.rtsenod ao sift to Dill- 
•at, corn nr pruuU-es 
fullv two week.-. be*- 
lit anir Humor. 
AN ARMY EXAMINING BOARD. 
Board of Examiners and victim applying for 
commission: 
Examiner—Who was the greatest General of 
ancient or modern times ? 
Mr. Green—Some say Alexander, some Napo¬ 
leon, others General Grant, but I think Moses 
was the greatest, because he carried an immense 
army with women, children, and baggage across 
an arm of the sea, and didn't use a pontoon 
train. 
Who is the greatest man in the United States 
to-day ? 
Dr. Mary Walker? 
Who founded the City of Sevastopol ? 
Excuse me, General. 
Tho City of Sevastopol, Mr. Green. 
Oh, yes! Sebastopol. Hannibal. General. 
Now, Mr. Green, suppose you were marching 
your command through a hostile country, right 
in front, and you were hemmed in by the enemy 
on both flanks, with an impassable liver in front 
and the sea in rear of you, what would you do? 
Well, I think I should sit down and write to 
mother; and he passed — out. — Washington 
Chronicle. 
■ ■ - 
SPARKS AND SPLINTERS. 
The average Elgin cheek, Bays the Aurora 
News, sticks out so far as to entirely conceal the 
nose in a side-view photograph. Look at this 
from the Bluir City: “ Found - A buckskin mit¬ 
ten. If tho owner will leave the other one at 
this office, he will greatly oblige the finder.” 
A Springfield butcher waH invited the other 
night to attend a minstrel show, but positively 
declined, even when a free ticket was offered to 
him. When pressed for a reason, ho replied, 
“ If I should go, I should see so many people 
who owe mo for meat, that it would spoil all my I 
fun.” 
“ Do you know what bulldozing is?” asked a 
man of an old farmer. “ I thought I did,” said 
the granger, “ but the bull wasn’t dozing; he 
was only making believo, and, being in the mid¬ 
dle of a forty acre lot, 1 naturally had to make 
pretty quick time to reach the fence ahead of 
him.” 
Professor V.—'“Miss It., suppose you were 
to start and go Northeast, where would you fetch 
up?” Miss R.—" At the North l’ole." rrofos- 
8or V.—“Now, Mr. It., suppose you were to 
start from the North Bole, after Miss It. had ar¬ 
rived there, and go Southwest, where would you 
bring up ?” Mr. R—“ Professor, I couldn’t get 
away from the Bole.” 
“ Oh. you say this gentleman was about fifty- 
five,” said Canning to a pert young woman in tho 
witness box. “ and I suppose now you consider 
yourself to bo a pretty good judge of people’s 
age? Ah, just so. Well, now, how old should 
you take me to be ?’’ “ Judging by your appear¬ 
ance, Sir,” replied the witnesss, “I should take 
you to be about sixty; by your questions I should 
suppose you were about sixteen.” 
A promising youth of only seven Summers, 
who had been accused of not always telling tho 
truth, cross-examined his father. “Father, did 
you use to lie when you were a boy ?” “ No, my 
son," said the paternal, who evidently did not 
recall the past with any distinctness. “Nor 
mother either?” persisted the young lawyer. 
1 «No. but why ?" “ Oh. because I don’t see how 
two people who never told a lie could have a boy 
that tells as many as I do.' 
A big Stretch.— “ You’d hardly believo now 
what I am going to toll you. In Texas we use 
rawhide straps, or thongs, for traces; and in wet 
weather they do stretch amazingly. Why, often 
in the damp weather at homo I've hitched up two 
horses and drove down the hill from my house 
into the creek-bottom for a sled-load of wood. I 
have loaded the wood, and many times driven 
back Lome and unhitched the horses and tho 
sled would not be in sight.” “ How did you get 
the wood home then ?” asked an inquisitive by¬ 
stander. *• Oh! I just tie the ends of the traces 
together and threw them over a post, went 
knocking about my work and waited till the sun 
shone out. Sometimes it would be more than 
two hours before that sled-load of wood would 
get home, but you’d see her craw ling tip the bill 
at last, gradually approaching as the rawhide 
traces shrunk up into their proper lengths. Yes, 
Texas is a great country, you bet.” 
t I fl o liOC a Jay sore madehy Agents selling our 
'• I II t- /M Chromes. Crayons, Picture A Chrouao 
■ i Cards. 125 samples, wortli S3. sent, 
S ostpaid. for S3 Cents. Illustrated Catalogue free. 
. H. BUKFOHLVS SONS, BOSTON. Estub'd is:to. 
