MATERIALS 
;  260 
OCT.  44 
aiilr  |)iimor. 
THE  LORD  BISHOP. 
Thk  following  “  poem  ”  wa"?  written  liy  a  farmer  on 
the  occasion  of  a  viait  by  the  Lord  Bishoii  to  a  coimtry 
parish,  and  was  actually  anug  by  thejcholr: 
Why  Bkhi  ye  bo,  ye  little  liillo, 
And  wherefore  do  ye  hop  f 
In  it  Ik cause  ye  do  expect 
To  tM*e  the  fKird  Uiah-op  ? 
Why  hoji  ye  bo,  ye  little  hilte 
And  wherefore  do  ye  skip  f 
Is  It  IxTanae  ye  do  expect 
To  Kce  the  Lord  liish-ip  ? 
Wli y  hoji  ye  «o,  ye  little  hills. 
And  wliy  do  yojumplup  ? 
Is  it  liecaiiBP  ye  long  to  bco 
HiB  (iruce  tlie  Lord  liish-np  f 
IMiy  Jump  ye  so,  ye  little  hillB, 
And  wherefore  do  yo  leap? 
Is  It  beeaiiHe  ye  fager  are 
To  see  the  iKtrd  Bieh-cep  ? 
- - - 
THE  REASON  WHY. 
One  gentleman  observed  to  another  : 
“  1  have  a  wife  and  six  children  in  Now  York, 
and  I  never  saw  one  of  them.” 
“  Were  yoti  ever  blind  ?’’ 
Oh,  no,”  replied  the  other. 
A  further  lapse  of  time,  and  then  the  interro¬ 
gator  resumed  the  subject : 
“Did  I  iiiiderstaud  you  to  say  that  you  had  a 
wife  and  six  children  living  in  New  York,  and 
that  you  had  never  saw  one  of  them  ?” 
'•  Yes,  BueU  is  the  fact.” 
Here  followed  a  still  longer  pause  in  the  con¬ 
versation. 
“How  can  it  he  that  you  never  seen  one  of 
them  i‘" 
“  Why,”  was  the  answer,  “one  of  them  was 
horn  after  I  left.” 
SPARKS  AND  SPLINTERS, 
A  THEOLOGICAL  studcnt,  supposod  to  ho  defi¬ 
cient  in  judgment,  was  asked  by  a  jirofcssor,  in 
the  course  of  a  class  examination,  **  Pray,  Mr. 
E — ,  how  would  jou  discover  a  fool  ?"  “  By  the 
questious  he  would  ask,"  w’as  tlie  rather  stunning 
reply. 
“Jones,  if  there  were  burglars  in  my  house, 
and  I  knew  it,  by  jingo,  I’d - ”  “Well,  Smith, 
what  would  you  do?"  “I  would  do  whatever 
they  required  of  mo.  I  never  h  ad  my  way  in 
that  house  yot,  and  it’s  too  late  to  commence 
now— yes,  too  late.” 
At  the  Centennial,  the  Philadelphia  ladies  cry 
out,  “Bn’t  it  cunning?”  New  York  ladies, 
“How  Miporhly  loycly!”  Bostou  ladies,  “Ah, 
howexquawsito!”  Louisville  ladies,  “Be-utifnl, 
fo’shuah!”  Chieago  ladies,  “Oh,  my — I  wish 
1  owned  that!”  while  the  genuine  Yankee  girls 
from  the  rural  districts  exclaim,  “Gee-whim- 
miuy,  hut  ain’t  that  'ere  a  stunner,  neow !” 
A  PitovinEXCE  hoy  went  to  a  birthday  p.arty, 
and  descrihes  it  as  follows:  "First,  we  all  had 
some  bread  and  butter ;  then  wo  )tad  some  lem¬ 
onade,  cold  enough  to  freeze  ns  ;  then  we  had  a 
piece  of  birthday  cake  ;  then  we  all  had  lots  of 
ice  cream;  and  then  we  all  had  the  stomach 
ache ;  then  we  all  lay  dowm,  and  the  big  girls 
gave  us  some  peppei’mint ;  then  wo  all  wont  out 
to  play.” 
