PATENT 
HW.JOHNS 
GOSPEL  ACCOEDING  TO  JOHN 
Some  years  ago,  being  in  Philadelphia,  John 
Cockerill  of  Ohio,  now  of  the  Cincinnati  Enqui¬ 
rer,  received  an  introduction  to  a  prominent 
divine  of  that  city.  The  reverend  gentleman  in¬ 
vited  him  to  attend  hi»  church  on  a  certain  Sun¬ 
day,  which  invitation  was  accepted.  They 
entered  the  sacred  cditice  together.  It  wan  ouo 
of  the  first  clnircliOB  tn  the  city,  and  its  menjbers 
were  fashionable  and  aristocratic  in  the  extreme. 
The  minister  put  John  in  an  oluburately  fur¬ 
nished  j>ew ,  well  to  the  front.  John  nestled  com¬ 
fortably  down  into  one  corner  of  the  same,  and 
looked  about  as  interested  and  contented  as  a 
to.ad  under  a  cabbage  leaf. 
After  a  while  tho  owner  of  the  pew  arrived, 
and  at  once  gave  signs  of  intense  disgust  aud 
indignation  at  tho  i>rcsenoe  of  the  interloper, 
lie  looked  at  John,  looked  at  tho  pew ;  and 
scowled  magnilicontly,  and  finally,  after  fnmb- 
ling  through  his  pockets  some  time,  drew  forth 
a  card  aud  wrote  on  it  with  a  pencil:  “This  is 
my  seat,  su  ?*'  and  with  an  air  of  loftiest  con¬ 
tempt,  tossed  it  over  to  John.  The  latter  took 
it  up  aud  reiul  it,  with  that  lamblike  meekness 
peculiar  to  himself,  and  thou,  with  the  most  de¬ 
lightful  coolness,  wrote  in  roifiy!  “It's  a  devil¬ 
ish  good  seat.  Wliat  rout  do  you  pay  ?"  aud 
tossed  tho  card  back  to  its  owner. 
The  latter  took  it,  looked  at  it  with  the  most 
profound  astonishment  a  minute  or  two,  and  then 
a  broad  grin  overspread  Lis  countenance.  He 
evidently  enjoyed  the  coolness  and  brass  of  his 
now  aoijuaiiitanco,  aud  when  service  was  over  he 
approached  John,  apologized  for  his  rudeness, 
invited  him  to  his  house,  gave  him  the  best  he 
had,  and  troaUsl  him  with  tho  greatest  respect 
and  couskleration  during  his  sojourn  in  the 
city.— ATeto  Haven  Register. 
NEW  A6NICULTURAL 
STEAM  ENGINES 
IF’ox*  lOVO. 
Morp  effpctlve  and  more  comph'te,  and  more  read¬ 
ily  ailspted  to  the  rarlouB  aartctiltural  uses  than  any 
other  In  the  market.  Tractical  Improvenieiits  accu 
niuluted  from  twenty  years'  mannfacturlnK  experl- 
enne,  with  reputation  maintained, and  success  eslab- 
ilHhotl.  ^  .  1  • 
Bend  for  ClrcularB,  dcBcriptive.  and  conlalniua 
te«tliiionlnl»  cpneornlnu  oar  FOKT^  sjl  A- 
TIONAKV  nnd  A<JKlCt'l.TLRAIi  STEAM 
ENGINES. 
WOOD,  TABER  &  MORSE, 
Eaton.  iTIadlson  Co.,  N.  Y. 
This  18  a  eomblnallon  of  capitalists  to  supply  the 
consumers  of  Tea<  tlirougliout  the  United  States  on 
the  mutual  principle.  ,, 
We  expect  every  consumer  of  Teas  to  render  us  all 
tne  assislaooe  they  can  In  carrylna  out  our  entc^r- 
prise,  as  wo  uiake  a  specialty  of  'SUPPUVINU  CON- 
HUMKdB  ONLT,  (aud  allow  no  tnlddlemou  to  make 
any  profit  on  our  importallooB,)  which  will  enable  us 
te  simply  them  with  Teas  at  prices  lower  tbun  have 
ever  been  Known,  and  of  those  lino  qualities  that 
seldom  reach  the  interior,  being  sold  only  in  lari^c 
cities  aud  among  the  very  woaltny. 
HERD  FO/i  PltTCB  LI.^T. 
COXSIJilIEllS  IMPORTI.VG  TEA  TO. 
No.  8  Church  Street, 
P.  O.  Box  3509.  NEW  YORK  CITY. 
M  These  arc  the  licet 
and  most  oconomlual 
J  Uj  goods ;  impertiouB  to 
'V  aani]>ncs8,  beat  and 
'■  cold.  Bend  for  sam- 
f  pies  to  B.  E.  HALK 
»  &  CO.,  50  and  68  Park 
H  Place,  New  York. 
SPARKS  AND  SPLINTERS, 
BELL  TREBLE  PIANOS 
On  the  channel,  where  the  voyage  produces 
its  usual  effect,  an  economical  lady  cries : 
“  What  a  pity !  A  breakfast  that  they  charged 
so  much  for,  too !” 
Mh.  Bowles  has  got  the  patent  for  his  new 
tin  hen.  He  fills  the  thing  with  oyster  shells, 
boiled  starch  and  extract  of  carrot,  winds  her  up, 
puts  her  ou  a  nest,  and  she  will  lay  an  egg  every 
day  for  a  week,  lie  has  a  way  of  keeping  her 
from  work  ou  Suudays. 
