HE  BEST! 
SOLD  EVERYWHER 
RURAL  PUBLISHING  CO., 
78  Duane  St.,  New  York 
OORE’S  RURAL  NEW-YORKER. 
fflit  aulr  ^uinor. 
FOKCED  TO  BE  A  LIAR. 
An  agout  for  the  nale  of  a  new  keroacne  lamp 
chimney  called  into  a  houae  on  CheBtnut  Street 
the  other  day,  Bays  the  Detroit  Free  Press,  to 
make  a  sale.*  He  Batisfied  the  woman  that  it 
was  a  good  thing,  and  then  she  asked  : 
“  How  much  kerosene  will  it  save  ?” 
“I  think  it  will  save  some,"  was  his  evasive 
I 
answer. 
“What  per  cent,  of  fuel  will  it  save?"  she  | 
next  demanded. 
<1  Why— why— what  has  fuel  to  do  with  a  kero¬ 
sene  lamp?" 
“All  right,  you  can  go,”  said  she.  “There 
was  a  man  along  here  yesterday  with  a  chimney, 
which  be  waiTantcd  to  save  half  the  oil  and 
forty  per  cent,  in  fuel,  and  you  can  take  your 
goods  and  go  home !" 
He  sold  one  of  his  chimneys  in  that  house,  1 
but  when  ho  reached  the  street  great  beads  of 
perspiration  stood  on  his  forehead,  and  he  said  : 
“  She  wanted  to  bo  lied  to,  and  I  lied,  and  now 
I’ve  got  to  keep  on  lying  and  lose  my  soul  for  the 
sake  of  selling  lamp  chimneys !” 
- -♦♦♦ - 
SPARKS  AND  SPLINTERS. 
An  accompUshed  tooter — The  lish-wagon  man. 
Just  the  place  for  dnunmers- The  town  of 
Fife. 
Veuv  properly,  Mr.  Swap  edits  a  Kentucky 
exchange. 
A  GOOD  place  to  send  refractory  children — 
Whii>pany,  N.  J. 
Most  of  the  ordinary  school  slate-pencils  come 
from  Poncil-vania. 
When  a  man  wites  “a  running  hand,”  can 
he  be  called  a  “  raoe-y  "  correspondent  ? 
Epita-pu  upon  Richard  Dutton,  Esej.: 
Oh,  Sun.  Moon.  Stam.  und  ye  Celestial  Poles ! 
Are  graves  then  dwindled  Into  Button-tiolet  f 
A  FATHER  bent  on  iusti-uoting  his  three-year- 
old  son  said :— “  If  you  had  three  apples  and 
should  give  me  one,  how  many  would  you  have 
left  ?”  “I  wouldn't  do  it  pa,”  was  the  prompt 
reply. 
At  a  young  ladies’  seminary,  during  an  exami¬ 
nation  in  history,  one  of  the  pupils  was  interro- 
gatod,  “  Mary,  did  Martin  Luther  die  a  natural 
death?”  “No,”  was  the  reply,  “he  was  ex¬ 
communicated.” 
The  King  of  Holland  is  not  a  miser.  The 
other  day,  when  a  laborer  stopped  the  royal 
can-iage  from  going  in  the  river,  the  King 
handed  him  forty  cents,  and  smiled  a  smile 
worth  thii'ty-flvo  cents  more. 
A  country  editor  is  responsible  for  the  sug¬ 
gestion  that  in  this  degenerate  age  it  would  be 
well  to  have  chm-ch- wardens  ami  deacons  each 
provided  with  a  bell-punch  when  tliey  pass 
around  the  contribution  boxes. 
Intei.uqent  housemaio— “  Oh,  please,  miss, 
there  was  a  young  gentleman  called  when  you 
was  out.  He  didn’t  leave  no  card,  miss,  but  I 
can  show  you  who  ho  is,  “  cause  there's  three  of 
his  photygraphs  in  your  album.” 
A  Gi..vBao\v  antiquai’y  recently  visited  an  old 
castle,  and  asked  one  of  tlio  villagers  if  he  knew 
anything  of  an  old  story  about  the  building. 
“  Ay,”  said  the  rustic,  "  there  was  auither  auld 
story,  hut  it  foil  down  laug  syne." 
