  2. 1 1>3 
Whole  number  of  Aeeldciit  Claims  PRld.....23.‘J25 
Whole  amount  Acc't  Calms  Pald..«i2.2H.J,7.’47  77 
Total  Losses  Paid,  both  Dep’te . *2,9o6.102  39 
JAS.  G.  BATTEKSON,  Proaldent. 
RODNEY  DENNIS,  jjecretary. 
JOHN  K.  MORRIS,  Ass’!  Secretary. 
New  York  Office,  207  Broadway. 
R.  M.  Johnson,  Manager. 
I  have  founded  mv  business  on  the  belief  that  the 
public  are  anxious  to  get  ibelr  .erd  itirec.lly  from  th) 
grower,  and  I  therefore  off.;r  niKK  to  every  man  and 
woman  in  the  United  States  who  cultivates  a  farm, 
tills  a  vegetable  gurdi-ti,  or  planuiallowergardeo,  my 
large.lllustrated  CaMiloguo  of  Vegetable  and  Flower 
Seod.  tor  I8i6:  It  oontalne,  in  addltti  n  t  >  the  choicest 
ANOVEtIDEA 
klnilanroiiuctid  lu  Bur-jpe,  on*  aiiiufrrd  omi  ^Isro-  ^  ^  m 
rift ifmi/  veartaMe  ffr»tori  If n  mv  /oriiis.  ^  W 
Custoinere  of  last  season  need  not  wHte  for  It,  As  _  1  f  *1  TQT*  I 
the  original  introdncei  «if  the  Hubbard,  Marblehead  x\/x  ^1^  *  • 
Customers  of  last  season  need  not  write  for  It,  As 
the  original  introdncoi  of  the  Hubbard,  Marblehead 
undllutinun  Squashes.  Pblnuoy's  Melon,  the  Marble¬ 
head  Cabbage*,  and  a  aooro  of  other  new  viKembles, 
I  Boilcit  your  patronage.  .4,9  seed  sold  under  three 
wurrauts.  A  nundred  thousand  Catalogues  wlU  bo 
issued  and  sent  nut  un  the  first  of  Januar7. 
JAMES  J.  H^GKEGOltY,  Marblehead.  Maes. 
The  publishers  of  the  HOUSEKEEPER-whiefa  is 
a  first-class  Monthly  .Vmcazine  reLxaumended  by  Jen¬ 
nie  June,  Mary  L.  Rooih.Ur.  tV.  \V.  Hull.  James  Parton 
and  others— will,  on  receipt  of  the  subs'-riiitiou  price  of 
TWO  DOLLAR*. dcuyer  to  each  Bulsicnbr-i''«  near- 
.mt  Jtutlon,  east  of  Uie  Mi>J>,msipiii  liit  er.  FREE  OP 
CHARGE,  one  of  Uieir  “PREMIUM  BOXES’* 
P.  O.  Box  5.509. 
New  York  City. 
Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  In  January, 
1S71,  by  the  Consamera  Importing  Tea  Co.,  in  the 
Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  Washington,  D.C. 
THE  PALACE  HOTEL  TRAIN 
BETWEEN 
NEW  YORK  AND  CHICAGO, 
via  Cleveland. 
Leaves  Erie  Railway  Depot,  foot  of  Chambers  St. 
New  York. 
9i00  A.  M..  Dally  except  Sunday.  Drawing-Room 
Sleeping  Coaches  through  to  Chicago;  but 
one  change  of  day  cars. 
7tOO  P.  M.,  Dully.  The  Palace  Hotel  Train  to 
Chicago.  Diawing-ltoom  Sleeping  Coaches 
and  Pulirnan’s  Hotel  Dining  Car.  through 
without  change;  but  one  change  of  day  cars 
The  only  lino  running  Hotel  Dining  Cars  out  of 
New  York.  A  ride  of  nearly  a  tlionsand  miles  with¬ 
out  leavl'-g  the  car  to  eat.  drink  or  sleep  1 
Moorx’s  RtTtAL  Nkw-Yorhkr  Is  onc  of  the  read¬ 
able,  useful,  family  papers,  eiiuallv  In  demand  by 
theladvin  her  mnserv.aiorv.  the  matron  with  her 
household,  the  farmer  in  his  field,  the  stock  raibor 
among  his  animals,  at  d  the  young  folks  around  the 
evening  lamp.— Laws  of  lAft, 
-  CHARGE,  one  of  their  “RREMI 
QEND  fOR  ILHISTHATEB  fllBCUlARS  «f  Ilarv, liter,.  Moworj,  .ouuinuig  tlw  following  orlii'lea,  six.. 