A  SAOAcrors  Collector. — Horace  Greoly  used 
to  toll  this  story: — Uo  once  sent  a  claim  for 
collection  to  a  Western  lawyer,  and  regarding  it 
as  rather  a  desperate  claim,  told  the  attorney  if 
ho  collected  it  ho  might  reserve  half  the  amount 
for  his  fco.  In  dno  time  Mr.  Greely  received  the 
following  laconic  epistle:  “Dear  Sir — I  have 
succeeded  it:  collecting  my  half  of  that  claim.  1 
The  balance  is  hoi^eless."  I 
It  iz  a  grate  deal  eheaper  to  work  than  it  iz  to 
bog  ;  euuy  man  kan  earn  two  dollars  while  ho  iz 
begging  one.  The  most  painful  reckoleokshun 
ov  mi  life  waz  the  time  spent  when  I  waz  a  boy, 
waiting  to  he  wlii(}t.  If  a  man  slips  from  the>  j 
top  round  ov  fame's  ladder  he  haz  got  to  fall  to  ; 
the  bottom ;  there  iz  no  halfway  house.  In  : 
most  argmneuts  the  truth  iz  lost  sight  ov  ;  the  | 
partys  roll  up  their  sleeves  and  go  in  simply  to- 
win.  Tliare  iz  a  grate  deal  ov  bogus  luimility  , 
Uoating  around,  the  most  humble  kritter  ycua 
ever  sec  iz  a  hornet,  who  haz  lost  hiz  stingem 
—(Billings. 
Let  every  father  buy  his  boy  a  pistol.  It  » 
wonderful  what  a  world  of  amusement  there  is 
in  it.  The  boy  may  shoot  some  harmless  bird,  a 
pig,  a  cow,  a  horse,  his  litUo  sister,  or  maybe 
hiuiBclf.  Here  is  a  horse  case  right  at  band 
from  an  Eastern  papw :  “  Three  hoys,  who  were 
practidug  with  a  pistol  at  Hartford  the  other 
day,  accidentally  shot  tlie  trotting  maro  ‘Maybe,’ 
inflicting  a  wound  that  will  probably  prove  fataL 
The  animal  has  a  record  of  2:23,  and  is  valued  at 
§10,000.”  Cases  where  boys  shoot  their  little 
sisters  or  themselves  are  too  common  to  need 
the  reference  of  any  case  at  hand. 
Fine  Teas 
Tills  la  a  combination  of  capitalists  to  supply  the 
consunierii  of  Tea*  throuRbimttOc  United  States  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
Wc  exi>eci  every  consumer  of  Tens  to  render  us  all 
the  asslBtnnco  they  enn  lo  earrylnc  out  nur  enter- 
prlsp,  ns  wo  make  a  spuoUlly  of  SUPPI.YINO  CON- 
SC.MGiiS  ONLY,  (and  allow  no  nilddlumun  to  make 
liny  profit  on  our  Imiiortntions.)  which  will  enable  us 
to  supply  them  with  't'eiisut  prices  tower  than  have 
over  been  known,  and  of  those  tlno  qualities  that 
neldom  roach  tun  Intctinr.  lioiifi;  sold  only  in  large 
cities  and  among  the  very  wealthy. 
SflXD  Fon  PRICE  LIST. 
€0IVSII1>IEKS  niPORTINO  TEA  CO. 
No.  8  Church  Street, 
P.  O.  Box  5509.  NEW  YORK  CITY. 
RY  THE  CORTLAND  PLATFORM  SPRING  WAGON. 
