MOORE’S  RURAL  NEW-YORKER. 
FES.  la 
Mit  ani  |)umor 
SPASKS  AMD  SPLINTEK8. 
A  NOT-ABLE  PHBAHE — “  I  Oan’t.” 
Barbers  are  'well  informed  on  combing  events. 
KiJJO  Alfoxso’s  Bong — “I  ■wish  mamma  were 
hero.” 
“My  bark  is  on  the  polar  wave,”  said  the 
maiden  with  a  cold. 
He  who  complains  of  the  Bhortness  of  life  will 
get  Batisf action  in  eternity. 
“  Mv  dear  sir,”  is  the  way  to  commence  telhng 
a  man  that  his  bill  is  too  high. 
What  blossom,  deprived  of  one  of  its  letU^rs, 
is  oftenesl  sent  by  lovers  ?— (P)ink. 
If  Tweed  has  not  evaporated,  he  seems  effectu¬ 
ally  to  have  resolved  himself  into  adieu. 
What  flowers  Hi>cak  the  sweetest  words  to 
friends  and  the  bittcrcBt  to  enemies  ?— Tu-lips. 
But  few  men  can  handle  a  hot  lump  chimney 
and  say  there’s  no  place  like  hojne  at  the  same) 
time. 
What  blossom  deprived  of  one  of  its  letters, 
becomes  what  all  young  misses  desu-e  to  possess  ? 
A  (c)lover. 
“Smifkiks^  why  do  you  allow  your  boy  to 
chow  tobacco  ?  Smifldns— “  ’Cause  I  chooso 
to.”  (chews  too), 
“  Old-Man-Afraid-of-his-Wives  ”  is  the  name 
by  which  Biigham  Young  is  kno-wn  among  the 
Indians. 
In  the  crop  of  a  Troy  turkey  a  button  from  a 
policeman’s  coat  was  found,  but  none  of  tlie  force 
is  mis.sing. 
“  I  want  you  either  to  hit  me  or  stop  making 
such  a  blamed  racket,”  said  a  thief  at  whom  a 
Detroit  policeman  was  shooting, 
Ohio  tramps  linve  pot  so  particular  that  they 
want  sweet  cuke  and  preserves  and  they  hate  to 
rise  early  and  eat  with  the  family. 
Men  w'lio  eat  the  most  cranbeirica  have  the  most 
moi-al  conj’age,  says  a  New  York  doctor.  tVliat 
per  cent,  i.s  ho  promised  on  t.iie  sales  ! 
“That,”  said  the  tnunp,  “is  the  top  buck¬ 
wheat  ;  it  has  been  used  to  keep  the  others  AV.arm  ; 
and  I  don’t  cut  lio  coverlets.”  Ho  he  laid  it  one 
side. 
A  gentleman  rode  up  to  a  public-house  hi 
the  country,  and  asked,  ‘’who  is  the  master  of 
this  house  ?”  “  I  am,  Sir."  replied  the  landlord  ; 
“my  Avife  has  been  dead  about  throe  weeks.” 
Of  course  a  woman  doesn't  want  her  iflanls  to 
freeze,  hut  sl.il!  one  oan’t  blame  a  man  for  rais¬ 
ing  a  row  when  ho  hops  out  of  bed  in  Die  morning 
and  finds  a  geranium  plant  in  each  trowsors  leg. 
Harry,  after  looking  on  while  his  new  little 
sister  crieil  at  being  w^ashed  and  dressed  the 
other  day,  turned  away  saying.  “  If  she  scream¬ 
ed  like  that'in  Heaven  1  don't  wonder  they  sent 
hei'  off.” 
A  neobo  hoy  was  driving  a  nmle  in  Jamaica, 
when  the  suddenly  stopped  and  refused  to  bndge. 
“  Won’t  go  eh  ?”  said  the  boy.  "  Feel  grand,  do 
you  ?  I  supiKise  you  forget  your  fadder  was  a 
jackass.’, 
A  oniL  with  three  amis  is  attracting  attention 
atTescelo,  near  Jalapa,  Mexico;  and  when  that 
girl  gets  two  arms  around  her  husband’s  neck  she 
still  has  one  to  flirt  with  the  other  fellow  across 
the  street. 
Scene  in  the  cars  s — A  candy  boy  passing 
thi'ough  a  car  meets  a  cross  old  gentleman,  and 
says,  “Popcorn!  imp  corn!”  “Hain’t  got  any 
teeth,”  angrily  replies  the  man.  “Gum  drops? 
gum  drops !''  calls  the  boy. 
