keeper. 
“  Wall,  I  Jufit  thotight  I  would  aak  you  for  one 
Heoing  that  you  had  a  pretty  Wg  atock  on  hand. 
Come,  old  fellow,  wont  you  give  me  just  one  ?” 
and  he  gave  the  mixer  of  liquors  a  sly  nudge  in 
the  ribs. 
“  Yes,  I  guess  I  can  give  you  one,”  was  the 
answer. 
ever  see, 
ttENn  TO  James  uhayley,  ei-ifFAto,  s.  y.,  rof  De»«riptiY« 
”  Price  List  of  SiiITaIo  I'llts  Threshers  sud  Horse  IViwert. 
CORE’S  RURAL  NEW-YORKER. 
A  RATHEK  OOOL  PROCEEDING. 
An  old  mau  entered  a  saloon  and  thus  ad- 
dressed'the  barkeeper : 
“  Mister,  will  you  please  be  so  kind  as  to  give 
me  a  lemon 
“  What  do  you  want  with  it  ?"  asked  the  bar- 
went  out.  In  about  half  an  hour  he  returned. 
"  Well,  what  has  brought  you  here  this  time  ?” 
asked  the  barkeeper. 
“  Oh,  mister  you  are  so  kind  I  thought  may  be 
you  might  n’t  object  tn  giving  a  ixtor  old  man  a 
glass  of  ice  water ;  won’t  you  ?" 
♦‘Certainly,  sir,  I  will  give  you  a  drink  of 
water,”  was  tire  ready  answer,  and  the  bar¬ 
keeper  poured  out  a  glass  for  him. 
“  If  you  would  only  just  be  so  kind  as  to  put 
a  little  sugar  in  the  water  now,  1  should - ” 
llefore  he  could  bnieh  the  sentence  the  sugar 
was  placed  in  the  glass  by  the  obliging  barkeep¬ 
er,  whose  curiosity  was  aroused  to  know  what 
was  going  to  be  done  with  tho  sweetened  water. 
The  old  mau  di’ow  a  chair  out  to  oue  side,  sat 
liimself  down  and  placed  the  glass  between  his 
knees;  then  drawing  a  pocket  knife  and  the 
lemon  he  remarked — “  Well,  i)arduer,  I’m  just 
going  to  have  the  best  drink  this  hot  day  you 
The  American 
CIDER  MILL 
will  grind  more  Cider  from  the  same  weight  of  apples 
than  any  other  mill  in  the  world.  Send  for  Circulars. 
ABBOTT,  BBF-W  &  CO., 
Cleveland.  Ohio. 
SOLE  MANCPACrnEEBS, 
Porter  Blanchard’s  Sons, 
[Send  for  Circulars.]  CONCORD,  N.  H. 
Sample  churns  sent  to  towns  where  we  have  no 
Agents,  on  receipt  of  26  per  cent,  less  than  our 
retail  price. 
CONSUMERS’  IMPORTIN'!;  TEA  CO., 
No.  8  Church  Street, 
P.  O.  Box  5509.  NEW  YORK  CITY., 
TIit»  i»  R  cAmblnfttloo  of  to  thu  cod* 
(min«rM  of  Thm  thmuj^honi  tbe  Uric#d  autia*  ou  the  ' 
muiuAt  )>rliici{i!«.  i 
We  cApcct  vvery  contofiirr  «if  Teue  In  render  ut  all ' 
the  ttiev  can  lo  carrviDic  our  eeUrbrUe. 
ax  we  make  a  ■nectahv  of  Prf.YJXI  CONSl? M  ERS 
ONLY,  (and  allow  nn  ttiiddleuien  to  oiaVe  aay  fiTotlt  on 
our  lmpor(nt)oiiA»)  witkh  will  enaMa  iti  to  ku|*t>lr  them 
wlth'l  e/uat  jurfova  lower  jhan  *vvr  hu«n  known, 
and  of  tbote  fine  qualities  that  seldom  reach  the  interior,! 
being  sold  only  In  large  rilUi  and  amonf;  the  very 
wealthy.  SEND  FOR  PRICE  LIST,  i 
SPARES  AND  SPLINTERS. 
The  chief  of  huui-bugs— the  mosquito. 