O  SiTi-bumpruK  Tt.Jrs,  liRAi-r.t.V  Ml  o  co„  SyrMUie,  >  .Y  Cake  Of  S.  Moroaii’t  SimP  So  polio,.,. 
'  _  Cake  of  JS,  Nmii’  Hand  Sojit 
IT  IFCrCTD  ETAT  Package-ii  U>.- Paryen't  SaUn  Olost 
wA  I  IlHCi  IVC,Cr^  B  I  B.icHiUK—H  Ut.— Bar  yta'a  Imp'd  Com 
in  Gikkoun’s  Swinoino  CATTt.K  Stanohtons.  . 
Self-closing,  self-fastening.  One  farm  right  fro*  in  Box  iiixbu  *  trench  ilinfiio.. . 
each  town  to  the  first  applicant.  (Hvename  of  ti/ivn,  Paefcaoe Dixon’s  Htwr  jytuh.. 
county  and  State.  For  tJlrculnr  and  DO'^d  send  20o.  IHzon^a  American  Oravhile  Pencil... 
to  W.  C.  GIFFORD,  Package— iilb.Sch^iu’tDej^ealtdCi 
Patentee  and  Manufacturer,  Jamestown.  N.  Y.  i  lb  -ifouut  JsMiig  Powder.... 
_ _ _ —  Bottle  Ihrijal  CeJeru  Salt . 
^  .A  A  Cake  Jeiue  thikUu  A  Cu.'d  King  Soap,, 
Ilf  I  ft  TT  ft  ft  Package  Smith x  Co.’§  ('rushed  White 
UU  lbil*lll  I  UUIIV  BottUyvuuiaing'sPrrparedOlae.unt] 
■Will  lllll  I  ^llll■*  Box  Taylor's  arid  Mfdal  Washing  Cr 
iM^LiwUI  I  Ull  W  wl  Package~l  lb.-  Wilde's  Prepared  Itlct 
REAL  ESTATE  BROKERS, 
52  Summit  St.,  Toledo,  Ohio. 
t9“  Eastern  property  exchanged  for  Western  and  an? th^rcahuat  and  iieet  in'^etr  line 
Western  for  Eastern.  Correspondence  solicited.  the  Manufaetwrers  who  contribute  i 
- guarantee  of  roaiioDfiibility  and  honor 
CEND  FOR  CIR*’rLAK  of  the  best  Paint  In  a^LA^RCe'*^^^' 
O  the  World  l0RCBBEKPAlNTCO..CieveIand.O.  A  LARGE  CASH  COMI* 
O  the  world  to  RUBBER  PAINT  CO.,  Cleveland,  O. 
jgUY  WILLARD** 
PRACTICAL  BUTTER  BOOK. 
Now  Rendy.  Price  *1. 
Address  MOORE’S  RURAL  NEW-YORKER 
78  Duane  St.,  New  York 
GREAT  REDUCTION. 
TEAS  AND  COFFEES 
AT  WHOLESALE  PRIfES. 
Increased  Fttcllltles  to  Club  Organlxors. 
Send  for  New  Price  Llot. 
THE  QREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  CO. 
P.  0.  Box  6643.  8l  &  33  Veeey  St.,  New  York 
Buy  wii.lard’s 
PRACTICAL  BUTTER  BOOK. 
N  »vr  Ready .  ...Price  *1, 
Address  MOORE’S  RURAL  NEW-YORKER. 
78  Ouane  St..  New  York. 
Cake  of  S.  Morgan’s  Sons’  SapoHo . Price  lOc. 