A  Frenchjian  who  has  lived  in  America  for 
some  years,  says:— “  When  they  build  a  railroad 
the  first  thing  they  do  is  to  break  ground.  This 
is  done  with  great  ceremony.  Then  they  break 
the  stockholders.  This  is  done  without  cere¬ 
mony.” 
Hard  Times.— “  These  are  pretty  hard  times, 
I  tell  yon,  sii*,”  complamcd  a  tramp,  drawing  the 
back  of  his  baud  across  his  eyes  wliile  he  shut 
the  other  upon  a  donation  of  10  cents.  “Lots 
of  families  who'd  never  thought,  a  year  ago, 
that  they  could  mix  up  biscuit  ivithout  cream, 
now  use  water,"  sayiug  wliich,  he  sorrowfully 
wCuded  his  way  to  the  nearest  barroom. 
Tarib  Kentookian  :— Last  Friday,  when  the 
chain  gang  was  at  work  on  oiu’  square,  one  of 
the  darkeys  W'as  approached  by  a  rural  acquaint¬ 
ance,  who  asked WTiat  do  you  have  that 
ball  chauiod  to  you  for  ?”  “  So  that  no  derned 
country  nigger  can  steal  it  from  me,”  replied  the 
darkey,  and  went  on  reducing  the  size  of  the 
limestone  rocks  in  front  of  him  with  his  hammer. 
Brixiklvn  Arous:— a  simple  peasant  from 
the  wilds  of  New  England  avm  alighting  from 
the  cars  at  the  Washington  depot,  in  company 
wdth  a  friend,  when  the  latter  |X)inted  out  the 
fii-st  distinguished  looking  iiorson  ho  saw,  and 
exclaimed  5— “  Look.  George',  there  goes  one  of 
the  greatest  statesmen  in  this  country,"  “  Dew 
tell !"  ejaculated  the  simple  peasant.  “  How 
much  has  he  stolen  ?” 
•-.A - 
PIT 
p  r 
••• 
••• 
The  LarBCst  nni!  iiiohi  Coniplcie  •■siock  ot 
Fruit  and  Ornanentnl  Trees  in  the  U. 
Frlced  Cittulottucs  sen!  ai*  IoIIowhi  >o.  1* 
Fruits.  wTib  colored  piste.  1.^  cts.;  piiiln,  lO  cts. 
No.  ‘i.  Oruaniental  Trees,  etc.,  wltli  blnte,  ‘io  ots. 
No.  3.  Greenhouse;  No.  !»  Wholesale,  and  No.  O, 
List  of  New  Hoses,  Free.  Address 
ELLWANGER  &  BARRY,  KocUester.N.Y. 
BELL  TREBLE  PIANOS. 
Centennial  Illustrated  Description,  Terms, 
&c.,  Mailed  Free, 
THE  RUBBHH  PAIISTT 
IS  THE 
BEST  PAINT  IN  THE  WORLD. 
There  is  no  Paint  manufactured  that  will  resist  water  equal  to  It  .  It  Is  Smooth, 
Glossy,  Durable,  Klaatlo,  Beautiful  and  Economical  i  and  of  any  shade  from 
PURE  WHITE  to  JE’l'  SLACK  [  und  as  evidence  of  its  being  the  BA’SI  PAlN'l 
the  necessity  of  their  ostabllBhlng  the  following  Branch  Factories  will  abun¬ 
dantly  testify. 
BRANCH  FACTORIBS: 
506  VVeat  t<t.,  Ne»r  Ywrk.  8.1  Weat  Van  Unrrn  Ht.,  Chicago,  111. 
•.ilO  H.  Third  8l.,  8t.  Louis,  ftlo.j  und  u  Wholesale  Depot  at  Wiu. 
King  Oe  Itro.,  No.  'i  North  Liberty  Ht„  Unltiuiore,  Md. 
Sample  Oard  and  mimerous  Testimonials  sent  PKEE  on  application. 
Thoflo  are  Ihe  bout 
and  most  economical 
goods;  Impervious  to 
dainpDess,  beat  and 
cold.  Heud  for  aam- 
ples  to  B.  K.  IIALK 
<k  CO.,  56  and  68  Park 
Flace,  New  York. 
TO 
JANUARY  1,  1877. 
jvxoktths 
OF  THE 
FOR 
Warrnnted  7  Years. 
MACKIE  &  CO.,  Rochester,  N.  Y. 