“  Ma,  dear,”  said  an  uitelhgent  pet,  “  what  do 
they  play  tho  organ  so  loud  for  when  church  is 
over  ?  Is  it  to  wake  us  up  ?” 
The  letter  L  represents  fifty.  Why  does  it 
also  represent  nine  huudi'ed  and  niuety-nme? 
Because  L  just  precedes  M,  which  represents 
oue  thousand. 
“Was  It  your  oldest  daughter. maxlarn,  that 
was  bitten  by  a  monkey  ?”  “  No,  sir ;  it  was  my 
youngest.  My  oldest  daughter  had  a  worse  mis¬ 
fortune — she  married  a  monkey." 
An  exchange  remarlis  Umt  “  some  people  are 
wholly  unable  to  appreciate  delicate  irony.” 
We  have  observed  this  ourselves,  particularly  hi 
the  case  of  washerwomen  and  shu  t  bosoms. 
It  is  said  that  tho  old  Homans  also  loved  ofiice. 
But  they  never  had  tiie  feeling  which  an  Ameri¬ 
can  constable  has — never  felt  that  their  shoulders 
caiTied  over  half  tho  burdens  of  government. 
A  POET,  after  looking  about  over  life,  has  come 
to  the  following  conclusion : 
Ol),  1  wouldn't  live  fur  over— I  wouldn’t  if  I  could ; 
But  1  needn't  fret  about  It,  for  1  couldn't  If  1  would. 
Now,  there’s  a  finished  gentleman  for  yon,” 
said  a  fireman,  as  ho  ga^ed  upon  the  pieces  of 
t  he  engineer  that  had  been  scraped  up  and  gath¬ 
ered  hj  hi.s  fathers,  after  his  last  attempt  to  run 
a  tniin  ou  nothing. 
A  Westeun  paper  says :  —  “  Talk  about  the 
wind  blowing  the  grasshoppers  away !  One  of 
them  faced  Monday’s  gale  for  an  hour,  aud  thou 
yanked  a  shingle  o£F  a  bouse  for  a  fau,  sayiug  it 
was  awfully  sultry.” 
The  disgusted  Britisher  who  concluded  that 
the  American  national  tune  was  the  spit-toon,  is 
revising  Shakspeare  for  young  Yankees.  He 
has  got  as  far  as — “’Tis  true,  ’tis  spitty,  aud 
spitly  ’tis,  'tis  true.” 
McOuispjn — “Quito  right  to  get  a  pah’  of 
shoes  Molly.  Your  foot  'll  look  illegaut  in  leath¬ 
er.”  Molly — “But  sure  I  can’t  pay  for  them 
till  Christmas.”  Me  (after  a  thoughtful  pause) 
— “Trotli,  and  it’s  a  pity  to  hide  such  a  purty 
fut,  acushla.” 
PopuLAU  Hymnouioy. — ^Mistress  with  a  ritual¬ 
istic  turn :  And  how  did  you  like  the  festival  ser¬ 
vice,  Martha.  Martlia  (from  tho  country):  Lor, 
mum,  it  wor  heuutiful !  There  was  a  lot  o’  men 
aud  boys  a  marchiii'  round  and  round  tho  chimch 
with  lliigs  and  a-singin’  “  Onward  Christy  Min¬ 
strels  !” — PwicJi, 
At  the  Hudson  de]iot,  tho  other  day,  a  negro 
named  Punch  sat  down  on  a  quarter  of  a  pmimd 
of  powder  aud  some  matclios  iu  his  pistol  pocket. 
The  matches  ignited,  tlio  powder  exploded,  the 
basement  of  the  af rican's  trowsers  disappeared, 
and  in  an  instant  the  quondam  wearer  was  but¬ 
ting  his  hoa<l  into  the  ociliug. 
WoxtKS  are  going  into  tho  iuswance  Imsiness, 
and  when  a  comely  woman  enters  a  man's  office, 
hitches  up  her  chair,  places  a  fair  hand  on  his 
arm  uud  liegins  to  talk  about  jKilicies,  ho  feels  as 
llmngh  his  life  ought  to  be  insured  pretty  soon. 
And  this  feeling  is  gi'eatly  augmented  should 
his  wife  chance  to  drop  in  unexpectedly  during 
the  inteiwiew. 
COIVtPETITIOTSf  TIIJK  Lim  01^'' 
Mk.  “  Lo,”  Bakbkb,  Black  Hills. — Hair  razed  at  short  notice  and  free  of  charge ! 
