HS;Vy.,J  0  H  #16^  RATENt. 
MATERrAtiS 
ESTABjLIsiHED  1820 
C.  G.  GUNTHER’S  SONS 
MUSICAL  ITEM  FROM  TEXAS, 
Theee  is  quite  a  number  of  very  respectable 
men  in  this  town,  who  have  no  ear  whatever  for 
music.  In  Illustration  whereof,  we  submit  the 
following : 
Yesterday  aftenjoon  one  of  the  most  influential 
citizens  of  Ward  No.  8  approached  a  policeman 
on  the  Piazza,  and  began  conversing  with  him 
after  this  style : 
“  Alnt  you  the  policeman  who  is  on  night  duty 
in  my  ward  ?” 
The  policeman  replied  that  he  was. 
“  Well,”  continued  the  irate  taxpayer,  “  what 
I  want  to  know  is  why  you  let  that  drunken 
wretch  howl  and  shriek  and  fling  tin  pans  about 
half  the  night,  bo  I  can’t  got  a  wink  of  sleep  ?” 
“Pdght  opposite  whore  you  live,  Colonel  ?" 
“Yes.  He  begins  at  eight  o'clock,  and  ho 
goes  on  loud  enough  to  wake  even  a  policeman 
REMOVED  FROM  502-WM  BHOADWAY  TO 
184  Fifth  Avenue 
Fonnerly  of  the  old  jinndf^f!  Malden  Lane. 
INVITE  INSPECTION  TO  THEIR  STOCK  OF 
Seal -Skin  Sacques, 
FOR-LINED  GARMENTS, 
FUR  TRIMMINGS 
THE  LARGEST  AND  MOST  COMPLETE 
EVER  OFFERED. 
184  Fifth  Avenue 
The  policeman  smiled  grimly  and  replied  ;  “  1 
did  hear  that  row,  Colonel,  and  I  got  a  pair  of 
handcuffs  and  some  ropes  and  a  dray,  but  when 
I  got  iusido  of  the  house  I  found  it  was  only  a 
young  lady  singing  at  a  piano." 
And  then  the  two  steered  for  a  saloon,  the 
policeman  promisiug  he  would  not  say  a  w'ord 
about  the  matter.  This  is  a  great  climate  for 
lungs. 
(BROADWAY  AND  21D  STREET,) 
NEW  YORK. 
IMPERIAL  ECC  FOOD! 
TRADE  mark. 
SPARKS  AND  SPLINTERS, 
GIbeat  gifts  make  beggars  bold. 
A  OEStjiXE  roar-bpck — An  echo. 
Sad  spectacle — Broken  eye-glass. 
Boys  who  run  for  Congress— the  pages. 
The  third  river  in  Scotland  is  the  Forth. 
The  place  for  tar  getting  excursions — North 
Carolina. 
WuY  is  a  note  of  hand  like  a  rosebud  ?  Be¬ 
cause  it  is  matm-ed  by  falling  due. 
A  Doo  fight  is  not  a  noble  spectacle,  although 
it  is  undoubtedly  a  display  of  cur-rage. 
Genius  is  the  capacity  for  making  au  ass  of 
yourself  at  the  unexpectedly  right  time. 
It  is  a  curious  fact  that  when  the  barometer  of 
the  minister’s  sermon  says  “Very  dry,”  that  of 
the  people  points  to  “Sudden  change.” 
“  WuAT  did  the  Puritans  come  to  this  country 
for  ?”  asked  a  Massachusetts  teacher  of  his  class. 
“To  worship  in  their  own  way,  and  make  other 
people  do  the  8.ame,”  was  the  reply. 
Two  rural  constituents  were  talking  of  the  new 
member  of  tbe  Legislature  from  their  district. 
One  of  them  asked ; 
“  Is  he  talfented  ?" 
“Well,”  said  the  other,  “I  should  say  he 
might  set  a  house  a  fire  by  rubbing  his  nose 
against  the  door-post.” 
Society  journals  mention  that  bridal  trips  are 
becoming  unfashionable.  The  wedding  gener¬ 
ally  takes  place  about  four  o'clock  P.  M.,  and 
tbe  bridegroom  spends  the  balance  of  the  after¬ 
noon  figuring  for  a  position  at  the  dinner  table 
as  far  removed  as  possible  from  the  seat  occupied 
by  his  mother-in-law. 
Noblesse  Oeuoe. — Host,  to  Eligible  Youth; 
Trust  we  xhall  have  the  pleasure  of  seeing  yon 
ut  our  ball  on  Thursday.  You  will  meet  a  Colo¬ 
nel,  two  J.  Ps.,  two  poets,  and  a  Member  of 
Parliament.  Guest — ^Thanks,  so  much ;  but  it’s 
impossible.  I  am  invited  to  the  TtiderviUes’, 
where  I  shall  meet  a  General,  aix  J.  Ps.,  no 
Poets  and  a  Lord ! — [Funny  Folks. 