A  Milwaukee  man  made  three  unsuccessful 
attempts  to  blow  his  brains  out,  and  then  his 
wife  told  him  ;  “Don’t  ti^  it  again,  John;  you 
haven’t  got  any.”  Ho  goes  about  now  saying  he 
owes  his  life  to  that  woman. 
A  BAKER  at  Binghamton,  Now  Y'ork,  sent  two 
barrels  of  crackers  to  the  President,  and  for 
several  months  expected  to  be  called  to  the  cfibi- 
net.  He  then  discovered  that  the  crackers  had 
been  sold  to  .a  negro  in  default  of  freight  charges. 
Nineteen  years  ago  a  father  refused  to  let  his 
young  daughter  go  to  a  candy-pull,  and  she  dis¬ 
appeared.  The  otlicr  day  she  roturuc-d,  hfted 
eleven  childi’ou  out  of  the  w’ogon,  and  entered 
the  house  as  coolly  aa  if  she  hadn’t  been  gone 
a  day. 
A  YOUNG  lady  in  Lawrence.  Kan.,  dropped  her 
handkerchief  in  the  sb'eet  last  Satui'day,  and  it 
blew  close  to  tlie  diingerous  end  of  a  mule.  The 
young  man  who  picked  it  up  will  not  send  her  his 
photo  for  a  feiv  dny.s,  as  he  doesn’t  look  well 
with  his  chin  under  liis  ear. 
A  gentleman  once  called  on  Die  late  Mr.  Astor 
to  solicit  a  donation  for  a  charitable  purpose.  He 
gave  $5.  “  Wliy,  Mr.  Astor.”  said  the  solicitor, 
“how  is  it  yon  give  so  little?  Tour  sou  John 
Jacob  gave  us  ?100.'‘  ‘•Well,”  replied  the  old 
man,  “  He  could  afford  it.  He  has  a  rich  father 
and  I  haven’t.” 
(CIBCULAS.  ) 
CoBssmers  iBiporting  Tea  €o.) ) 
No.  8  Clmroh  Street,  r 
P.  O.  Box  6«509.  New  York  City.  ) 
This  la  a  oomhlnaUon  of  capitalists  to  tupplr  the 
consumers  of  Teas  tbronirhout  the  United  States  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
We  have  experienced  agents  in  all  the  best  dis¬ 
tricts  of  China  and  Japan  to  select  Teas  espeotallr 
for  oar  trade. 
We  expect  every  consumer  of  Teas  to  render  us  ail 
the  aB.<itstance  they  can  in  carrying  out  our  enter¬ 
prise.  as  we  make  a  specialty  of  SUPPLYING  CON- 
8UMEKH  ONLY  (and  allow  no  middlemen  to  make 
any  proflt  on  our  Importations),  which  will  enable 
us  to  supply  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  than 
have  ever  been  known,  and  ot  those  fine  qualltle 
thi'Useldom  reach  the  Interior,  being  sold  only  to 
the  large  cities  and  among  the  very  wealthy. 
Hoping  the  consumer  will  take  an  Interest  Incur 
enterprise,  and  send  at  nnoe  for  a  circular  with  full 
explanations  of  how  to  proceed  to  obtain  our  goods, 
we  remain, 
51081  respectfully  yours, 
(Consumers  Importing  Tea  €o.) 
No.  N  Church  St., 
P.  O.  Box  5,509.  New  York  City. 
Entered, according  to  Act  of  Congress,  In  January, 
1874,  by  the  Consumers  Importing  Tea  Co.,  in  the 
Office  of  the  IJbruriannf  Congress,  Washington,  D.C. 
^  I^TOTllO  ski''  I ''I'’.”  ty  Eastern  property  exchanged  for  Western  and 
Western  fur  Eastern,  ('orrei/joinlenit  solicited. 
Lado.—What  Two  Nice  LitDe  Girls!  Aie  you  Twins?  LitUt'  Girls  (i>oth  togrthM-).—'Ho,  ..,^77^  mTTTT 
Afn’oT..  wr.  ftris  ^ENB  POR  CTRC-UIjAlt  of  the  best  Paint  In 
Ma  am,  we  are  Sisters.  15  the  world  to  ilUBIiEU  paint  CO., Cleveland, O. 
Ingnciur  rccom- 
Parton  and  oth- 
“A.  T^TTrTT..T^  I>TOTt  10  OI" 
The  following  Catalogues  ore  annually  pnbllthed, 
and  will  be  mailed  to  all  appllcauts  on  re¬ 
ceipt  of  price  affixed. 
