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SFABKS  AKD  SFLINTEBS 
The  Foot  Guards — Boots. 
Animal  Spirits— Old  Tom. 
A  PRor.ANE  bii'd— Tho  chickard-d. 
A  UELIABLE  source — Worcestershire. 
A  JOINT  affair  The  butchers’  parade. 
The  place  for  “  whiUi  caps” — Off  Hatter-as. 
The  iron  horse  has  but  one  ear— Tho  engineer. 
A  SHOEMAEEii  is  a  member  of  the  solar  system. 
Pluck  will  carry  a  man  where  a  palace  car  will 
not. 
The  ladies  like  to  see  greenbacks  converted  in¬ 
to  pinbacks. 
A  HOTEL  host  comes  under  the  official  head  of 
inii  specters. 
A  coNHK-iVtiENCH-ALL  affair— The  Volunteer 
Firemen’s  Convention. 
Ii'  a  row  of  columns  is  a  colonnade,  isn’t  a  row 
of  lemons  a  lemonade. 
At  close  tpiarters  it  is  yard  arm  and  yard  arm 
with  a  dry  goods  clerk. 
The  first  man  that  ever  went  round  the  world 
— The  man  In  the  moon. 
What  is  the  next  thing  to  a  hen  stealing  ?” 
Why  a  cock  roltin,  to  he  sure. 
A  LAUV  who  always  walks  has  generally  a  liner 
carriage  than  one  who  always  rides. 
PiioEHSsou  TyNLALL  lias  boon  offered  a  baron¬ 
etcy  booau.se  bo  wrote  a  treati.se  on  “  Sound.” 
Tiiic  principal  objection  to  female  barbers  is 
that  tiiey’re  too  apt  to  turn  their  customers 
heads. 
A  DESi'ATiuNu  husband  asks  the  Ledger  how  to 
elevate  an  ill-tempered  wife.  Get  her  no  up,  we 
should  say. 
A  HALu-HEAUEi)  man  peddling  a  hair  restorer 
wan  tlie  confusing  spectacle  jnesented  to  Dan¬ 
bury  recently. 
Vaccinate.  Politeness  never  hurts  anybody. 
Small-pox  will  not  attack  you  if  you  allow  it  to 
take  your  arm. 
CoKious.  but  true — We  know  a  painter  M'hose 
palette  haa  been  destroyed,  and  yet  who  retains 
his  taste  perfectly. 
A  CELEBHATEU  gomunaud  once  said,  “  To  en¬ 
joy  a  stuffed  turkey  thoroughly,  there  should  bo 
only  two  pi'escut — ^yourself  and  the  turkey.” 
A  Sandv  Hill  young  lady  killed  a  polecat  re¬ 
cently  with  her  father’s  musket,  and  between  the 
musket  and  poleeut  both,  no  young  man  dares  to 
coino  within  a  mile  of  her  domicile. 
A  wao  u))on  visiting  a  medical  museum,  was 
shown  some  dwarfs  and  M]M!oinieus  of  mortality 
all  preserved  in  alcohol.  *'  Well,”  said  he,  “  I 
never  tliought  tlie  dead  conld  be  in  such  spklts.” 
The  author  of  tho  following  is  going  to  Phila- 
delpliia  with  tho  log  : — Wlien  Gen.  Stark  heard 
of  the  battle  of  Lexington,  he  was  at  work  in 
his  saw-mill,  hiu.  he  left  a  log  half-sawed  and  it 
was  never  lintshed  afterward. 
A  Wisconsin  editor  illustrates  the  prevailing 
extravagance  of  the  people  of  the  iiresent  day 
by  calling  attention  to  the  costly  baby  carriages 
in  use  now,  wliile,  when  ho  was  a  baby,  tlioy 
hauled  liiui  around  by  the  hair  of  the  lioad. 
People  wonder  how  gas  companies  acipiiro  so 
much  real  estate  and  so  many  houses  and  build¬ 
ings.  Any  man  who  biu  ns  gas  uuderstuuds  the 
mystoi’y.  The  company  turns  on  the  gas  in  a 
man’s  house,  and  lets  it  run  niitU  the  gas  bill  gets 
bigger  than  the  house ;  when  that  is  accomplished 
the  company  rakes  in  the  pile. 
“Now,’’  said  the  professor,  as  he  grew  ani 
mated  in  tho  discussion,  "all  matter  eon.stantly 
changes.  I  have  changed  since  taking  my  seat 
hero.  Every  single  moment  in  ruy  body  are  tens 
of  tlioiisands  of  blood  corpuscJe.s  .snia.slied  to 
pieces  and  forever  destroyed.”  Senior  in  the 
back  seat  fin  a  voice  expressive  of  deep  ivoudor) 
—“Gosh!" 
