'/“ATE  MT 
Suit'i  !>tjuii]k  for  |»:irllrti 
[iar».  C*F. WJiiK*tr AOo. 
|jliuiU*<l>*W  f)unoe*>t.N.Y 
^  r>iO  purtie»»vri  M  »to  ul  I 
I  lh»  y  •  iBJm.’-WiHikly 
RE’S  RURAL  WEW-YORRER. 
Mil  !ini)  |)umor 
SPARKS  AND  SPLINTERS. 
Youso  girlN  liliu  to  read  the  marrytinio  newH. 
Why  is  the  3s.«M!Ock  like  the  figm'c  !)? — It  is 
nothing  without  its  tail. 
StoMKituDV  says  that  Tyndall  e.alls  his  wile  ' 
Molliocnle.  We  sujJiiose  she  calls  hini  a-Toin. 
The  question  is  asked  why  newsj)ai>ei'8  will  . 
jMiVsist  in  ahhreviiitiug  a  sou  of  teuii>ei’auce  and 
make  a  H.  O.  T.  of  him. 
Why’  is  ti-e  ju’esent  Polar  KxjYedition  likelj’  to 
come  to  grief  ?-  -lkin.ause  the  men  and  ofticers  of 
the  Discovery  are  not  on  the  Alei't.  j 
“Wi'i.n.  sir  what  does  h-a-i-r  spell  Boy  — 
“•  I  don’t  know."  •'  What  have  you  got  on  ytinr  , 
head?"  Boy  (scrateliing;  ••  1  gue.ss  ifs  a  nius- 
keeter  hite.” 
The  largest  feet  known  to  history  mn.sl  he  ; 
those  of  the  Mary l.sinl  editor  who  wriU/s  :  -•’Wi*  ! 
hlac.k  our  hooU  with  l.'i.OOO.OOOho.xesof  domestic 
hlacking  a  year." 
An  original  neighhor  of  lli])  Van  Wiidvle  was 
said  pJ  l*c  HO  lazy  that  when  he  went  to  hoe  corn  j 
lie  worked  ,so  slowly  that  the  shade  of  his  broad-  ' 
hrimnu'd  hiil.  killed  the  plants. 
lliniHinile  is  HiiiiKvrlit  iiiiJ  her  lauirli 
That  Haine  siuile  set  to  imii:  ; 
bci'  Ill'S  the  honey  hire  niiKht  ouatf  1 
Anil  dream  of  hiuls  In  .lune.  1 
Two  Trishmen,  traveling,  were  robbed  and  tied  , 
in  a  wood.  Due  in  despair,  cried  Dch.  I’m  1 
undone!"  «aid  tlie  other:  ”  Faix,  then  1  wish 
you  would  come  and  undo  me." 
Gushino  idiot— How  sublime  this  linking  is  ! 
By  Jove  I  could  rink  w  ith  you  as  partner  throng  li 
life— could  you?  Young  lady— Well,  1  don't 
know;  yon  see  it  all  de)a‘nds  on  your  rinkonie! 
They  have  a  disagreeable  way  in  (Anon  Gity, 
(.!ol.,  when  a  man  takes  a  broken  chah’  to  the 
cabinet  shop,  of  saying,  "Hit  yon  with  a  chair, 
did  she  ?  ”  This  is  very  trying  to  the  average 
citizen. 
They  are  going  to  explode  ,50.000  Ihs.  of  nitro¬ 
glycerine  at  Hell  Gate  next  yeai',  saj’  the  New 
York  iiupfui.  It  is  not  wide  enough  at  present 
to  aceoinniodatc  the  travel  from  New  York  and 
Brooklyn. 
Butcheu : — ‘‘Gome  John,  be  lively  now; 
break  the  bones  in  Mr.  Williams’  choiis,  and  put 
Yfr.  Hmith's  ribs  in  the  basket  for  him.”  John 
briskly:— “All  right  sir,  just  as  soon  as  I’ve 
H.aw’edolT  Mrs.  Yluridiy’s  leg." 
‘•No,  Mrs.  Henry;  no!"  said  .Tohii.  in  tones 
of  solemn  warning,  "l.ook  at  Mrs.  Belkuaii. 
