I  ij 
omm 
TWO  AEISTOCEATS, 
“  Bilt.v,”  Haid  one  newsboy  to  another  recent¬ 
ly,  as  they  thronged  the  sidewalk  in  a  mass 
awaiting  the  advent  of  the  Evening  Eepublica!!, 
“  wot’s  the  matter  o’  yer  complexion?  Ain’t 
yor  health  good,  ray  deai-  ?” 
“  It’s  disHcrpjishmi,  cully,”  was  the  prompt 
reply.  “  Wot  witli  oj>en  er«  an’  late  hours  in  the 
spring,  an’ these  swell  parties  just  now,  an’  high 
livin’,  I'm  a  roouiniu’  ray  coutcrtfioshun.  I  ain’t 
wot  1  wu/  in  my  younger  days,  I  tell  yer !” 
“Jestez  I  thought,  Billy;  yor  must  letup. 
Didn’t  I  see  yor  raakln*  a  call  ez  T  directed  my 
coachraau  ter  taJic  a  little  turn  tlirough  Loocas 
place  yeslorday,  and  didn't  yer  have  a  bookay  ?” 
“  I  ’spoHO  ’twas  juo  yer  saw.  I  take  ’or  a  -tS 
bookay  now  an  then.  ’Hmy  style,  yer  know." 
”  Wa’al,  it’s  all  right,  Billy,  it’s  all  right ;  but 
don’t  yer  be  throwin’  yerself  away  1  Yer  too 
much  uv  a  ornament  ter  eerciety,  yer  be,  ter 
waste  j'ersfilf." 
“Oh,  I  know  my  vail  y.  Don’t  yer  bo  alarm¬ 
ed.  Hitch  up  yer  britches  an’  have  a  partagor, 
cully." 
And  then  the  two  scions  of  a  bloated  aristocracy 
sat  down  on  the  curbstone  together,  and  smoked 
a  couple  of  cigar  stubs  with  great  dignity  and 
considerable  labor. — >^1.  Louis  Rep. 
SPAEKS  AND  SPLINTEES, 
The  first  successful  Granger — Oo-crops. 
aftlit  iiiitr  Dumor. 
The  bull-frog  was  the  first  cu-culating  green¬ 
back,  and  the  entire  breed  have  been  notorious 
iuliatioiiists  ever  suico  the  fhxid. 
All  in  St.  Louis.  Her  name  was  Mario  Meyer 
and  his  was  Helper  Bogg.  He  wanted  to  mari"y 
Jlario  and  helper  tlrrough  the  mire. 
“  Is  yoni-  house  a  warm  one,  landlord  ?"  asked 
a  gentleman  in  search  of  a  house.  “It  ought  to 
be,”  was  the  reply;  “the  painter  gave  it  two 
coats  recently." 
New  Mexico  is  to  be  admitted  into  the  Union 
under  the  name  of  “Montezuma.”  A  more 
appiopriate  name,  considering  the  prevailing 
weakness  of  the  iuliabitants  would  be  “Three- 
cardinoutezuma." — Uliivugo  Times. 
Editous  have  tliscoverod  bj'  long  and  cai’eful 
ohBorvations  that  the  beat  way  to  save  a  man’s 
life  when  he  is  sitrk  is  to  expend  a  good  deal  of 
labor  in  the  preparation  of  an  elaborate  l>io- 
gra)>hical  sketch  to  bo  used  in  case  of  death. 
The  victim  always  gets  well. 
“The  boy  may  walk,"  s.aid  a  Brooklyn  peda¬ 
gogue  to  the  class  in  grammar.  “Parse ‘may 
walk.’”  “  ‘  May  walk*  is  a  verb,"  said  the  fh'st 
boy,  “delightful  mood,  pluperfect  tense,  singu¬ 
lar  number  ]iresont,  and  baa  for  its  object  sponge 
cake  and  ice  eroam,  understood.” 
Tuis  is  the  season  when,  as  they  fondly  linger 
at  the  galo,  ho  saysiu  tones  tremulous  with  the 
ocstaoy  of  love,  “  Darhug,  my  own  precious 
darling,  one  fond  kiss  before  wo  part !"  and  a 
sliai'pj  voice  from  the  ui.)-slnirs  wuidow  calls  out, 
“Sarah  Jane  you  march  hito  the  house.  To- 
morrer  is  washin’  day,  and  yon  ain’t  a  going  to 
lay  abed  till  noon,  now  I  toll  you  !’’ 