A  MAS  rashed  into  a  Main  street  restaurant 
the  other  day  in  an  awful  hurry,  and,  flopping 
into  a  chair,  called  for  “calfs  head  soup.”’ 
“Calf  said  what,  sir?”  inquired  the  waiter. 
“  Calf’s  head  soup !”  roared  the  impatient  guest. 
Admonished  by  the  wrathful  tone,  the  waiter 
moved  away,  but  paused  to  inquire,  as  a  kind  of 
appendix,  “  You  didn't  hear  him  say  what  kind 
of  soup,  wr  f" 
A  Wesleyan  brother  was  engaged  in  preach¬ 
ing  a  collection  sermon,  and  pleaded  earnestly 
that  the  congregation  would  give  him  a  good 
collection.  At  the  conclusion  the  plates  were 
produced,  and  the  good  man  perceiving  tliat 
copper,  and  not  silver,  was  the  prominent  coin, 
said,  with  great  solemnity,  “I  perceive,  my 
brethren,  that  now,  as  In  the  days  of  Paul,  Alex¬ 
ander  tfie  coppersmith  has  dons  us  much  evil.'' 
Waggish. — “My  friends,”  said  a  returned 
missionary  at  one  of  the  late  anniversary  meet¬ 
ings,  “let  us  avoid  sectarian  bitterness.  The 
inhabitants  of  Hiiidoostau,  where  I  have  been 
laboring  for  many  years,  have  a  proverb  that 
‘  though  you  bathe  a  dog’s  tail  in  oil  and  bind  it 
in  splints,  yet  you  cannot  get  the  crook  out  of 
it.’  Now  a  man's  seotoriau  bias  is  simply  the 
crook  in  the  dog's  tail,  which  cannot  be  eradi¬ 
cate^;  and  I  hold  that  every  one  should  be 
alio'^^  to  Wig  his  own  pecuharity  in  peace.” 
Can  it  be  possible 
tbat  this  is  a  cheese  ? 
It  is,  and  prime,  too  1 
Alas  1  “  Cheese  it, 
stranger,  cheese  it. 
PATENTEO  FEB.  24,  ISL’S. 
Will  make  Hens  Lay! 
v»ra  bu  btst  poultry  men  all  over  the  country.  I‘uch- 
feni  by  »»«(( /or  M  cte.,  tl  and  «.  (nrcutarii  iHfh 
UritmonUtU  tree.  Itefn'mcee:  11.  T.  Sperry.  Prn’t 
and  editor  cj  •*  Poujtru  iVtrrlU:  L.  Bur- 
linm  tne  A  Co.,  j/oultrymcn ,  Niw  Ycd. 
Ubenil  connulsslons  paid  t<i  i-ellable  roen  for  sell- 
oo  V  i  ALLK.\,  Prup'r, 
29  Fcui-l  St.,  Mariiord,  Ct» 
jar F/rtl  Prtfntum  (Ural  All  ill  Centtnnial,  lUnd and Setf-Munr, 
ntinxr  S«vi  moMyt  Dn 
SJ  Pm!«»  for  lalaJt,  •i.TCjorwi  olc.  Lure# 
-^»lM«for  I»Hf*  worA.  c»o  wwiOmn, 
■  1  good  («ii'Jiu>  for  apun  buun,  tad  ciia 
In  make  moner  by  Uikiu(  la  loiali  juU. 
'  \T-  Ct  borr*  math  tm  aadmAkr  mooty 
XX  li/  JT  ^  rmittiie  oaidi,  ett. 
R  two nti^  for  caaloffiw. 
"V  *0  IfcJELaET  X  CO.  Mwlden,  C«nn 
Tbls  Is  a  cotnblnatloD  of  capitalists  to  supply  rbe 
consumers  of  Tea*  tbrousbout  tbe  United  States  on 
the  mutual  principle. 
expect  every  consumer  of  Teas  to  render  ue  all 
tne  assutauce  they  can  m  carrvtiui  nut  our  entcr- 
of  SUPPLYING  C.»N. 
liMKKb  ONLY,  (and  allow  no  mlddlemeii  to  make 
any  pioul  On  our  lnii>ortuiiunii,)  whicb  will  enable  us 
to  euimly  tbom  wUb  Toaa  at  prices  lower  tUan  have 
ever  been  known,  and  of  those  Due  qualities  that 
seldom  reach  ibu  interior,  Ijoiiic  sold  only  in  laroe 
tluas  aad  among  the  very  we-Jltby. 
SEN-D  FOB  PBICE  LIST. 
CONSUMERS  IMPORTING  TEA  CO. 
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P.  O.  Box  6509.  NEW  YORK  CITY. 
RURAL  CLUB  LIST. 
