>.!•?'  -Ti  *.  ;•■*  Jv»  ■ 
.  <1 
H.  W.JOHNS’  PATENT. 
THAT  IS  MY  PLASTER, 
He  called  Sunday  uight,  as  had  been  his  cus- 
tom  for  several  weeks.  After  they  got  together 
alone  in  the  parlor  he  plucked  up  courage  to  the 
])roper  point  and  proposed  to  her,  telling  her  of 
the  days  when  every  thought  was  of  her,  and 
only  her.  Then  he  said : 
“  Dearest,  will  you  be  mine  ?” 
And  she  said : 
“  I  will.” 
Then  he  caught  her  in  his  arms,  and  pressed 
her  drooping  face  close  to  his  yearning  breast. 
Tighter  still  ho  drew  his  arm  around  her. 
“  My  darling,”  he  stai'ted  to  whisper,  bending 
his  face  doso  to  hors,  when  lier  head  flow  up  so 
suddenly  as  to  catch  him  under  the  chin  with 
HUllicient  force  to  almost  amputate  his  tongue. 
“  Oh  !”  he  gasped. 
“Phew!”  she  ejaculated,  “why,  how  you 
smell !" 
“Smell!”  he  repeated,  while  his  smarting 
tongue  forced  the  tears  to  his  eyes. 
“  Yes,”  she  replied,  bending  her  face  again  to 
his  breast  and  suiillng  expectantly.  “  Ob,  my  ! 
it  is  awful !”  she  added,  as  she  drew  back  her 
head. 
Ho  dropped  his  own  nose  into  the  infected 
neighborhood,  took  a  sniff,  and  then  as  his  face 
lighted  up,  he  cheerfully  explained : 
“Oh.  that  ^is  my  plaster.  I  put  it  ou  for  a 
cold.” 
“Oh!”  said  she,  in  a  tone  of  relief.  And 
again  she  dropped  her  head  on  his  yearning 
breast,  only  a  little  higher  up,  and  a  little  more 
te  one  side,  while  he  ran  out  his  tongue  and  ten¬ 
derly  caressed  tho  wound  with  his  handkerchief. 
-^Dainbury  Neios. 
NEW  AGRICULTURAL 
STEAM  ENGINES 
□F*or  lOVG. 
More  effective  and  more  complete,  and  mOM  read¬ 
ily  ailHPlod  to  the  Tarions  uurlcnUuTal  nsos  than  any 
OihtT  111  the  marliet.  Practical  Improveinenu  accu 
miilatfed  from  twenty  years' manufaeturlntt  eipcri- 
enec,  with  repuioUtm  maintained,  and  success  estao- 
"send  for  Clrcolars. 
tcHti  monlalf  concftrnljur  onr  PO  K  T  A  B  L  K,  VT  A - 
TIOXAIIV  and  AOUICLLTL BAD  STEAM 
ENUlXIvr*. 
BELL  TREBLE  PIANOS 
Centennisd  Illustrated  Desoriptionj  TennSj 
&c.,  Mailed  Free. 
TWO  SIDES  TO  THE  SAME  QUESTION ; -THE  OTHER  SIDE 
PEESSED  FERN 
AT  WHOLESALE  PRICES 
In  Lots  VO  Suit  Customers. 
SPECIAL  TERMS  TO  CLUB  ORGANIZERS 
and  those  who  devote  wnolo  or  part  of  time 
In  sclllnK  our  eoods. 
'  SEND  FOB  NEW  PKICB-LIST. 
THE  GREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  COMP’Y, 
(P.  O.  Box  5(54.1.)  31  and  33  Vesey  St.,  New  York. 
^KNU  FOR  ClRrULAR  of  the  best  Palm,  In 
O  tho  world  to  Bt  BBBB  PAINT  CO.,  Cleveland,  O. 
SPARKS  AND  SPLINTERS, 
Fast  living — Hasty-pudding. 
Capital  wanted :  Constantinople  for  the  Rus¬ 
sians. 
Lono-banok  practice — twenty  years  experience 
as  a  cook. 
Foub  men  in  England  were  indicted  for  steal¬ 
ing  beans.  “What  have  they  been  doing?” 
asked  the  judge.  “Been  stealing,”  said  tho 
clerk. 
It  was  Senator  Maxey,  of  Texas,  who,  engaged 
in  a  brown  study  in  a  street  car,  walked  up  to 
the  conductor’s  box  and  asked  for  a  qtiMters 
worth  of  chips. 
An  Illinois  minister  announced  ou  last  Sunday 
night’s  bulletin:  “The  funeral  of  Judas  Iscariot.” 
To  which  an  obliging  fellow  added :  Friends  of 
the  deceased  are  cordially  invited.’' 
“  Mamma,”  said  little  Nell,  “  ought  Governess 
to  flog  mo  for  what  Tve  not  done?”  “No,  my 
dear;  why  do  you  ask?”  “’Cause  she  flogged 
me  to-day  when  I  did’ut  do  my  sums.” 
The  North  Carolina  Journal  reports  that,  in 
consequence  of  the  scarcity  of  money,  cows  have 
become  almost  tho  medium  of  exchange  in  that 
State,  a  thin  cow  passing  for  $8,  one  in  good 
Winter  order  tor  $10,  and  a  fat  one  for  $13. 
When  a  bloar-oyed,  bald-headed  weather 
prophet  is  asked  whether  it  is  going  to  be  a  hard 
Winter,  he  shuts  one  eye,  looks  at  the  sun  with 
the  other,  digs  up  a  clump  of  grass,  examines 
tUe  roots,  and  says,  “I  don’t  know."  •  He  isgeu- 
o  40  r  n  day  sure  madeby  Agents eelUpB  cmr 
H  ^/h  iTirnuios.  Crnyons.  Plciurn  A  Cliromo 
— Curds.  1*2.T  Ksmplcs.  wort  h  99,  sent, 
lalrt  for  NS  Cents,  lllustruted  Catalogue  free. 
