DECi 24 
s 
J^uiuormts. 
Ambitious Mam: “ Is there any fixed rule 
for writing poetry ? ” There is ! Don’t !— 
Boston Post. 
The why and wherefore; “ Love is blind,” 
and that's why they managed to keep right on 
with the gas turned down. 
Thebe is a good deal of human nature in 
a canary bird. He always begins to chatter 
as soon as the piano commences to play. 
“ She stoops to conquer.” Can this refer 
to the fond mother who bends over her way¬ 
ward boy with a number-five slipper? 
There is a whistling buoy anchored off 
Block Island. Oh, that all the whistling boys 
could be anchored in deep water far away.— 
Boston Globe. 
The only thing a lady dislikes about a 
postal card is that it is hardly large enough to 
allow her to show what she can do in the 
matter of postscripts. 
An advertisement reads: “Wanted—A 
young man to lie partly out door and partly 
behind the counter;’’and the Cleveland Leader 
asks: “What will bo the result when the 
door glams ? ” 
The father of a St. Louis bride presented 
his son-in-law with 80,000 head of cattle. 
“ Papa, dear,” exclaimed his daughter, when 
she heard of it, “that was so kind of you; 
Charley’s awfully fond of ox-tail soup.” 
“No, ma,” said a Harlem maiden, “I don’t 
like Charle. Jones coming every night. But 
I don’t like to tell him so yet. He is so fat and 
heavy that by placing- my Autumn leaves on 
his chair I’m getting them nicely pressed.” 
“ I wish I were you for about two hours,” 
she said to her husband with great tender¬ 
ness. “And why, my dear ?’’ he asks. “Be¬ 
cause,” she said, toying affectionately with his 
w atch chain—“ because then I would buy my 
wife a new bonnet.” 
A miller in Peru, Iml., fell asleep in his 
mill and bent forward until his hair got 
caught in some machinery and was yanked 
out; and, of coui-se, it awoke him, and his 
first bewildered exclamation was : “ Durn it, 
wife, what’s the matter now.—Boston Post. 
“ How are you, Brown?” exclaimed Fen- 
derson. “I have been on a regular wild 
goose chase, and I’m glad I’ve found you at 
last.” Fenderson supposed he must have said 
something pretty smart the way the boys 
laughed, but he can’t for the life of him tell 
what it was. 
Turn TO the Left.— “Is there any open¬ 
ing here for an intellectual writer ?” asked a 
seedy, red nosed individual, of an editor. “Yes, 
my friend,” replied the man of quills, “ a 
considerate carpenter, forseeiug your visit, 
left an opening for you. Turn the knob on 
the right.” 
A hungry lawyer, who was dining at a hotel, 
shoveled the food into his mouth with his 
knife till he accidentally cut his mouth, which 
was observed by a wag seated opposite, 
who bawled out: “ I say, Mister, don’t cut 
that hole in your countenance any larger, or 
we shall all starve.” 
“Fellow citizens,” said the street-corner 
orator, standing on a dry-goods box amid the 
glare and smoke of many torches, “ my posi¬ 
tion upon this question is a peculiar one.” 
And just then, when the box caved in and let 
him down in the shape of a letter V, gripped 
by the neck and heels, the crowd rather 
thought it was. 
“Then you think you can leave your beau¬ 
tiful home and share a humble cot in the far 
West with the man you love?” “Yes, I 
wonld leave them all without a pang. Oh, 
Harold, you have made me so happy.” “ All 
right, then: I have a friend who is going to 
do that sort of thing, and I will mention it to 
him.” 
A New Jersey widow couldn’t earn six 
dollars a week at the washtub. She became 
a clairvoyant, and her income increased to 
sixty. It just shows that a man begrudges 
the quarter he pays for washing his shirt, 
while he will cheerfully give a dollar to stick 
his nose into the other world before the show 
begins. 
“ A young man from the country ” writes 
to a city editor askiug if authorship pays 
better than the theatrical profession. The 
editor has not giveu an answer, and if he 
wants to do the rural person a kindness we 
advise that he urges him to embark in the 
business of discovering comets. They are 
worth from tiJOO to $5iK) apiece, wholesale.— 
Norristown Herald. 
