mm. 
SPARKS AND SPLINTERS 
ONLY THE BEST 
A medical regiment—The Lancers. 
Out of season— An empty pepper-box. 
Prison Life has but one side— Inside. 
A PiTTHfitruaii paper calls Alexis a Czardine. 
How to find out what's in a name -Put it on 
the back of a note. 
Natural selection -Taking the largest apple 
on the plate. 
A doo light is now facetiously styled an affaire 
du cceur. 
Have you heard my last song ?” asked a music 
writer of a gruff critic. “ I hope so,” was the 
reply. 
An IrinJi waiter, speaking of a lady’s black eyes, 
says:—“They are mourning for the murders 
they have committed.’^ 
Vv-tETBl. 
Smith 
Jones. 
Phew! Jones, why will you smoke such poor cigars?” 
Disagreeable party in room above: my way of getting him out, 
CHARLES C. PRATT 
over a fence is because they are both boundin’ 
sheep. 
Uncle 8am is monarch of millions of uusur- 
veyed acres, and is that much better off than 
Alexander Selkirk, who was only monarch of what 
he surveyed. 
“Talk about the extravagance in dross ol' 
women !" cries Martha Jane, exultingly. “ What 
do you say to Tweed’s six million suit, I’d like to 
know? He is’nt a woman, I guess!’’ 
“Ah,” moaned a widow recently bereaved, 
“ what a misfortune! I know what kind of a 
husband I have lost, but how oan 1 know what 
kind of a husband his successor will be.” 
An Irish major recently deolarod in a Dublin 
debating society that “ ho was no mere political 
tyro, but came to the bar of public opinion armed 
with experience acquired in tlueo hemispheres.’ 
“ Why, my dear fellow," whispered a friend, 
“ I did not know yon wore so badly maltreated 
in that affair." “Nor I neither,” sobbed the 
victim, “ till I hoard my lawyer a-tollin’ the jury 
all about it!” 
» 
One of the old settlers at the Isles of Shoals, 
Beoing the name of “ Psyche ” on the hull of a 
yacht, the other day, spelled it out slowly, and 
then exclaimed : “ Well, if thut ain’t the biggest 
way to spell fish! ” 
A mother, trying to get her little daughter of 
three years to sleep one night, said, “ Anna, why 
don't you try to go to sleep ?" “ I am trying.” 
“But you havu’t shut your eyes," “ Well, can’t 
ML 
CARSON’S COMPLETE COLLECTION OF 
0H0I0E VEGETABLE SEEDS, $( 
12 Varieties of 
SELECT FLOWER SEEDS, 50 ota 
25 Variotios for $1.00. 
Send Postage Stamp for my lllus 
trated Catalogue, and Guide to th( 
Vegetable and Flower Garden 
WM. H. CARSON, 
12B CHAMBERS ST. f N. T. 
* (Late uf Peter Ifcnderton <t Oo.i 
Cheese Factory Steam Engines, 
MILLAR'S 
New Upright Gang Cheese Press, 
and many oilier improvement* in Cheese and Butter- 
mukirnc utensils. N(,nd for 1*77 circular and low 
prices for Bandage. Helmuts, Ahuntto. Ac. 
CHAIU.KS Ml LI. AH & HON. Utica, N. V. 
( 1 It A I’ KVINEs.-Our iiso /111 Im o < • sti.i ■ 
T ers’ Hybrids ami other loading sorts.at low rates. 
Send for Circulars to 1 tl. BABCOCK, I.ockport, N.Y. 
A Yankee editor wiahoa no bodily harm to bin 
subscribers, but he hopes that some of them in 
arrears will bo seized with a remittent fever. 
Letters from a French firm to the booksellers 
Bridgman & Childs, in Northampton, Mass., 
come directed “ Brigman el file. 
It has been officially decided that the reason 
why a law book is like a frolicsome ram luiunimr 
LI KJ M. JS. JLJ JL*,, 
CHEESE, 
EGGS, 
HOPS, 
JL/AVAJjl/ JL AV U A X Iv* , 
POTATOES, 
ONIONS, 
APPLES, 
W UVii, 
TOBACCO, 
ORANGES, 
PEANUTS. 
405 GREENWICH STREET, 
NEW YORK CITY. 
help it; urns cornea unbuttoned." 
After the usual explanation to a Freshman 
Class in regard to laws and customs of the college 
by the class officer, when opportunity was given 
for questions on points not fully understood, a 
Freshman raised his hand, and in a voice full of 
anxiety asked, “Professor, what time do we have 
breakfast ?’’ 