A  CLOSE-FISTED  mau  invited  a  friend  to  dinner, 
and  provided  only  two  mutlon-ehojis.  ITpon  re¬ 
moving  the  cover  ho  said,  “My  friend,  we  have 
a  Lenten  entertainment;  you  see  your  dinner 
before  you.”  Taking  the  two  chops  upon  his 
own  plate,  his  friend  replied,  “  Yes,  but  where  is 
your  dinner  ?  ’ 
A  wrrNE,ss  for  th»  prosecution  in  a  murder 
case  was  thus  qiieationed  by  his  Honor:  “You 
say  you  saw  the  man  shot  at  aud  killed  t"  “Yes, 
sir.”  “  You  said,  I  think,  that  the  charge  struck 
tho  deceased  ou  his  body,  between  tho  dia- 
phragbm  aud  the  duodenum?”  “No,  sir;  I 
didn’t  say  no  such  thing.  1  said  he  was  shot  be¬ 
tween  the  hog-pon  and  the  wood-house.” 
Two  joyous  citizens  meet  a  third. 
‘  ‘  HulJo,  Marius !  We  are  j  ust  off  for  a  picnic. 
You’ll  come  ?” 
“I  can’t  my  dear  fellow;  the  fact  is,  I  am 
i-uiued,  and  have  no  more  money  to  spend  on 
pleasures.” 
‘•That  makes  no  difference.  Come  along, 
anyway.  If  you  have  no  money,  why  you  can 
watch  us.” 
When  Louis  XV.,  the  Well-Beloved,  was  pass¬ 
ing  thi'ough  a  town  in  the  north  of  France,  his 
reception  being  of  the  most  enthusiastic,  an  old 
woman  was  suddenly  seen  to  dart  thr-ough  the 
ranks  of  the  military  escort,  ci-ying :  “Let  me 
see  him  I  Let  mo  see  him  I” 
The  king  stopped  his  caiTiage,  addressed  a  few 
kind  words  to  hei’,  then  continued  Ihs  progress. 
Then  the  old  woman  fiuiig  her  hands  into  the 
air  and,  with  all  the  rapture  of  pious  Simeon, 
cried : 
“Thank  Heaven!  I  have  seen  him!  And 
now  I  don’t  care  how  soon - He  dies !  !” 
“Wateb!  Water!  Water!” — Gen.  DesPal- 
lieris,  just  dead,  during  the  campaign  in  Cochin- 
Chiua  had  a  native  servant,  very  iutelligont,  very 
faithful  aud  very  lazy.  After  a  long  day’s  march 
the  General  was  awakened  at  midnight  by  the 
moaning  of  his  servant,  who,  sli-etohed  on  a  mat 
at  the  entrance  of  the  tent,  was  sighing  to  him¬ 
self:  “Water!  Water!  Water!” 
The  General  calls  out :  “  Hallo  there !  Quick! 
Stir  yourself !” 
The  servant  appi-oaches  painfully. 
“  Get  me  a  glass  of  water,  aud  be  quick  about 
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Warranted  ^  Years. 
MACKIE  &  CO.  Rochester,  N.  Y. 
TEAS  and  COFFEES 
AT  WIIOLESAI.I':  I’RICGS 
In  Lots  to  Suit  Customers. 
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I  n  o  »  dByBuremadebyAgentsselljirigour 
*  I  II  *  n  Chromos.  Crayons.  Picture  A  (Tnonio 
CurdS.  Hampil'S,  WOTth  8,5,  SCOt. 
posipald.  for  .S5  Cents,  Cai'alW?,**!!’?,* 
IL  BUFFORU'S  SONS.  BOSTON.  Kstab'd  laid- 
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over  published,  and  we  make,  in 
costs  us  less  to  make  tho  paper, 
ihe  reduced  cost. 
RUBBER  PAINT  CO.,  Cleveland,  0. 
r'»  PAtcot  Sleigh 
tynkCQM,  N.  V . 
LEASBMind  yoiu-sddrMsIbr  Circul.nof  Ciuij 
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Is  that  each  subscriber  and  agent  will  continue  his  eflorts  to  increase  our  list  so  that  we  can  make 
still  further  reduction. 
The  cheapest  paper  is  not  always  the  best,  but 
.  .  «■<.  i>v.  lor  »ti'i‘p  or  Bat  fioois. 
A<besina  Bool  Uoailug, 
Asbestos  Gewicijt,  lorrcpftirlnif'Leii^ks  on  Roofs. 
AKbeHtos  Kool  Paint.  for  llnKoOfs,  tie. 
Asbestos  Pnlili-  alTcHlors-rciidy  foruse. 
Aabestos  Kli'«*  Yroof  (Contlng,  for  wood  work. 
AHbesius  Boiler  and  Plfnsni  I*lpc 
AsbcBtui!i  Hieain  flat  A  round,  ail  awe  j 
easily  applied-  Send  for  pamphlets.  Prlco-Lial^- 
H.  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N.  Y. 
Patentee  and  Manv/acturer.  Eatabldlu'd  ISos. 
mf  c  iia  M.  How  made  lo  lOhomS  frt>m 
A#  i  M  A  US*  Wine  or  Sorghum 
or  and  address 
Springfield,  Mass. 
C2END  TO  JAMP.S  HBAYLEY,  Rirri-ito,  N.  V..  5" 
S  PriM  Llil  of  BulTnlo  Pitta  Tbraalitr.  and  Hoax  Pi'wct*- 
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and  you  will  be  piofltari. 
ALL  AGENTS  ATTENTION!!! 
V  inC,iAAtY.Cider, 
without  using  dmgs^ 
The  servant  departs,  gi-umbling,  but  returns 
speedily  vritb  it. 
“  Here  is  the  water,  General.” 
“Then  drink  it  yourself  and  let  me  sleep.” 
RURAL  PUBLISHING  CO., 
78  Duane  St.,  New  York 
agpij 
il^\  '  1 