Briggs hired a lively horse the other day 
to take a little exercise. He got more exercise 
than he wanted; and as he limped to the side 
of the road to rest himself, a kind friend 
asked him: " What did you come down so 
quick for ? ” “ What did I come down so 
quick for ? Did you see anything up in the 
air for me to hold on to ! ” he asked, grimly- t 
THE “BONE OF CONTENTION (London Sporting News.) 
PAYNE’S FARM ENGINES 
Patent spark-arrrwtinft Farm and Dairy Engines of 
all size**, from 2 to 13 horse-i>ower. mounted or un¬ 
mounted Warranted to be the Best and Cheapest 
enKluee made. Prices from * I NO upwards, tfeud 
for Illustrated Catalogue “ A ” which will give you 
full Information and pricet* to 
H. W. PA YNE Sc SONS, 
«<*» « * 1 . e’orninr. U V 
ACME” Pulverizing 
HARROW, CLOD CRUSHER 
AND LEVELER. 
The “ AC 11 li” subjects the soil to the action of a 
Crusher and l.cvclor, and at the same time to the 
CuiHiik. Lifting, TurnliiM process of double 
rows of Sled < nulrers, the peculiar shape and ar¬ 
rangement of which give immense rioting pow¬ 
er. The entire absence of Spike* or Soring 
Tooth avoid* nulling up and scattering of rubbish. 
It U especial! v ■idupleil 10 Inverted sod, hard Clay 
and "slough land " where other Harrows utterly fall, 
and also works perfectly on light soil. 
Sent on trial to responsible fanners anywhere In 
the United States. Agents wauled. Send for cltoular. 
JiTJiSH K U It OTU K //, Sole .ft ami fart nrrra, 
Harrisbt-ro, and 22 Coi.lkoe Plack, 
Penn., New York City. 
a r (J; 9 A per day at home. Samples worth $5 free, 
v" IvJ Address Stinson & Co., Portland, Me. 
e* /1 OardR. Feather & Hand Series «c., tapey case Hie. 
*) ‘ " Samples 3c. Empire Card Co., Birmingham, Ct. 
Thirty-Six Varieties of Cabbage; 26 of Com ; 28 of 
Cucumber; 41 of Melon ; SI of Peas; 28 of Beans ; IT of 
Squash ; 23 of Beet ami to uf Tomato, with otb'-r varl 
etlea In proportion, a large* portion of whteh w< re 
growu on my live seed farms, will be found lu toy 
VEOETAI 5i.lt aKD Fl.OWCU SKUH CATAbOUtTli FOI; lS>S\ 
Sent free to all who npplv. Customers of la»l Season 
need not write for It. All Seed sold from mv estab¬ 
lishment warranted to be both fresh and true lo 
name, so far, that should It prove otherwise, 1 wtll 
refill the order gratis. The original LvrnonDCRR of 
Early Oiuq and Hkhiiaxk Potato!®, M *km fio in 
Early Corn, the Hubbard Squash, Mario,khkao (’ab- 
baok, PmsvKY's Melon, and a score of other new Veg¬ 
etables I Invite the patrouage of the public. New 
Vegetables a Specialty. 
■JAMES J. H. GREGORY, Marblehead. Masr. 
CHEAP FARMS 
AND NEAR TO MARKET. 
The State of Michigan has a good climate, a fertile 
soli, four thousand miles of railway, and sixteen him 
dred miles of lake transportion, convenient markets, 
a settled society, established Institutions, great and 
diversified Industries, a liberal free school system, low 
taxes and practically no debt. It has also several mil 
lions of acres of unoccupied lands, suitable for almost 
every variety of husbandry, many of them subject to 
free sptt.tcment;under United States or State Home¬ 
stead laws, and all of them for sale at prices within 
the reach of men of small means, 
A PAMPHLET, issued under authority of the State, 
containing a map of Michigan, sketches of Its Indus¬ 
trial;, Agricultural Productions, amt Institutions, and 
descriptions of Its Soli, Climate., Timber, the situation 
of its Unoccupied Lands, etc., will be sent fro of 
charm’ On application by letter addressed to the COM¬ 
MISSIONER OF IMMIGRATION, DETROIT,MtCHiUAN. 
CIDER 
Presses, Graters, Elevators. &o. 
BOOMER St BOSCHERT PRESS CO., 
Syracuse, N. Y. 
