N ONPAR El bFARM  MILES 
anti  parhincry 
Gen.  Dlx  Is  writing  bis  autobiography. 
Gettinu  sunstruck  Is  like  getting  anything 
else;  a  man  must  move  around  very  lively  to  ac- 
compUsh  It. 
TuK  inoHt  delicate  method  of  giving  a  girl  a 
“key”  to  j'our  feelings  Is  to  send  her  a  “lock" 
of  your  hair. 
Tub  young  man  who  gels  up  early  these  cool, 
delicious  mornings  to  pnictlce  on  the  organ  has  a 
large  circle  of  iwunuh* lances,  but  no  frlopds. 
I'HE  best  way  to  learn  geography  now-a-<lays  is 
to  get  up  a  war.  It  la  thus  we  have  learned  all 
atout  Abyssinia,  Khiva,  Atohlnec,  Ashuntee, 
llera-govlna  and  Servla. 
A  sKircEK  of  a  down  iCast  coaster,  named  the 
Hyena,  was  rc*;enf  ly  asked  what  his  ve.ssel  was 
named  after.  Ills  honest,  and  sober  reply  was, 
“I  don't  know,  I  e.xpect  some  great  man  In  con¬ 
gress.” 
PROBEHSOK^What,  can’t  you  translate  that 
passage 'f  You  must  be  very  Ignorant  of  the 
simplest  knowldige  of  Greek.  Student — I’m  not 
as  Ignorant  a-s  you— he  coughed,  and  after  a  pause 
added  —think  I  am. 
iNPiAN  castoms  seem  to  be  reaching  Hast. 
old-.Man-Afrald-of-Hls-Wlfe  came  tiome  late  the 
other  jdglit  and  crawled  under  the  bod,  but  was 
persuaded  to  leave  Ids  reservation  and  become 
one  of  the  Sore-Uoads. 
TuBiiB  is  a  man  lu  Denver  who  can’t  go  swim¬ 
ming  on  account  of  a  big  Newfoundland  dog 
which  he  owns.  The  dog  keeps  a  close  watch  on 
him,  and  every  time  the  genthunau  takes  a 
plunge  In  the  lake  the  dog  drags  him  out. 
It  Is  a  pitiable  sight  to  see  a  woman,  who  but 
one  short  year  ago  po.ssessed  an  luigcl’s  .sweetness 
of  dLsposltlon  and  a  child’s  artloRsnc'Ss  of  char- 
actei',  watching  at  the  heful  of  the  stairs  at  two 
o’clock  In  the  morning,  with  a  towcl-i  oller  In  her 
hand. 
“  W'UAT  kind  of  a  picture  would  you  prefer, 
miss,”  liuiulred  a  Newark  photographer  of  a  young 
PERSONAL  ITEMS 
TiiK  Kmi)oroi’  William  will  leave  i^ins  ana  go  lo  , 
Wagner's  inuslc  festival  at  Bayreuth. 
Mrs.  Brick  BOMnaov  Is  going  to  make  her  debut 
In  New  York  as  I.ady  Muebetli  shortly. 
Kirk  wasn't  burning  brisk.  Kerosene.  Amanda 
Sprout,  aged  ten.  Sprouting  lu  a  belter  country. 
TUK  average  wealth  of  the  Mormons  Is  H  ie 
each  and  their  average  families  twenty-eight 
children. 
GKNKUAi.  Tnu  TiiOMB  recently  exchanged  his 
sloop  yacht  Maggie  H.  for  a  solitaire  diamond 
valued  at  $h,oik). 
Mrs.  Gen  krai.  Custkh  and  the  widows  of  cols. 
Tatos  and  <;alhomi  will  reside  at  Monroe,  Michi¬ 
gan,  for  the  future. 
I’lioB.  llexi.EY  goes  lo  New  Haven  to  Inspect 
Professor  Marsh’s  colleclAou  of  Black  Hills  fossil 
remains.  /#o"  (’oi/ui/c. 
YKiinrs  “.Alda"  )ia.s  been  translated  Into  Hus- 
slan,  ami  Is  to  he  produced  next  season  at  the 
M  al  ien  TlieaU'V,  lu  SU  Peter.sburg. 
A  SISTER  and  daughter  of  Hon.  John  G.  Brecken- 
rldgt^,  formerly  Y lee- President  of  the  United 
states,  are  visiting  at  Watkins,  N.  Y. 
The  Black  Hills  miners  are  discussing  the 
school  (piestlon,  and  mapping  out  a  new  Terri¬ 
tory,  at  the  e.vpcnsc  of  Dakota,  Wyoming  and 
Montana. 