BUFFOBD’S  80NH,  BOdTON.  EsUb’d  IhdU. 
ask  wnd  year  uddrsM  f«  Ctrc»l»n  of  Csdv'.  P.Uut  SUIgb 
LMi.  Ac.,  to  BRADLEf  MF  O  CO..  Syrneu*.,  N.  Y . 
RURAL  RATES  REDUCED! 
the  reduction  of  the  subscription  price  for  The  Bubal  Net 
In  a  spirit  of  Justice  to  all  oUr  subscribers,  who  are  now  pa 
)ld  nrlce  for  The  Bubal  has  been  $2.(55  per  annum,  and  the 
Present  Reduced  Rate  is  $2.50  per  Annum, 
Aebeafos  Kooftnu,  with  wh't® ‘C!.’’®?'’''®* 
lvOO«n|{i  WttlJ  wuiaar  - - - 
for  steep  or  flat  Uoofs  In  ii'l  climates.  roo#- 
U  ool  Coniluit.fcrruBlott  rtau(J  presc-rvlDK  Boofi. 
Ccineni,  for  repairing  Leaky  Itoois. 
Roof  Palm,  for  Till  Boon*,  Ironwork,  &o. 
Aubceius  Pb1iiIb~uII  colors— for  use. 
Fire  Pfiiol' Coating,  for  Wood  work.  Ao. 
Asbessos^ieaui  Pipe,  and  Boiler  Co^erlnin. 
Asbeetos  fltcuni  ‘’U*’ *&ci 
Feiti*,  Vermin  Pr«*l  ^i<»niiia,  <vc. 
These  articles  iiri;  ready  for  use.  and 
applied  by  any  one.  Send  for  Pauiphlets,  I  rlce-l.lsts, 
H.  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N.  Y. 
PattiiUe  and  UanuJaeturtT.  EsUMlshed  1858. 
ALSO  FOB  BALK  BV 
DOWNIE  TRAIN KH  A  CO.,  Roaton,  Mass. 
W.  J.  ULOVffiR,  Prondenoe.  K.  1. 
t.^.’^a^^^'kirkwood”  p^ttSO.  ill- 
5;  M.  TIlOMPiON  A  CO.,  Ban  kfanclsco,  Cat. 
CORUMID  PLATFORM  SPRIMGWACO^ 
and  in  clubs  of  ten  or  more,  $2. 
Great  encouragement  has  been  given  us  In  our  efforts  to  make  the 
BEST  ILLUSTRATED 
Agricultural  and  Family  Weekly 
A  OTOAB  contains  acetic,  iotqiio,  wuiyric,  vai- 
eric,  and  propriouio  aoidia,  prussic  acid,  creosote, 
carbolic  acid,  ammonia,  sulphureted  hydrogen, 
pyriduie,  viridine,  picolino,  and  imbidono,  to  say 
nothing  about  cabbagiue  aud  burdockio  acid. 
That’s  why  you  can’t  get  a  good  one  for  less  than 
live  cents. 
The  Ohinese  do  not  seem  to  have  an  intuitive 
idea  of  the  sanctity  of  an  oath.  A  consular  oflice- 
boy,  who  had  been  in  the  service  nine  years,  was 
looking  for  something  which  he  evidently  oould 
not  find,  aud  was  asked  what  it  was.  '*  The  con¬ 
sul  i.s  going  to  try  a  case  this  morning, ”  he  re¬ 
plied,  “  aud  I  am  looking  for  the  little  book  he 
makes  the  wituosscs  smell.” 
How  THEY  Timed  Him. — A  ^Mansachnsetts 
young  man  went  to  visit  his  true-love  the  other 
evening,  and  bii  friends  at  the  house  where  he 
boarded  resolved  to  ascertain  what  “time  o’ 
night "  he  got  home.  So  they  put  a  tin  pan  ou 
each  of  the  stairs  in  the  hallway  and  tied  them 
all  together  by  a  string  leading  from  top  to  botr 
tom,  and  fixed  them  so  tbat  when  he  softly 
opened  the  front  door  and  sneaked  in  the  pans 
would  descend  and  meet  him.  And  a  little  while 
before  dayUght  those  in  that  house  who  were 
not  in  the  ti'ick  covered  up  their  heads  and  softly 
praved  under  the  mistaken  impresaion  that  an 
earthquake  had  arrived  and  it  was  time  to  get 
ready.  But  it  wasn’t.  ’Twas  nothing  but 
“  them  pans”  heralding  the  young  man’s  ap¬ 
proach. 
18  that  each  .ub»orlber  and  agent  wUl  continue  his  efforts  t.  inoreate  our  Ust  so  that  we  oan  make  a 
still  further  reduction. 
The  cheapest  paper  Is  not  always  the  best,  but 
The  Best  Paper  is  Always  the  Cheapest 
nrlap  UB  we  lUi'KO  a  soecjinij  .  •  ..  • 
iuMkilS  ONI. V,  land  allow  us 
any  nrotlt  on  our  iiuiiiu  taUons,)  whicli  a  ill  enable  us 
to  BUlipJy  them  wnn  'I’eaB  at  prices  lower  ‘ban  h>}//. 
ever  been  Itiiowu.  firid  of  tlmse  bne  qualities  that 
seldom  reach  the  Interior,  being  sold  only  In  large 
cities  und  among  the  very  wealthy. 
SPXD  FOJf  PRICE  LIST. 
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ot  DiSMOBESX'a  MllNTHLY  M  AU.^I>  L.  2o  OtA.  00 
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smd  you  will  be  profited. 
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