She  wanted  a  new  dress,  too;  and  see  where  she 
is  now !  Ktick  to  your  calico,  Mrs.  Henry,  and 
avoid  the  insidious  voice  of  the  tempter.” 
Erii'Acn  for  a  liar  : 
In  life  he  lleii  whili*  ho  hud  hreatb  ; 
Ami  stnuife'-e  to  say  lies  still  in  death. 
Eon  u  niusienl  director  ; 
In  heatiiiK  Tiuie  his  life  was  iiassed, 
JJiit  'I’inju  has  heaten  him  at  last. 
For  a  hrewer : 
well-known  hivw'Cr  lieth  here; 
lli»  ails  are  o’er— he’s  tnl  “  his  bier.” 
For  a  i  otter  : 
On  eai-yi  he  oft  turned  elay  to  delf. 
Hut  now  he's  turned  to  eluy  hiuiseh. 
For  a  Hoalemaker  : 
His  weighs  were  the  ways  of  iileasantness 
I  u  all  life's  lltfnl  dream . 
Ill)  siruek  a  balance  wiib  the  world, 
And  then  he  kicked  U»e  beam. 
On  iu  riving  at  Galais  on  her  way  to  make  the 
grand  tour,  an  English  lady  was  surprised  and 
somewh’.tl  indignant  at  heing  termed,  for  tholh  st 
time  in  lici'  life,  "  a  foreigner."  Y’on  mistake, 
madam,”  said  slie  to  the  libcler,  with  some 
jiicpie  ;  ••  it  is  you  who  are  the  foreigners.  We 
aio  English.” 
He  was  taken  sick  in  the  night,  and  in  her 
youthful  iguoraucc  she  made  two  mustard  plas¬ 
ters,  and  put  one  in  front  and  one  behind,  and 
then  with  horrid  sarcasm  she  asked  him  how  he 
‘felt.  But  he  was  a  wcll-hrcd  man,  and  merely 
said  that  he  realized  Yvith  a  tonderness  he  had 
never  known  before  the  true  position  of  a  satid- 
wich  ill  the  coiiiniuiiity. 
The  committee  appointed  to  investigate  the 
subject  of  ladii's’  htnehcons  when  tiaveling  ri- 
port  that  they  invariably  consist  of  a  very  small 
sandwieh,  large  quunlitics  of  wliite  and  yellow 
cake,  and  an  immenso  inckle  ;  if  the  latter  is 
absent  the  alfah’  is  considered  a  failure.  'J'hese 
data  are  trustwortliy,  and  shed  light  uikju  a  sub¬ 
ject  to  Yvhicli  little  attention  has  been  paid 
hitherto. 
A  MAN  out  West,  about  thh’ty  years  old,  having 
•  a  shot-gun  on  hia  shoulder  and  two  pigeons  in 
his  hand,  was  a  short  time  back  standing  at  a 
street  comer,  telling  a  crowd  that  ho  had  been 
out,  and  killed  live  hundred  ])igooiis  since  sun¬ 
rise.  ‘‘Yoirrc  a  liar!”  shouted  a  man  on  tlie 
edge  of  the  crowd.  The  stranger  looked  at  liim. 
long  and  eai'uestly.  and  then  inquired,  ‘‘MTicre 
did  you  get  acquainted  with  me  ?” 
Al  l>EVICE. 
‘‘The  l’ATKui'.YMii,iAS ” — A  Patented  Hat  and  Umbrella  Combination. 
ARE  YOU  GOING  TO  PAINT? 
U.-ilC  .\ONK  BUT  THE 
AVERILL  CHEMICAL  PAINT! 
MIXED  READY  FOR  USE. 
IPH-IOaS  MIX3XJCJEX3. 
OVEK  .'BMbOOO  IIOU.SES  HAVE  BEEN  PAINTED  WITH  IT. 
ONK  HUNDKED  BKAtlTIFlIt.  TINTS  ANIJ  COl.OKS. 
IT  IS  THE  MOST  OUKABI.K  P.IINT  lYIAOE. 
IT  I*-  THE  HA.^’r»^‘^mEST  PAINT  .MADE. 
PI'  IS  TIIK  .YHIIT  EUDND  >1  ICA  I.  PAINT  IN  THE  VIAKKET. 