Cake  of  JS.  Marynn't  Sims'  Hand  Sopolin .  •*  111 
Package— ^  tf>‘—P<iri/sa's  Satin  Ohiss  SI Uich  “  3 
P,ickage—H  U>.—Vur yea’s  Imp’d  Com  Starch  8 
Box  Blxhg’s  Best  Blacking .  ”  10 
Box  Bixliu’s  Prench  Bluing .  **  10 
Package  Dixon’s  Stove  Polish.. .  “  10 
Dlxun’ii  .imrrfcon  Oravhite  Pencil.,., .  “  10 
Package— a  III.— St  hevu’s  DesiceaUdCocuanut  “  30 
Hox—)tlt>  ~Boyal  Baking  Powder .  “  16 
Cake  Jesse  Oal^u  i  Co.'s  King  Soap,,,....,..  10 
Package  Smith  li  f'n.'s  Crushed  White  Wheat  16 
Bottle  Spaulding's  PrrparsdOlue, with  Brush  “  26 
Box  Taylor's  arid  Medal  Washina  Cryslal...  ’*  6 
Package— 1  U>.-  Wikk’a  Prepared  Rice  i'lour.  "  15 
Total . .Woe 
And  the  HOUSEKEEPER,  c/w  Scar,  inataoe  paid...  2  00 
Making  a  fatal  d/ . *4  96 
Ibr*2— Its  above  announced. 
The  prices  aliOve  quoted  are  THE  TTHUA  L  NEW 
YORK  CITY  retail  PRICES,  and  the  goods 
are  the  frexhuKt  and  liret  in  their  line.  Tho  names  of 
the  Matiufacturen  who  contribute  the  gocxls  le  our 
guarantee  of  roaiiODfitbility  and  honorable  dealing. 
In  addition  to  above  liberal  ofler  wo  allow  ACENTS 
A  LARGE  CASH  COMMISSION. 
This  is  a.r-tre  chance  lor  enter  pi  \t,ing  aaents  to  make 
moneu  rapCilg  and  secure  a  pemutfiini  business. 
AGENTS  will  navo  time  by  sending  *2,  for  which 
we  will  forward,  pit-raid,  a  *'Phemii'M  Dux,”  Certifi. 
cate  of  Agency.  Sanipki  Copies,  Cirenlaiv,  Ae. 
The  Si.  Y.  Weekly  Hun  of  Jan,  lath,  1*76,  aays'i 
■’  The  rea-lcTsof  ihi*  taper  who  would  like  to  get  moro 
than  the  worth  of  their  money  are  referred  to  the  adver- 
tiaeiuent  headed  a  ”  Kovel  fdea,"  in  shotner  column. 
This  is  eertaluiy  “  a  ue w  departure.”  and  aa  the  partlea 
will  do  all  they  daim.  we  would  recommend  our  read¬ 
ers  to  peruse  the  same  carefully.  It  *i  cerfatnly  one  Qj 
the  best  chances  for  oomts  ever  ofrred."  Address 
CHAri.  F.  WINGATE  &  CO..  (Limito^) 
Publlshetu,  ®  Duane  Ht.,  New  York.  P.  O.  Box  6MA 
Sample  copy  tetit  ja;a(-paid  on  reeeipt  of  10  cents. 
JgUY  WILLARD’S 
PRACTICAL  BUTTER  BOOK. 
Now  Ready.  Price  *1. 
Address  MOORE’S  BUBAL  NEW-YORKER, 
78  Duane  St..  New  York. 
MOOHE’v  Rural  NRW-YoKKKn  la  an  ex^llert 
Agricultural  paper,  end  very  populor.  As  ■  frn’uy 
vlsltani  It  la  hard  to  beat  In  the  atirsotb  ns  It  holies 
forth  for  vonng  sod  old.  We  ere  please-i  to  see  H-Pt 
Mr.  MOORK  Is  full  of  his  old  enterprise  and  bent  on 
making  the  paper  better  and  better  from  year  to 
year.— Co.  CltronUle, 
