HW.  JOHNS 
PATENT 
RARE  OPPORTUNITY 
B ACC’S  HOTEL  FARM 
Utica/. N.  Y.,  for  Sale. 
A  tho  outtbSy  practical  farmer  and  Karoencr.  with 
to.OOO  to  ($.*10(1.  can  putcbiisu  the  ubnva  Farm  at  a 
barKain.unc)  make  a  faTorable  iirrnniicniont  for  xup- 
plyine  thonhovo  Hotel  with  milk,  vcgatab^ca,  poul- 
try.  &c.  aa  •*«  tr—Ltw  •  ^  C 
“The  bnllOliiKH.arc  all  new.  with  alaie  roofs,  and  the 
farm  la  in  tne  hiifhesl  state  ul  cultivation. 
Address  T.  U.  I'llOCTOU, 
UAua'a  HoTSiy,  Utica,  N.  y. 
HOW  HE  SOUNDED  THE  LAKE 
Hk  was  a  tramp,  1x»uud  Chicai5;owiird,  aud  as 
he  boarded  the  couplers  at  the  rear  of  an  iaoom- 
ing  engine,  just  across  the  line  in  Indiana,  one 
recent  dai  k  and  chilly  night,  ho  had  faith  to  be¬ 
lieve  that  ho  hod  a  “  soft  thing  "  of  it  for  a  ohetip 
ride.  lJut  tlio  oondnetor,  with  his  eagle  eye  at»d 
railway  lantern,  soon  espied  the  moneylesa  pas¬ 
senger  on  his  nncushlonetl  and  comfortless  seat. 
Did  be  order  him  off.  No.  lie  had  a  deeper 
plot.  He  let  him  remain,  while  on  and  on  went 
the  train,  from  station  to  station,  until  it  reached 
a  great  tank,  where  the  engines  stop  to  “  water 
RYTHE  ORTLAND  PLATFORM  SPRING  WAGOH 
“  Now  for  him,”  grinned  the  heartless  con¬ 
ductor,  as  he  passed  to  the  front. 
‘  ‘  Now  for  him,"  ho  maliciously  continued,  as  he 
grasped  the  water-trough  from  the  flremau’s 
hand's  and  directed  it  over  the  buck  end  of  the 
engine. 
“  Now  for  him,”  he  fiendishly  grunted,  as  he 
heard  a  Noah’s  deluge  iwuring  over  the  head  and 
flown  tho  Lack  of  the  luokless  tramp. 
All  grew  atUl  aud  the  cuuduotor  ordered  his 
train  on  its  way,  convinced  that  he  had  di'owued 
tho  tramp,  or  at  least  fiooded  him  ao  far  away 
that  ho  could  never  get  back  again. 
But  when  that  conductor  drove  into  the  depot 
in  the  early  morniug,  there  was  a  surprise  in 
store  for  him. 
“  Be  you  the  conductor  ?”  inquired  a  shivering 
voice  at  his  elbow,  as  he  stepped  on  the  platform. 
■‘yes.’  said  he,  looking  aromjd  and  gazing 
upon  a  bedraggled  and  cinder-covered  man. 
“  Thou  I  M’aut  ter  ask  ycr  why  yer  dou't  run 
around  the  end  of  the  lake  in  cornin'  inter 
town  ?■’ 
“  I  do,”  said  tho  conductor. 
“  Yer  do  ?”  exclaimed  the  man. 
“  Certainly,’’  was  the  reply. 
“  Wal,  I  gosh!"  muttered  the  stranger  in  a 
t.>ewildered  lone,  *•  blest  if  I  didn’t  think  yer 
swmn  through  the  lake  !” 
Then  the  conductor  knew  that  his  tramp  still 
lived  aud  was  water-proof. — Ghicat/o  Journal. 
Tbis  is  a  combination  of  capitalists  to  supply  the 
cunaumers  of  Teat  f  hrouaboui  tbe  United  States  on 
tbe  loatual  principle. 
Wo  expect  evnry  consumer  of  Teas  to  render  us  all 
the  assisUnce  they  can  In  carrylna  out  our  enter- 
prise,  n»  we  make  a  specialty  of  eUPPLTINU  Ct)N- 
eU.MEH9  ONUT,  (and.  allow  no  mlddlomcn  to  make 
any  profit  on  uur  Impurtatlona,!  wbtcb  will  enable  us 
to  supply  ttaein  with  Tcaa  at  prices  lower  than  have 
ever  been  tmgwn,  and  of  those  fine  Qualities  that 
seldom  reach  the  Interior,  being  sold  only  In  larse 
cities  and  amona  the  very  wealthy. 
SEND  Fun  PnWE  LIST. 
tOIVSIIilIERS  IMPORTIVG  TEA  CO, 
No.  8  Church  Street, 
P.  O-  fiok  5509.  NEW  YORK  CITY. 
BELL  TREBLE  PIANOS 
Centennial  Illustrated  Description,  Terms. 