IT  IS  THE  ST.XNDAItO.  ,VNO  ON'EV  UP.IilAltl.E  .11  I, V ED  PAINT. 
IT  IS  GUAItANTEED  TO  HE  SUPEIlIOlt  TO  A  I.U  DTIlElt  PAINTS,' 
It  has  rciielvcii  the  liit>hcxt  ('iitlurNcnueil.  fr'on  thoUAiiviJs  of  persons  who  have  used  It  In  various 
sections  of  the  Couiitrv. 
Saniplo  Cards,  together  with  testimonials  from  owners  of  the  tincst  residences  in  the  Country  furnished 
free  by  the 
AVERILL  CHEMICAL  PAINT  CO., 
For  sale  in  every  sv  tion  of  the  Country.  32  Burling  Slip,  New  York  City. 
HOSTS  OF  DAIRYMEN  ^  a 
URC  (JlFPOKD’8  SWINOINO  CATTl.K  STANCUTONS.  Ut 
Self-eloslnK,  self-fasteuliut.  One  liirni  i  ight /m  in  ^  'lUTT'Rn'R’R  riYIffPmTIim  OT  ^ 
each  towu  to  the  Ursl  upi'llciint.  divi'  imnif  of  town,  VVlLiBUB.a  GUmruunu  UX  n 
county  and  Slate.  For  CiiCulur  and  Detul  send  IJOc.  __  m  ^  ,,  -  ,  _ . 
^  Patentee aiid  MamifactuVer,*  jiiniLtowu.'N.Y.  PTJRE  COD  lilVEBi 
-  -  LIME.J 
liANK  A-  IIOOI.KV’S 
Ten-Horse  Farm  Engine 
.\Yvardcil  Grand  Premium  of 
$10  0.00  IN  GOLD 
Att.helastciuctnmill  IiidusT.rlal  Kxposltlon,  over 
six  exlilblKiis,  alter  a  six  days' pnicllcal  lest.  Send 
for  Circular  giving  details  of  l.lie  famous  trial. 
LANE  &  BODLEY,  John  and  Water  Sts.,  Cincinnati. 
Tsithe  CORTLAND  PLATFORM  SPRIRR  WAGON. 
~”sTeam  engines” for 
CHEESE  FACTORIES,  &G. 
The  Iron  Slave,"  First  Premium  N.  Y.  Stale  Fair. 
lS7a.  A  Iso  many  oilier  groat  improvement.^  Ill  lUieuse 
umi  Bolter-mukjTiii  Apparatus.  Send  for  Circular. 
UIIAItl.KS  IWIELAH  A:  SON,  Ulica,  N.  V  . 
To  C'tiiisiiuiptiveM.— .VIniiy  liiivc  hcfu  happy 
to  elve  their  testimony  In  Javor  or  the  use  of  ’•  it  n- 
Pior  (Viil  Liver  <hl  and  Idine."  Experience  has 
proved  it  to  be  ii  valuable  remedy  for  tJoimumption, 
Asthma,  Diphtheria  ana  ml  iiiseaaesoi  the  Throat 
uiio  Dungs.  Manutuctiireil  oiuy  by  A.  B.  Wilboh, 
Chemist.  Boston.  Sold  by  drugglsu  geuenilly. 
EARN  TELEGRAPH 
I  The  best  offer  ever  miide  to  yotuiK 
men  and  ladles.  Addri-sa  with  stamp 
8HEUMAN  TEL.  CO.,  OBKKLIN,  O. 
Y 
CHEESE  H  BUTTER 
In  order  to  Irilroduco  It  to  thousands  of  homes 
where  It  Is  not  already  known,  we  will  send  onr 
great  i'.luBlratert  llt.rury  and  tamUy  journal,  *•  The  ' 
Cricket  on  ihe  Hcurtli,"  three  niouthaon  trial 
for  only  hi  cents.  A  maniTiiotlt  ICepage  pap.  rt8l/.e 
••  Ilariier’s  W eekly  coutululng  splendid  continued 
and  snort  stories,  sketches,  poems,  eto.,eic,  Onlv 
a  year,  with  eletmiil  premium  portfolio,  *•  (items  of 
American  Art,”  by  Aldiiie  Co.,  or  ".‘i  cents  without 
premium.  On  trial  three  months  for  only  15  cents. 