Bliss’s  Illnstrnrcd  Heed  Catniogne  and 
Amateur’s  Guide  to  the  Kloiveraud  Kitchen 
Garden.— 200  pages,  including  several  hundred  fine¬ 
ly  executed  engravings  and  a  bcnutifully  colored 
liiliogviiith.  35  cts.  An  edition  elegantly  bound 
in  cloth,  $1. 
Bliss’s  Gardener’s  AIuiuiirc  and  Abridged 
Catalogue.— 122  pages.  Embraces  a  monthly  cal¬ 
endar  of  operations,  and  a  price  hat  of  all  the  lead¬ 
ing  Garden,  Field  and  Flower  Seeds,  with  di¬ 
rections  for  their  culture.  10  CIS. 
Bliss's  lllnstraied  Potato  Catalogue  con¬ 
tains  a  descriptive  list  of  all  the  new  varieties,  with 
many  other  desirable  sorts:  also  much  useful  Infor¬ 
mation  upon  their  cultivation.  24  pages.  10  cis. 
Address  B.  K.  BI.I-WH  &  HONH, 
P.  0.  BtJC  5712.  34  Barclay  Ht.,  New  Y'ork. 
GREAT  REDUCTION. 
TEAS  AND  COFFEES 
AT  WBOLESALE  PRICES. 
Increased  Facilities  to  CInh  Organizers. 
Send  Tor  New  Price  List. 
THE  OREAT  AMERICAN  TEACO. 
P.  0.  Box  5643.  81  &  33  Veeey  8t.,  New  York 
“Rurar’  Agency. 
(MANAGED  BY  MEAL  NEW-YORKER.) 
Our  subscribers  and  friends  who  propose 
availinK  themselves  of  the  advantages  to  be 
gained  by  dealing  with  FIRST  HANDS,  either 
as  seUer  or  buyer,  are  Invited  to  send  to  this 
OOice  for  Circulars  and  information  before 
ooixpletlnK  their  arrangements.  Our  facilities 
are  ample,  and  a  trial,  we  believe,  will  justify 
continued  patronage. 
Please  inclose  a  3-cent  stamp  when  sending 
foi  Circulars.  Address 
RURAL  AGENCY, 
P.  0.  Box  531.  78  Duane  Ht.,  New  York. 
MooRK’*  Rural  New-Vorkzb  is  an  esoellant 
Agricultural  paper,  and  very  popnliir.  As  a  family 
vlBitani  It  is  hard  to  heal  In  the  uttraotions  It  houis 
forth  for  young  and  old-  Wears  pleased  to  seethsi 
Mr.  MooRK  Is  full  of  bis  old  enterprise  and  bent  on 
making  the  paper  better  and  better  from  year  to 
year.— Fates  Co.  Chronicle. 
CHEESE  AND  butter  ™ 
Factory  Apparatus.  '  NEW  Yl 
“ECONOMIZER’W  - — 
Boiler  and  Engines.  sfeeiJing 
^  one  Chao 
Selling  rapidly.  Paotorymen  ‘'Take"  to  them  at  p  m 
once.  Satlsittctfoii  guuratiieed.  Send  for  Illustrated  r 
Circular  of  Ihilry  Fhirnl.shlngs. 
WHITMAN  &  BUKKELL,  ^Uioul 
Little  FhIIm,  N.  Y.  The  only  line 
_ _ _ _  New  York.  A  i 
WILLARD’S  ■ 
PRACTICAL  tir;:' 
Butter  Book  m 
ttie  wijflU  to  ItUBBEu  >*AINT  CO., ClevelAUd, O. 
THE  PALACE  HOTEL  TRAIN 
BKTWKRN 
NEW  YORK  AND  CHICA60, 
via  Clevelanil. 
Leaves  Erie  Ballwny  Depot,  foot  of  Chambers  St. 
New  York. 
9:00  A.  HI.,  Dally  except  Sunday.  Drawing-Room 
Sleeping  Couches  through  to  Chicago ;  but 
one  change  of  day  cars. 
7:00  P.  M.,  Daily.  The  Palace  Hole!  Train  to 
Chicago.  Drawing-Uoum  Sleuplng  Couches 
and  Pullmoo’s  Hotel  Dining  Car,  through 
without  change;  but  one  change  of  Oav  ears 
The  only  line  ruuning  Hotel  Dining  Cars  out  of 
New  York.  A  ride  of  nearly  a  tliousniid  miles  with¬ 
out  leaving  the  cur  to  eat,  drink  or  sleep  I 
WILLABU’S  Every  one  who  makes  Butter 
PIlACTIt'AL  should  have  this  cheapbuigood 
Bll  w  w  »  ts  book  by  the:n  oh  the  time.  Price 
U  T  I  fc  n  One  Dollar.  Addres.s 
Dfinir  Rural  publi.shixq  Co.. 