PLEASE  tend  your  nddreai  for  CircuUrt  of  Cady^R  pAtout  Sleiirb 
KAeetf  to  BRADLEY  CO,,  aymcnM,  N,  Y« 
BELL  TREBLE  PIANOS. 
Centennial  Illustrated  Dcscriptiou,  Terms, 
&c.,  Mailed  Free. 
li^VI>  F'Oll  THE  T>OCi©. 
INTEIJ.ECTUAL  CREATURE — “  No  it’s  Utterly  impossible  for  a  fellah  to  stand  this  disgusting 
weather.  I  feel  as  though  my  hwains  were  going  to  the  dogs.” 
Lady — “  Dear,  dear !  Poor,  poor  dogs !” 
Warranted  7  Years. 
TIIli:  KUBBT^R  BAINT 
MACKIE  &  CO.  Rochester,  N.  Y. 
BEST  PAINT  IN  THE  WORLD,  goffees 
There  is  no  Paint  manufactured  that  will  resist  water  equal  to  it.  It  is  Smooth, 
Glossy,  Durable,  Klastio,  Iteautlful  and  Kconomical;  and  of  any  shade  from 
PLTHK  W  UITK  to  .IKT  BLACK  ;  and  as  evidenoe  of  its  being  the  RES!  PAINl 
the  nencasily  of  their  establiBhing  the  foliowing  Branch  Factories  will  abun¬ 
dantly  testify. 
BRANCH  rAOTORXBS: 
.YOft  Weal  Sf.,  New  York.  83  West  Vnn  Diircii  Ht.,  C'bicRffo,  III. 
Weal  8f.,  New  York.  83  West  Vnn  Diircii  Ht.,  C'bicRffo,  III. 
;ilO  8.  Third  Ml.,  Ml.  liOiilH,  Mo.i  and  a  Wholesale  llcpot  at  Win. 
King  i&r  Itro.,  No.  ‘4  North  I.lheriy  Mt.,  Bnlliinore,  Md. 
Sample  Owd  and  numerous  Testimomals  sent  FREE  on  application. 
RURAL  RATES  REDUCED! 
IN  announcing  the  reduction  of  the  subscription  price  for  The  Rural  Nkw-Yorkkr,  we  can  only 
say  that  it  is  dene  in  a  spirit  of  justice  to  all  our  subscribers,  who  are  now  paying  reduced  prices  for 
everything.  The  old  price  for  The  Rural  lias  been  12.65  per  annum,  and  the 
Present  Reduced  Bate  is  $2.50  per  Annum^ 
und  in  clubs  of  ten  or  more,  f2. 
Great  encouragement  has  been  given  us  in  our  efforts  to  make  the 
BEST  ILLUSTRATED 
Agricultural  and  Family  Weekly 
ever  published,  and  we  make,  in  tins  Centenary  Year,  this  substantial  acknowledgment  of  it.  It  now 
costs  us  less  to  make  the  paper,  and  we  propose  to  give  our  subscribers  the  heneflt  of  every  cent  of 
the  reduced  cost. 
A.IaIa  we  A.SK 
is  that  each  subscriber  and  agent  will  continue  his  eOorts  to  increase  our  list  so  that  we  can  make  a 
still  further  reduction. 
The  cheapest  paper  is  not  always  the  best,  but 
The  Best  Paper  is  Always  the  Cheapest ! 
Subscribers,  show  The  Rural  to  your  neighbors  and  ask  them  to  subscribe.  They  will  be  benefited 
and  you  will  be  profited. 
ALL  AGENTS  ATTENTION!!! 
increase  your  lists  at  the  reduced  rates  and  get  larger  Premiums. 
O«o  anej.  all  send  Postol  Card  for  Specimen  Copy  and  Premium  List,  whioU  will  be  sent  fbeb. 
^Address 
RURAL  PUBLISHING  CO., 
78  Duane  St.,  New  York. 
AT  WHOLESALE  PKKES 
In  Lots  to  Suit  Custoroers. 