Write  at  once  to  F.  Al.  I, UPTON  A  CO.. 
■<IT  Park  lUiw,  New  York. 
AlPRIL  8 
'  Co.  of 
’•  \VK  know  O.  F 'WTsaATi:  .t  Co.  to  be  reliable  wto  »  w  it  win  UTrus 
They  tvill  fulMil  the  promise*  made.”— ilooitn’s  WHOLLSALL  Pllli'lliSt 
KL’KAD  NEtV-YOUKKta  .full.  Z'J,  GTS. 
- -  —  —  ~  lucroused  Facllltlea  to  tilub  Orgnulzera. 
SICXI>  yont  uiltlre'V  lor  thu  **  Atrifiolturitl  Cmiiuimlal,''  ilfwrlj'Uvo 
Hud  UtuclrMttxJ.  tiKAfJLfiV  CA>,»  N.  V,  BC^Ud  fOT  WeW  Pflc© 
ONLY  15  GENTS!  THE  OREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  CO. 
Factory  Apparatus. 
“  ECONOMIZER”  TuS" 
Boiler  and  Engines. 
Selling  rapidly.  Fuctorymeu  “'rake’’  to  them  at 
onee.  Satisfaction  guurniileed.  Send  for  lllustruied 
(  ireularoi  Dairy  Furnishings. 
VVHIT.HAN  vfc  BUKKEI.Ij, 
l,iille  PiillH,  N.  Y. 
GREAT  REDUCTION. 
TEAS  AND  COFFEES 
AT  WHOLElSALE  PRIEES. 
lucroused  Faclllttei,  to  Ulub  Orgnulzers. 
8eud  for  Now  Price  1.IhU 
P.  0.  Box  6643,  3f  &  33  Vesey  St.,  New  York 
gUY  VVILLARD’S  ’ 
PRACTICAL  BUTTER  BOOK. 
Now  Heady.  Price  81. 
Address  MOORE’S  BUBAL  NEW  YOBKEB, 
78  Duane  St.,  New  York 
Any  sBAne  rnoM  rintu  YVhitk  to  Jkt  black. 
A.VU.  AM  IT  IS  MlX>.D  KEAUY  POU  USK, 
EVERY  MAN  CAN  BE  HIS  OWN  PAINTER. 
'I’ho  inrorporuf  ion  of  HUBHKK  In  our  paint  iiiakes 
it  i(«ig(i(j|/i/l)yanyi>lli«T.  It  ih  uiintlccleil  by  rliange 
of  tomperature  and  l.  pcrlectly  walcri*r</Ot.  It  pre¬ 
sents  the  finest  possible  tinislj.  will  not  ercek  Tir  peel 
off,  and  1.”  In  every  te.iy  tliu  ”  It  ..t  I'litut  ”  for  elilier 
Inside  or  outJ.lue  paUitliiK.  Is  Iroin  one-fOurth  loom  - 
tiilrd  chPiqier.  and  Ihroe  times  as  long  as  the 
best  lead  and  oil  paints.  The  almost  ver- 
dul  of  Ihe  muiiy  thousuiiu*  who  have  ii»«'d  our  paint 
Is  that  It  Is  /itrtnqiiTiorlo  any  other  paint  in  use. 
Be  Mine  Ibnl  our  TUADE  >IA  K  K  (a  fac-simile 
of  which  Is  given  above),  im  on 
every  puekuge. 
The  greiil.  pii|.ularlty  of  and  ileaiand  for  our  paint 
has  nocossltnied  the  estahllshing  nl  "  Hrunch  t'm- 
tm-icii.”  as  follows :  ....  »- 
No.  ,’iOll  \\  e..f  SI..  New  \  orU  I’lfy;  No.  8.1 
VVewl  Vim  Bureti  Ssl..  (’hleogo.  III.;  No.  Yll  If 
Soiilli  Third  Si.,  ISt,  I.oiiik,  Mo.  i  and  a 
VVboleMiile  Depot  ul  Win.  Kiiiit  lY  Bro„  No. 
•i  .Norih  Libeny  SL.  Bollliiiore,  Bd. _ _ 
SA.\tl'LK  (  A  HD  AND  PBK  K-LIST  SENT  FREE 
ON  APPLICATION. 