BLIRES^LAfrRaOFlVB  PAINT  18  THE  BEST. 
Fine  Teas 
This  is  a  eumbinatlou  of  ennitnilsu  to  supply  the 
consumers  of  Tea.  throughout  the  United  States  on 
the  mutual  prlpciplc,  „  ... 
We  oxi»cci  every  consumer  of  Teas  to  render  us  all 
the  asBlstanoe  theycao  in  carrying  out  our  enter¬ 
prise,  ns  w,f  tunke  a  specialty  of  SU  PPXiYINil  CON- 
8UMKRH  (INLY,  (and  allow  no  iniddlomen  to  make 
any  profit  on  onr  Uuportatious.)  which  will  enable  us 
to  snpplv  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  than  have 
ever  been  known,  and  of  those  fine  qualities  that 
seldom  reach  the  interior,  being  sold  only  in  large 
cities  and  among  the  very  wonlt  ny. 
NfJ.VD  Fon  PRICK  LIST. 
CONSlflWEUS  BIPOKTIMi  TE.4  VO, 
No.  8  Church  Street, 
0.^0X  5509. _ NEW  YORK  CITY. 
Try  the  CORTLAND  PLATFORM  SPRING  WAOON. 
•kin©  SiOC  adaysuretnmlnbyAgenUiielllDgour 
I  11  P  /n  Cliromos.  Criiy<ins.  I'icture  dt  Chromo 
'  iiy  Carda.  1*35  snuipios.  worth  $5,  sent, 
postpaid,  for  85  Ceuta.  Illustrated  Ofltniogne  free. 
J.  a  BUKFOKD  S  SONS,  BO.STON,  Bstab’d  1830. 
^END  TO  JAMES  BRaYLKY,  Bufsalo,  N.  V.,  for  DoertpUT. 
*  Frio.  LUt  of  BuIThIo  PltU  Tbroahar.  sad  Hor..  Foware. 
SEND  your  uldreufor  tbo  "Arricul torsi  EicoDomlat,''  dMcrlptlTo 
snd  lllo.trsua.  BRADLEY  MF'O  CO.,  Syrsensa,  N.  Y. 
From  Sept.  1, 1876 
PATENT.I 
H.W.JOHNS’ 
MATERIALS. 
SEVENTY-FIVE  CENTS! 
Agricultural  Centennial  News  a  Specialty 
AabeatOH  Rooting,  forateoi>  or  flat  Hoots. 
Aabeatua  H  oof  tJuRi III g,  for  Old  Leaky  Hoofs. 
Asbestos  Ceineiii,  for  repairing  Leaks  on  Hoofs. 
Asbestos  Hoot  Pulut,  for 'J'ln  Hoofs,  4c. 
Asbestos  Paliiis-a/1  colors-reiidy  foruse. 
Asbestos  Flt-e  Proof  Coailug,  for  wood  work. 
Asbesius  Boiler  find  Nieaiii  Pipe  Coverings. 
Asbestos  8teuui  Piteklng,  fiat  &  round,  all  sizes. 
Roofing  8beutbiug,  Ucc.  Heady  for  use.  and 
easily  applied.  Send  for  Pamphlets,  Price-Lists,  Ac. 
H.  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N.  Y. 
PaUnUt  and  Manufact  urer.  EsiablUliea  ISS8. 
TEAS  and  COFFEES 
AT  WHOLESALE  rItILES 
In  Lots  to  Suit  Customers. 
SPECIAL  TEEMS  TO  CLUB  OEGANIZEKS 
and  those  who  devote  whole  or  part  of  time 
in  selling  onr  goods. 
SEND  FOK  NEW  PH1CB-LI8T. 
THE  GREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  COMP’Y, 
(P.  O.  Box  56i3.)  31  and  33  Vesey  8t.,  New  York. 
The  American 
CIDER  MILL 
will  grind  more  Cider  from  the  same  weight  of  apples 
than  any  other  mill  In  the  world.  Send  for  Circulars. 
ABBOTT,  BREW  &  t’O., 
Cleveland.  Ohio. 
SOLE  MANUFAtTCRER^, 
Porter  Blanchard’s  Sons, 
[Send  for  Circulars.]  CONCORD,  N.  H. 
Sample  churns  sent  to  towns  where  we  have  no 
Agents,  on  receipt  of  25  per  cent,  less  than  our 
retail  price. 
