THE  RyRAL  HEW-YORKER. 
©ES.  9 
Salit  aiilr  lamor. 
AMOS’S  BOOK-KEEFEB. 
We  asked  Amos  how  his  boy  was  getting  on  at 
school. 
“  Pleg  take  dat  boy;  I  done  tuck  him  ’way 
from  that  school." 
“Why;  what  for?" 
“  Uh,  oh !  he  wus  gittin’  ’mos’  too  smart  down 
dar  will  dat  b<x>k-larniu'.  ’Twon’t  do  fer  some 
niggers  ter  bo  too  ngikatid." 
“  Why  not,  Amos?" 
“  Well,  sah,  Just  take  dat  boy,  frinstance.  I 
put  dat  boy  ter  keep  books  fer  me  ’bout  de 
selUn’  ob  de  garden  truck,  dla  sununor.  WeJI, 
sah,  ho  joss  rit  down  charges  dar  in  do  book  for 
all  de  truck  dat  I  tuck  out  de  garden’  an’ charges 
fer  all  dat  we  cat  in  de  house,  an'  den  credit  hia- 
self  wid  de  little  'mounts  dat  I  let  him  hab  'long 
at  odd  ’casions,  an'  den  he  go  an'  add  dem  all  up, 
an’  stx'uck  er  balunce,  he  say!" 
“  And  how  did  you  oome  out  ?" 
“  Come  out  ?  'Fore  de  good  Marster,  I  didn’t  I 
come  out  at  all !  Dal  lx)y  done  stuck  me  for 
'bout  thutty-ilbc  dollars,  sides  his  wages  as  de 
boak-kcei«ih.  Now  dat’s  what  de  liggers  Bed.” 
“  WeU,  what  did  you  do  ?’’ 
“  I  joss  l>um  up  dat  book  right  dar  an’  den, 
’sohargoH  do  book-keopah,  an’  hire  him  ober  agin 
to  saw  wood  for  his  board  an’  close.” 
“You  did?” 
“Yes  sir,  1  did  dat.  Why,  boss,  ef  dat  boy 
had  kept  dat  book  on  me  tell  now  he’d  own  dat 
house  an’  gyardin’  patch  an’  chargin’  me  an’  his 
old  mammy  fer  bod  an’  board !  I  tell  yer  dis 
hyar  book-larnin’  is  ruinin’  dis  young  breed  ob 
niggers — ’tis,  shore!’’ 
- - -♦♦♦ 
SFABBS  AND  SPLINTERS. 
A  CoETJTER  Irritation.— Short  change  from  a 
shopman. 
Motto  for  an  orphan  asylum — “  Thus  far  and 
no  farther.” 
A  SWEET  thing  in  literature — The  Confection¬ 
er’s  Journal. 
Eveuy  old  maid  can  boast  of  two  beaux,  but 
they  are  elbows. 
“  What  is  tJje  width  of  a  broad  grin  ?”  Some¬ 
thing  less  thou  a  smile. 
Pi7N0H  once  told  a  droll  story  of  a  man,  who, 
being  suddenly  rai.sed  to  riches,  exclaimed,  in 
the  fullness  of  his  sati.sfaction,  “  Oh,  that  I 
could  stand  in  the  road  and  see  myself  ride  by  in 
my  carriage.” 
The  Greatest  Joiner. — The  lawyer ;  he  can 
jilace  a  tenant,  cmpaimol  a  jury,  box  a  witness, 
bore  the  court,  chisel  a  client,  augur  the  gains, 
floor  a  witness,  cut  his  board,  nail  the  case,  ham¬ 
mer  tbo  desk,  file  his  bill,  and  shavo  a  whole 
community. 
“  W - ,  do  you  know  why  yon  are  like  a  don¬ 
key?”  “  Like  a  donkey  ?”  echoed  W - ,  open¬ 
ing  his  eyes  wide.  “No,  I  don’t.”  “Do  you 
give  it  up?”  “I  do.”  “Because  your  better 
half  is  stubbormiess  herself.”  “  I’bat’s  not  bad. 