Veuv  Steun  Parent  Indeeu. — “Come  here 
sir.  What  oomplaint  is  this  the  schoolmaster 
has  made  against  you  Much  Injured  Youth— 
“It's  just  nothing  at  all.  Ybu  see  Jemmy 
Hughes  bent  a  pin,  and  I  only  just  left  it  on  the 
teacher’s  ehair  for  him  to  look  at  it,  and  ho  came 
in  without  Ills  sjioch  and  sat  right  down  on  the 
pin,  and  now  ho  wants  to  blame  mo  for  it." 
“  My  wife  tolls  tho  truth  tliroo  times  a  day,” 
romarkod  a  jocose  old  follow  casting  a  mischiev¬ 
ous  glauco  at  his  “  bettor  half.”  “  Befoi  e  rising 
in  the  inornhig,  she  says,  ‘  Oh  dear,  I  must  get 
up,  but  1  don’t  want  to!’  After  breakfast,  she 
adds,  ‘  Well,  1  suppose  I  must  get  to  work,  but  1 
don’t  want  to.’  And  she  goes  to  lied  saying, 
‘  There !  1  have  been  on  the  move  all  day,  and 
haven’t  done  anything.’” 
The  Norrislowii  Herald  soasouably  says : 
“  Young  man,  if  you  should  see  youi'  girl  gazhig 
intently  ul  your  feel  don’t  shift  them  about  uu- 
easily,  or  draw  them  up  and  sit  upon  them, 
under  the  impression  that  she  is  overwhelmed 
by  then'  iiumcnse  size.  8he  is  merely  taking 
theu'  measure  mentally  for  a  pair  of  sUppers,  on 
the  toes  of  whicli  she  intends  to  work  a  blue  dog 
with  a  greeu  tail  and  scarlet  eai’s." 
IlAiin  Times.— The  carpenters  say  they  don’t 
got  euough  to  jiay  theh  hoard.  The  shoemakers 
that  it  takes  their  all  h)  keep  thorn  at  work,  and 
their  sole  dependaneo  is  of  their  last  job.  Tailors 
Lave  determitied  to  give  their  customers 
The  hatters  have  kept  a  heiul,  T)u>  gaslittei's  go 
ill  for  H'jht  work.  Baliers  say  they  rued  more, 
aud  don’t  like  to  see  so  many  loaf -or s.  Butchers 
have  to  work  at  killing  prices.  The  buaiuess  of 
the  paper  makers  brings  them  to  rags,  while  that 
of  the  piiuters  is  qmin-less. 
A.  WATEKllVO  -  r»I.> ACE  IIVCI  I>EIVT 
Swell — “Aw,  beg  pardon!  But  I  believe  you  dropped  this!” 
FATTENED 
ON  AN 
Aultman-Taylor  Straw  Stack. 
FAEMEES  who  wish  to  SAVE  what  grain 
they  raise  and  secure  several  bnfibcls  more  to  a 
field  than  they  ordinarily  get.  should  write  to 
THE  AULTMAN  &  TAYLOE  COMPANY,  Mans¬ 
field,  Ohio,  for  their  lEustratod  Pamphlet,  which 
will  be  sent  free  to  all  who  apply,  saying  that 
they  saw  this  advertisement  in  Moore’s  Enrol 
New-Yorker. 
‘Ihe  vibrator.” 
1,000  HOED  1.A8T  HEASON 
WITHOIT  OM:  FAILI  UK  OR  KKJECTIOV. 
This  1b  the  fninouK  Threshing'  machine  that  haa 
'*  swept  the  field”  and  crr-jiU-ii  i>uch  a  revolution  In 
the  trade,  hy  He  match lkhs  UiiAlN-hAVl.NQ  AND 
Time-Savino  principles. 
I BRATOR’’ 
TIIK  liXTBBTCIi,  BAINT 
BEST  PAINT  IN  THE  WORLD. 
Py*.  Thorn  Is  no  Paint  mnmj foci  nrert  that  will  resist  water  (Kuml  to  It.  It  is  Smooth, 
Glossy,  Durable,  Elastlo,  Ilcautllul  iind  Knonomlc:tl ;  and  of  any  shade  from 
’  / '  I’DItlO  WllITlSto  .IKT  m.ACKj  and  as  ovMcuco  of  U.s  bnlni?  the  BE.STPAim 
Bie  /lecessUy  of  their  eslabliahltiK  tlm  followlPK  tiranch  Factories  will  ubun- 
AV'"  tinntly  testify. 
I  -ml  •  branchtactories: 
g  ,500  \Ve«r  Ht.,  Nirw  York,  .S.’l  Weal  Van  Iliii'i.|i  St.,  Chtcaffo,  III. 