DtlUIVs  P.  0.1)0x3318.  New  York  aty 
ONLY  COSTS  $1, 
And  should  be  iu  the  bauds  of  every  Farmer's 
wife  In  this  country.  It  Is  full  of  practical  and 
Bclentiflc  Information  upon  every  branch  of  ; 
butter  making,  from  the  care  of  cows  to  butter 
In  the  market,  and  should  bo  kept  for  constant 
reference  In  every  house  where  that  article  Is  | 
made.  i 
T/(fa  booh  it  fully  anA  handtomtly 
MllutlraleA, 
Every  one  can  understand  It,  and  Improve  the 
quality  and  quantity  of  their  butter  by  refer¬ 
ence  to  Its  pages.  Wrltteu  by  one  who  has  not 
only  made  a  life  study  of  the  .subject,  but  who 
is  himself  a 
Practical  | 
Dairyman^ ; 
It  cannot  but  be  thorough  and  useful.  No  book  | 
contains  more  solid  Information  upon  the  sub-  ! 
ject  in  so  few  words.  A  complete  index  enables  ' 
he  reader  to  refer  to  any  branch  of  butter  mak¬ 
ing,  and  take  In  the  whole  subject  In  a  very 
short  time. 
Lay  'll  beskle  your  chum,  and  apply  its 
tiseful  lessons  each  day,  and  your  one.  dollar 
book  will  have  yielded  you  fifty  dollars  before 
the  end  of  the  year. 
Sent,  post-paid,  upon  receipt  of  $1. 
Address 
RURAL  PUBLISHING  CO., 
78  Duane  Street,  New  York. 
MooRg'.S  Bural  New-Yohkeu  Is  one  ot  the  read- 
1  able,  useful,  family  papers,  equally  in  demand  bv  , 
I  the  lady  :n  her  conservatory,  the  matron  with  her 
■  household,  the  farmer  In  h'w  Held,  the  stock  raiser 
among  his  animals,  ai.d  the  young  folks  around  the  . 
evening  lamp.— Liws  of  Life. 
CATTLE  KEEP  FAT 
In  GIFFORD’S  SWINOINQ  CATTLE  STANCHIONS. 
8elf-closlug.  aelf-lasteuinir.  Une  farm  right  free  In 
each  town  to  the  first  applicant.  Glcr  uainir  of  tMcn, 
count u  and  State.  For  Circular  and  Deed  send  file, 
to  W.  C.  GIFFORD, 
Patentee  and  Manufacturer,  Jamestown,  N.  Y. 
CEND  ill  FOR  \Vira.AUO'B  PRAGTICAl. 
»o  Butter  Book,  to  Bubal  Pub.  Co.,  78  Duane  bt. 
~  WILLARD’S 
Practical  Dairy  Hasliaaflry. 
A  Complete  Xreatlse  on  Dalrf  Farms 
and  Farmlne, 
Dairy  Stock  and  Stock  Feeding, 
inilk,  Its  management  and  manu¬ 
facture  into  Butter  and  Ckeeee, 
History  and  mode  of  Orsanlxation  of 
Butter  and  Cheese  Factories, 
Dairy  Utensils,  Etc.,  Etc. 
B7  Z.  A.  WZZ^ARD,  A.  Iff., 
Dairy  Hntbandrv  SMtor  of  Moore’t  Rural  Rsk. 
Torktr,  Lecturer  in  Ocnull  DnivortUo,  Maint 
Agricultural  College,  Etc..  Etc. 
This  is  the  most  full,  practical  and  reliable  work 
On  Dairy  Husbandry  extant;  Indeed  the  only  one 
which  describes  the  recent  great  Improvements  In 
the  Dairy  Business.  It  Is  highly  oommended  by  lead¬ 
ing  Agricultural  and  other  liuiaenual  loumals,  and 
must  speedily  become  (In  tact  Is  already)  the  Stanf¬ 
ord  atul  Only  Authority.  It  will  pay  every  one  en¬ 
gaged  In  any  hranob  of  dairy  hnslness,  or  who  keeps 
a  single  cow,  to  obtain  and  study  this  work. 
D.  D.  T.  OfOORE,  Pnbllalier, 
78  Duane  8t.,  New  York. 
gUY  WTLL.ARD’.8 
PRACTICAL  BUTTER  BOOKs 
Now  Ready.  Price  81. 
Address  MO(}RE’:i  RUBAL  NEW-YORKER, 
73  Duane  St..  New  York 