It is manifest that from GOOD SEEDS 
ONLY can Good Vegetables be obtained- 
The character of I.ANDIIETHS' 81.1018 
has been substantiated beyond ail question. 
They are the STANDARD for Quality. 
Over 17*00 acres In Garden Seed Crops 
under onr own cultivation. 
Ask your Storekeeper for them in original 
sealed packager, or drop us a postal card for 
prices and Catalogue. 
_ Wholewste trade prices to dealers on application. 
DAVID LANDRETH &. SONS,21 and 23 S.Sixth St, Philadelphia. 
Founded 1784 
TEXAS 
CHEAP HOMES FOR ALL! 
50,000 Laborers can get Immediate Employment, at Good Wages, 
on Farms and Railroads in Texas alone. 
Veteran Corn Shelter 
FOR HAND OR POWER. 
Just the thing for Mill, Farm and Plan¬ 
tation, 
Power and Hand Corn Shelter* Oi all size* 
and to Bull all want*. 
HORSE POWERS, JACKS, Etc. 
Write for Descriptive Circulars and prices. Ad¬ 
dress SANDWICH ttlANUF’G CO., 
Sandwich, Illinois. 
209 Percheron Horses 
Arrived in New York Aug. 25th 
Andunder Cueloma valuation 
Were Bonded for 
$350,000.00. 
These horses were imported by 
M. W. DUNHAM, 
WAYNE, DUPAGE CO., ILL, 
upon whose tarm can now be seen 
One-Fifth of All Imported French 
Hums Now Living lu America. 
Duringthe past 17 months 360 STALLIONS AND 
MARES have been imported from France to this es¬ 
tablishment, being MOKE than the combined impor¬ 
tations of all other importers of Draft Horses from 
all parts of Europe for any one year. 
100 Page Catalogue sent free on application. Con¬ 
tains over 40 Illustrations and the history of the 
Fcrchemn race Order Catalogue " N." 
Mill Manufactory 
Katablsbed 1851, 
CRIST MILLS* 
Or FRENCH buhrbtonk 
*nyx»vRK * flO 
''-.a*. «^.«*. 
NEW & Beautiful Ohromo Cards, name on, 10c. 
Agents new sample Album 25o. Best pay. Best 
cards. National Card Works, New Haven, Ct. 
SIMPSON & GAULT 
(STRAUB MILL CO.) 
Makers of 
Flour Mill Macliinery 
of Every Description. ’ 
Portable Mills for Corn, Wheat 
Rye, and all kinds of Grain. 
IJr Write for prices, 
N. W. cor. FRONT St JOHN Sts. 
Cincinnati, Ohio. 
Two-Horse Powers, including Jack ami 17 
leet Belting, S4o. ‘Worksin room 12x15. Lar¬ 
ger sizoslf wanted. Folds out of the wav in 
five minutes. Very durable. Circulars free. 
Agents wanted. 
SMITH & WOODARD, Kalamazoo, Mich. 
CHEAPEST & BEST MILL ‘ 
FOR FARMERS.&SI0CKRAISERS 
SOLO UNOER A FULL6UARRANTEE | 
TQOtVE ENTIRE SATISFACTION 
OR MONEY REFUNDED. 
SENOFOR OUR CIRCULAR 
CHA e KAESTNER«0?63S°CANALS? 
*v. CHICAGO,ILLS US A V; 
RICHMOND CITY MIL WORKS- 
(UGH TlOrVD. . NO. 
Manufacture'' ' 
DULL ST0WB3 
and 
Flouring Mill Maohirterv. 
We manufacture 
the best French Buhr 
CORN AND FEED MILLS 
In the country. Send 
for description and 
prices. 
State you saw this 
to Rural N.-Y. 
BADGER STATE 
THE SOUTH-WESTERN IMMIGRATION CO. 
Win mail on application, free of cost, postage prepaid, books with maps, giving reliable Information of 
Texas. Arkansas, or Western Louisiana. Those meditating a change to a new country, please address 
, ... it, «. DUVAL, Bec’y, Austin, Tex. 
Received the only honorable-mention granted to any 
Butter Color at the International Dairy Fair of 1879. 
If not for sale by your dealer, send for circular, &e. to 
the manufacturer, E. SHELDON, Fort Atkinaou, 
Wisconsin. 
