rlW.UOHNS 
PATENT 
HIS  MULE 
“  Speaking  abont  muleH,"  remarked  a  six- 
footer  from  Harnett  County,  as  lie  cracked  his 
whip  at  the  market  5’CHterday  inorniiig,  “  I’ve 
got  a  inulo  at  home  which  knows  as  tnuclj  as  I 
do,  and  I  want  to  hear  somebody  say  tliat  I'm 
half  fool" 
No  ono  said  so  and  ho  ^vent  on. 
“I’ve  stood  around  liere  and  heard  men  blow 
about  kicking  mules  until  I've  got  disgusted. 
When  you  come  down  to  kicking,  I  want  to  bet 
on  my  mule.  A  preacher  came  along  and  took 
dinner  with  mo  the  oUior  day,  and  as  he  Heomed 
a  little  disheartened  I  tr>ok  him  out  to  see 
Thomas  Jefferson,  my  charo))ion  mule.  I  was 
telling  the  good  man  how  tliat  mule  would  flop  his 
hind  foot  around,  and  ho  said  he’d  like  to  see  a 
little  fun.  He'd  passed  his  whole  life  in  the 
South,  but  had  never  soon  a  mule  lay  his  soul 
into  a  big  time  at  kicking. 
“  Well,"  he  contlnuod,  after  borrowing  some 
tobacco,  “I  took  Thomas  out  of  the  stable, 
backed  him  up  agin  a  hill,  gin  him  a  cuff  on  the 
eai’,  and  we  stood  back  to  see  the  amusement. 
It  was  a  good  place  to  kick  his  darndest,  and 
what  d'ye  biwhc  he  did?  In  ten  minutes  he  was 
out  of  sight.  In  five  more  we  couldn’t  feel  him 
with  a  twelve-foot  pole,  and— and— ” 
The  crowd  began  to  yell  and  sneer,  and  the 
old  man  looked  around  and  added : 
“ Does  anybody  think  I’m  lying?  Would  I  lie 
for  one  mule  ?" — TialeUjh  l-krUinH. 
NEW  AGRICULTURAL 
STEAM  ENGINES 
DE’or  lOVO. 
More  effective  anti  more  complete,  and  more  read¬ 
ily  adapted  to  the  various  nericullural  uses  tlmu  any 
other  In  the  market.  Practical  Improvement!!  aoou 
mutated  from  twenty  years’  tuunufucturinK  experi¬ 
ence,  with  reputation  malntulucd,  and  success  estah- 
11s  bed. 
Hentl  for  Circulars,  descriptive,  and  coritnlnlnjt 
testlmonlalB  concorrUntt  our  POKTAKliK,  HTA- 
TIOKAKY  and  AUttlC|il,T|IKA  1-  HTEAM 
ENUINKH. 
WOOD,  TABER  &  MORSE, 
Eaton.  Madfitou  Co.,  N.  Y. 
RARE  OPPORTUNITY 
BACC’S  HOTEL  FARM 
Utica, IN.  Y.,  for  Sale. 
A  tborouebly  praoticul  farmcrand  gardener,  with 
U.OOO  to  fh.Udn,  can  purchiinn  the  above  Karin  at  a 
baraain,  and  make  a  (nvurable  arraniiomeni  for  sup- 
plyinn  the  above  Hotel  with  milk,  veaotablcs,  poul¬ 
try.  4c, 
The  biilldlnas  are  all  new,  with  sluto  roofs,  and  the 
farm  Is  in  the  highest  statu  of  cultivation. 
Address  T.  It.  PUOCTOR, 
Bagg’s  Hotii,,  L'tioa,  N.Y. 
SHE  WOULDN’T  SPEAK  TO  HIM 
V  E  I  I  YT  ILi  I  K  13  Y"  . 
Man  (with  dog  for  sale).— You’d  better  buy  him,  mister,  and  if  he  don’t  mind  yer,  jest  give 
him  a  good  Uckin. 
When  a  young  Chicago  man  came  down  stairs 
the  other  morning  he  remembered  that  his  wife, 
who  was  preparing  breakfast,  ha<l  not  siiokeu  to 
him  when  she  got  up,  aud  so  he  dieerfully  said  ; 
‘  •  Good  morning,  little  lady." 
Not  a  word  came  in  reply. 
“Good  morning,”  said  be  again,  in  a  higher 
key,  thinking  that  she  might  not  have  bisard  him 
before. 
“  Um— 'm — ’m,"  was  all  that  oscai^ed  fSoni  her 
sealed  lips,  as  she  kept  on  with  the  work;. 
“  Why  under  the  sun  don’t  you  answer  raor” 
exclaimed  he  in  Bun’rise :  “what’s  the  jualter? 
what  have  1  done  to  offend  you  ?" 
“  Um— 'm— ’m,”  was  still  the  only  sound 
elicited. 