S END FOR CIRCULAR of the host Paint In 
the world to MJBBKlt PAINT CO., Cleveland.O. 
C!END TO JAMES BRAYLEY, BurrAto, N Y„ for Dwcrlptivt 
” Frlc« Ll»t of Uulfnlo FIU» Thr*sh#n sud Hore* Rawer, 
S END FOR CIRCULAR of A ertcultural Imple¬ 
ments to Abbutx, brew & Co.. Mfrs, Cleveland,O 
THREE O’CLOCK. A. Af. 
What bothered Jones Shoes might squeak. Takes Mr. J. sees that he has labored 
was how to get up stairs them off, proceeds to open the in vain! 
without Mrs. J.’s hearing, door and make his way noise- P. S.—Mr. J. says his hair is com- 
Happy thought! 
lesaly up the stairs. 
ing in as well as can be expected. 
The Buffalo Pitts Thresher 
AND HORSE POWER STILL AHEAD. 
The Judges of the Centennial Exposition awarded 
THE GRAND MEDAL 
TO THE 
Buffalo Pitts Thresher and Cleaner, 
THE BEST THRESHER, THE GREATEST GRAIN SAVER, AND 
THE MOST PERFECT CLEANER, 
thus eon firming the unanimous verdiet of Threshermen throughout the world. 
In material, workmanship and operation, it is superior to all other Threshers, and 
Will do Credit to the Manufacturer anti the Agent. 
With a view to increasing unite in localities tchere no regular agencies are established^ 
correspondence is invited from responsible dealers and agents • 
For Prices, Catalogues and all other information, address 
JAMES BRAYLEY, Prop’r Buffalo, N. Y. 
WESTERN OFFICE, 42 & 44 South Canal St.. Chicago, PI. _ _ 
BRADLEY’S REVERSIBLE HARROW. 
(View or Poi r section Harrow in both capacities.) 
KING OF HARROWS. 
TEAS 
mwsj M This ts a enmtiination of 
r ■ ' !•' /% capitalists to supp’y coi'i- 
M 1 A / » L"1 same r 8 only throughout 
the Untied Slates with 
PURE TEAS on the. mutual principle, by getting 
up clubs. Send for New Price-List. 
COXSOIF.RS IMPORTING TEA CO., 
P. O. Bor o50y. No. 8 Church St.. Now York City. 
$35,000 
SAVED 
AT 
ASHTABULA! 
Right of the victims of this terrible catastrophe 
were insured against accidents in the 
TRAVELERS INSURANCE CO. 
or BARTronD, CONN. 
Louis J. Barnard, Buffalo, traveling agent.$5,'00 
Henry Wagner, Syracuse, sleeping-cur con¬ 
ductor. 5,000 
Boyd I., Hubs ell. Auburn, N. Y., commercial 
traveler. 5,000 
Levi W. Hurt, Akron, Obto, com mere till agent. 5,000 
Mr. Hart had aim n Idle Policy for.... 5,(00 
Silas H. Merrill, Dayton, N, Y., traveling agent. 5,i 0) 
Jonathan like, Lowell. Mas*., merchant. 4,000 
Q. A. Puriutei), Buffalo, Adams Expiets mes¬ 
senger. . 2,fif0 
F. VV. Marvin, Buffalo, commercial agent. 1.000 
Total, so far a* known. *55,0(0 
Mr. Barnard's Accident Policy was written only 
two hours before Ins departure on the 111-futud train, 
and cost onlv ? 37.50. The entire COS* Of the eight 
Accident Policies was about L5U. 
Amnr.NT iNSTrRANrr,, procured by the timely In¬ 
vestment. ef a very little money, brings Incalculable 
relief to tbe bereaved and suffering, In ease of futal 
casualty or bodily Injury. 
THIS TBA VELFRS bus paid In cash benefits to its 
Accident Policy holUeru. over 
Every man, traveling or not, should secure tho 
heap and uuro protection of a 
cheap and uuro proi 
.Ion of a 
Yearly General Accident Policy, 
Any regular agent will write one at a few minutes' 
notice. No medical examination required. 
New York Office, 207 Broadway. 
W ONLY THE B EST, 
'CARSON’S COMPLETE COLLECTION OF^ 
1 CHOICE VEGETABLE SEEDS, $5. 
12 Varieties of 
SELECT EL0WER SEEDS, 60 cts„ 
25 Varieties for $1.00. 
Send Postage Stamp for my illus¬ 
trated Catalogue, and Guide to the 
Vegetable and Flower Garden 
WM. H. CARSON, 
I 125 CHAMBERS ST.. N. V. 