Piensi  ntnte  wh-re  you  «nie  thh  Advert m'rnent. 
(CIRCl’I.AU. 
(!oiisuiu«r3  luiportliiR  Tea  (’o.,  i 
No,  8  Uliurcli  Street.  / 
P.  O.  Bo*  5,609.  New  York  City.  ) 
This  Isa  coinhinntlOD  of  napltullsta  to  supply  the 
consumers  of  Teas  throughout  the  United  Stales  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
We  have  experienced  agents  in  all  the  best  dis¬ 
tricts  of  China  and  Japan  to  select  Tens  pspeclaily 
for  our  trade. 
We  expect  every  consumer  of  T'eas  'o  render  n*  ail 
the  assistance  they  can  In  carrying  out  onr  enler- 
prlse,  aswo  make  a  specialty  of  SUPPLYING  CON- 
SUMKKS  ONLY  (and  allow  no  middlemen  to  make 
any  proilt  on  onr  Importations),  wnic)i  will  enable 
us  to  supply  tbem  wUb  Teas  at  pnoas  lower  than 
have  ever  been  known,  and  of  those  iltio  qualitle 
that  seldom  reach  the  Interior,  being  sold  only  to 
the  largo  cities  and  among  the  very  wealthy. 
Hoping  the  consumer  will  take  an  Interest  Incur 
enterprise,  and  send  at  onee  for  a  circular  with  full 
explanations  of  how  to  proceed  to  obtain  onr  goods, 
we  remain, 
Mo.<ii  respectfully  yours, 
4]onsniuers  Importing  Tea  fo.y 
No.  8  Church  Ht., 
P.  O.  Box  3,31)9.  New  York  City. 
Knlered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  In  January, 
1874,  by  the  Cousunierii  Importing  Tea  Co.,  in  the 
OUlce  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  W usblngtou,  1).0, 
SEND  FDIl  I’lRCUIiA  K  of  Agrlraltnral  Imple¬ 
ments  to  An  iiOTT,  ItUBW  A  CO..  Mfr’s.Clevolaud.O. 
WILI.AHD’W  PUAPTICAL  BUTTKK  HOOK 
costs  but  II.  and  is  the  standard.  Order  It. 
BUBAL  PUnLll8lHNG  CO..  78  Duane  St.,  N,  Y 
LjEND  TO  AUliTMAN  Ar  TAVI.OIt,  iHun— 
1^  Held,  O.,  for  a  picture  oi  ihelr  BooBter, /ftt 
WILLARD’S 
PRACTICAL 
Buttei  Book 
ONLY  COSTS  $1, 
And  should  be  in  the  hands  of  every  Fanner’s 
wife  III  this  ijoiiutry.  It  is  full  of  praciioal  and 
I  sclentlUc  infonnation  upon  every  branch  of 
I  butter  making,  from  the  care  of  nows  to  bnlter 
In  the  market,  and  should  be  kept  for  uonataiit 
reference  in  every  house  where  that  article  Is 
made. 
gTgy  TM»  booh  it  fully  and  hnndtomtly 
MllutlralttU 
Every  one  can  understand  It,  and  improve  the 
quality  and  qiiantltv  of  their  butter  by  refer¬ 
ence  to  its  pages.  Written  by  one  who  has  not 
only  made  a  life  study  of  the  subject,  but  tvho 
Is  himself  a 
Practical 
Palrvman^ 
It  cannot  but  be  tborongh  and  useful.  No  book 
contains  more  solid  information  upon  the  sub¬ 
ject  in  80  few  word.*.  A  complete  index  enables 
be  reader  to  refer  to  any  branch  of  butter  mak¬ 
ing,  and  take  In  the  whole  subject  in  a  very 
short  time. 
Lay  it  beside  your  cliurnf  and  apply  its 
useJuL  lessons  each.  lUiy,  and  your  one  dollar 
book  will  Jtuve  yielded  yon  fifty  dollars  before 
the  end  of  Ihe  year. 
Sent,  post-paid,  upon  receipt  of  $1. 
RURAL  PUBLISHING  CO. 
78  Duane  Street,  New  York. 