A gentleman travelling in Ohio some years 
ago, turned in at a country tavern for dinner. 
The barroom was garnished with a dirty wash¬ 
basin, a piece of soap the size of a lozenge and a 
square yard of crash, dimly visible through 
epidermic deposits. Having slightly washed, the 
traveller eyed the rag doubtfully, and then asked 
the proprietor. “ Haven’t you, about the prem¬ 
ises, a this year’s towel ?" 
KING 
HARROWS 
BRADLEY’S REVERSIBLE 
HARROWS. 
Tvvo narrows in One, 
And sold ai the price of one. 
A StRflCr SMD'ITHINO HARROW, 
Combined with a vertical or 
straight tooth. 
livery farmer say* ami a lit: “ It 
1* Jo>-t the tiling, uhil we cannot 
BlJoi'd tu do Without it.” 
B HADLEY AIK'O f <)„ 
Syracuse, N. Y , and Chicago. 111. 
Send for Illustrated Circular. 
THE LEADING BUSINESS* HOHOOL. 
Tuition, Bonn! and Books tors mouths costs hut from 
Sm; t.. and l mouths from# H»8 to 81 10, de¬ 
pending mi i|ii.ility ol hoard. Send To' Circulars, 
t. S. HOGKlta, Sec. I.. I. WILLIAMS. Pres. 
SUGAR MAKER’S FRIEND 
'illMore Ageuts 
—it. wauled to eun- 
vass tor the ah hi 
■ V ll I N' | I.AI.VA.N. 
h tzicn Metallic 
ECllltKA SAP SPOCT- and BUCK icr 
1 ft 11 aNOK its. Samples, Circulars aad 
AS l Jl Terms sunt post-paid ou reo't of *Kj. 
vr C. C. I'OST* Aluri f d Pal'*, Burliuiftuu, Vt. 
for these SpOuts at your hardware storus. 
CHOICE FLOWER SEED. 
i pkt, 10 else 8 pula, 25 ota.: the li for 6U ets.—Mixed 
Pansies, Bh1huii!;i, Double Hollyhocks, Tall Asters, 
Phlox and Verbena.. Kach oVt. contains the moat 
desirable kinds anil colors Of each variety, and ate a 
choice collection, mid will ph-uso you. I have no 
separate Colors, hot. have mixed the brut of each va¬ 
riety together tor the benefit of those who buy of n o. 
Address I.. I). SNOOK, Burring ton, Yates Co., N. Y. 
tvr Tind l^nnlutn nh> i t All <U {\nhnniikl t Hand ami 
\$Sr v^Prin tlng'^MLlt 
for tr.! i, l^ii*u # *t< • I-arjn* 
, .-Vy sbr»fnr lar/c vtori. Anybody i-jui wink th«tu, 
— _y* m klinvt !*♦.’lliiiv for »par* boar#, and cun 
^■(^£ rlHK ^ ,n4i ^ e moiifjr by inking in imall JoU, 
C I TY f \ XT C* h#v * tn ^bb far. andmak* mom*y 
FXmssftj BOYS 
p/ pjv— M(n A to> Merldt .„, Com. 
$1 ft 9 " day sure made by Agents selling our 
I U H ZO thromps. Crayons, Picture & Cliromo 
•* ■ .■ ■ IVY runls. 1*^.1 samples, worth #5, sent, 
postpaid, for N.Y Cents. I Host rated Catalogue free. 
.1. H. BUI-KOllO'S SONS, BOSTON. Katab'd lKlO. 
OF.ND KOIt ClK('l;i.A It of the best Paint In 
the world to BUUIlKH PA (NT CO., Cleveland, O. 
SK KND TO J A MKH IMtAYLEY, Bunuu,, N . Y„ fur IWripttvs 
^ IMc* I.l»t of Muffato IMU Tlntahaia and Hona Power*. 
CKND FOB Cl It C’U l.A U of Agricultural Imple- 
nienlsto A nuorr, Bio w A Co., Mrrs, Cleveland,O 
rWY > V m £>4 TWs is a combination of 
'O’ b’ /l oupltiillsts to supply con- 
J i k ^ turner* truly throughout 
the UnUta State* with 
PFIt K TEA# on the 
mutual principle, by Retting up dubs. Send tor 
New Price-Mat. 