Ila !  Ua !  I’ll  give  th.at  to  my  wife  when  I  get 
home.”  “Mrs.  W  he  asked,  as  he  sat 
down  to  suppei',  “  do  you  know  why  1  am  like  a 
donkey?”  lie  waited  a  moment  expecting  his 
wife  to  give  it  up.  But  she  didn’t.  Bbe  looked 
at  him  somewhat  commioeraUngly  as  she  an¬ 
swered  :  “  I  suppose  because  you  were  born  so,” 
A  Busine-ss  Qnu,  or  CmcAOo.  When  a  Chi¬ 
cago  girl  reoeived  a  despatch  from  Wisconsin, 
announcing  tJiat  her  lover  was  going  off  with 
consumption  she  telegraphed  to  his  friends: 
“  lias  poor  Jeffrey  kept  up  his  life  iusurance  ?” 
The  friend  telegraphed  back ;  “Policy  for  *10- 
000  in  your  favor  is  paid  up  till  May  1),  1877. 
Poor  Jeffrey  csuuot  last  after  the  first  cold  snap.” 
The  young  lady  thou  wondered  philosophically 
how  she  would  look  iu  black,  aud  telegi'aphed  to 
Jeffrey : 
“  Darling,  I  will  be  with  you  on  I'uesday, 
never  to  (luit  you  durmg  life.  Luhlinb.” 
“  It  will  be  a  sad  loss  to  yon,  my  love,”  said 
her  mother.  “  Yes  ma,"  sobbed  the  girl,  “but 
the  loss  id  fully  covered  by  iusurance.” 
A  SuoQESTlos. — A  well-to-do  citizen  of  Detroit 
almost  had  the  breath  knocked  out  of  him  by  the 
request  of  a  ragged  sidewalk  tramp,  who  stopi)ed 
him  aud  asked:  “Say,  can’t  you  leud  me  ii'lO- 
000?” 
“  What !  Who  are  you,  sir  ?  No,  sir.  I  cau’t, 
sir !”  exclaimed  the  citizen. 
••  Couldn’t  possibly  do  it,  eh?” 
“No,  sir.” 
“  Tell  you  what  you  might  do,”  suggested  the 
tramp.  “You  might  hand  me  fifteen  cents  now 
and  lend  me  the  balance  when  times  get  a  little 
easier.” 
“  I  can’t  lend  you  a  shilling,  sir,  or  a  cent,  sir, 
and  I  won’t  give  you  a  penny,  sir.” 
“  Sorry  both  of  us  happen  to  be  so  hard  up  at  , 
once,”  sighed  the  tramp,  and  he  continued  his 
Ik. 
■  ?! 
riTI  ]V  JENT. 
Pat.— “Faith  and  Jack  Boony’s  after  takiu’  a  trip  to  the  States  Prison,  for  beatin’  and  kickin 
about  some  strange  woman.” 
Tim. — “  Beatin’  and  kickin’  about  some  strange  woman  I  And  phat  made  the  fool  do  that  ? 
Ain't  he  got  a  wife  of  his  own,  sure? 
H.W. JOHNS’’  PATENT. 
Aabeaton  Koofluv,  With  white  Fire  Proof  Coating, 
fur  HLdiiV  or  flat  Roofs  In  all  climates. 
R  nol Cuntinu, for  rPMtortngund  preserving  Roofs, 
t’ement,  tor  rciMilrlng  l.ea]iy  Roofs. 
Ituiit  Puiui.  for  Tin  Boufr,  Ironwork, 
Asbestos  Puintii-all  colors— rtfady  for  imc. 
Klre  Proof  f.'oating,  for  Wood  work,  &c. 
AabosioH  Hreuiii  Pipe,  and  Holler  t'overlnga. 
