BO/^RD 
REASOMABLF 
MOORE’S  RURAL  NEW-YORKER. 
JULY  S 
Mil  anil  |)mnor. 
“NOBLESSE  OBLIGE.” 
Inteklocutob. — “  Wbo’B  that  showy  woman 
who  talks  and  laughs  so  loud,  and  digs  i>eople 
in  the  ribs  ?” 
Interlocutrix.— “  Oh,  that’s  the  Duchess  of 
Bayswater.  She  was  a  Lady  Gwendolen  Beau- 
manoir,  you  know !” 
Interlocutor  (with  warmth) — “Ah!  to  be 
sure!  That  accounts  for  her  high-bred  ease, 
her  aristocratic  simplicity  of  manner,  her  natui  - 
ul  and  straight-forward — " 
Interlocutrix  (putting  up  her  eye-glass). — “By 
the  bye,  pardon  mo  1  1  have  unintentionally  mis¬ 
informed  you;  it’s  Mrs.  Judkins.  Khe’s  the 
widow  of  an  alderman,  and  her  father  w'as  a 
chee.semonger  in  the  Now-cut!" 
Interlocutor. — “  JJear  me  I— ah  I— hum ! — er— 
hum! — ha  I  That  alters  the  case  !  She  is 
very  vulgar,  1  nmst  say — awful !” 
[N.  B.— It  was  the  duchess  after  allj. — Punch. 
SPAKKS  AND  SPLINTERS. 
Men  of  stamiJ — Postmasters. 
The  national  gait — Investigate. 
A  PROFESSION  easel-y  learned— The  artist’s. 
A  FLaaoiNO  industry — The  paving  business. 
A  VERY  nan’ow  aperture — The  crack  of  a  whip. 
Moving  for  a  new  tiial — Courting  a  second 
wife. 
How  to  violate  the  tenth  commandment  in  two 
loiters — N  V. 
WuAT  all  would  fain  have  and  many  feign  to 
have — Money. 
Domestic  Magazines — Wives  who  blow  up 
their  husbauds. 
Why  should  you  never  tell  secrets  in  a  com- 
lield  ? — Because  all  the  stalks  have  ears. 
What  bii’d  is  likely  to  take  meet  care  of  his 
toilet  ? — The  cock,  because  he  oaiTies  a  comb. 
Master — Now  where  did  the  CyoloiJS  live  ? 
Youth — In  Cyclopaedia,  please  sir.  Master — Go 
down. 
If  a  young  lady  wishes  to  encourage  her  lover, 
the  best  thing  she  can  do  when  he  gives  her  a 
squeeze  is— to  repress  him. 
“The horse  bit  Uls master ; 
Uuw  came  it  to  jmss  ? 
Ho  beard  the  good  paAtor 
Say.  ‘  All  flesb  is  yrass.’ " 
Irascible  gent  (to  waiter) — “  They  say  there’s 
nothing  like  leather,  don't  they?”  “Yes,  sir.” 
“Then  it’s  a  lie,  for  the  steak  is  I”  (Waiter 
evaporates.), 
“  You  are  a  nuisance !  I’ll  commit  you  I”  said 
an  olTeuded  judge  to  a  noisy  person  i a  court. 
“  You  have  no  right  to  commit  a  imisance,”  said 
the  ollender. 
After  a  play  a  young  Frenchman  said  to  his 
friend.  ‘  ‘  1  could  play  the  lover  better  than  that 
myself.”  She  replied: — “Then,  why  in  con¬ 
science  don’t  you  ?” 
A  sHREwm  old  Yankee  said  he  didn’t  beheve 
tliere  was  any  dowm-ight  cm-o  for  laziness  in  a 
man.  “  But,”  ho  added  “Iv'e  known  a  second 
wife  to  hurry  it  some.” 
An  editor  at  a  dimier  party,  being  asked  if  he  n 
would  have  some  pudding,  replied  in  a  fit  of  ah-  J 
strnction  Owing  to  a  press  of  more  unim¬ 
portant  matter,  w'e  ai-e  imablc  to  find  room  for 
it." 