Cnst-Iroii  Ciller  Preas  Screw,  Hollow.  RUrbt  and  Left  Ilund.  In.  dlnraeter.  5  feet  Iona,  $18  each, 
Casi-Irou  Liiler  rreFii*  Screw.  U< did.  Right  a:Kl  l.clt  Hand.  4  in.  diiunoter,  6  feet  long,  $15.  each. 
Ciller  IHtlln.  $15,  $20,  $‘25  mid  nNiiugi.  for  Power  Mllis,  $25.  • 
l-y  Presses  all  hIzum.  Prices  froiii  $7  to  $85,  .JtJ 
THE  NEW  YORK  PLOW  CO.,  55  Beekman  St.,  N.  Y. 
Ml  Vak  III  ^1^  M  ■■■  ■.  'i'bcsc  arc  the  Imst 
I  A  H  I  most  ecojionijcal 
The  Buffalo  Pitts  Threshers 
HORSE  POWERS. 
MANUFACTURED  AT 
'llii'  t'elebratf.(l  Eclipse  Wind  Mills 
Puro|>  wiiwr  troro  W«ll,  Sriusa  or  Rim, 
•nfl  force  It  t«  »iiy  Uolgtit  or  locality, 
for  UoCBi,  G.,u>tN,  Baku  ur  Stock 
lur;  also  grliiS  feed  ond  mesli,  aaw 
wood.  Ac.  l.rFKto.1  Ifj.eiitlon  of  tbeit^e. 
A  wind  mill  iliKl  do««  out  blow  away. 
Perfectly  iHiir-n-gulatlag.  A  aolld  wheel 
wlib  no  looic  acctloiiA  or  Joint,  Can  not 
freeio  bji  or  get  oat  of  order.  A  w  aaoaD  96 
let  prciiilunia.  Uluiitratrd  OIraalare  free. 
Eclipse  Wind  Mill  Oo.,  Beloit, Wls. 
Kaatern office.  A.  J.  COCHRAN,  7H  John  St.,  N.  Y. 
Trythc  CORTLAND  PLATFORM  SPRIRO  WAGON. 
Sin  ®  so  C  *  'f*?  »ure  mode  by  Agetita  Belling  our 
I  U  S'  •/  n  ClirouiOB.  Crnyons,  Picturn  &  Chromo 
Carda.  HaiupleB,  worth  85.  sent, 
.  BaUb'd  1650. 
i$c«.>uuu  W  AguoiJ. 
Rirture*  of  TILOEN  ""•I  HAYES.  SSxSS 
liicliei.  SaiiipU  ciij>v,  by  niaif,  r.O  criita.  LarKC 
I.  J.  IL  BUKfORb’S  SO.NS,  BuSTON,  MASS. 
SEND  vonr  addreufor  tba  Aartcultatal  Ecouomlit,"  deMriptiTa 
Hud  llluftrated,  BBADLlCY  MF'G  CO.,  Syracoee,  N.  i  • 
H.W.JOHNS 
PATENT. 
The  Pitts  Agricultural  Works,  Buffalo,  N.  Y., 
Have  been  known  tbruiighout  the  United  States  for  over  thirty  years  as  the 
MOST  PERFECT  AND  LIGHTEST-RUNNING  THRESHERS 
in  the  world. 
FOR  THE  HARVEST  OF  1876 
1  am  offering  a  large  assortment  of  these  Celebrated  and  Popular  niachiuca,  adapted  to  either 
iSteain,  Water  or  florae  Power. 
They  combine  all  the  latest  improvements  which  are  to  be  found  in  other  threshers,  and  some  which 
are  found  in  the  BtiHalo  Pitts  alone. 
TJiuy  arc  biiUt  under  the  direct  suporvlslou  of  Pkactical  Tuueshek.ukn  (who  have  followed  thresh¬ 
ing  as  a  business),  and  nil  changes  made  are  the  suggestions  of  experience  iu  the  held,  and  are  thoroughly 
tested  there  before  adoption. 
Thresliors  will  appreciate  the  great  advantage  of  this  over 
Theoretical  Threshing  Machine  Building. 
The  greatest  care  ia  given  to  asing  the  very  best  mafcrialand  to  having  tho  work  done  in  the  most  ttior- 
ounh  manner. 
