H.W.JOHNS 
PATENT. 
MATERIALS 
POOR,  POOR  MAN 
“Have  you  any  old  clothes,  mum,  as  you 
could  give  a  poor  man  who  has  a  sick  wife  and 
six  small  children  to  support  ?”  inquired  a  dilap¬ 
idated  person  last  Saturday,  at  the  door  of  a 
High  street  residence. 
“  I’yo  got  a  coat  with  but  three  buttons  gone, 
and  a  pair  of  jiants  that  have  had  but  a  small 
patch  behind,  which  I  guess  you  can  have,” 
said  the  good  woman,  after  she  bad  examined 
her  closet. 
“  Is  the  coat  double-breasted,  with  a  velvet 
collar  inquired  the  poor  man. 
This  U  B  combination  of  capitnlists  to  supply  the 
consumers  of  Tcb»  throughout  the  United  Biates  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
We  expect  every  consumer  of  Teas  to  render  us  all 
the  assistance  they  can  In  carrving  out  onr  enter- 
?  specialty  t.f  (lO.V. 
SuMKHH  ONliY,  (and  allow  no  middlemen  to  make 
any  prqilt  on  our  Immjrtatlons,)  which  will  eosble  us 
to  suDply  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  then  have 
ever  been  known,  and  of  those  fine  qualities  tlmt 
seldom  reach  the  interior,  being  sold  only  In  larjro 
The  American 
“  Arc  the  pants  of  a  plaid  pattern  and  cut  with 
spring  bottoms  of  twenty-two  inches  ?” 
“  No  sir.” 
“  Then  I  guess  you  needn’t  trot  ’em  out,” 
said  the  poor  man.  “  Tliey  ain’t  my  style,  and  I 
don’t  want  ’em.” 
will  grind  more  Cider  from  the  same  weight  of  apples 
than  any  other  mill  In  the  world.  Send  for  CIronlars. 
AHBOTT,  BItUW  db  CO.. 
Cleveland,  Ohio. 
SPARKS  AND  SPLINTERS, 
“You  want  nothing,  do  j'ou?”  said  Pat. 
“  Beda^l,  an’  if  it’s  nothing  ye  want,  ye’ll  find  it 
ill  the  jug,  whore  the  whisky  w'as.” 
Eves  history  now  and  then  arops  into  an  un¬ 
intentional  pun.  Take  for  instance  the  fact  that 
Louis  Elovenlb  was  driven  in  Xl-le. 
SoENK :  Young  la^iios’  boarding-school.  Pro¬ 
fessor — “  What  can  you  toll  of  Pluto  ?”  Miss 
D. — “  He  wan  the  son  of  Haturn,  and  when  his 
father  died  he  gave  him  hell.” 
“  Mamma,”  said  a  young  hopeful,  w’ho  against 
his  will  was  made  to  rook  the  cradle  of  his  baby 
brother,  “if  the  Lord  has  any  more  babies  to 
give  away  don’t  you  take  ’em.” 
“Yes,”  said  an  old  Missouri  farmer,  “  I  be¬ 
lieve  in  mental  ciiltervation.  Next  to  culter- 
vating  corn,  I  behove  it’s  the  profltablist  thing  a 
man  can  do,  unloss  it’s  growin’  pork.” 
A  OHICAOO  paper  says  that  a  “  Mi'.  Kennedy 
was  shot  yesterday  in  the  neighborhood  of  the 
canal,  where  he  lives.”  That  must  have  been  in 
the  neighborhood  of  the  alimentai’y  canal,  we 
suppose. 
“  I  ODEbs  ds4  wishes  we’d  all  die  and  go  to 
heaven,”  said’  a  raiser’s  son  to  his  maternal 
parent.  ‘ '  W uy  so  ?”  she  asked,  upon  recovering 
from  liev  astonishment.  “  Oh,  ^lause  Heaven’s 
such  a  cheap  place  to  live  in.” 
Most  c  (  the  Shelbyvillo  (Ky.)  dogs  sit  in  the  j 
back  yar.l.<  and  howl  all  night,  so  that  people  will 
know  ihoy  are  not  away  anywhere  killing  sheep. 
A  man  has  to  own  more  sheep  than  we  do  before 
he  can  appreciate  the  grandeur  of  such  exem¬ 
plary  conduct. 
A  COOL  young  gent  entered  a  menagerie  with 
a  cigar  in  his  mouth,  when  the  proprietor  po¬ 
litely  requested  the  visitor  not  to  teach  the  other 
monkeys  liad  habits.  The  young  man  proved 
himself  equal  to  the  occasioa  by  producing  a 
cigar  case  and  saying:  “  Try  ouo.” 