It  was  Lord  Houghton  who,  when  a  lady,  more 
beautiful  in  her  own  eyes  than  those  of  the 
world,  was  boasting  that  she  had  had  hundreds  y 
of  men  at  her  feet,  romai’ked  in  an  undertone  ‘ 
“  Chii'opodists.” 
An  Irish  agricultmal  journal  advertises  a 
new  washing  machine  under  the  he.ading —  — 
“Every  man  his  own  ivasher-woman,”  and  in  its 
cuhuary  department  says  that  “  potatoes  should 
always  be  boiled  in  cold  water.” 
A  MERCHANT  wciit  home  the  otlier  night  and 
said  cheerfully  to  his  wife  : — “Well,  my  dear  I 
have  failed  at  last.”  “Oh,  that’s  good!”  ex-  - 
claimed  the  wife  with  a  radiant  face  ;  “  Now  we 
can  go  to  the  Centeimial,  sure.” 
Soon,  very  soon,  that  deUcious  interval  will 
arrive  when  the  war-worn  city  pastor  takes  his 
needed  recreation,  and  the  young  man  in  holy 
orders  occupies  his  vacated  pulpit  in  search  of  _ 
earthly  distinction  and  a  rich  wife. 
A  c.vrrAiN  caught  an  Irish  boy  in  tbe  middle  i 
watch  frying  some  pork  and  eggs  he  had  stukMi  I 
from  the  ship’s  stores,  to  whom  the  captain  called  h 
out : — “  Y’ou  lubber,  you,  I'll  have  none  of  that !”  ^ 
“  F.iith,  captain,  I’ve  none  for  ye,”  replied  the  L 
lad.  ” 
Frank  Buc eland  is,  as  usual,  industrious  as  1 
ever:  he  has  discovered  another  hybrid — know’s  ^ 
it  can  be  easily  acclimatized  in  this  country,  and  • 
has  done  well  for  years.  It  is  a  cioss  of  the  bee 
(not  a  spelling  one)  and  a  bug ;  he  proposes  to  Iji 
call  it  “  humbug,” — Sporting  Times.  ' 
--  -  ■_  _ _ If 
— — 
VIJUWW  THE  ©A-AIH  fcsUB.JTlCT. 
Quaker  La?K«ord.— Thee  ai-e  good  to  thyself,  John,  and  if  thy  boarders  are  reasonable 
thee  will  have  cause  to  bo  glad  of  the  Centennial.  ’ 
Boarde?'.— There  he  goes.  It’s  easy  to  see  we  have  the  herbs  and  he  the  contentment. 
Wants  mo  to  play  shadow  to  his  sun  dial.  Followed  him  yesterday  two  miles  to  get  a  good 
squnre  smell,  that  I  might  not  forget  w'hat  a  good  dinner  w-as  hke. 
CORTLAND  WAGON  MANUF’C.  CO, 
V  Cortland,  N.  Y. 
Send  for  Ciiliilngiie. 
THE  RUBBER  RAHSTT 
BEST  PAINT  IN  THE  WORLD. 
I*  tiianufacturert  that  will  resist  water  equal  to  It.  It  Is  Smoolb. 
Economloul!  and  of  any  shade  from 
/  PBlik  WHITE  to  JUT  BLACK:  and  as  evidence  of  Its  being  the  BEST  PAINI 
of  their  cstablislilng  tho  following  Branch  Factories  will  nbun- 
/:y  t  duntly  testify. 
kS-K  BnANCn  TAOTORIES: 
West  Van  Biiren  Si.,  Chicaeo,  III. 
lhlr4  Hf,,  8l.  JjouIn,  iiiui  a  Wliole»ale  Depot  at  Win- 
^  &  Hro,,  No.  'Z  North  J-ibrrty  Nt.,  Unltiinurev 
r  co.'»«'  Sample  Oard  and  numerotis  Testimonials  sent  PKEE  on  application. 
“THE  VIBRATOR.” 