/V (i.e-ft of ft ter IX<ttder*on C T o.) A 
- 
n Imitation Cold Watches 
$15. $20 Slid $25 each, chains 
$2 to $12,to mutch. J*welry n filic tame. 
i ? Htut Or <)• i** hy Semlnuimji for 
WXsJi Illustrated Circular COGUMS limb WaTgH 
J i ’ACToav.,S301Jroailwi»y,>*;wVoii<. Mo* atftO 
TAKE 
esHtia m d ajt mm notice. w 0 imve tho 
Hi largest. anil host selling 
Li A wl fgyik M .Slatiuiiery I’acKagutu Uw 
M HUL R-— World, u Contains |Q 
■ m m siiuui. oftmper, |8mivoi- 
opos.pencil,penholder,gnlilnn pen,and « |in"* of valuuldo 
Jewelry Cnmpioto vimple package. with elegant gold-platod 
sloevo buttons, an.I ladies fa.hliitiablo raie-y Set, pin ami 
drops.post paUl, 2S cntlt*. 5 packages, with assorted Jow- 
oln *S I k'ltit digit I'tUrnl l aser H'ateh free to all agents. 
8RIDE A CO., 769 Broadway, N. Y. 
TWELVE 
nrllelosln w Tie T.T.OVH COMBINATION fan be used 
as a Pencil.l'cnliolilci anil r o, i:rasi*r. t'enktdfo. Envelope 
opener, P»p*f cutler Rubber, So wing Machine Thread 
Cutler, ami fm Rinrm: -Seams. Cutting oil Hooks and Eyes, 
Buttons. Krasin;. Blots. Ac. sign of a common pencil, Is 
eke [ inlet), and will last a lifetime. Agent* are 
coining money and *.hv si Is tbo best soiling urtlc o out. 
Sample 25 cents. Six lor $ | . Extraordinary Inducements 
to Aguidi,. Send lor saiupio half dozen and canvass your 
tosvn BRIDE & CO., 769 Broadway, N. Y. 
■ Ik# M LTIONEBT PACKAfiF-S, and SIX of 
H W the l.i.OYD COMBINATION for TWO 
A DOLURS. BRIOF&CO., 
T %gF Bfi at 5*, 769 Broadway, New York. 
SIX 
Try THE CORTLAND PLATFORM SPRING WACOW. 
BELL TREBLE PIANOS. 
Centenmal Illustrated Description, Terms, 
&c., Mailed Free, 
Tho teeth are or,lid ivmicnpd steel and are pivoted, winch admit' 1 or tho narrow being used asu slant- 
»pg2r^thoAd "rwllch the t te-m; in atioehed Thu, are clilse,|uun ed 
und, ns a Yertlcui Timth Harrow, will penetrate hard H 'V,"UV it n i ■ ' 'T. . Tr ?! n !‘J2 
wrought iron: con?eaunntly is very ftrong. It weighs atdy2Ai iHiun(iB. It H ina 
togellier. which l ives it great flexibility. J he treUl can hL e.iaily ' * 
veri/e the earth to any dosired depth. By using it n« ! * ,?,Vvn,?eR 
it Will pulverize the surface without Iblurlng the plant. !Ui ;' w ''* ' r n ”, 
sides greatly incieasieg the crop. I< >* cxeidleni f>w lnilveririug InmpT gr 'lnd. 
sward for a cmp.ns it will not, tear urn sod. vjumntcd as 
Munnfuetureil by the rEstablished lSff'.l BRA DLL V DAN l KALI 
WESTERN OFFICE, 22 South Canal St.. Chicago. III.. A. B. BabnKS, .Manager. 
It. li. Allen k CO., Agents. New York. , . 
KvKMErr At SMALL, BosTep, Mass.. Getiernl Agent* for New Uncldud. 
11. l*. Underhill, Baltimore, Mil., General Agent for southern rates._ 
Munufucturedhythe rBatablished IBS2J DR A DLL\ XAMMU l It IN 4* CO.. Symcust, 
NEW TERRIS! 
TEAS AM) COFFEES AT VTIOIfiSALE PRICES. 
BEST TERAlts EVER OFFERED TO CLUB 
ORGANIZERS. 
SEND FOR NEW !> It ICE-LIST. 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA COMP’Y. 
(P. O. Box 5G43.) 31 and 33 Vescy St., Now York. 
Warranted* Year*. 
MACKIE & CO. Rochester, N. Y. 
