T1 
MOORE’S  RURAL  NEW-YORKER. 
1,000  801.D  LAST  SEASON 
WITHOUT  ONE  FAILURE  OR  REJECTION. 
Tills  Is  thfl  famous  Tliresbing  niachlno  that  has 
“swept  the  flHd"  ami  enuitcd  such  areyolutton  in 
the  trade,  by  lu  MATCH Ltss  Guais-Savino  ani> 
TiMB-SAVixo  principles. 
SPARKS  AND  SPLINTERS 
Autificial  humbugB — Girls. 
Fashionaule  ears — Panniers. 
A  REGCLAK  hum-bug — The  bee. 
In  the  tanning  business — The  sun. 
CotJNTEE-CLAtas— Your  wife’s  shopping  biDs. 
At  the  Eden  trading-post  the  devil  was  Subtler. 
Hearty  laugh — One  that  gets  down  among  the 
ribs. 
The  most  inquisitive  of  ancient  divinities — 
Tellus. 
Suspended  Animation — A  spider  hanging  at 
the  end  of  a  web. 
A  BORN  cliiropodist— The  boy  who  is  always  at 
the  foot  of  his  class. 
A  man’s  credit  must  be  bad  indeed  when  he 
can’t  borrow  trouble. 
When  parents  yield  up  their  daughters  in 
marriage  they  do  it  with  miss-givens. 
“  ’  Tis  false,”  as  the  girl  said  when  her  lover 
told  her  that  she  had  beautiful  hah’. 
Why  is  dew  like  a  falling  star  F  One  is  mist  on 
earth  and  the  other  missed  from  heaven. 
The  extreme  bight  Of  misery  is  a  small  boy 
with  anew  pair  of  boots  and  no  mud  puddle. 
There  is  a  great  falling  olT  of  little  boys  who 
try  to  ride  on  the  behind  end  of  a  street  cai’. 
Why  may  a  tipsy  man  fall  into  the  river  with 
impunity  ?  Because  he  won’t  drown  as  long  as 
his  head  swims. 
It  isn’t  safe  now  to  set  any  man  to  watch  a 
straw  in  a  claret  punch  unless  you  stand  by  and 
help  him  watch  it. 
The  man  who  will  starve  to  death  with  straw¬ 
berries  at  seven  cents  a  quart  has  no  ambition 
worth  mentioning. 
An  author  said  that  one  of  the  uses  of  adver¬ 
sity  is  to  bring  us  out.  That  is  true,  particular¬ 
ly  at  the  knees  and  elbows. 
While  ouo  bjunu  book  is  good  enough  for  a 
pair  of  lovers,  it  takes  two  to  supply  them  with 
music  after  they  are  married. 
“  Mamma  can  a  door  speak  ?”  “  Certainly  not, 
my  dear.”  “Then,  why  did  you  tell  Ann,  this 
morning,  to  answer  the  door  ?” 
“  There  !  that  explains  where  my  clothes-line 
went  to !”  exclaims  an  Iowa  woman,  as  she  foimd 
her  husband  hanging  in  the  stable. 
Inoenious  youth — “  Oh,  yes  I  dare  say  she’s 
very  clever  and  all  that,  but  I  hate  clever  women, 
and  so  I’ve  oomu  to  talk  with  you !” 
It  was  wlion  Tennyson  stopped  to  scratch  his 
bock  against  a  gate  post  that  he  sighed,  “  But, 
oh,  for  the  touch  of  a  vanished  hand.” 
“Madam,”  said  a  gentleman  to  his  wife  “let 
me  tell  you  facts  are  very  stubborn  things.” 
“  What  a  fact  you  must  be,"  quoth  the  lady. 
When  a  black  ant  crawls  np  inside  the  tenor’s 
pantaloons  on  Sunday,  the  simplest  solo  reqtures 
such  an  effort  of  will  as  few  people  have  any 
idea  of. 
Tom  Moore  compares  love  to  a  potato,  “be¬ 
cause  it  shoots  from  the  eye.”  “  Or  rather,"  ex¬ 
claimed  Byi'on,  “  because  it  becomes  all  the  less 
by  paring.” 
“  Is  the  moon  made  of  green  cheese,  young¬ 
ster  ?"  “  No,  sir,  certainly  not.”  “  How  do  you 
prove  that?”  “  Oh,  easy — the  moon  was  made 
before  the  cows.” 
A  oompositob,  setting  up  a  report  of  a  horse 
race,  said  tiie  “  fool-sellers  wex’e  busy,"  instead 
of  the  “  pool-sellers."  But  it  did  not  alter  the 
souse  of  the  paragraph  much. 
In  the  window  of  a  shop,  in  the  obscure  ixort 
of  Loudon  is  this  annomicoment.  “  Goods  re¬ 
moved,  massages  taken,  carpots  beaten,  and 
poetry  composed  on  any  STibject." 
An  old  edition  of  Morse's  geography  says : 
“  Albany  has  four  hundred  dwelling  houses  and 
twenty-four  hundred  inliabitanta,  all  standing 
with  their  gable  ends  to  the  street.” 
A  Memphis  prisoner,  who  hated  to  see  two 
lawyers  disgrace  the  court-room  by  fighting, 
walked  out,  and  was  unfortunate  enough  to  get 
lost.  Ho  has  not  been  heird  of  since. 