SPECIAL  TERMS  TO  CLUB  ORGANIZERS 
and  those  who  devote  whole  or  part  of  time 
in  selling  our  goods. 
SEND  FOR  NEW  PRICE-LIST. 
THE  GREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  COMP'Y, 
(P.  O.  Box  ay;:.)  31  and  33  Vesoy  8t..  New  York. 
n  o  a ‘luysnre  made  by  Agents  selling  our 
I  U  ^  ZD  Cbronios.  Crayons.  Picture  *  Chrome 
I  L)  ^  ZD  Cbionios.  Crayons.  Picture  *  Chrome 
Cards,  laa  samples,  worth  8.5,  sent, 
postpaid,  for  8.5  Cants.  Illustruted  Cutiiloguc  free. 
I.  H:  BUk  FORD'S  BOSS,  ttOS'VOS.  Rstab’d  1830. 
H.W.JOHNS* 
PATENT, 
Asbestos  Roofing,  for  steep  or  fiat  Roots. 
AMbesioi.  I<  oof  fronting,  for  ok  Liiuky  Roofs. 
Anbr^MOK  C'eiMeni,  tor  repulriii/' l.eaks  on  Roofs. 
AnbeHtOM  Kool  Puiut,  for  Tin  Roofr,  Ac. 
Asbesiww  PHintH-all  colors— ready  fur  use. 
AMbeHtos  Fire  Proof  Canting,  for  wood  work. 
Asbestos  Uoilcr  nnd  Mieaiii  Pipe  L'OTeriiigct. 
.fsbrstoH  Mienin  Pnckliig,  fiat  A  round,  all  sizes. 
Uooflug  Mbenibinit,  i&e.  Ready  for  use,  and 
easily  applied.  Head  fur  Pauiphlcty,  Pricit-Lists,  &c. 
H.  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N,  Y. 
Patentee  a7id  Manufacturer.  EelahUeUed  18C8. 
^  DEERE  <&  COMPANY,  Moline,  111. 
EASTERN  AGHNT8- 
R.  H.  ALLEN  &  CO., 
189  &  191  Water  Mt.,  New  York. 
Who  furnish  fuil  iNYOBMATXoy  Ybek. 
COOKING 
FOR 
STOCK. 
PRINDLE’M  ACJ'I,  STEAMER 
at  Centennial  Ag't  UniT,  Sec.  K,  No. 
8.  Best  ana  most  durable.  Thou¬ 
sands  sold.  Half  price  uf  any  other. 
Send  for  inuetrated  CircuUir,  prices, 
terms  to  agents,  Ac.  D.  H.  PlllN- 
DLE,  Proprietor,  East  Bethany,  S.V. 
w  I  Ikl  B  ^  A  D  How  made  in  10  hours  from 
w  I  I w  C  va  ow  •  Cider,  Wine  or  Sorghum 
without  using  drugs.  Name  paper  and  address 
F.  1.  SAGE,  Springfield,  Mass. 
Springfield,  Mass. 
SEND  TO  JAMES  BRAVLEV,  BVFttl.o,  N.  Y.,  for  DwcrlptiT# 
Ihrtce  Lbt  ol  BuffHlo  Pitta  Ttnuben  suJ  Hoim  Fowen. 
SEND  FOR  ClRCULARofAgriCuUuTBlTmple- 
mentsto  AHBoX'r.BuKW  A  Co.,MXr8,  Cleyeland.O. 
Tbe  Best  Paper,  and  the  Best  Premiums  to 
Agents,  is  our  motto.  We  ignore  Chromos  and  all 
other  cheap  colored  pictures,  preferring  to  put  our 
money  irt  the  paper  and  in  Premiums  to  Agents. 
Act  as  Agent  }—Keader,  If  there  is  no  agent  for 
the  BUBAL  In  your  locality  please  become  one  by 
Conning  a  club.  It  will  pay. 
