528 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
AUG. 6 
umor tms. 
There was a young fellow named Sam. 
Most exceedingly l’ond of raw ham, 
Till he got trichinosis, 
In four or five doses— 
And they buried him close by his Mam. 
—Steubenville Herald. 
EXCITED AND ANXIOUS PATIENT. 
“ Doctor, 1 do wish you’d tell me what’s the 
matter with me; I’m clear out of sorts this morn¬ 
ing, and I’m afraid I’m going to he down sick. 
What Is the matter with me ?“’ Doctor (gravely :) 
“ Let me see your tongue.” Patient thrusts it 
out. "What hare you been eating?” Patient 
(reflectively:) " Well, I was out late last night, 
had a bit of supper at midnight, oysters raw and 
stewed, lobster salad, cold tongue, pressed chick¬ 
en, curds and cream, coffee, some fruit cake, a 
little cheese, and a handful of hickory nuts.” 
Doctor (doubtfully :) “ Let me see your tongue 
again.” Looks thoughtfully at It, then, in au¬ 
thoritative tones, a Ah, yes, I see ; you’ve been 
eating something that doesn’t agree with you.” 
Grateful patient gives him two dollars. 
The ohltuarlan of the Philadelphia Ledger (If It 
was Indeed he) out did himself in the Ingenuity of 
hlB rhyme, in the following effusion: 
Our little Sallie to heaven did go; 
Baby life so sweet is; 
She was affected with the cerebro. 
Spinal meningitis. 
’Tie hard to lose our Sallie so. 
But the reflection sweet is 
That she has gone where there’s no cerebro¬ 
spinal meningitis. 
The bride who sings, "Do they miss me at 
home ?” Is unreasonable. They speak of her as 
Mrs. now. 
H0NE8TY THE BEST POLICY. 
Recently a lady stepped Into a bird shop to pur¬ 
chase a parrot for a household pet. Having ex¬ 
amined the collection, she turned to the proprie¬ 
tor, and without otherwise designating her selec¬ 
tion, simply said, “I will take Honesty.” >■ Beg 
your pardon, ma’am said the dealer. " Which one 
Is It you said you win take?” “ I will take Hon¬ 
esty.” “ Honesty,” repeated the puzzled dealer; 
and which one is Honesty ?” " Why. that one, of 
course,” said the self possessed customer, point¬ 
ing to by far the fairest bird of the flock. “ AH 
right, ma’am,” said the ornithological trader. 
And as he was making the necessary change he 
timidly ventured to ask, "And may I inquire, 
ma'am, why you call It Honesty?” "Certainly,” 
answered the customer, with a heavenly smile. 
“ That parrot Is Honesty because Honesty Is the 
best Poll 1 see,” The dealer was struck with a 
congestive chill, and gave tne lady a half-crown 
short of her change. 
Corteous, kind-hearted editors never— well 
hardly ever—object to contributors writing 
on both Bides of the paper, articles for the 
waste paper basket. 
Young Lady— “I have called Mrs. Brown, 
to ask you why your children do not attend 
the Sunday-school now, as they need. Dy they 
not like going ?" Mrs. Brown—" Oh, yes. miss, 
they like goin' well ’nongh; it’s the stayin' 
after they gits there as they don't like.” 
Wi cannot agree with some folks, who be¬ 
lieve the world is " growing wickeder every 
day.” It is easier to get trusted now than it 
was three months ago. Tais shows that the 
beautiful idea of man’s faith in his fellow 
man is gaining ground.— N ew Ilaven K agister. 
A Husband who lately went to execute a 
few little commissions for his wife gives it 
as his experience that there are two dozen 
diffirent brands of lilac sewing silk so ex¬ 
actly alike that no male eye can tell the dif¬ 
ference, and a wrong choice means ruin to a 
new Bilk dress, and no pie in the house for 
a week.—Commercial. 
Two Cincinnati ladies, who had lately re¬ 
turned from a trip abroad, were exchanging 
opinions with reference to the famous pictures 
they had seen. "Give me the reconaisance 
school of art," exclaimed one, "so full of 
sympathy, of poetry; eo different from the 
pre-Rachelite ” " It is very true what yon 
say.” observed the other; "but as for me, I 
just dote on the Dastledrop school; the paint 
is so much fresher.”—South and West. 
[Quincy, (Ill.) Dally Herald.] 
Speaking “ By tlie Card.” 
C. H. Wood, Esq., of the C. & T. Ry., Port Hu¬ 
ron, Mich., favors our correspondent with the 
following: After suffering for nearly a year with 
rheumatism, receiving treatment from most of 
the best physicians of Michigan and the West, I 
happened to try a bottle of Sr. Jacobs Oil. Upon 
the first application l used fully half a bottle, and 
Its effect was almost instantaneous. 1 Immediately 
dropped all other treatment, and confined myself 
to Its use aloDe. After the use of three bottles, 
instead of being driven to my business, or moving 
about on crutches, I walked from one to three 
miles dally about business, and have been free 
from this horrible disease for over a year, not 
having the slightest twinge of It. Hence, I say 
that all medicines known to me are useless when 
compared with the Old German Remedy. Use 
this statement when and where It suits. 
