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FOUR 
Grand Prize Medals 
AWARDED OUR EXHIBIT AT 
THE CENTENNIAL! 
RARE and BEAUTIFI L FLOWERS 
and CHOICE VEGETABLES 
CAN ALWAYS BE OBTAINED BY BOWING 
UN PATENTED, BUT EFFICIENT, 
A roving agent stopped at old Si’s house on 
Friday. 
“Ah, sir, I am introducing to the citizens a 
new and excellent patent fire kindler." 
Ho set down a tin bucket and pulled out one 
of his turpentine swabs. 
‘ ‘ Wlm’ do yer call dat Y' asked old Si. 
“That, air. is my patent lire kindler, which 
largely facilitates the operation of—” 
‘ ‘ An’ yer wants ter er 11 me one ob deru tinge ?" 
“ You, sir, I should Jiko to.” 
“ I'm 'blccgwl ter yer far de kin’nosa, but yer 
see I'so got a eight-year ole gal iu dis houa’dat’ 
got dat fire-kindlin' contrack, an’ dis heah right 
ban’ ob mine ferlisertatos do operashuns when- 
eber dur’s a failin’ off ob de willin'ness.” 
The agent decamped, and old Si turned arouud 
to remark: 
“Long ez dar'fi ligbt’ood in Georgie an’ marrer 
in do ole man's bones he ain't gwine ter freeze 
ter deth fer do want of a turpytine fire-starter.” 
—Atlanta Herald. 
SPABKB AND SPLINTERS 
A branch oonoorn—The limb of a tree. 
A xacv who bad seven gentlemen callers one 
Sunday evoning quietly remarked that she was 
inclined to appoint a Returning Board and count 
some of them out. 
A Londoner, having read in a Boston paper 
an advertisement headed “American Steam Safe 
Company,” remarked that ho was glad il' the 
America.,a had made steam safe company. 
George Washington offered himself to five 
women beforo he was accepted. He could lead 
armies and govern a nation, but did not com¬ 
prehend the subtle influence of an attenuated 
sigh. 
A visitor at Philadelphia, being asked whether 
he preferred pictures to etatnary, said ho pre¬ 
ferred the latter, as “you kin go all round the 
statoos, but you can’t see only one side of the I 
picters.” 
Two gallons of whiskey were consumed by a 
colored man before ho fully recovered from the 
bite of a tarantula. It was then discovered that 
be had only been stung by a wasp. The men 
who contributed tho whiskey were too mad to 
speak abovo a whisper. 
The Jlccordc r of tho Dalles having tho other 
day expressed tho opinion that a Chinawomnn 
who, with others, had been arraigned and brought 
before him, was somewhat to blame, her liege 
lord blandly remarked that, if tho Recorder 
would permit lio (tho Celestial) would take his 
wife into tho adjoining room and kill her. 
Two young attorneys were wrangling for a 
long timo before Judge Knox of Virginia yostor- 
day over a point of law. His Honor rendered i 
his decision, and tho sprig who had lost impu¬ 
dently remarked, “ Your Honor, there ia agrow¬ 
ing opinion that all the fools uro not yet dead.’. 
“Certainly,” returned the Judge, with unruffled 
good humor, “ I quite agree with you, Mr. Blank, 
“and congratulate you uj-jcu your most healthy 
appearance.” 
One of tho United States Marshals at Boston 
—a maun horn all citizens of that small town 
will remember—was a wit of a dry and quaint 
sort. When on his death-bed one of his friends 
appeared to com fori him. “ W«dl, Colon* 1.” 
said thu aide man despondently, “Tin goiug. I 
shan’t bo alive an hour from now." The Colonel 
felt of tho invalid’s feet. “Nonsense,” said he, 
“your feet are warm. No man was ever known 
to die when his lent were warm.” “ Ugh !” said 
tho dying man, sharply. “ What about John 
Rogers! ” John Rogers was bung. 
Recently a gentleman at a town in Provence 
had occasion to send a telegram to his wife, an¬ 
nouncing his speedy return. Ilo phrases it as 
curtly ns possible. Tho telegraph clerk counts 
the words, and then fixing upon tho customer 
bis spectacles, sparkling with good humor, says: 
“ Tho despatch is to your wife ?” 