We  believe  in  manly  sports.  Can  anything  be 
more  imposing  than  to  see  i500  or  1,000  athletes 
Bitting  ou  hard  benches  in  the  broiling  sun 
watching  a  game  of  base  ball  between  two  hired 
nines  ? 
Recently  on  Canal  street,  a  member  of - 
chmch  inadverently  stepped  on  a  banana  skin., 
and  as  ho  skated  off  to  the  gutter  he  knocked 
great  chunks  out  of  the  third  commandment.— 
A"'.  0.  FiGayime. 
A  Norwich  man  calls  himself  on  his  card  a 
“temperance  boot  maker.”  The  need  of  tem¬ 
perance  hoots  is  apparent,  for  though  they’re 
not  generally  drunk,  it’s  a  notorious  fact  that 
they’re  often  very  tight. 
I 
Van 
Tom  (who  has  taken  his  cousin  fishing  for  the  first  time)  — 
finger  in  and  loosen  that  third  hook.” 
The  American 
will  Krlnd  more  Older  from  the  same  weight  of  apples 
than  any  other  mill  In  the  world.  Bend  for  ClrcularB. 
ABBOTT,  BREW  &  CO., 
CIcTclund.  Ohio. 
SOLE  MANUPACTCBERS, 
Porter  Blanchard’s  Sons, 
ISeud  for  Circulars.]  CONCORD,  N.  H. 
Sample  churns  sent  to  towns  where  we  have  no 
Agents,  on  receipt  of  25  per  cent,  less  than  our 
retail  price. 
T7RF.E-GIFFOBD'«  SWiNGING 
^  CATTLE  STANCHIONS, 
Helf-cloKlntr,  Belf-tastenlnv.  One  farm  rlorbi  in 
each  town  to  the  first  iippllcant.  Give  namv  uf  “.tw, 
coutity  i‘n<t  StaU-  For  tilusttated  Descriptive  Circu¬ 
lar  and  Deed,  Bcud  'i&  cent*  to  ,  „ 
W.  C,  GIFFORD,  Jamestown,  N.  T. 
(CIRCULAR.. 
CoHsamers  Importing  Tea  ) 
No.  8  Clxarcli  Ntroet,  r 
1».  O.  «ox  5,500.  New  Fork  Oltj,  ) 
This  iB  a  combination  of  oapitallstB-,  o  supply  the 
consumerB  of  Teas  throuRhout  the  Uiiitea)  tales  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
We  have  experienced  ageuia  In  all  the  best  dlB- 
trloisof  China  and  Japan  to  Beleot  Tbab  especially 
for  our  trade. 
We  expect  every  consumer  of  Teas  to  renfler  a  tail 
the  assistance  they  can  In  carrying  out  on  lenter- 
prlse,  as  we  make  a  specialty  of  SUPPLYING  CON- 
SUMBUS  ONLY  (and  allow  no  middlemen  to  make 
any  profit  on  our  importations),  wnioh  will  enable 
us  to  supply  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  than 
have  ever  been  known,  and  of  those  fine  qualltle 
that  seldom  reach  the  Interior,  being  sold  only  to 
the  large  cities  and  among  the  very  wealthy. 
Hoping  the  consumer  will  take  an  Interest  In  onr 
enterprise,  and  send  at  once  for  a  circular  with  full 
explanations  of  how  to  proceed  to  obtain  our  goods, 
we  remain, 
Most  respectfully  yours, 
Consumers  importing  Tea  Co.y 
Mo.  8  Church  St., 
P.  O.  Box  S.aUU.  New  York  City. 
Kntered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  In  January, 
1874,  by  the  Consomers  Importing  Tea  Co.,  In  the 
Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  W ashlngton,  D.  C. 
JANUARY  1,  1877 
END  FOB  CIRCULAB  of  the  best  Paint  ia 
I  the  world  to  RUBBER  PAINT  CO.,  Cleveland,  O. 
GR£AT  REDUCTION. 
TEAS  AND  COFFEES 
AT  WHOLESALE  FKK'ES. 
Incroaeeil  Fucllltlea  lo  Club  Orgunixers. 
Send  for  Now  Prlco  Diet. 
THE  SREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  CO. 
P.  0.  Bew  5648.  8i  &  33  Veiey  St.iNew  York 
ONE  DOLLAR! 
Moore’S  bubal  new- Yorker.— With  its  fuu 
corps  of  editors,  and  a  new  publisher  of  energy  and 
ability,  the  management  propose  to  eelebrate  the 
quarter-centennial  of  the  pioneer  rural  la  snob  a 
manner  as  to  augment  Its  popularity  and  usefulness. 
For  a  first-class,  lively  paper,  oontalnlng  matter  of 
Interest  for  ell  classes,  take  the  BUBAL  New- YORK¬ 
ER,  and  do  so  at  oaoe,  for  the  paper  never  wsa  bet¬ 
ter,  and  Us  prospeots  never  brighter.— FiMport  (IB.) 
Jowmal. _ 
The  Best  Paper,  and  the  Best  Premiums  to 
Agents,  Is  our  motto.  We  ignore  Chromos  and  all 
other  cheap  colored  pictures,  preferring  to  put  our 
money  in  the  paper,  and  In  Premiums  to  Agents. 
Agi’icultural  Centennial  News  a  Specialty 
RURAL  PUBLISHING  CO 
78  Duane  St.,  New  York 