A  po:\iPous  fellow  was  dining  with  a  country 
family,  whoa  the  lady  of  the  house  desired  the 
servant  to  take  away  the  dish  containing  the 
fowl,  which  word  she  pronounced  fool,  as  is  not 
uncommon  in  Scotland.  “1  presume,  madam, 
you  mean  fowl,”  said  the  prig,  in  a  reproving 
tone.  “Very  well,”  said  the  lady,  a  little  nettled, 
“  be  it  so ;  take  away  the  fowl  and  let  the  fool 
remain.” 
A  DOCTOB  on  West  Adams  street  saved  a  young 
woman’s  life  two  months  ago.  When  lie  brought 
round  his  bill  the  grateful  father  replied : — “  Take  | 
her,  doctor ;  she  is  yours ;  her  heart  beats  only 
for  you.  Me  and  the  old  woman  will  come  and 
live  with  you  by-and-by."  Tho  sou  of  Escnlapius 
said  he  wasn’t  that  sort  of  a  man ;  that  he  could¬ 
n’t  afford  it;  that  seeing  it  was  him,  lie  would 
take  $CG.  “Sixty-aix  doUaia!"  screamed  the 
pious  father;  “why,  I  could  bmy  her  for  hall’ 
the  money.”— C/ifca^o  Tribune. 
ox  A.N 
Aiiltnian-Taylor  Straw  Stack. 
FAHMEK8  who  wish  to  SAVE  what  grain 
they  raise  and  secure  several  bushels  more  to  a 
field  than  they  ordinarily  get.  should  write  to 
THE  AULTMAN  &  TAYLOE  COMPANY,  Mans- 
fiold,  Ohio,  for  their  Illustrated  Pamphlet,  which 
will  be  sent  free  to  all  who  apply,  saying  that 
they  saw  this  advertisement  in  Moore’s  Eural 
New-Yorker. 
(CIHCULAH. 
('oiisumers  linportiiij^  Tea  ('o.,  ) 
No.  8  Oliiirvii  Ntreet.  r 
F.  O.  Kox  Now  York  City.  ) 
This  Isa  combinntliui  of  capitalists  to  sapplythe 
consumers  of  Teas  throinc)>out  the  United  States  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
Wo  have  experienced  agents  In  all  the  best  dis¬ 
tricts  nf  China  and  Japan  to  select  Teas  especially 
for  our  trade. 
Wo  expect  every  conenmer  of  Teas  *o  render  us  ail 
tlio  iissistiiiico  tliey  can  in  carryluj:  out  oiir  enter¬ 
prise,  as  we  nialto  a  specialty  of  SUI’l’LYlNU  COX- 
SUMKItr*  ONLY  (and  allow  no  iiiiddleuien  to  make 
any  proOt  on  our  Importations),  wnich  will  enable 
us  to  supply  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  than 
have  ever  been  known,  and  of  those  tine  (lualltle 
thet  soldotn  reacli  the  interior,  beliiK  sold  only  to 
the  lurKc  cities  and  umons:  the  very  wealthy. 
Hoping  the  consumer  will  taAe  an  Inlcreat  in  our 
enterpriae,  and  send  at  once  for  a  circular  with  full 
explanations  of  how  to  proceed  to  obtain  our  iioods, 
we  remain, 
Xlost  respectfully  yours, 
i'onsuuiers  Importing  Tea  to., 
No.  N  Church  Ht., 
I*.  O.  Ilox  5.50{».  New  York  City. 
Kntcred.accordinB  to  Aclof  Conuress.ln  Jannary, 
1874,  by  the  Consumers  Importini!  Tea  Co.,  in  the 
Ofticeof  tho  Librarian  of  Couareas,  Washington,  li.C. 
I  WA-llTVlUTY  IIV  TIIVEEI 
Katie. — “Pa  says  it’s  a  good  thing  your’e  bald-headed.” 
TomA*Mi.s.--“Why,  Miss  Katie?” 
Kntw.—“  ’Cause,  if  you  mairy  Sister  Bell,  she  Avouldu’t  leave  a  hair  in  six  minutes ! 
CORTLAND  WAGON  MANUF’G  CO 
Cortland,  N.  Y. 
illsEf^S 
poRrABii 
Ur  Semi  tor  Ciitiilnuue, 
TiiK  TtjjimvA^  r*Ai]srT 
_ _  IS  THE 
BEST  PAINT  IN  THE  WORLD. 