CONSUMERS IMPORTING TEA CO., 
P. O. Box MW. No. 8 Church 8t.. New York City. 
n Iniltutlon Oold Watches 
a. $16. $2t) ai.a $25 each. Chains 
\ J i to 91*Z , lo laauti. Jaw#j ry o Kb* 
Ot&BBcL/'/IrlT W#al C.O.D.. by Kxprr**. ifeod aUrup for 
IUu*UatcdC»roular CDhLi!»:LmL Witch 
FAOTOMV f aJ6 lliaadwaj, Yvrk. Eoi 
NEW TERMS! 
TEAS AND COTOES AT WH0I.8SAEE IT;ICES. 
BEST TERMS EVER OKKEKKI) TO CLUB 
ORGANIZER#. 
SEND FOB NRVV PB1CK-L18T. 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA COMP’Y. 
(P. O. Box itllli.) ai and lie Vesey St.. New York. 
TEAS 
TAKE 
NOTIUK. w# havo the 
Uigu.t amt best .ellliig 
Stntlonory I'nckuKelu the 
Werhl. It run tains (8 
opes. psiicll, |>«utni|.l«r. irehltm p«u ,»i/d a pla n „ r valuable 
Jewelry. Complete uamale PacKaue, with eleiraut gold-plated 
sleeve tillttone. aad l wlo» r fashliumblo fancy Set, pin uad 
diops, postpaid 2 5 5 pace gen. with assorted Jaw 
•try, # | . heMd Gold Mils hi t.nmr Watch trim lo til) agentJ. 
BRIDE A. CO., 760 Broadway, N. Y. 
TWELVE 
erilchs In one. The I.LOYp COM Hi NATION. Can be used 
as :i I tfricll. I /fnla'ldet 1 aad Pun, Kra»j*r, I'cnnlfe. Kuvelupe 
opoanr, liiporruttor Knhhwr, aowlng Machine Thread 
tulter. and f,.. itiejdug Scams, Cuttingo« IJeolfi and Eyes, 
ltiiircna. Krasim; Bleta. R|,.„ of a ce.muon peactl. U 
J t U It I K el toll 1-1 il lu I (Ull n { V fir » ill *11 ill it t 1 ! ‘ Oalil Ell J V II11 a f 2(1 la t • lv 
calliv. f.«.ir tli. hits i i. iv. a c.|KfvdlJ »«l.|m.t to tl.. pr«|*tsllouof Hue 
Min. /.;• Rtoan la ojwtl troo..d, fr-r... .emus. ..ri.ut..l un.ur(s..<d auii tru. to 
aoa,. (ci.i.l u, to 'll it. ..lnJ b.Aklar fr.«. No. I, I ;m 
Coaoont., tse wr IjD", 11 t-f 1" No. t. * jar Cisr..id<. $3o pw t,Wd,$. 
tor IUU. So. I, I jc.r B-t'-Uit. Il<w No ‘.Ml No lN,t»i for 1.IXU. |)D tor 
ll/J. .No. 1, t jwr l ossloti. CO |»i 1 SI pwlUt «». 1,1 Jv.»lrt»,$le 
r,or 1,UUU, jl! pv. 1‘J. 1 Ik»t sir.short/ sad lu.p vrrrj plsi/u elu-ae. 
N. 0, tUTrCIhiO.V, Cumimv-lon Merchant, Uuttsle, N. Y. 
arilclta In one Tic LLOYtl COM Hi NATION, l.’nu be used 
as a I diR'II . I'cn ladder a ml Pen, Kra^or, Fen i: nil*. Kevelepe 
epeacr. I apor . utter Ktihhcr, Acwlng Machine Thread 
tulter. and far RiDplUR Scams . Cutting olf Ueoks and Eyes, 
Buttons, Erasing Biota. Ac Situ at a ce.muon pencil. U 
hoavllv nlckei plated, Bnil »ll| hut a lifetime Agents are 
coining money and say ll ta the host selling article out. 
.Samp 1 '* 25 relit, an .„ r $ | , Lai.aenllnary Inducements 
In Agents. Send for sample l.ulf-doaeu ami canvass your 
tnvvn BRIDE & CO., 709 Broadway, N. Y. 
I ^JT STATION'ERV PACK AO ES. and SIX "I 
l &h. a at the LLOYI) COMBI NATION lor TWO 
ML*H ■ dollars, bride a co.v 
709 Broadway, Now York. 
iRS. BRIDE A. CO., 
Broadway, Now York. 
fSO 
ano jtiiunor 
NOT A CHICKEN. 
