PRINTING PRESS! 
mit m liitmor. 
DID NOT UNDERSTAND. 
Old Mr. Collamore is very rleaf. The oilier 
Sunday in the midst, of the services, Mr. Hoff, 
who situ immediately behind Mr. Oo'lauiore, saw 
a spider traveling over the latter's bald head. 
His first impulse was to nudge him and tell him 
all about it, hill he remembered that Mr. Colla- 
more was deaf, so ho lifted up his hand find 
blushed the spider off. Hoff didn’t aim quite 
high enough, and consequently, in his nervous¬ 
ness, lie Jiit old Collamoic quite a severe blow. 
The old gentleman turned a round in a rage to 
see who dared to take such a liberty with him, 
and Hoff began to explain with gestures the 
cause of the occurrence. But Collamore in a 
loud voice demanded what it meant. It was very 
painful to Hoff. The eyes of the congregation 
were upon him, and lie grow red in the face. 
“There was a spider on your head," “ A white 
place on my head, hey ? tt’pose there is, what's 
that to you?" said Collamore; “you’ll know 
what it is to lie haldheadcd yourself some day.” 
“ It was a Hpider," shrieked Jloff, while the con¬ 
gregation smiled and the perspiration began to 
roll off bis face. “ Certainly its wider,” said 
Collamore, “ and got more in it than yours. But 
Jet it alone- do you mind ? You may let my 
head alone In church.” “Mr. Collamore," 
shrieked Hoff, * there was a bug on your bead, 
and I brushed him off this way,” and Hoff made 
another gesture at Collumore’s head. The old 
man thought ho was going to fight him then and 
there, and hurling a hymn book at Hoff he 
seized the kneeling-stool on the lloor of the pow 
and was about to bang Mr. Hoff when the sexton 
interfered. An explanation was written on the 
fly leaf of the hymn book, whereupon Mr. Colla¬ 
more apologized in a boisterous voice and re¬ 
sumed his scat. Then the service proceeded. 
They think of asking Mr. Collamore to worship 
elsewhere. 
SPARKS AND 8PLINTERS. 
A feast of reason—the entertainment of an 
idea. 
A prudent man is like a pin; his head pre¬ 
vents him from going too far. 
“ VYhat is the interior of Africa principally 
used for asked a teacher of a pupil. “ For 
purposes of exploration,” was the reply. 
It is proposed, in Indiana, to change the mar¬ 
riage service so that it will read, “ Who dare take 
this woman?" And the bndegi’oom shall answer, 
“I dare." 
Said a distinguished musician :—Whenever I 
read that the degree of Doctor of Music has been 
conferred on anybody, I feel like exclaiming 
“ Fiddle D. D." 
A Mississippi granger is opposed to railroads. 
He says that when he goes to town they “ bring 
him home ho quick he hasn’t time to get sober 
before he arrives.” 
What is the name of yonr cat, William?” in¬ 
quired a visitor. “ His name uas William,” said 
the host, until lie had fits, and since then we 
have called him Fitz William.” 
The foolish man mslieth out to sec the mob, 
and is shot through the lungs, but the wise man 
huggeth the constitution of the United States to 
his bosom, and nbideth in the cellar until the 
evil days be over. 
“Susan,” said the madame of a boarding- 
school, “yon say yonr young mistress wishes to 
absent herself from the class room this after¬ 
noon ; is the reason for her staying away very 
urgent ?” •* Yes, mum, it is or gent." 
A Fukkcuhan. soliciting relief, said gravely to 
his fair hearer: Ma'mselle, I never beg, but dat 
I have von wife with several small family, dat is 
growing very largo and nossing to make deir 
bread out of but the perspiration of my prow.” 
At a church where there was a call for a min¬ 
ister, two candidates appeared whose names were 
Adam and Low. The latter preached an elegant 
discourse from the text, “Adam, where art 
thou ?” In the afternoon. Adam preached from 
these words, “Lo, here am I.” 
y fp Wear Your Hands Out , 
BUT USE HALL'S PATENT 
1 HUSKING GLOVES 
AN l> 1* L IV H . 
MADE BETTER THAN EVER. 
Men’s Full Husking Gloves, per pair. *2 00 
Urns’ " “ *• i -c 
Half •• *• *• 
Single Point Husking Pins, 15c. each; 4 for60a, 
Double •• •* io 0 . *• 4 .* r lUOi 
pent by mail, prepaid, on receipt of price, to any 
address. Ask your merchant for them, or address 
HALL HUSKING GLOVE COMPANY, 
14a So. Clinton St., Chicago, 111. 