Aabrotos  Mieniu  Pnrkio/t,  Hat  a  round,  all  sues. 
Mlienibiug  Keira,  V'criiiru  Proof  lAiilng, 
'I'bese  articles  are  re.ady  for  use.  and  can  be  easii  v 
applied  by  any  one.  Seud  for  Pumpbiuts,  Price-Lists, 
H.‘  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N.  Y. 
Pixtfntee  and  Manufacturer.  Eitabllshed  18DS. 
AI.SO  POR  BALE  MY 
DOWNTE  TRAINER  A  CO  .  Boston,  Muss. 
yf. .(.  til.oVKU,  Providence,  R,  1. 
9.  W.  UEMSTKO  &  f'O..  Columbus.  O. 
T.  8.  ic  A.  J.  KIRKWOOD.  Cblcago.  III. 
M.  M.  BUCK  *  CO..  8t.  Louis,  Mo. 
H.  DUDLRV  COLEMAN  X  BBO..  New  Orleans,  La. 
J.  M,  THOMPSON  A  CO.,  9au  Francisco,  Cal. 
BELL  TREBLE  PIANOS. 
Centennial  Illustrated  Description,  Terms, 
&c.,  Mailed  Free. 
TEAS  and  COFFEES 
AT  WIIOLGSALB  PRICES 
In  Lots  to  Suit  Customers. 
SPECIAL  TERMS  TO  CLUB  OBOANIZEBB 
aud  those  who  devote  whole  or  part  of  time 
In  selling  our  goods. 
9END  FOR  NEW  PRICE-LIST. 
THE  QREAT  AMERICAN  TEA  COMP'Y, 
(P.  O.  Box  K’4B.»  31  and  33  Vesey  St..  New  York. 
Warranted  7  Years. 
MACKIE  &  CO.  Eochester,  N.  Y. 
Try  the  CORTLAND  PLATFORM  SPRINB  WAGON. 
Fine  Teas 
This  is  a  combination  of  capitalists  to  supply  the 
consumers  of  Teas  ilirougbout  the  United  States  on 
the  mutoal  principle. 
We  expect  every  ooD^nroer  of  Teas  to  render  us  all 
the  Bssistauce  they  can  In  carrying  out  our  enter- 
prlse,a8  we  make  a  specialty  of  BUPPLYlNCr  CON¬ 
SUMERS  ONLY,  land  allow  no  middlemen  to  make 
any  prodkou  our  importations,)  which  will  enable  us 
to  supply  toem  witu  Teas  at  prices  lower  than  have 
ever  been  koowu,  and  of  those  flue  qualities  that 
seldom  reach  the  luterior,  being  sold  only  in  large 
cities  and  among  the  very  wealthy. 
SEND  FOR  PRICE  LIST, 
CONSUMERS  IIIIPORTOG  TEA  CO. 
No.  8  Church  Street, 
P.  O.  Box  5500.  NEW  YORK  CITY. 
NEW  AGRICULTURAL 
STEAM  ENGINES 
I’or  187e. 
More  eoeetive  and  more  complete,  and  more  read¬ 
ily  adapted  to  the  various  agricultural  nsas  than  any 
other  In  the  market.  Practical  improvoments  accu 
mulated  from  twenty  years'  manufacturing  experi¬ 
ence,  with  reputation  maintained,  aud  suucess  estab¬ 
lished. 
Send  for  Circulars,  descriptive,  and  containing 
testloionials  coDCemiiig  our  POUTAUUK,  r*TA- 
TIONAK  Y  aud  AtiaiCUL.TUUAl.  ssTEAM 
ENGINE!!^. 
WOOD,  TABER  &  MORSE, 
Eutun,  Madison  Co.,  N.  If. 
^END  P'OIl  CIRCULAR  of  the  best  Paint  in 
O  the  world  to  RUBBER  PAINT  CO.,  aeveland,  O. 