“It is." 
“ There are only seventeen words. Come, 
now; tack on something pleasant. You can give 
her something nice ami loving—some little pet 
name. If it isn't more than three words it will 
not coat you any more.” 
‘ 1 Violin Delights ’’— t\ Prospect.—(H alf a 
dozen lessons on the violin will desirably precede 
tho study of this incident from real lire.) Pom¬ 
pons Parent—But. look here, Professor. I see that 
in this bill for my Hon’a violin teaching I am 
charged all sorts of fancy prices for strings. 
Here ia an E string ouo thill i ng, unda G string two 
shillings, whilo the D and the A strings are only j 
ninepence each. Professor-Pardon, M'sn; but 
the strings are all different—some dear, some 
cheap. Parent—But, confound it, Sir, you must 
study economy. In future, let my sou haveonly 
the cheap ones .—Funny Folks. 
CHROMO FREES”' 
for a Cook Receipt Book, with two great remedies,’ 
viz., IIuwo b Ague Cure ojid Howe's Concentrated 
NEW TERMS! 
TEAS AND COFFEES AT WHOLESALE PRICES. 
HEHT TERMS EVER OFFERED TO CLUB 
ORGAMZERm. 
SEND FOIl NKW PRICE-LIST. 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA COMP’Y. 
(P. O. Box MIL) ill and 83 Vesey St., New York. ’ 
Our 
Combined 
CATALOGUE 
^ ^ CJ RCL LA R t*f ttio tipst Paint in 
world lo ltUBjBim PA1KT Co., Cleveland, o. 
EVERYTHING 
RURAL CLUB LIST. 
THE RURAL AND OTHER PAPERS AT LOW RATES 
AElIMT PP ET I? T If v f, u mention thin 
^ II B ■ I* 1 Ka Ci • PftVfT* & Circular of 
ANDRE’S KING OATS. Address 
J, li. ANDRE, Bingham's, Tioga Co., N. Y. 
Numbering 175 pages, with Colored Plate, 
SENT FREE 
To our customers of past years, and to 
all purchasers of oar books, «dtij|£ 
Gardening for Profit, Practical rloriiuituie, 
or Gardening for Pleasure, 
(Price $‘1.50 each, prepaid, by mail.) 
To others, on receipt of 2 jc. 
Plain Plant or Seed Catalogues, without 
plate, free to ail. 
The periodicals In this list ure offered at a large 
reduction from their rates, with a view to accomo¬ 
dating our friends who wish to subscribe for 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
Ui conjunction with any ether paper herein named, 
TO OBTAIN ANY JOURNAL 
la this list, and the Rural, It Is only necessary to 
seud your address in full, and the money with tho 
order, when they will he sent, Postage prepaid. 
Subscriptions may begin at any time, 
SAMPLE COPIES 
of the Rural only will be sent on application. For 
copies of other publications address the publisher of 
the paper wanted 
You cun remit by Draft, P. O. Money Order, or 
Registered Letter, at our rOk; otherwise at your 
own. If there is no Arent for the Rural in your 
locality, please become om. by rolUtINo A CLt B. It 
will pay 
Now please note that we will furnlBh the Rural 
New-Yorker one year and either of the periodicals 
named below, postage prepaid, on receipt ot the 
price specified: 
A This Is a combination of 
H ff’s f<n . capitalists to supply ran- 
■AL .ELJXAKJ turners unit/ throughout 
the United Slates with 
PURE TEAS on tho mutual principle, by setting 
up club?. Send for New Price-List. 
CONSUMERS IMPORTING TEA CO., 
P. O. Box fiSOBL No. 8 Church St., New York City. 
GORHAM’S t 
Silver Plat.d Linsn 
Marl:or, with cim« of 
AjpiT, p>r marking Linen, 
Curai, I.'iivMur,.,. j> u J 
up mid rent FRIiP i>y 
mail forSl.lll, * 
Seedsmen, Market Gardeners and Florists , 
35 Cortlandt St., New York. 
PLANT 
21 M» VV-olilnirtoii St 
Monthly Magazines 
_ FAVORITE 
.Self-i’lc’g Press $16 
I’r,"iei from to 
OlfieecompleteS.-mlOe 
lor prif o b'-'f»k ol VivsntB, 
'i.vpe. Cul», * e., illustrated 
with mu ruction*, worth Ikl. 