There  is  no  Faint  mamifuetiired  tliutwill  resist  water  equal  to  it.  Itia  Hinoolh. 
Glossy.  Durable.  Klnstic,  Iteautlful  and  Ucononiical;  and  of  any  shade  from 
PUUE  WniTK  to  JET  fll..\OK ;  mid  ns  evidonco  of  its  beini^the  JiEST PAJNT 
the  necessity  of  their  esUiblishliiK  the  following  Brandi  Factories  will  abun¬ 
dantly  testify. 
BRANCH  rACTORIES: 
500  West  .'<t..  New  York.  Sff  West  Van  Itiireii  r»i.,  (ihicnKo,  111. 
1210  M.  Third  r4t..  Si.  I.ouis.  lilu.i  mid  a  WhiileKnIe  Depot  at  W’lii. 
liiiiy  tV  Kro..  No.  Norili  l.ikerty  St.,  linliiinore,  Md. 
Sample  Card  and  immerons  Testimonials  sent  FREE  on  application. 
KN  |I  vr*iir  tt»lilrc6d  for  IMp  **  A^riciiilurHi  Eefiu6iiilNt/’  tlaecrl|ilive 
HUil  lllufitfiktctl.  Ul^A OO.f  rnvustf}  ^  • 
It  is  the  OrlEi  mil  and  Duly  llrlinhlc  ^lixeil  I'aint,  mixed  Heady  fur  Use. 
It  Is  the  most  Dii'-iible,  the  H" inUmiiiKt  and  most  ecoiininiciil  paint  made.  Send  for  siimpln  card,  with 
testimonials  from  owners  of  tho  tines*,  residi-rices  in  tlie  country.  For  sale  in  every  soction  of  the  country. 
AVEICIlil.  tUtKilICAi.  FAINT  CO.,  lliirliiis.'  Hlip,  N.  V.  Oily. 
M  Tlieac  .ara  the  best 
i%and  most  economical 
jU^^ode;  impervious  to 
(]am]iDess,  heat  and 
"W  uold.  Send  for  snin- 
W  pies  to  B.  E.  IIALK 
*  Cc  CO.,  6S  and  68  Park 
H  Place,  New  York. 
THE  BEST  HORSE  RAKE! 
Excels  all  others  j  Simple,  Efficient,  Durable ; 
more  than  50,000  in  use,  giving 
entire  satisfaction. 
Agents  wanted  where  we  have  none.  Send 
for  Illustrated  Catalogue. 
WIIEELEU  ifc  ItfELIt'K  CO., 
.\Ilmiiy,  N.  Y. 
WILLIAMS  liUOTHEKS.^,  _ 
libaca,  >.  1 . 
ABBOTT,  BREW  &  CO.,  . 
tileveland,  tIUio. 
GR£AT  REDUCTION. 
TEAS  AND  COFFEES 
AT  WHOLESALE  PRICES. 
inerenaed  Fuclllilea  to  Club  OrKanIzers, 
Bond  for  Now  Price  Llat. 
THE8REATAMERICANTEAC0. 
P.  0.  Box  5643.  Si  &  33  Veaey  St.,  New  York 
LANE  A  BODLEY’S 
Ten-Horse  Farm  Engine 
Awarded  Grand  Premium  of 
*100.00  IN  GOLD 
At  tho  last  Cincinnati  Inrtiiatrlal  Exposition,  over 
six  exhlliltors,  after  a  six  days’  pract  leal  test.  Send 
for  Circular  giving  douvUs  of  the  fiunous  trial. 
LANE  &  BODLEY,  John  and  Water  Sts.,  Cincinnati. 
EARN  TELEGRAPH 
The  best  offer  ever  made  to  young 
men  and  Indies.  Address  Witli.  stump 
SUEKMAX  TETL,  CO.,  OBEHLIN,  O. 
FRANZ  SAVIER  HSISSINGRR, 
PRACTICAL 
Landscape  &  Garden  Architect 
196  BROADWAY,  NBW  YORK. 
END  TO  JAMES  BUAYI.EV,  fli-rK4i,o,  N.  Y..  for  De/ctlplive 
Price  Ll.l  of  Uullkla  PitU  TLrB.lieta  auJ  llorw  Bowen. 
END  SI  FOR  WILLARD’S  PRACTICAL 
I  Butter  Book,  to  Ruhal  P&b.  Co.,  78  Duane  st. 
SEND  TO  AULTMAN  A:  TAYLOR,  Mans, 
field,  0„  for  a  picture  of  their  Rooster,  yrec. 