PRESSED  FERN, 
Including  the  native  creeping  variety  (Lytodium 
palinat  a  m).  Also  u  Hue  stock  of  Pressed  Frouds,  of 
the  rare  and  beautiful  Brazilian  and  New  Zealand 
varieties.  Per  dot.  fronds,  post^ld.  TO  cts.;  6  doz., 
post-paid,  tS.  Address  DEXTER  SNOVY, 
Cbioopee.  Mass. 
n  o  a  day  euro  mode  by  Agents  aelllng  our 
I  U  ^  Z3  Chromos.  Crayons,  Picture  A  Chromo 
■  ■  ■■■«  II  ■  Cards,  las  aampica,  worth  sent, 
postpaid,  for  M  Cents.  Ulustrated  Catalogue  free. 
J,  H.  BUFFORD’9  SONS.  BOSTON.  EsUb'd  1630. 
PLE.AfC  fend  yoat  isddrMC  ft>r  Clrcoltn  Cadr^M  P^Uat 
Kokted,  .Ac.,  to  BRAOLCY  ]dF*0  CO,,SyTAca$e,  N.  Y, 
SEND  FOK  CIRCFLAELuf  Agricultural  Imple¬ 
ments  to  Abbott,  Bhkw  &  Co.,  Mfrs,  CleTeland.O 
I  |k|  C  O  A  D  made  In  10  hours  from 
w  I  I  w  t  Vd  #%  la  a  Cider,  Wine  or  Sorghum 
without  using  drugs. 
F. 
r  and  address 
Iprlngfield,  Mass. 
Ml  END  TO  JAMES  BRAn.BV,  BDrriLO.N.Y.,  for  Owcrlptlr* 
^  Prlc.  Utl  of  Buffalo  PItu  TbrMkor*  sad  Hon*  Pow.ra. 
Moore's  Rural  Nkw-Youkkb  contalnsISlxteen 
Quarto  Pages  weekly,  Uneiy  and  profusely  illustra¬ 
ted  and  neatly  printed.  Only  $3.60  per  year,  $2.00  In 
clubs  of  ten  or  more,  postage  paid.  Great  In 
dneements  to  Club  Agents.  Specimens,  Premium 
Lists.  Ac.,  sent  free. 
At  Unr  Risk.— You  can  remit  by  Draft.  P.  O. 
Money  Order  or  Registered  Letter  at  ou  r  risk. 
EfsTABLlSHED  1S20. 
C.  6.  GUNTHER’S  SONS 
REMOVED  FROM  502-504  BROADWAY  TO 
184  Fifth  Avenue, 
Invite  inspection  to  their  stock  of 
Seal -Skin  Sacques, 
FUR-LINED  GARMENTS, 
FUR  TRIMMINGS 
THE  LARGEST  AND  MOST  COMPLETE 
EVER  OFFERED. 
184  Fifth  Avenue, 
(BROADWAY  AND  23D  STREET,) 
NEW  YORK. 
LlMTAYli 
GREAT  CLEARING-OCT  SALE 
OF 
ONE  CASE  OF 
REAL  INDIA  CAMELS’  HAIR  SHAWLS. 
NEW  DE9IONS.  CHOICE  COlAfUlNGS.  PRICES 
LOWER  THAN  SI.MILAR  QUALITIES  HAVE 
BEEN  SOLI)  IN  YEARS. 
87 A,  REDUCED  FROM  805. 
8«5HltKl>UCED  FROM  8110. 
80-1.  REDUCED  FKO.M  SPZO. 
8100,  RKDLCED  FROM  8130. 
8110,  RBDUCEU  FROM  8140. 
8115,  REDUCED  kROM  8150. 
INDIA  DECCA  SHAWLS, 
VERY  HANDSOME.  815  UPWARD. 
STRIPED  INDIA,  1\  NEW  DESINGS  AND  COL¬ 
ORS.  ONI. Y  «!i5  EACH. 