A  o  (;uEMATtON  Ki'RNACE”  wldch  is  being  bullt 
by  apliyslidauon  “Gallows Hill,”  near  Washing¬ 
ton,  f'.i.,  will  shortly  he  eompleUid  and  ready  for 
pemUon. 
A  MicuiOAN  wild  cat,  accompanied  by  six  well- 
grown  kittens,  roceutly  besieged  a  dwelling,  and 
Imprisoned  the  entire  family  for  a  period  of 
several  hours. 
OBN.  SIIKKMAN  Is  Of  oplulon  that  If  Saiuson  had 
had  Wendell  Phillips’s  jaw,  InsUiml. of  the  Jaw  of 
mi  asa.  he  might  have  slain  three  times  as  many 
of  ULs  enemies. 
Don’t  pul  your  head  out  of  the  car  window.  A 
Bonloii  man  who  tried  It  the  other  day  on  the  old 
Colony  Kallroad  managed  to  sneeze  away  a  hand- 
snnesetof  toetn. 
A  PHii.osopnKH  asserts  that  the  reason  why 
ImllHS’  teeth  decay  sooner  than  gentlemen's  Is 
because  of  the  frleLlou  of  the  tongue  and  the 
sweetness  of  the  lips. 
Mr.  B.  P.  .SHii.i.AKKa  (Ml’S.  Partington)  Is  re¬ 
covering  from  the  attack  of  rhenmatlsm  which 
has  coiiil nod  him  Ui  his  house  for  some  time.  He 
Is  now  ;iblu  lo  sit  up. 
TiiK  first  birth  at  the  Kxhlblt.lon  occurnfd  In  the 
Main  Building  The  second  In  a  bed  of  geraniums 
cm  the  HortleulUiral  grounds.  The  ilrst  was  of 
klLU’iJS,  the  second  of  rabbits. 
GKN.  W.  H.  V.  l.KE,  eldest  son  of  General  Robert 
H.  l.ee,  turned  his  sword  Into  a  pruning  hook 
after  the  war.  and  Is  now  one  of  the  mostsub- 
HUntlai  farmers  In  Fairfax  County,  Va. 
The  man  who  cannot  wonder,  who  does  not 
habitually  wonder  and  worslilp,  were  he  president 
of  Inuumerahlo  royal  societies.  Is  but  a  phlr  of 
spectacles  behind  which  there  Is  no  eye.— <'«/’R/fc. 
Cot.  AV.  .s.  Giuoi.BY  of  .Jackson,  Mich.,  Is  pre- 
liat’ing  a  history  for  the  CenlA>nulal  of  all  the  per¬ 
sons  born  lu  the  I’liltcd  StaUis  daring  or  before 
the  year  i.;r>.  who  lived  to  reach  the  ago  of  loO 
M.  WILLIAMS  &  CO., 
St.  Johnsville,  MontgomeryjCo.,JN.jy 
3(tt,^uvattrc 
MA1.1.0UY  &  BANFOHD  I'ATK.NTB, 
The  niiist  Uesiriible  in  any  iinjrket.  l-oi 
JOHN  W.  gUINCY.  '.IS  Wllllum  Bt..  N.  A  . 
Of  WATERTOWN. 
Assets  Jan.  1st,  1876 . $1,058,040  16 
Pays  all  Losses  by  Fire  and  by  Lightning. 
This  ilotiipany  Is  cnnilned  by  Its  Charter  to  Insure 
Kauai  I'uopkutv  and  Private  Hi:HinENCE»  oiiIi/. 
und  In  iivnr  23  years  bti.s  never  invarul  or  bmf  a  dollar 
exceiil  on  Mils  tdass  oi  Properlv,  ami  has  never  lost 
ia.UUJ  by  nny  onr  Ib  e  swoeidnir.  or  oiberwisc.  Insure 
wlicro  tbere  U  an  Ansol.OTK  certainty  of  gettinK 
your  money  in  case.  oMoas.^,^  COOPER,  Pree’t. 
ISAAC  MUNSON,  Soc'y. 
yor  *rln.ll«,  COHN  .nd  COB  <rO»N-M«AL  OaT^ 
or  »llf  Vina  of  rmr,.  orjlAr;  10  b1ZJ!.8.  loTliAIS  JJ 
seTjohhston  harvesters  at  cehtehwial. 
Hiefi/VNUM  M’F’e  COMPANY, 
Manufaelurers  of  ARrlcultund  Implements. 
lliKRunlilii,  thmii.  _ 
RURAL  CLUB  LIST. 
THE  RURAL  AND  OTHER  PAPERS  AT  LOW  RATES 
rpiris  is  the  Host  and  Chcap- 
J  cst  I’ress.  Dver  J.lOO  now 
in  use.  Ii  will  press  one  ton 
per  lioiir.  Ten  tons  of  either 
hayorliToomsIraw  will  load  into 
a  It.  It.  box  car. 