VeteranCorn Sheller 
THE NEW SHEEP DIP. 
Little’s (Meal EM 
(.Patented in l'. S. July 3, 1877.) 
MORRIS LITTLE & SON. Proprietors anil Manu¬ 
facturer*. 
Non-Polsonmis, Nun-Corroaivi*. Is a sure 
cure and remedy as follows: 
SHEEP—Scab, Ticks, Lice, Fly and Maggots, Grub in 
the head. Improvement In <piautity anduual- 
ity of the wool more than pays for the Dip. 
HORSES—Mange. Lice, Thrush, Grease,Cracked Heels 
Saddle and other Calls. Glanders Bote. 
CATTLE— Lice, Foot and Mouth disease, Pleuro¬ 
pneumonia. ... , . 
DOGS—Mause and Fiona; makes the coat glossy. 
HOGS— Mange and Lice Internally for worms in all 
animals . ulcere and woundR of all kinds, 
POULTRY—Fleas aud Lice. Purifies the houses. 
HORTICULTURE Aphis, Blight, Neale on Orange 
Trees, Bark Lies, Rust in Car¬ 
rots, Ants. 
Price, per gallon, $1.80: Ten trillions and upwards 
$1 65. Send S cent stamp for U. S. testimonials to 
T. W. LAW FORD. Gen’l Agent, 
[Mention this paper ] Box 5u4, Baltimore, Mo. 
STRAWBERRIES 
Newest and Best Varieties. 
Grown in Pots aud readv for shipment after August 
1st. New Descriptive Priced Catalogue FREE. 
A n/irncu 
ELLWANCER A HARRY, 
Kochester, N. Y. 
A Pleasant Quiet Home iu tUe country, 
near N Y. City is in need of a respectable girl to take 
care of a two-year old child, and to render herBelf gen¬ 
erally u«eful iu the hghler work of tlie house. Hon¬ 
esty, gentle manners aud an appreciation of a pleas¬ 
ant, quiet borne indispensable. A companionable 
person of some education preferred, Address 
Box 331 8, New Y ork P. «• 
ENU rUM! 
the thing Sate, Convenient, Durable. 
B. \V. BAYNE & SONS, Corning, N. Y. 
FIFTEEN PER CENT SAVED 
by using the 
EMPIRE GRAIN DRILL, 
WITH 
FORCE FEED FERTILIZER 
ATTACHMENT. 
Distributes all kinds of Grain evenly and accurately. 
PLANTS CORN FOR WIKI^TO OR,OP. 
Sows Phosphates without panting or clogging. Amount sown 
regulated by gear. 
NO GrUBSS WORK.. 
Send for Circular to EMPIRE DRILL CO., 
Box B. Siiorioville, N. Y. 
SI CHEAPESIJMND {BEST FERTILIZER—FOLLOW NATURE. »■ 
Which USES GROUND RAW LIMESTONE in MAKING THE 
SOIL. There were no Limn Kilns around burning lime when rir /'\*W 
thegood Limestone Farming lands were originally made. . * fn il yL 
Every Farmer tan prepare his own Fertilizer with nn nrdi- ' AilMHa ,, ■ji I // vx 
nary Horae I'owerlw using KOlt^TKIt’S UOMH1N- t" i~"./ r^nBTta. i( 
ED CRUSHER. & PULVERIZER, which takes a lump \ 1 M'ISRiiyi.'T 1 
of LimeBtone three to five inches square, and Crushes ana .1 v 
Pulverizes it in one operation, Mine as Burr’s. Farmers ^ (J 
use the Ground Raw Limestone, and drill and sow it Just as it .t/tK-tl — rb. yM 
comes from the.machine. VV w. Ilwd.of Erie, lias tried it e —« t] 
years, and says It shows a profit over Bono Dust of $1.W perZx Bflftgt ^ 
aero; over Phosphate of $4S8 per acre; over Guano of 89 7U --_ /M 
per acre; over Salt of $5.9o per acre, and that it will lam-__ __ 
twice ns long.” John G. Bear, of Montgomery, Lycoming Mr' iifisSSB 
Co., say*: “ 1 believe it to be the cheapest and best Fertilizer 
In this country. It is worth three times as much as Burnt Pime, and with this machine does not coat half ns 
much as Burnt- fame to make."— H. C. Falls, New Castle, Pa., says: I used the Ground Limestone last year 
with great satisfaction as to results, sod cannot too strongly recommend it for farm and garden purposes 
Where I dropped my corn on top of It. the corn came Up first, arid wub strong and thrifty—the Limestone 
drawing the moisture to the roots. Used in place of Paris-green on Potatoes, It kept the Bugs away and made 
the plants thrifty and strong: being washed into the ground, it benefited the Potatoes in an astonishing man¬ 
ner. Addre only TfilTF.N A (:«., Hiulmrirh. Fm. ONLY MAKERS. 