“  Look  liero  !"  then  exclaimed  the  husliaud,  as 
he  jumped  up  and  knocked  over  a  cup  of  coffee  : 
“ I  don’t  swallow  a  mouthful  of  this  breakfaiit 
until  you  tell  me  what’s  the  matter.” 
“What’s  the  matter/”  echoed  she,  nuldeiijly 
turning  ujiGu  him  with  flashing  eyes.  Aud  thou, 
she  continued :  “John  Adell  Smithson,  the  next 
time  that  1  dream  I  see  you  kissing  anotlicr 
woman,  I— 1  -I  will  leave  this  houpe ! — boo- 
boo!” 
H  These  arc  tbo  best 
am!  most  economical 
lINGi  goods;  inipcrviuus  to 
ffflV  oatopness,  beat  and 
IfV  cold.  Bend  fur  aatn- 
^  I  pies  to  B.  E.  HALE 
&CO.,60aod£,8Park 
.r  N  Place,  New  York. 
This  is  a  comblsatlon  of  capitaltats  to  supply  tbe 
consumers  of  Teas  Ibrougboul  the  Uultcd  (Bates  on 
the  mutual  priaulpli;. 
We  eipcci  evi'ry  consumer  or  Teas  to  render  us  all 
tbu  ausistanco  they  can  in  carrying  eul  our  «!nter- 
prlse,  B»  we  make  a  specialty  of  SUPPLYINU  CON- 
SUMKUS  ONLY,  (and  allow  nu  tulUillemnn  to  tn.tke 
any  pruat  ou  our  linportall'inn.)  which  will  enable  us 
tu  supply  them  with  Tans  at  prices  Lower  than  have 
ever  bceu  known,  anti  or  those  nne  qualities  that 
seldom  reach  the  interior,  being  sold  only  In  large 
citlos  and  among  the  very  wealthy. 
SEND  FUlt  PRICE  LIST. 
eOlVSIlMERS  linPORTING  TEA  <  0. 
No.  8  Church  Street. 
P.  O.  Box  5509.  NEW  YORK  CITY. 
■pitEE-WrKFORB’H  SWINGING 
^  CATTLE  STANCHIONS, 
Self-closing,  solf-fasUtnlng.  One  farm  right  free  In 
each  towu  to  the  first  appUuant.  Oive  name  of  town, 
county  and  St-ate.  For  Illustrated  Descriptive  Circu¬ 
lar  and  Deed,  scud  !t5  coots  to 
W.  C.  OlFFOUD,  Jamestown,  N.  Y. 
TEAS  and  COFFEES 
AT  WHOLESALE  PRICES 
In  Lots  to  Suit  Customers. 
SPECIAL  TERMS  TO  CLUB  ORGANIZERS 
and  those  who  devote  whole  or  part  of  time 
in  selling  our  goods. 
SEND  FOK  NKW  KHICB-Lia'l’. 
THE  GREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  COMP’Y, 
(P.  O.  Box  5643.)  31  and  33  Vesey  St..  New  York. 
BELL  TBEBLE  PIANOS 
RURAL  RATES  REDUCED! 
Centennial  Illustrated  Description,  Terms, 
&c.,  Mailed  Free, 
SPARKS  AND  SPLINTERS, 
IN  announcing  the  reduction  of  the  subscription  price  for  THE  Rural  New-Yorker,  we  can  only 
say  that  it  Is  done  In  u  spirit  of  Justice  to  all  o(ur  subscribers,  who  are  now  payVDg  reduced  prices  for 
everything.  Tbe  old  price  for  The  Rural  has  been  |2.65  per  annum,  aud  the 
Artillery  horses  are  hitched  up  with  tbe  tugs 
of  war. 
What  variety  of  plum  does  Cain  represent  ? — A 
Damson. 
Instruments  of  torch-er — Capes  and  trans¬ 
parencies. 
The  boy  who  is  early  to  bed  doesiu’t  generally 
take  early  to  ryes. 
W HY  is  Christmas  like  a  general  i  nistake  ?  Be¬ 
cause  it  is  a  cornin’  nearer  (comme  m  error). 
Some  one  ruminates  sadly  in  tbe  Obicago 
Journal: — “Tbe  white  gloved  beftu  of  last  night, 
leaning  over  tbe  balluatrncles  a'od  tivirUng  bis 
sillcy  mustache,  may  next  montb  bo  a  fond  hua- 
baud  leaning  over  an  icy  stove,  r.nd  preparing  a 
cup  of  morning  coffee  for  a  tbi)  »-lipped  Awiinnu 
with  a  hawk  hill  uoso  put  on  bia:L” 
Not  long  since  a  dark,  m.  iliogauy-colored 
female  obtained  a  position  in  a  6  an  Antonio  fam¬ 
ily  as  a  cook.  A  few  days  after  whe  met  an  ac¬ 
quaintance,  who  inquired  how  s’ue  liked  her  new 
place. 