■  No  more  wearing 
of  ropes.  'J’ry 
it.  .Sjitisfaelitm 
guaranteed.  For 
circular  address 
'eHTSL'. 
SHUTTLE 
BtATES 
G.  ERTEL 
(iuintj  Hay  Press  Works 
QUINCY,  ILL. 
Sown  uX\  Wind*  ofVcg<*!«ldtf  Scoili  vritb 
,  ThekTAMiARPniBClduc.  J{rMOiiKi.Ki>  for  ISJ*. 
St.  Conibitiwi  the  best  points  ever  pnafuced.  Min- 
NNb.  i»le,  tlurnblc,  eosiesi  An/ni/iscf,  OPEN  WIIllE 
J,  Skro  CowTiroTon  anowB 
8BKi>  DUorriNa.  Dive 
n  SHti.rnetirin.  Cirrulnr.  Free. 
*^^Cii3ljlSllg^Nf  .Mmleby  E-E-l.CMMUB  A  Co. 
Mrrtf  J .  ms. Market  St,  Bu»Il>ii,Mh««. 
$12.00 
Boxed. 
lIDKR  PREMISES  AN1>  fSItATVERS. 
j  Buo-mkrA  Bo.scuekt  Prlbs  Co.,!iyriicuse,N.Y 
Monthly  MnffiizineM 
|t(W  gul)Ufatiott.5i 
By  Prof.  J.  LAW,  Cornell  tnlvcr&lfy,  lUiaea.X.l. 
•'  The  most  useful  and  therefore  the  beat  work  on 
the  dl»ea80!»of  nuluiul3  m  tUo  KiikMsU  liiuKuaco. 
Desttvve'ft  to  bo  i)lfico<l  at  tlio  bea<.l  of  all  ttiut  lias 
hitherto  appeared  in  this  lino.”— /’rairie  . 
“  Froto  the  pen  of  such  an  author  is  a  shfllcient 
TocoBUuendaiion.  »  •  *  Will  give  to  the  eonaiion 
reader,  as  well  ns  to  the  gcleiitmc  umn.  nmeU  valu¬ 
able  inforuiatlon,” — Dr.  EwiuOi/vl,  i  re#,  Irfrit/mrp 
pr4»ve  of  immense  beuefll  to  the  farmer  and 
stock  owner,  and  as  a  b<iok  of  reference  to  the  vete¬ 
rinary  practitioner."— Dr.  HmUli,  Prra.  Vi-Urtnaru 
VoUt'Qc,Tirrunui. 
Sent  by  Mail  from  the  Author  for  $3. 
army  was  the  omy  wan  or  uie  city— -auu  evciy 
man  la  a  brick.”  We  call  a  fair  and  honest  man 
“  a  siiuare  man,”  but  the  Greeks  described  the 
same  person  as  Tetrarjonos—**  a  four-cornored 
man.” 
The  Paris  papers  tell  a  pleasing  story  of  Mmo. 
Buffet  and  of  Mrs.  Augustus  Craven,  the  author 
of  “  'I'he  Story  of  a  Sister,”  who,  as  everybody 
knows  or  ought  to  know,  is  a  French  woman. 
She  had  fiont  a  copy  of  her  hook  to  Mme.  Buffet, 
who,  meeting  her  shortly  afterwards,  said  to  her : 
“  Oh,  let  me  eougratulato  you  on  your  book  i  It  is 
charming.  The  deathbed  of  your  father  is  really 
delicious." 
The  Sultan’s  fourth  wife  Is  an  English  shop¬ 
girl.  Her  aunt  had  a  store  at  Peru,  and  sum¬ 
moned  her  niece  from  England  to  help  her  lu 
trade.  The  girt  was  pretty  and  attractive,  and 
soon  learned  the  Tui’klsli  language.  One  day  she 
went  to  the  harem  of  Prince  Murad  to  deliver 
some  articles  which  one  of  his  wives  had  ordered, 
and  she  never  returned. 
No  sooner  do  we  hear  of  the  building  of  a  new 
and  apparently  Impenetrable  ironclad  than  It  Is 
followed  by  an  account  of  a  more  destructive 
weapon  of  offence.  After  reading  the  account  of 
Bend  One  Dullur  for  the  Pocket  Edition  of 
•The  Best  Paper,  and  the  Best  proniiuraa  to 
Agents, la  our  motto.  We  Ignore  Cbroraos  and  all 
other  cheap  colored  pictures,  preferring  to  put  our 
money  in  the  papir,  and  In  Preminma  to  Agents. 
At  Our  Risk.— You  can  remit  by  Draft,  P.  O. 
Money  Order  or  Kegistered  Uetler  at  our  risk. 