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In  Lou  tu  Suit  Customers. 
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and  those  who  devote  whole  or  part  of  time 
in  selling  our  aoods. 
SEND  FOR  NEW  PHICE-I.IST. 
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Tbe  periodicals  In  this  list  are  offered  at  a  large 
reduction  from  their  rates,  with  u  view  to  accomo- 
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THE  rural  NEXV-YORKER 
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8ubscrl|itlon8  may  begin  at  any  time. 
8AMPLE  COPIES 
of  the  Rural  only  will  be  sent  on  application.  For 
copies  of  other  publications  address  the  publisher  of 
the  paper  wanted. 
You  can  rt-mlt  by  Draft.  P.  O.  Money  Order,  or 
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locality,  please  become  one  by  forming  a  club.  It 
will  pay 
Now  tdease  note  that  we  will  furnish  the  Rural 
NeIv-Yorkeh  one  year  and  either  of  the  periodicals 
named  below,  postage  prepaid,  on  receipt  of  the 
price  specified : 
BAKNES’^PATENT  Foot 
I’otver  Mneliincry,  Clr- 
culnr  autl  Hcrull  Knu-a, 
l.Rilies,  Etc.,  Fancy  Woudn 
niid  O.'Hiuiia. 
(A  diiTereut  machines  suited 
w  lothewautsof  meohimica 
and  amutrurs,  .Men,  Boys  nnd 
L.1.DIES  are  niaking  from  Isi  to 
atii  per  dsy  using  them.  Tlie  old 
rtyle  thrown  asldo  when  these 
are  known.  Say  where  you  read 
this,  iitid  send  for  Ib-paKc  cata- 
iogueFREE.  W.F.aXmau.vks, 
Rochiord,  Wluuebago  Co.,  III. 
Asbi-sios  Uoulinu,  with  white  Fire  Proof  Coating, 
for  steep  or  dai  Iloiifs  in  all  ollmalee. 
R  ool  fJouiing,  fonestortiigand  preserving  Roofs. 
CeHieni.  for  repairing  Leaky  Uoofs. 
Uo.»l  PnSiit,  tor  Tin  Roof.,  Ironwork, ie. 
A  sbeaios  Painia-all  Oolors— ready  for  use. 
F  irci  Prorif  Ouuting,  for  Wood  work,  &e. 
Aabcatos  8reaiii  Pipo,  and  Boilci-  CiuTerlnga. 
Asbestu!.  Oleum  Pi.cliing,  Oat*,  round,  all  sites. 
M lieiilliing  holiB,  Vermin  Proi.l  Lintiig.  Arc. 
lUesK  articles  are  ready  for  use,  and  cun  be  caally 
applied  by  any  one.  Send  for  Pamphlets.  Price-Lists, 
R.  W.  JOHNS,  87  Maiden  Lane,  N.  Y. 
Patentee  (iiul  Munutuctwer.  Established  ISiS. 
ALSO  Pon  SALE  BY 
DOWNIE  TUAINKK  *  CO  .  Boston,  Maas. 
W.  J.  GI.OX  BK.  Providunee,  R.  1. 
8-  W.  UEiMS’i'EO  A  CO.,  Columbus,  O. 
KGIKWOOD.  Chirago.IlL 
M.  M.  BLCK  Ik  Cii.,  Ht.,  Louts,  Mo. 
Now  Orleans,  La. 
J.  M,  1  llO.MP^ilN  j£.  CO,,  Ban  Praudsoo,  Cai. 
h  r.T  **  eme,  a  vlf.8. 
Bbchs,  1).  and  L.  Braiiuias,  B. 
?>?ui«h*  White  and  Brown  l,eghoi  08.  S.  S, 
Polish,  S.  s  Hamburgsand  White  Oiilnea  Fowl. 
Address  15.  o.  BARDWKLL,  Penn  Yan.N.Y. 
VIRGINIA  FARMS 
Monthly  Magazines, 
Near  Htohmond,  and  In  other  parts  of  the  Stite.  for 
Tjaree  immigriiiloii  to  Va.  Large  Map  of 
y  a.,  fSo.  Heal  Estate  Journal.  a  year.  Cuim- 
logaes  free.  .Murk  this  for  lutiire  relerencr. 
CIXAI 1) In,  blAPLEei  A  CO.,  KieUmond,  Va. 
iY  0  name,  tor  lOo. and  slainp, 
M 1/  Ag  IS  Outfit  me.  Dowd  &  Co.,  Bristol,  Conn. 
TLIIES  FAPKT> 
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ular.  You  ciinuot  uQord  to  be  without  the 
GRIGKET  HEARTH 
H  is  a  mammoth  18-page  Olnstratcd  paper  (size  of 
Harper  s  tl  reMpj,  filled,  with  the  choicest  reading  for 
old  and  young.  Serial  and  Short  Stories.  Sketches. 