“  Ise  gwine  to  leab  em,"  was  t  he  answer. 
“Dey  'buses  you,  does  dey?” 
“Drelful.  Wuse  den  foah  do  ’hellion.  Dey 
locks  up  all  de  pervisions  and  asks  foah  do 
change  from  de  market  money." 
“Why,  dat’s  no  better  den  steaUn’!"  Avas  the 
indignant  reply. 
Dialogue  in  a  Cemetery.- Wife— “  A/'i,  hus- 
h.and,  do  you  see  this  beautiful  carving  1.^  How 
delicately  cut  in  the  pure  white  stone!" 
Husband — “Yea.  Tery  pretty." 
Wife- “But,  William,  you  have  no  ta  ste  for 
art,  aud  you  don't  onjoy  these  things  ai  i  I  do. 
Just  notice  this  slender  column  of  iiiimiiculate 
maible,  witli  tbe  toiiebiug  question,  so  beauti¬ 
fully  carved:  ‘  Do  they  miss  me  at  homo?” 
Husband— “Yes;  I  see.  And  hero  is  her 
name  ou  tbe  footstone:  ‘  O.  A.  B.'  Yes ;  Iguess 
Present  Reduced  Rate  is  $2,50  per  Annum, 
axC  an  clubs  of  ten  or  more,  $2. 
lotreat  enoouragemeut  has  been  glvei^  us  lu  our  efforts  to  make  the 
BEST  ILLUSTRATED 
WarrauteU  7  Year*. 
MACKIE  &  CO.  Rochester,  N.  Y 
ever  pnhhskefi,  and  we  make,  In  this  Ceuteuary  Year,  this  substantial  acknowledgment  of  it.  It  now 
costs  os  less  to  make  the  paper,  and  wo  propose  to  give  our  subscribers  the  benefit  of  ever;  cent  of 
the  redveed  cost. 
END  FOlt  emeUL.  AH.  of  Agricultural  TiuPle' 
I  ments  to  Abbott,  brew  &  Co.,  Mfrs,  Cleveland.O 
is  that  oach  subscriber  aud  agent  will  continue  his  etlorts  to  Increase  our  list  so  that  we  can  make  a 
still  further  reductioa. 
The  cheapest  paper  Is  not  always  the  best,  but 
The  Best  Paper  is  Always  the  Cheapest 
AabeatOB  Kooflng,  for  steep  or  flat  Roofs. 
AaiiesiOH  li  uol  Coniing,  for  ojB  Leaky  Roofs. 
AsbuHtoM  Oeuieni,  tor  repali  lniT  Leaks  on  Roofs. 
AebeHtOH  ttool  Paint,  for  TUi  Hoots,  &o. 
Aabeatoa  Fniiiia— all  colors— ready  for  use. 
Aabeaioa  Fire  Proof  Conting.  for  wood  work. 
Asbenioa  Boiler  nnd  (sieain  Pipe  C'ovcriuga. 
Aabeeios  rlteani  Puclijug,  Bat.  4  round,  alt  sues. 
Hoofing  Mbeiitbing,  a:c.  Ready  for  use.  and 
easily  applied.  Hendfor  Pamphlets,  Price-Lists,  ixc. 
H.  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N.  Y. 
Patentee  and  Manufacturer.  Eitablished  I85S. 
Subscribers,  show  The  Rural  to  your  neighbors  and  ask  them  to  subscribe.  They  wfll  be  benefited 
aud  you  will  be  profited. 
ALL  AGENTS  ATTENTION!!! 
\M  I  p  Jk  BS  How  made  In  10  hours  from 
V  imibViMnB  cider,  Wine  or  Sorghum 
without  using  drug.s.  Name  paper  and  address 
F.  1.  SAGIfl,  Springfield,  Mass. 
Increase  your  lists  at  tbe  reduced  rates  and  get  larger  Premiums. 
One  and  all  semd  Postal  Card  for  Specimen  Copy  and  Premium  List,  which  will  be  sent  EEBB. 
Address 
RURAL  PUBLISHING  CO., 
78  Duane  St.,  New  York 
END  TO  JAMES  BRAYLEir,  Bifr«t.o,  N.V,.  for  Dwerlytlvs 
'  Price  Uet  of  Buffalo  PItU  Threah.rt  and  Horee  Power*. 
1  KCULA  tt  of  the  best  Paint  in 
.UBBEU  PAINT  CO..  Cleveland,  O. 
END  FUIt 
the  world  to 
LEASE e.uil  your  addret*  for  ClrcuUt*  of  Codv't  Patent  Slel,!! 
Knee.,  Ac.,  to  BRADLEY  MF’O  CO„  Sytocuee,  N,  Y, 