A  GiLT-KuoED  and  superfine  young  man 
stepped  into  a  barber's  shop  the  other  day  to  get 
shaved.  The  knight  of  the  raisor  eyed  him  quiz¬ 
zically  for  a  moment,  and  then  remarked ;  “  You 
must  either  take  down  that  shirt  collar  or  wait 
for  a  shave  till  1  can  borrow  a  step-ladder.  ” 
One  Ohio  editor  says  of  a  contemporaiy  who 
had  assumed  the  part  of  a  ninraniy  in  a  dramatic 
performance: — •*  He  was  obliged  to  put  a  little 
animation  into  himself  to  come  up  with  the 
character,  and  to  wear  more  recent  linen ;  but 
that  was  about  all.  Nature  had  admirably 
qualified  him  to  act  the  part." 
A  SNOB  once  asked  the  celebrated  carver,  M. 
de  Ponnat,  who  recently  died  in  Paris,  if  be  had 
learned  his  art  at  the  King's  table  or  kitchen. 
“  At  neither,"  replied  the  renowned  carver ;  “  it 
was  from  haring  so  often  to  slice  off  the  ears  of 
insolent  puppies  that  I  acquired  it.  You  now 
see  how  I  can  cut  up  a  goose.” 
An  Irishman's  friend  haring  fallen  into  a 
slough,  the  Irishman  called  loudly  to  another  for 
assistance.  The  latter,  who  was  busily  engaged 
in  cutting  a  log,  and  wished  to  procrastinate,  in¬ 
quired,  “  How  deep  is  the  gentleman  in  ?”  “Up 
to  his  anltles."  ••  Then  there  is  plenty  of  time,” 
said  the  other.  “  No  there  is  not,”  rejoined  the 
first ;  “  I  forgot  to  tell  you  he’s  in  head  first.” 
Prof.  Gorini  of  Padua,  has  arrived  in  Paris  to 
exhibit  to  the  Academy  of  Sciences  his  process 
of  peti'ifying  human  remains.  Some  months 
ago  a  yoiuig  husband  went  to  the  professor  and 
asked  him  what  it  would  cost  to  petrify  Iris 
mothcr-in-law.  *'  What  particular  member 
would  you  desire  petiifiod  ?”  asked  the  professor. 
“  The  right  hand,  to  aveiigo  blows  given  in  the 
past  and  prevent  those  that  might  be  given  in 
the  future.”  Then  she  is  not  dead?”  “Alas! 
no.”  I  can  do  nothing  for  you ;  I  only  operate 
on  dead  bodies."  “So  I  was  told,"  replied  the 
husband,  “but  I  had  hoped  that  yon  would 
have  contracted  to  prepare  her  for  the  process 
as  well." 
CAMPAIGN  tilden  haves, 
J  ln<  iiM«  Batrifile  l»v  niail,  rent 
W  AsfLU.  J.  JI.  bl’fforO’s  Sons,  sosw.n 
RHow  made  In  10  hours  from 
■  Cider,  Wine  or  Sorghum 
8.  Name  paper  and  address 
F.  I.  SAClB,  Sprlugfleld,  Mass. 
lease  HDd  yoor  sddrfM  for  Clrcnlnn  of  C»d’ 
Kne«.,  Ac.,  to  BRADLEY  MF'I)  CO.,  i 
Patent  Slalgh 
(yTAcuifl,  N,  Y. 
GLINES’  SLATE  RSOFING  PAINT  IS  THE  BEST 
r>iTTo,  urtoTnER 
Burolae— Hah :  you’d  be  a  nice  customer  to  meet  any  where  after  dark,  wouldn’t  you, 
BELL  TREBLE  PIANOS 
Centennial  Hlustrated  Description,  Terms, 
Ac.,  Mailed  Free. 
BEST  PAINT  IN  THE  WORLD 
^  There  Is  no  Paint  mannfacinrod  that  will  resist  water  equal  to  It.  It  la  Smooth, 
Glossy,  Durable,  Elastic,  Beautiful  and  Economical  i  and  of  any  shade  from* 
.  PUKK  WHITE  to  JET  BLACK  ;  and  as  evidenue  of  Its  being  the  BES’l  PAIK2 
necessity  of  tholr  establlBhlng  the  following  Brunch  Factories  will  abun- 
‘lantly  testify. 
1-W‘L.  BRANCH  FACTORIBS: 
.ynn  We»t  Hu.  X«cXi>rk.  H3  West  Van  Buren  St.,  Cbtcago,  III. 
'.JlO  S.  Third  liouie,  IBo.j  nnd  a  WbolttHnle  Depot  at  Wni. 
King  &  Bro.,  No.  North  Mberty  Ht.,  Baltimore,  Md. 
Sample  Card  and  numerous  Testimonials  sent  TREE  on  application. 
yjt  ^ 
RURAL  RATBS  REDUCED! 
Warranted  7  Tears. 