^  -naSr  '•'•'ird  Hi.,  Hi.  LoiiIm,  .llo.i  niiii  n  WholoMnle  Depot  at  Win, 
IkiuE  Jk  llro.,  No.  Noi'lli  I.ilierty  Ht.,  i{iiltlniore,  Mil. 
<int  coi^  Sample  Card  and  niiraerous  Testimoniala  sent  FREE  on  application. 
.A.rt3E;  YOXJ  C3rOI3Xr<3-  ToX 
USE  NONE  BTIT  Till? 
Olxoxxxio^l  ct±i3,X. 
It  is  the  Origliiol  nnil  Duly  llelinhle  Mixed  I’niiit.  Mixed  Jtenily  for  Use. 
It  Is  the  most  Dunihlf,  the  Iln  tuhionii'it  and  most  econointcnl  paint  made.  Send  for  sample  card,  with 
tostimouiala  from  owners  of  the  tlncsl  rcsldeiioes  in  the  <'onntrv.  For  salo  In  every  section  of  the  country. 
_ ^BKII.I.  CHK  VIIUA  L  PAINT  Co.,  .3  J  lliirlliitf  Klip,  N.  Y.  City. 
I  Trythe  CORTLAND  PLATFORM  SPRING  WAGON. 
^  ijimi 
.A-iXe; 
(CIKCOLAR.; 
€ousnmers  Iinporlinf?  Tea  ('o., 
No.  8  Chnrcli  Htreet. 
P.  O.  «ox  5,600.  New  York  City. 
Tills  Is  a  comhlnailon  of  capitaUsts  to  supply  the 
consumers  of  Teas  throudhout  the  United  States  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
Wo  have  experienced  agents  in  all  the  best  dis¬ 
tricts  of  China  and  Japan  to  select  Teas  espeoially 
for  our  trade. 
We  expect  every  consumer  of  Teas  to  render  us  ail 
SOU!  .MAtipPACTrilERP, 
Porter  Blanchard’s  Sons, 
1  Bond  for  Circulars.]  CONCORD,  N.  H. 
.Sample  churns  sent  to  towns  where  we  have  no 
the  assistance  they  can  In  carrying  out  our  enter-  On  receipt  of  as  per  cent,  less  than  OUr 
prise,  as  we  make  a  specialty  of  SUPPLYING  CON-  ret.au  price. 
SUMHIUS  ONLY  <and  allow  no  middlemen  to  make 
any  profit  on  our  Importations),  wnich  will  enable 
us  to  supply  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  than 
hare  over  been  known,  and  of  those  tine  qualltie 
that  seldom  resell  the  Interior,  being  sold  only  to 
the  large  cities  and  among  the  very  wealthy. 
Hoping  the  consumer  will  take  an  Interest  In  onr 
enterprise,  and  send  at  once  for  a  circular  with  full 
exphinatlone  of  how  to  proceed  to  obtain  our  goods, 
we  remain, 
Most  respectfully  yours, 
(.ousnioers  Importing  Tea  Co., 
No.  h  Church  Ht., 
P.  O.  Kox  5.500.  New  York  City. 
Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  In  January, 
1874,  by  the  Consumers  importmg  Tea  Co.,  in  the 
Ofllcoof  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  tVashliisrton.D.C. 
gh,i:at  reduction. 
TEAS  AND  COFFEES 
AT  WHOLESALE  TillfES. 
Increnseil  Fiicilitles  to  Club  Organizers. 
Bend  for  New  Price  l.iut. 
TKE6REATA^ERICANTEAC8. 
P.  0.  Box  6643.  8i  &  33  Vesey  St.i  New  York 
SEND  yoiiT  udilre.B  for  the  “  Agricultural  Economl.t,’*  descrlptlv. 
and  llluetratod.  BRADLEY  WK’G  C0„  Syraca..,  N,  Y. 
Learn  telegraph^ 
The  best  offer  ever  made  to  young  M 
men  and  ladles.  Address  with  stump 
SUKitMAN  'I'lCL.  CO.,  ODERLlN,  D. 
CIKND  TO  AlIl.TMAN  iV  TAYLOR,  Muus- 
n  Held,  O.,  for  a  picture  Of  their  Rooster, /rre. 
^KND  1X1  JAMES  BRAYLEY,  Burruio,  N.  Y.,  for  Dworlptlve 
W  I’tlco  LIM  of  Budidu  I'lm  Throtber.  and  Hiirw  Pow»r«. 