&c.<  Mailed  Free. 
116  BARRELS,  22  GALLONS  CIDER 
FROM  STOi  BUSHEUS  APPLES, 
IN  9  HOUKS  jyN'D  45  MINUTES, 
WAS  MADE  BT  THK 
Boomer  &  Boschert  Power  Cider  Press, 
At  the  celebrated  Trial  in  Agricultural  Hall.,  Thursday.,  Oct.  20,  in  pres¬ 
ence  of  Judyes  np>pointed  for  said  Trial,  and  duly  certified  to  by  thein^ 
beiny  an  avtrayc  of 
SPAEKS  AND  BPLINTEBS. 
‘'Can  there  be  anything  brought  into  this 
lionso,”  aaked  a  diaguKted  member  during  ibe 
last  HOKHion  of  the  Legislature,  “  that  will  not  he 
reitealud  Hooiier  or  later  ?”  One  of  the  Opposi¬ 
tion  suggested  “  a  akimied  orange." 
“  Mamma,  if  we  cross  tho  bridge  at  night  must 
wc  pay  toll?"  “Of  ooimae,  my  dear;  why  do 
you  ask  ?”  “Why,  because  the  river  has  goue 
to  home  to  sleep.”  “  Oh,  the  river  never  Bleeps." 
“  Then  why  has  it  a  betl,  mamma?" 
Some  oue  was  praising  tho  British  public 
schools  to  Charles  Landseer,  aud  said:  “All 
our  he.st  men  were  ]niblic  school  men.  Look  at 
our  poets.  There’s  Byron,  he  was  a  Harrow 
hoy — ”  "  Yo;!,"  iuten'upted  Charles,  “  and  there’s 
Burns — he  was  a  plowboy. 
A  Pitoi'EU  Exami'UE  TnnowN  Away. — Indus¬ 
trious  (?)  .Seafaring  Party — “  What !  Ain’t  got 
nothin’  to  do  ?  Why,  hero  I’ve  heou  a-meudiu’ 
this  blessed  net  ever  since  last  November,  aud 
you’re  a-iJliu’  about  as  if  tliere  waru’t  such  a 
thing  as  work  in  the  world !” 
Lauok  kt  LsokxiuMv'* — Lady — “Are  those  the 
hardest  boot  brushes  you  have  ?" 
Shopkeeper— ‘‘ Oh  yes,  m’;  fact  is,  m’,,  they’re 
generally  eonsiderod  too  hard  for  hoots,  m’,  aud 
arc  used  by  laundresses  t*  scrub  geuts*  shirts 
aud  collars  lu’.  They’re  tbe  hardest  brushes 
made,  in’?” 
A  PEFiNiTioN. — *'  What  would  be  your  notion 
of  ttbsenVmiudedness  ?”  asked  llufus  Choate  of 
a  witness  whomhe  was  cross-examining.  “  Well," 
said  the  witness,  with  a  strong  Yankee  accent, 
“  I  should  say  that  a  man  who  thought  he’d  left 
his  watcli  to  bum,  aud  took  it  out’u  ’is  pocket  to 
see  if  he'd  time  to  go  hum  and  got  it  was  a  lectio 
ab.sent  minded." 
Deueivep. — It  was  at  the  second  battle  of  Bull 
Hull  that  a  cannou  ball  carried  off  a  poor  soldier’s 
log. 
“Carry  mo  to  the  rear!”  ho  cried  to  a  tall 
coini)anion,  who  had  boeu  fightiug  by  his  side — 
••  .My  leg  is  shot  off.” 
U’lie  comrade  caught  tho  wounded  soldier  up, 
aud  as  he  was  about  to  put  him  across  his  shoul¬ 
ders,  auother  c-ininm  ball  carried  away  tho  poor 
foUo.v’s  head.  His  friend,  however,  in  the  cou- 
lusiou  did  not  notice  this,  but  proceeded  with 
his  burden  toward  the  rear. 
'•  What  are  you  carrying  that  thing  for?”  cried 
au  oificer. 
Thing  ?"  returned  he.  “  Its  a  man  with  his 
leg  shot  off.” 
“  Why,  he  hasn’t  any  head !”  cried  the  officer. 
Tbe  soldier  looked  at  his  load,  aud  for  tbe  first 
time  saw  that  what  the  officer  said  was  true. 
Throwing  down  the  body  he  thundered  out : 
“  Confound  him !  he  told  me  it  was  his  leg !’’ 
WarranUid  7  Years. 
MACKIE  &  CO.  Rochester,  N.  Y, 
■  BBLS.  CIDER 
MADE  IN 
8  HOUBS,  21  MIN 
FROM 
740  BUSHELS 
^  APPLES. 
AT  WHOLESALE  PRICES 
in  Lots  to  guit  Cuapirners. 
SPECIAL  TERMS  TO  CLUB  ORGANIZERS 
and  those  who  dovotc  wholi;  or  part  of  time 
in  nelllnif  our  aoodt. 