MACKIE  &  CO.,  Rochester,  N,  Y, 
IN  announcing  the  reduction  of  the  subscription  price  for  The  Rural  New-Yorker,  we  can  only 
say  that  It  Is  done  In  a  spirit  of  Justice  to  all  our  subscribers,  who  are  now  paying  reduced  prices  for 
everything.  The  old  price  for  The  Rural  has  been  f2.66  per  annum,  and  the 
Asbestoa  Roofing,  for  steep  or 
Asbestoa  K  oof  Clouling.  for  oi 
it  Roots, 
l.euky  Roofs, 
Present  Reduced  Rate  is  $2.50  per  Annum, 
tfB  jn  utiA  vttitntff  Aur  umi  UGixKy  ivQoia, 
Aiibestoti  €*eiueiil«  for  repairin^fseaks  on  Koofe. 
AsbcBCOM  Itoiif  Palul«  for  Tin  Huofis  &c. 
AabeHioH  Pniiiiii-iill  colors— ready  for  use. 
AdbeatoM  Fire  Prool  Coatiog,  for  wood  work. 
Asbestos  Roller  nud  Steam  Pipe  Coverliigs. 
Asbestos  .Hieum  Packing,  fiat  A  round,  all  sites. 
Roofing  Mbeuibing,  dkc.  Ready  for  use.  and 
easily  applied.  Hond  for  Pamphlets,  Price-Lists,  Ac. 
H.  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N.  Y. 
Patentee  and  Manufacturer,  Eslablished  1858. 
and  In  clubs  of  ten  or  more,  $2. 
Great  encouragement  has  been  given  us  in  our  efforts  to  make  the 
BEST  ILLUSTRATED 
AT  WHOLESALE  PRICES 
In  Lots  to  Bait  Customers. 
SPECIAL  TERMS  TO  CLUB  ORGANIZERS 
and  those  who  devote  whole  or  part  of  time 
in  Belling  our  goods. 
SEND  FOR  NEW  PRICE-LIST. 
THE  GREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  COMP’Y, 
(P.  O.  Box  5643.)  31  and  B8  Vesey  St.,  New  York. 
ever  published,  and  we  make.  In  this  Centenary  Year,  this  substantial  acknowledgment  of  It.  It  now 
costs  us  less  to  make  the  paper,  and  we  propose  to  give  our  subscribers  the  benefit  of  every  cent  of 
the  reduced  cost. 
>  I  n  o  «  day  sure  made  by  Agents  selling  our 
I  U  ^  /  n  Chromos.  Crayons,  Picture  &  CUromo 
”  >  Curds.  1143  samples,  worth  83,  sent, 
losuiaid,  for  S3  Cents.  Illustrated  Catalogue  free. 
.  H.  BUFFORD'8  SONS,  BOSTON.  Bstab’d  1830. 
is  that  each  subscriber  and  agent  will  continue  his  efforts  to  Increase  our  list  so  that  we  oan  make  a 
still  further  redaction. 
The  cheapest  paper  Is  not  always  the  best,  but 
END  TO  JAME3  BHAVLBY,  Borriw,  N.  Y.,  for  DoicrtptW* 
Prlc«  Uit  of  BuffiUo  Pitta  Thraaliart  ind  Horn  Fowen. 
The  Best  Paper  is  Always  the  Cheapest 
MOORE'S  Rokal  Nkw-Yobker  became  a  house¬ 
hold  word  and  power  In  the  land  long  before  wo  quit 
“going  to  school,”  and,  perhaps,  needs  no  comment 
from  us;  stUI  ‘‘its  memory  is  ever  fresh  andgreen,” 
and  is  renewed  by  its  appearance  every  week,  brim¬ 
ful  of  good  thinge  ns  ever.  We  are  glad  to  announce 
that  our  piredictious  in  the  January  number  are 
being  more  than  fulfilled.  We  have  sent  it  more 
than  five  hundred  names,  and  we  learn  that  sub¬ 
scriptions  have  been  pouring  In  in  like  proportions 
from  all  parts  of  the  country,  despite  the  hard  times. 
Long  may  it  continue  to  be  what  it  is— a  power  for 
good  in  the  land.— Agsnt’sFrtimd. 
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and  you  will  be  profited. 
ALL  AGENTS  ATTENTION  I!! 
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One  and  all  send  Postal  Card  for  Specimen  Copy  and  Premium  List,  which  will  be  sent  free. 
Address 
RURAL  PUBLISHING  CO., 
78  Duane  St.,  New  York 
The  Rural  is  a  very  good  present  to  send  to  a 
friend,  and  it  pleasantly  reminds  the  recipient  of  the 
donor  fifty-two  times  a  year— this  year  fifty-three 
times.  Any  tubteriber  oan  send  it  to  a  relative  or 
friend  as  a  present,  at  our  lowest  club  rate— only 
12.15,  including  postage. 