CJLND  »l  FOR  WII.LAUD’H  PRACTICAL 
ID  Butter  Book,  to  uttiiai.  Pfb.  Co..  78  Duane  bt. 
T^EE-G I FEO RD’H  H5V1 N tilNtJ 
^  CATTLE  STANCHIONS, 
8elf-closlng.  self-fastening.  One  farm  right  /rre  In 
each  town  to  the  llrst  applicant.  Girr  (lanis  of  town, 
count]/  Iind  UtaUu  For  Illustrated  Descriptive  Circu¬ 
lar  and  Deed,  send  25  cents  to 
W.  C.  QIFFOKD,  Jamestown,  N.  Y. 
THR  ENOUMOUH  WA8XAGB  of  grain,  so  Diridt- 
able  with  other  niy/rtc  of  Thriishers.  can  be  bAVED 
by  this  IroproTi  d  Machine,  sufflewnt,  on  every  job,  to 
more  than  pay  all  cxvrrme  of  tlircshluK- 
FLAX.  TIMOTHY,  MILLET,  HUNOAIUAN  and 
like  seeds,  are  threshed.  sepHruled,  cleaned  and 
saved,  as  easily  aud  perfectly  as  Wheat.  Oats,  Rye 
or  Barley. 
an  KXTUA  PHICB  Is  UBuallv  paid  for  grain  and 
seeds  olouuod  by  Ibis  uiachinc,  for  extra  cleunhness. 
IN  TUB  WET  GRAIN  of  1875  those  were  substan¬ 
tially  the  ONl.y  MACHINES  that  could  run  with 
profit  or  economy,  doing  fast,  thorough  and  perfect 
work,  when  others  ulteriy  failed. 
All  GRAIN,  TIME  and  MONEY  wasting  complD 
cations,  such  as  '*  Endless  Aprons.  uaddles, 
••Beaters.''  “Pickers,”  etc.,  are  tiitirfiy  duwneed 
with;  less  than  onc-ljalt  the  usual  Gears,  Belts, 
Itoxes  and  Journals!  eusiei  muniigcd;  moro  dura¬ 
ble.;  Ughl  running  i  no  ooatly  repairs  j  no  <lu*t;  no 
“ UtterTngs ”  t<»  clean  up;  not  troubled  by  adverse 
winds,  rain  or  storms. 
FARMBRSand  GRAIN  KAISERS  who  arc  posted 
In  the  large  saving  made  by  It.  will  not  eniploy  In¬ 
ferior  and  wastetiiT  niachiiies,  but  will  insist  on  this 
Improved  Thresher  doing  their  work. 
FOUR  SIZR0  made  for  i>,  8,  111  and  12  Dorse  Powers. 
Also  a  specialty  of  SkpaBaTorS  designed  and  made 
kxprkbsly  you  mtkam  power. 
TWO  ST'YLES  OF  HORSE  POWERS,  vl*.:  OUr 
improved  ••'I'riplc  Gear,”  and  nur  ‘Hpur  Speed, 
(Woodbury  Stylo),  both  •''  Mounted  “  on  four  wheels. 
IF  I.NTKRBSTKD  In  Thriuthlng  or  Grain  Raising, 
apply  to  our  ncareHt  Denier,  or  writi*  to  us  for  lUus- 
traied  Circular  (sent  free)  giving  full  particulars  of 
Sises,  StylOB.  PtIcob,  Terms,  etc. 
Nichols,  Shepard  &  Co., 
Rattle  Creek,  Mich. 
machines 
RUSS  ELI-  8tC? 
SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR  of  Agricultural  Imple¬ 
ments  to  Abboii,  Brew  &  Co.,  Mfr’s.Clevelana.O. 
Boxed  and  shipped  to  any  part  of  the  world.  For 
further  information,  address 
JONES  OF  BINGHAMTON.  ^ 
Binghamton,  N.  Y. 
Spring  Avenue  Gardens. 
WINTER-BLOOMING  PLANTS 
A  SPECIALTY. 
Carnations,  Smilux,  Neapolitan  Violets,  Bouvar- 
dlas,  Chinese  Asaleas.  Lily  of  the  Valley.  All  the 
new  and  most  desirable  Geraniums  and  similar 
plants.  Also,  a  great  variety  of  the  common  and 
fancy  Hardy  Evergreen  Trees,  as  low  as  they  can 
be  purchased  of  any  trustworthy  dealer. 
Address  H*  'Y.  HALEH, 
Ridgewood,  Uergcu  Co.,  N,  J* 