Poems,  L  seful  Knowledge,  Wit  aud  Runmr  a«- 
Arthnr’s  llome  Magazine . go  lo  $1  S( 
^emorest'a  Fashion  .Magazine . 5  86  1  TS 
Harper’s  Monthly .  0  65  6  UJ 
I’eterson's  Ladles’  Magazine . . .  4  85  4  ot 
Scribner’s  Monllily  ..  . 6  65  5  71 
Science  of  Health..,.  ...  . . 4  b.s  4  oc 
St.  Nicholas .  . .  .6  to  4^ 
Weehilea  [Literary] 
Appleton’s  Journal . . . ..fits  5  65 
Dunbury  News...  . .  4  75  4  m] 
Hreside  Companion . . ; .  5  65  4  Ca 
Frank  Leslie's  Boys  and  GlrU . 6  15  4  25 
I  ,  ,l^dy  B  Journal . 6  65  5  65 
Harper's  Weekly.... . .  6  65  5  85 
Waverly  Magazine .  7  (S  6  50 
[Religious.] 
Independent .  6  85  5  20 
lllusiratod  Christian  Weekly .  5  15  4  r.n 
Methodist. .  5  60  4  6u 
Presbyterian . 5  30  460 
Presbyterian  (John  Knox  Engraving)..  6  90  5  40 
The  Advauce .  5  65  4  90 
Watchman  and  Reflector .  5  85  4  85 
r.fMrSCELI,ANEOC8.1 
New  York  Witness,. . 4  15  340 
“  ;;  Evening  Post .  4  S  3  40 
Chltago  'Titties.. . .  ^  ^  ^ 
^  Inier-Ooean... .  4  80  S 
Cincinnati  Commercial .  4  80  3  80 
“  Enqiilner... .  4  65  3  90 
t'iazeite . .  . .  4  65  3  uj 
r.  .  **  I.  xt-  I’lmes  and  Hand-Book .  4  75  3  10 
•Louisville  Courier-.! ournal .  4  65  s  ‘'0 
BpritigUelU  Ueimbliean . .  .  . V..  ...  i  m  3 
Bt.  Louts  Times . .  .  415  §  fi, 
gcieniltlc  American . 6  85  5  ai 
Toledo  Blade.......,., . ,4  8.5  8  95 
Toronto  Oliibe . . . .  65  ^  yj 
'Ihe  papers  marked  with  a  ♦  cive  to  each  subscriber 
a  Choice  of  two  (  hromo-. 
The  Captive  Child’'  or  •'  The  Old  Oaken  Bucket-” 
Hearth  and  home  offers  12  Etchings;  the  Cour¬ 
ier-Journal  gUea  a  coupon  for  their  Distribution 
of  presents 
Address 
RURAL  PUBLISHING  CO., 
78  Duane  Street,  New  York  City. 
Centennial  Illustrated  Description,  Terms, 
&C.1  Mailed  Free. 
S*\i^Pr**^^**i.*-L**S.f'*^*'^*l'  ‘^^6  BEST  Wl.ND 
511 LL,  to  L’ ■  S.  WLNn  E.  &  p.  Co.,  Batavia.  111. 
$  I  n  ^  i',[?a5’s«»’enade  by  Agents  selling  our 
I  U  Z  U  t  hriimop.  Crayons.  Picture  A  Chiomo 
►•aiapie*,  worth  95,  sent, 
posyiaid,  for  Cents.  Illuntruled  Catalogue  free 
J.  H.  BUFFORD'S  Sons,  boston,  SstaO'd  1631)' 
lease  ttni  yourikddrMi  for  CIrcolars  of  C 
KauM,  Ac.,  to  miADLEy  MK'G  CO, 
CENO  FOK  CIRCULARof  Agricultural  tmple- 
IJ  meutsto  ABBOT!,  BREW  &  CO.,  Mlrs,  Cleveland.O 
BBAYLEY,  Bdffalo,  N.Y.,  forDecrinUv, 
Prlin  Lirt  of  B.iEalo  PltU  Tliro-iben  aud  Hone  Pow*«. 
Moore’S  Rural  New-Yorker  contains  sixteen 
Quarto  Pages  weekly,  Unely  and  profusely  Illustra¬ 
ted  and  neatly  printed.  Only  f2.50  per  year.  $2.00  In 
clubs  of  ten  or  more,  postage  paid.  Great  In 
ducements  to  Club  Agents,  SpecimeDS,  Premium 
Lists,  &d.,  sent  free. 
Warranted  7  Tears, 
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Try  the  CORTLAND  PLATFORM  SPRING  WAGON 
END  FOR  CIRCULAR  of  the  best  Paint  In 
I  the  world  to  RUBBER  PAINT  CO.,  Cleveland.  O. 
^1 