1,000  SOLI)  LAST  SEASON 
wiTnorr  «.\r,  failirf,  ok  ufjection. 
TlilH  In  the  famous  Threshing  uiaohlne  that  has 
swept  the  ttpid”  and  created  such  a  revolution  in 
the  trade,  by  Its  matchless  Ghain-Saving  and 
1  III  i'.-Sa VINO  prineljde*. 
TTOTJ  CSrOIlMCpr  TO  T*  Ay  TT^TT  ? 
CSK  NONE  RUT  THE 
It  is  the  OHgliinl  nnd  Only  Kellublp  >llxed  Pnint,  .Tlixed  Ready  for  Use. 
the  most  Dumblr,,  the  Hhrid/iomrA-/  and  most  enononilcal  paint  made.  Send  for  sample  card  wnli 
testlmomalB  from  owners  #!*’»'■  section  of  tbe  country. 
_ _ _ _ A  VLKILL  <  HDIIC’AL  PAINT  CO.,  32  IturiiiKc  Slip,  N.  V'.  City. 
•  '*  II  »  —  -  — 
g»^o%'nis 
V 
I 
GREAT  KEDUCTION, 
TEAS  AND  COFFEES 
AT  UllOl.CSALE  PRICES. 
luoreaKed  KaclllileH  to  Uliib  Oraanlzera. 
Send  for  New  Price  List. 
THESREATAMERICANTEACO. 
P.  O.  Jinx  5MS.  3 .  .  S3  Vesey  St„  New  York 
T’HK  KNOUMOUg  WA.SV  AGK  of  grain,  so  Inridt- 
(ihle  with  othfr  xtj/ipjt  of  'I'hiesbors,  can  be  SAVKII) 
by  this  'njproved  -Miiclilne,*u;^cirt<f.  on  rrerp  job,  to 
more  than  png  att  expritus  of  IhresbluK. 
FLAX,  TIMOTHY,  MILLKT,  HUNOAKIAN  and 
like  seeds,  arc  threshed,  scpar.'iUd,  cleaned  and 
saved,  as  ca.siJy  und  perfectly  as  Wheat,  Outs,  Uye 
or  Barley. 
AN  BXTUA  PUICE  Is  usually  paid  for  grain  and 
seeds  cleaned  by  this  macbmo.  for  extra  clewnllness. 
LV  TH  K  WKT  GUAIN  of  1S75  these  were  substan¬ 
tial^  the  ONLY  MaCHINKS  thut  could  run  with 
profit  or  ecotioiny,  doing  fust,  thorough  and  perfect 
work.,  uilun  uthcrr  uttctly  failrxt. 
All  GllAIN,  TLMF  ai.d  MONFY  wssilng  cotnpll- 
cntlons.  such  as  “  Endless  Aprons,”  "  rtaddles,” 
■‘Beaters.”  **Plcker«,”  etc.,  are  intirrly  itUpinsed 
with;  less  than  une-bult  the  usual  Gears,  Belts, 
Boxes  and  .loumuly,  eiisinc  nii.nmgod :  more  dura¬ 
ble;  light  running ;  no  costly  repairs;  no  dust;  no 
"littering*’'  to  clean  up;  not  troubled  by  adverse 
winds,  lain  or  storms. 
FARMERS  und  GRAIN  U .V.ISKRS  who  are  posted 
iu  the  lurge  saving  made  hy  It,  will  not  employ  iti- 
fenorand  wasteful  mochtpee,  but  will  Insist  on  this 
Improved  Threslier  doing  their  work. 
FOUn  SIZES  mudoforij,?.  lUund  W  Horse  Powers. 
Also  a  spcoiulty  of  Skpakatomh  designed  nnd  made 
KXPaxagi.v  you  ant  am  i'owau. 
TWO  STYLES  OF  HOB8K  POWERS,  viz.:  our 
improved  "Triple  Gear,”  and  our  "Spur  Speed," 
(Woodbury  Stylu),  hoUi  ‘‘  Mounted  ”  on  /our  wheels. 