— 
At precisely two o’clock by the Leila the otlier 
morning a policeman who was walking up Beau- 
bien street caught sight of a negro who was j 
skulking along a fence, and he called upon him 
to stop. 
“Ize in a big hurry to ketch de mawning train 
for Toledo ?” called back the African. 
The officer threatened to shoot if ho did not 
stop, and the skulker halted. 
“Does you imagine that 1 bez dun got a 
chicken hoah ?” he asked, as the officer ap¬ 
proached. 
“ Yes, sir; that’s exactly what I imagine.” 
“ And if 1 hezen’t got a ehieken I kin go right 
down to tie depot, kin I ?” 
“ I guess you can.” 
“ Well, Bah, den gaze on din yere an’ tell me if 
do name is chicken !" said the man, as he pulled 
a big goose around in front of him. 
The officer went back on his word, and took 
tbo negro under arrest, and the victim was yes¬ 
terday explaining: 
“ Wbar’s de use ob tryin’ to get along widdem 
policemen ? De best way is to drop do goose an’ 
make fur de woods.” 
VVe citf -i mr the Spring of t-TI, the lurifest autl most 
complete stock iq tue U. s, of 
Fruit T. stuudarO and Dwarf. 
Orn.tfi.rntitl Trees .mil Mit'iibs, dociduous and 
evergreen. 
Romim u upeeinltT—a'l the finest sorts. 
Sircen anil iiui-llonnc I'luuts. it.cludinv best 
Novelties, 
fH'tcr.ptlvr amt Il'tiAtriitcd priced t'utnlosnes sent 
prepuhl to cu»t 'mers lree, to oihcrr, on receipt of 
stamp-, ntollnw- ; 
No. 1. Fruits wiiii colored plat". 1 .Y C.: plain, 10c. 
No. *2, Ornuin’ll Tre.-S, eol'd uKitc. tS.Jt: ; plain, 15c. 
No. 3, Green lion m 1 . Free. Nil. 4, Wholesale. Free. 
No ;J, Ito a* t'atnluirnc Tor |h;t (just puhlWbed) Free. 
lif~ SuiulJ puree,'x fonvurdud ty load wiieu desired. 
Address 
ELIWANGER& BURRY, Eochcter, n.y. 
I NEW iHD KHIDSOiE PIESE1I, 
For every Reader ol this Pajirr, 
■Consisting of the beautiful Mezzorgraph, entitled 
A gem of loveliness and beamy, rriirceettfInc Clirixt, who has Inst descended njton a 
cloud. In the net of placing upon the head of a b' untlfUl I'enmlo a "CKOHN OF 
ROSES.” fresh from high Heaven’s Immaculate bowers, yet gemmed with Heaven’s 
pearly dews. Heseendlug in the distance, Is a beautiful female, hearing flowers to the 
crowned one. 
Being one of the only two plrtures ever published tu the Mezzorgrnph Art, it Is by far 
the handsomest present ever offered to the subscribers of a paper. 
You will please cut out the following order, and mail It to tip’ Queen City Mez- 
zorjrraph Co.. IM West Fourth Street, f luelniiiiii, nhlo. and you trill receive Iff return 
mail one of (he grandest pictures ever onto ■ pu blic. 
^mb— a—Kmae— -^ *Maagqyiwoaa rn a — ——m> 
READER’S ORDER. 
On receipt of //tl* Ot rier, icitU fifty cents, to pity for potttaae, rolling , 
tubing, anti narking, ire trill mail to the minder one eojit/ of this beautiful 
Mezzorgruphy 24\30. entitled 
CROWN OF ROSES. 
Send for the picture at once, givinr votir name In full, P. O. address. County, and 
State. Addre Alt order. F.tlie QUEEN CITY MK/.ZORhllAI’H CO.. 
We guarantee the safe arrival of every picture, and pack securely, making an extra ex¬ 
pense of labor, tubing, and postage. 
This i» not a cheap wood eugrav lug. such ns are often offered as premiums to subscribers, 
hut it Is a Mezzorgraph, a new anil beautiful picture, published In a new and beautiful art, 
upon the best calendered plate paper. 
Full description of picture scut with it. Address all orders to the 
QUEEN CITY MEZZORGRAPH CO., No. 155 West Fourth St.. Cincinnati, 0. 