BENO  FOR  NEW  PUICB-LIST. 
THE  GREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  COMP’Y, 
(F.  O.  Box  kl  and  Iki  Yeotiy  gt..  New  York. 
THE  BOOMER  &  BOSCHERT  PRESS  CO. 
)e  been  awarded  'Jhco  Grand  Aledals  of  Merit  and  Tioo  JDijAoynas  of 
^or — this  beiny  the  only  Press  ichich  recciced  such  hiyh  distinction. 
BOOMER  &  BOSCHERT  PRESS  CO., 
•  Syracuse,  N.  Y, 
lil  n  o  so  C  adayaurcmudehyAKontsaclllDaour 
I  U  ^  /  n  Chromos.  Crayon  .  Ficliire  A  Chromo 
■  "  '  Cards.  1*^3  sain nies.  worth  H.i,  sent, 
[>ostj)ald.  for  S3  Cents.  Illustrated  Cstaloeun  free. 
J.  H.  BUFKORU’8  SONS4.  BOHTON.  Bstuh'd  livid. 
^END  FOR 
j  the  world  to 
LA  R  of  the  bust  Faint  In 
It  PAINT  CO.,  Cleveland,  O. 
LEASE  MDd  your  .ddreu  fur  CIrcuInrt  of  Cujy'.  Piiluut  SUIfh 
Kue«.,  Ac.,  to  BRADLEY  MF’U  CO.,  8yr«u.«,  N.  Y. 
Fro®  Inlernmlonal  Cenleiinlal 
EXPOSITION, 
To  WSrU  L.^BOYEU  &  BBO., 
n|g  Fremlum  Farm  Orlst  Mill 
■■■.  1  flyy  Uni  —the  grindina  parts  are 
DOW  rnaclH  «if  STEEL,  kIvIub 
fuar  timr*  f/ir  duruhl/if  y  over  cast  Iron,— grinds  rap¬ 
idly,  and  la  adupte.d  to  all  kinds  of  Horse  X5rwers. 
ny  Union  Railway  Horse  Power,  requiring  very 
U  n  little  elevation,  and  pruducluic  great  power, 
ny  Broom  Machinery. for  making  Corn  Brooms. 
U II _ Nrnd  for  Dfscriptli’r  Ctn-u'/rrs. 
IN  uunouuciug  the  reduction  of  the  subscription  price  for  The  Rural  New-Yorker,  we  can  only 
say  that  It  Is  done  in  a  spirit  of  justice  to  sll  c/ur  subscribers,  who  are  now  paying  reduced  prices  for 
everything.  The  old  price  for  Tuk  Rural  has  been  $i.fi6  per  annum,  and  the 
Present  Reduced  RateHis  S2.50  per  Annum, 
and  In  clubs  of  ten  or  more,  $2. 
Great  encouragement  has  been  given  us  in  our  efforts  to  make  thi\,, 
BEST  ILLUSTRATED 
Agricultural  and  Family  Weekly 
ever  published,  and  we  make,  lu  this  Oehtenary  Year,  this  substantial  acAnowleditment  of  It.  It  now 
costs  u*  less  to  make  the  paper,  and  we  propose  give  our  subscribers  the  beueklt  of  every  cent  of 
the  reduced  cost. 
AebeMtoa  Ruoling.  fur  sie^  or  flat  Roofs. 
A-ou'vioe  UtMil  tiuni i II g.  tor  oM  Leaky  Roofs. 
AsheetOM  Ceineiii,  tor  ri-pulrln,?  Leaks  on  Hoofs. 
AebeHtuM  Ko»l  I'aiiit,  for 'riii  Hoofe,  Ac. 
Asbestoe  Faint* -all  Colors— ready  for  use. 
Asbestos  Fire  Proof  f.'oniiiig.  for  wood  work. 
Asbesioe  Uoiler  niid  .Sicaiii  Pipe  Coverings. 
Asbestos  iSienui  I'ltckiug,  tlat  A  round,  all  sites. 
Koofiiig  8beulbiug,  *:c.  Ready  Vor  use.  and 
easily  applied,  bend  lor  Pauipfalets,  l*riee- lists.  &e. 
H.  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N.  Y. 
Putentee  and  Manufact  urer.  EutablUlittl  WiS. 
is  that  each  subscriber  and  agent  will  continue  bis  ellorts  to  increase  our  list  so  that  we  can  make  a 
still  further  reduction. 
The  cheapest  paper  Is  not  always  the  best,  bat 
The  Best  Paper  is  Always  the  Cheapest 
Subscribers,  show  The  Rural  to  your  neighbors  and  ask  them  to  subscribe.  They  will  be  beneUted 
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ALL  AGENTS  ATTENTION!!! 
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END  VDK  CIROLlAAltof  Aizncukuntl  lmplo' 
>  nients  to  ^BoTa\  Bbk  W  dc  Co.*  Mfre.  Clevelaud.O. 