IF  iNTFKES'i'ED  ID  Threshing  orGinln  Kalsing, 
npply  to  our  nearest  Iiealer,  or  write  to  us  for  illus¬ 
trated  Clronlur  Gent  free}  giving  lull  particulars  of 
Sizes,  Styles,  Prices,  Terras,  etc. 
,  Terras,  etc. 
Nichols,  Shepard  &  Co., 
Buttle  Creek,  Dtich. 
The  American 
CIDER  HULL 
will  grind  mere  Cider  f rom  tb  e  same  weight  of  apples 
than  any  other  mill  In  the  world.  Send  for  Circulars. 
ABBOTT,  BUEW  tfc  CO., 
Cleveland,  Ohio. 
(CIHCDLAB. ) 
('ousumers  Importing  Tea 
€o.y } 
IVo.  8  Cliurcli  Ntreet.  r 
P.  O.  Itox  6,600.  New  York  CKf.  ) 
This  Isa  combination  of  capitalists  to  supply  tbe 
consumers  of  Tens  throughout  the  United  States  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
We  have  exporionced  agents  in  all  the  best  dls- 
irlelBof  China  and  Japan  to  select  Teas  espeoially 
for  our  trade. 
We  expect  every  consumer  of  Teas  to  render  us  ail 
the  assistance  they  can  in  carrying  out  our  enter¬ 
prise, us  «e  make  a  specialty  of  SUPFLYING  CON¬ 
SUMERS  ONLY  (and  allow  no  middlemen  to  make 
any  proflt  on  our  Importations),  wnich  will  enable 
us  to  supply  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  than 
nave  ever  been  known,  and  of  those  tlueqnalttle 
thei  seldom  reach  ih©  Interior,  being  sold  only  to 
the  large  cities  and  among  tho  very  wealthy. 
Hoping  the  consumer  will  lake  an  Interest  iu  our 
etilerprise,  and  send  at  once  fora  circular  with  full 
explanations  of  how  to  proceed  to  obtain  oar  goods, 
we  remain, 
Must  respectfully  yours, 
Cousamers  Importinj^  Tea  Oo.) 
No.  N  Chnrch  8t., 
P.  O.  Box  3,309.  New  York  City. 
Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  In  January, 
1874,  by  the  Consumers  Importing  Tea  Co.,  in  the 
Ufllce  of  tbe  Libruriun  of  Congress,  Washington,  D.C, 
Ti 
IF  YOU  WANT  - 
HRESHING^ 
THE  BEST, 
ACHINE 
EARN  TELEGRAPH 
I  The  best  offer  ever  made  to  young 
men  and  ladles.  .Address  with  stamn 
SHERMAN  TEL.  CO.,  Obehlin,  O. 
Y 
ever  made,  send  3  cent  stamp  to  M.  Harder,  Empire 
Agricultural  Works,  Coblcskill,  N.  Y.,  for  Postage  on 
Catalogue,  with  |>rlce.  full  information,  and  Judges’ 
lioport  of  National  Lnplement  Trial. 
SEND  yonr  ESdr.aa  for  the  AgrlculiuiHl  Ecnnuinist,''  dMcrlptlve 
anil  Illu.lrated,  BRA  DLEY  MF’G  C0„  Syracuse,  N.  Y. 
(JJEND  TO  JAME.S  BRAVLEV,  Kerr tto, N. y„  tor  Dewriptive 
P}k'6  LUt  of  buir«li'i  Piiu  THreaher^  aud  Ilona  Pnweit. 
CEND  pur  C'lHCULA  R  of  Agricultmal  Imple- 
ia  ments  to  Abboit. BkkW  a-  Co.,  Mfr's.CleveUand.O. 
The  Rural  is  a  very  good  j, resent  to  send  to  a 
friend,  and  it  pleasantly  reminds  the  recipient  of  the 
donor  flfty-lwo  times  a  year— this  year  fifty-three 
times.  Any  subscriber  can  send  U  to  a  relative  or 
friend  as  a  present,  at  our  lowest  club  rate — only 
$2.15,  including  postage. 