CORNELL S A BO 
a ■> \ ( 
. Tp.L umri P^TA^jl^ 
You can secure more subscribers at less expense than by 
any oiber means. 
Communicate with (bis Office, at your earliest conveni¬ 
ence, and we will mail you private instructions, that will be 
(o your pecuniary advantage to carry out. 
RURAL PUBLISHING GO., 
78 Duane St., New York. 
Thresher & Cleaner. 
The best Vibr.itin r Threshing Machine extant. 
Also, the bestLi vcr Horse Powei at d One and Two- 
Horse Railway Powers. Am manulncMired by the 
ALBANY A OX WORKS, O. II- P. ColINKLL, PiO- 
prietor. Albany, N. Y. Until for t'iecul/n. 
J |i “3 
D9? s ry J li Til Jit'll 
^ ^ fi, ^ |j t J? jjj 11 
w£s|J:' l"fa *\ 
li ioc 
TCflQ New and Best Terms 
U ever offered to Club Organizers 
I Ull Vl and Large Consumers. 
TEAS AT WHOLESALE prices in lots to suit cus¬ 
tomers. All charges paid on (1U orders and upward. 
SEND FOR NEW PRICK LIST. 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA COMPANY, 
P. O. Box SOW. iff and m Ve»ey St.. New York. 
SMART BOY. 
Sciiooi.MARTF.it. —“ Say yonr tables, Johnny !” 
Pupil.— “ Yes sir. Breakfast table, dinner table and supper table !” 
TO OUR LOCAL AGENTS. 
Skinner’s Portable 
' ENGINES, 
j 2 1-2 lo 10 florae Power, 
I FOR FARM ANDSHOP USE. 
B) t.’reuily anpperior to Up- 
[fl right Engine... 
- Rend for Circular. 
SKLNNKB Sc WOOD, Erie, Pa. 
Your County Fairs are announced, and will be held from 
(he present time until October. 
It is to our mutual interests that your Clubs should be 
increased, and no more fitting opporlunity for this purpose, 
than (hese Fairs, presents itself during the entire year. 
You should make arrangements to be prepared to display 
your Posters and freely distribute Specimen Copies of the 
Rural. 
H /w Prints Cards, Envelopes, See , twe&JeZJJifS 
equal tonnu Press. Larger sizes for AI' y> ; D L LA 
large work. [Jit guannori irrlntlnuaiul (rjv U;„.” 'q 
advert l*t no awtxa lit mono/. Excellent \’r>: / 
spare-hour uiuuaemeni for old or v w/ 
young. Or it eon be rnade numetf t'Mlv' 1 
timking business any where. Send lie. J,rkiTrMNIA'l I 
stamps for large Catalogue, to [GLnlJCdsiuMLj 
KELSEY A CO., Manufacturers, Meriden, Conn. 
a puli XiiisrE or 
CIDER MACHINERY. 
BOOMER Sc BOSCHERT PRESS (JO„ 
Syracuse, N, Y. 
Windlill World Eclipsed. 
(See Jury report of Centen¬ 
nial Award)- “ Strongest 
\\ iiid-Engine made.’’ 
Tested II yrs, 4,(XX) In use. 
PERFfOTlV SELF-9FGUIATING. 
A solid Wheel Mill, with no 
loose Joints or sections to 
blow in pieces, and i& per 
el more power c uaruuteed. 
le build la sizes Mills. Send 
,t I llnst'd Circular. Address 
_ Salmon, Seo'y. Beloit, Win. 
UtO-U Ua'/. /Hr -/rct P - Q-tY f* 
SislltAj 
m huM. 
■ m ^>4 This is n combination of 
*■» L' /■ capitalists to supply cou- 
r m sunurt only throughout 
the unitrd State* with 
PURE TEAS on the 
mutual principle, by getting up clubs. Send for 
New Price-List. 
CONSUMERS’ IMPORTING TEA CO., 
P.O. Bor 5509. No. 8 Church St., New York City. 
APPLE GRINDERS, 
Power Presses, Ratchet Screws, &c,, 
AT REDUCED PRICES. 
Address, for Circulars and prices. 
O. K. JOHNSON Jc MBRKIEM, Medina, N.Y. 
J 