My  facilities  for  purchasing  materials  at  lowest  figures  aud  for  economical  building  are  surpassed  by 
none  and  the  uiiiobines  are  offered  at  the  lowest  prices  at  which 
The  Best  Material,  put  up  in  the  Best  Manner,  can  be  Afforded. 
In  comparing  prices  Threshers  will  please  note  dlfl'erences  in  material,  workmanship  and  finish  and 
hear  In  mind  that 
The  Best  is  the  Cheapest  in  the  end,  even  though  the  first  cost  is  greater. 
Various  sizes  are  made 24-iii..  28-ln.,  32-in.,  and  3(5-ln.  Cylinder  Threahers  and  1-horse,  8-horse,  10- 
horsc  and  I'i-Horse  Powers. 
Repairs  are  for  sale  in  almost  every  county  in  the  wheat-growing  country,  at  mu  list  price.  For 
Catalogues,  Prices,  Au.,  Ac.,  address 
JAMES  BRAYLEY,  Buffalo,  N.  Y., 
or  44  Sontli  Canal  St.,  CliicaffO,  Ill. 
n 
MATERIALS. 
Aahesiloi*  Ruoliiig.  for  steep  or  fiat  Roofs. 
Aahesioa  K  oof  Coating,  for  old  Leaky  Roofs. 
Aebesloa  Ceinoiit.  tor  repairing  Leaks  on  Roofs. 
AaheatOH  Root  Paint,  for  Tin  Roofs,  Ac. 
.4abvalUi!i  Painia-all  colors— ready  tor  use. 
Aalieaioa  Fire  Proui  Coaling,  for  wood  work. 
Aabbsiow  liuiter  nnd  Hteaiii  Pipe  CoveHuga. 
Aebeaios  !*ieain  Packing,  fiat  A  round,  all  sizes. 
Kouttug  Hhentlifug,  iSLc-.  Ready  fur  use.  and 
easilv  applied.  Send  for  Pamphlets,  Prlco-Hsts,  Ac. 
H.  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N.  Y. 
Patentee  anU  Manufacturer,  Ustabtishei  1858. 
P^UEE-«1  PPOR  D’6*  HWlNllINCi 
^  CATTLE  STANCHIONS, 
9elt-cl08ing,  self -fastening.  One  farm  right  free  In 
each  town  to  the  first  appllount.  Olri;  name  of  town, 
county  ami  State,  For  Illustrated  Descriptive  Circu¬ 
lar  and  Deed,  seud  25  cents  to 
W.  C.  HiFFORD,  Jamestown,  N.  Y. 
GREAT  REDUCTION. 
TEAS  AND  COFFEES 
AT  WHOLESALE  PRICES. 
iDoreaaed  Facllltlea  to  Club  Organizers. 
Send  for  Mew  Price  IJet. 
THE  8REAT  AMERICAN  TEA  CO. 
P.  0.  Box  6643.  8l  &  S3  Vesey  8t.,  New  York 
'JEND  FOR  CIRCULAR  of  the  best  Paint  in 
TELE&RAPH 
lUY  I  1117  Wanted,  60  persons  to  learn. 
T  n  A  r  H  when  qualified  assisted  to  po- 
-* -H-O.!  11  gitions.  Address  with  stamp, 
J,  ABERNETHY.  Supt..  Cleveland,  O. 
MOuKM'g  RuitAL  NKW-VoitKEB  bccanie  a  house¬ 
hold  word  and  power  In  the  land  loag  before  we  quit 
*'  going  to  school,”  and,  perhaps,  needs  no  comment 
from  us;  still  "Its  memory  Is  ever  fresh  and  green,” 
and  is  renewed  by  Ite  appearance  every  week,  brim¬ 
ful  of  yood  thinys  as  ever.  We  are  glad  to  announce 
that  our  predictions  In  the  January  number  are 
being  more  than  fulfilled.  We  have  sent  It  more 
than  five  kmiurcd  names,  and  we  learn  that  sub¬ 
scriptions  have  been  pouring  In  In  like  proportions 
from  all  parts  of  the  country,  despite  the  hard  times. 
Long  may  it  continue  to  be  what  it  is— a  power  for 
good  in  the  land.— Aoent’s  FrUnd, 