AUICHAM «fc CO. 
‘Boston, Mass. 
Arthur’s Home Magazine. 15 *4 •!/] 
•Detnorest’s Fashion Magazine. 5 i n 4 L 
Harper's Monthly.. . . u C 6 st, 
Peterson’s Ladles' Magazine. 4 ta 4 m 
Scribner’s Monthly . ....!.. e Of f, 7 , 
Science of Health ... ... 4 » 4 
Weeklies [Literabtj 
Appleton’s Journal... Oft-, 5 « 
Danbury News...... 4 75 4 On 
Fireside Coniparnon— . . 5 05 4 ra 
Frank Leslie's Boys and Girls. 5 j-, J or 
or" , 'I., , Lady’s Journal. 0 05 5 Ja 
'* Bazar. 0 05 r. hr 
•Hearth and Home. 5 15 4 r 
Waverly Magazine. 7 g SjjJ 
Religious.] 
Independent. 5 85 5 an 
Illustrated Christian Weekly. 5 15 4 ~n 
Methodist.. 5 ft, 4 L. 
Presbyterian. .f, SO 4 in 
Presbyterian (John Knox Engraving)., f, yn 5 
The Advance. 5 05 4 m 
Watchman and Reflector. .. 5 8a 
! Miscellaneous.) 
New York Witness. .. 4 15 3 ,n 
“ Evening Post. 1 15 3 , J0 
“ “ Tribune..... 4 ,15 4 {K . 
Chicago 'Times. 4 06 3 2a 
Cincinnati Commercial. 4 so 3 ^ 
“ Knqulrier. 4 05 3 90 
*’ Times and Hand-Hook. 1 % 3 '« 
Detroit Free Press . 4 05 8 SW 
Tribune. 4,5 y 
•Louisville Courier-Journal. 4 lift 3 ‘n 
Sprlnglleld Republican. 4 05 y ig. 
8 t. Louis TUHes. 4 ]5 3 Ah 
bole'itltiu American.. fi 85 5 w, 
The Industrial Record—Monthly. 1 60 3 60 
Toledo Blade. i IS 3 un 
Toronto Globe.. 4 £ 4 
The papers marked with a • give to i-aeh subscriber 
us follows :—Dkmorest’s, aehoieetif two Cliromow. 
The Captive Child” Or ” The Old Oaken Bucket:” 
Hearth and Home offers 12 Etchings: the Cour¬ 
ier-Journal glres u coupon for their Distribution 
of presents 
Address 
RURAL PUBLISHING CO., 
78 Duane Street, New York City. 
CJEND TO JAMES URAVLKV, Burma, N V., for DwwrlBtiv. 
^ Pric« LUt ut Jlutfblo 1'ilU Thro.ilHr, nu.l ltor» F.wer. ’ 
(JENO FOR CI ltd’LAR of Agricultural liuple- 
C3 mentstu Anti /n , Bhew& Co., Mfrs, Cleveland,O 
Try the CORTLAND PLATFORM SPRING WACOM 
BELL TREBLE PIANOS 
Centennial Illustrated Description, Terms, 
&c., Mailed Free. 
Mooee ’9 Rural New-Yorker.-W ith its full 
corps of edit' rs ami a new publisher of energy and 
ability, the manuitetnent propose to celebrate tho 
quarter-centennial of the pioneer Rural In such a 
manner us to augment its popularity und usefulness. 
For u ilrst-class, lively paper, containing matter or 
Interest f‘,r all classes, take the Rural New* York¬ 
er, and do so at once, for the paper never was bel¬ 
ter, and Its prospects never brlghter.-F) report (/it) 
Journal, 
The Rural la a very good present to send to a 
friend, aad it pleasantly reminds the recipient of the 
donor fflty-two times a year—this year fifty-three 
times. Any subscriber can send it to a relative or 
friend as a present, at our lowest club rate—only 
$ 2 , 00 . including postage. 
Warranted 7 Years. 
MACKIE & CO. Rochester, N. Y 