It is manifest that from GOOD SEEDS 
OXIiY can Good Vegetables be obtained. 
The character of LAND BETHS’ SEEDS 
lias been substantiated 6 cuond oil question. 
They are the STANDARD for Quality. 
Over 1500 acres in Garden Seed Crops 
under our own cultivation. 
Ask your Storekeeper for them in original 
prices and Catalogue. 
Wholesale trade prices to dealers on application. 
Founded 1784. DAVID LANDRETH & SONS,21 and 23 S. Sixth St., Philadelphia. 
kuiti - 
FOR HAND OR POWER. 
Just the thing for Mill, Farm and Plan¬ 
tation. 
Power and Hand Corn Hhellers of all sizes 
and to enlt all wants. 
HORSE POWERS, JACKS, Etc. 
Write for Descriptive Circulars and prices. Ad¬ 
dress SANDWICH MANUF’G CO., 
Sandwich, Illinois. 
“CREAM” 
J OF THE 
STRAWBERRIES 
FOR 1881, 
including the famous 
JERSEY QUEEN, 
are shown in our Colored Plate, illustra¬ 
ting the eight best sorts ; which together 
with our Method of Culture, (by which a 
FULL CROP can be obtained in TEN 
MONTHS from time of planting,) we 
will mail free to all who apply by letter. 
PETER HENDERSON & CO., 
35 Corllainlt Street, New York. 
B loomington (Phoenix) nursery and 
GREENHOUSES. Established 1812, hoo Acres. 
13 Greenhouses. Fruit and ornamental Trees, Shrubs, 
Evergreens, Grapes, BulbB, Seedlings, Hedge Plants, 
Small Fruits, etc. Priced catalogue for Fall of '81 mail- 
ed free. SIDNEY TTJTTLE, Agt., B lomtngton, 111. 
B | O U/ PI I Manchester, Jersey Queen, 
■ U uw EiLby Longfellow, and 40 other 
varieties of Strawberry Plants, potted or layer. Cir¬ 
culars free. F. I. SAGE k SON, Wethersfield, Conn. 
Wethersfield, Conn. 
P “k7p,.,TREES! 
And a Full Assortment of Nursery Stock. 
CEORCE ACHELIS, West Chester, Pa. 
16u acres of good unimproved land for sale in Kansas, 
at $5.50 per acre. 
AMERICUS CIDER MILL 
^ . Whitman’s Patent 
The Beat Cider and 
Vt? Wine Mill made. It will 
.tnmSartJ J FI make Twenty percent 
5 ith™. _ any . 
f Pmjttlpl Geared outside. Large 
■4 l I lL lfr I I I'l l 4taftl ma<1 « f° r two 
f M?'\ ^ Price aa low as any 
description sent free. 
Address the manufac- 
1 tnrors. 
Whitman Agricultural Co., 
Saint Louis, Mo. 
BOOK WALTER ENGINE. 
_ __ rij. Compact, substantial, eco- 
, rfi nomica] and easily managed. 
aftt' j Guaranteed to work well and 
riSTj give full power claimed. 
Engine aud boiler complete 
BMt .'11111.,', ‘ Including governor, feed 
<B1 iwV pnmp^ ftvej-imJlpy. etc., etc. 
8 Horae power_$240 
)AS. LEFFEL & C0., 
Springfield, 0, 
THE AMERICAN FRUIT DRIER. 
7 Cheap, 
Practical, 
Portable. 
Correct Princi¬ 
ples. Correctly 
Applied. Illus¬ 
trated Catalogue 
giving much 
valuable infor- 
matlou free. 
Address, AMKfilLAN FRUIT DRIER CO., 
Ckambcrsbnrg, Fa., U. 8. A. 
“ Straw-Preserving Thresher.” 
Send for circular and Price List. 
WHEBLER. & MELIOK CO., 
Albany, N. Y. 
COLUMBIA BICYCLE. 
*T Tt n Bicycle riding la an aecompllsti- 
ment easily acotiired, and Is rapid- 
1 1 ly becoming the most popular of 
A \\ \ J1/ /--'/a out-door sports; as a health restora- 
tlve it Is Invaluable, bringing into 
f Jl action every miuKile Of tlie body. 
UoiiW iL atrengthcuing the lungs, and ln- 
V '/r V' • vlgoratlng the weariod brain. The 
V.-y / lpracticability of the machine is 
X/V ft \' jr \rffV_ generally conoedod throughout the 
country, and the thousands of bl- 
cyciea in daily use are constantly Increasing In uum- 
b or. Mend He. stamp for catalogue, with price list and 
I Ul Information. THE M'F*G OO. 
596 Washington Street.Boston. Mass. 
CIDER 
Presses, Graters, Elevators, &c. 
BOOM EH «fc B08CHBHT FIIK8M 
CO., SyraenN, N..V. 1 