AX.  A  ROE  ASSORTMENT  OF  REAL  INDIA 
CHUDDA  .shawls,  CHOICE  NEW  SHADES  OF 
COLOllS-814  UPWARD. 
THESE  GOODS  ARE  OFFERED  AT  ABOUT 
NK-HALK  FORMER  PRICES. 
BEAUTIFUL  BLACK  AND  SCARLET  STELLA 
ctMAWL8,835  each. 
r.m  SHAWLS  FOR  CHRISTMAS 
7,000  HHAWLS  P'UU  CUK1ST.UA8. 
at 
UNPUKCEDENTED  UEDUCTIONS. 
THE  ENTIRE  STOCK  OF  WOOLLEN  SHAWLS 
WII.L  UK  OFFERED  AT  AN  IMMENSE  SACRA- 
FICE. 
THIS  IS  -A.  RARE  OPPORTUNITY  TO  SECURE 
A  BARGAIN.  AND  ONE  SELDOM  OFFERED. 
The  entire  stock  of  Woolleu  Shawls  will  be  offered 
at  an  Immense  sacrudoe. 
Thin  is  a  rare  opportunity  to  secure  a  bargain,  and 
one  seldom  offered. 
SCOTCH  PLAID  LONGS. 
t5,  MARKED  DOWN  FROM  $7. 
$8,  MARKED  DOWN  FROM  $S. 
t7,  MARKED  DOWN  FROM  $9. 
$S,  -MARKED  DOWN  FROM  $10. 
SCOTCH  PLAIU  SQUARES. 
$1.75,  MARKED  DOWN  FROM  $3. 
$‘Z.50,  MARKED  DOWN  6  ROM  $5. 
*3,  MARKED  DOWN  FROM  $6. 
$3,541,  MARKED  DOWN  FROM  $6.50. 
14,  41ARKED  DOWN  FROM  $7. 
o  IMITATION  INDIA 
shawls,  $i‘.2  to  $50. 
FRENCH  BKOCUE  SHAWLS 
AT  EXTREMELY  LOW  PRICES. 
$6.50,  FORMER  PRICE  1112. 
$10,  FORMER  PRICE  $15. 
$14,  FORMER  PRICE  $20. 
$21,  FORMER  PRICE  $30. 
$27,  FORMER  PRICE  $35. 
CATALOGUES  OF  LADIES’,  MISSES’ AND  CHIL¬ 
DREN’S  FUKSISHINGGOODS  SENT  6'REE  ON 
APPLICATION  TO  ALL  PARTS  OF  THE 
Country,  orders  for  goods 
OF  EVERY  DESCRIPTION  CARE¬ 
FULLY  FILLED  WITHOUT 
CHARGE,  A.ND  GOODS 
PACKED  AND  FOR¬ 
WARDED  TO  ANY 
DESTINATION. 
Holiday  Presents  I 
“NOVELTIES  jNJICH  LACES. 
WE  WILL  OFFER  ON  MONDAY  NEXT  A  LARGE 
STOCK  OF  RICH  LACES,  CONSISTING  OP 
POINT  IIUCHESSE, 
POINT  GAZE, 
POINT  APPLKJUE,  ami 
VALENCIENNES  LACES, 
IN  HANDKERCHIEFS,  BARBES,  JABOTS, 
CAPES.  FICHUS.  SCARFS.  Ac. 
NOVELTIES  IN  MADE-UP  LACE  GOODS. 
EMBROIDERED,  INITIAL  AND  HEMSTITCHED 
HANDKERCHIEFS,  EMBROIDERED  LINEN 
SETS.  COLLARS,  Ac. 
LORD  &~1aYL0R. 
BROADWAY  AND  TWENTIETH  ST. 
GRAND,  CRYSTIE,  AND  83  AND  85 
FORSYTH  ST. 
