SB it anir g)itmor. 
SPARKS AND SPLINTERS. 
The best way to throw dice—throw them 
away. 
The Russians have waltzed accross the “ Beau¬ 
tiful Blue Danube" in Pon tunes. 
Camp stools are not allowed iu the Turkish 
camps. This accounts for the standing army. 
If Nature designed man to be a drunkard, he 
would have been constructed like a churn, so 
that the more he drank the firmer he would 
Btand. 
Bald-headed men are so numerous in Chi¬ 
cago that an audience in that city is said to look, 
when viewed from above, like a cobble-stone 
pavement. 
There is a very thin man employed at one of 
our leading dry goods stores. They use him as 
a lay figure to show off the various stylos of um¬ 
brella covers. 
“The single-scull race!" exclaimed an old 
lady, as she laid down the morning paper. “ My 
gracious! I didn't know there was a race of 
men with double skulls!” 
Cossack young women do the popping them¬ 
selves, and when their propositions are rejected 
their relatives make trouble for the persons who 
reject. Perhaps our mode is the best. 
A contemporary asks: “ Are skunkB liable to 
go mad ?” We can’t answer the question, but it 
is HHid that a person who too closely interviews 
one iH liable to go very much that way, indeed. 
“Carpenter,” said a gentleman, finding a lot 
of nails strewn about the floor, “if you do not 
pick up these nails they will be lost.” “No 
fear,” said the man ; “you will find them all in 
the bill." 
Tin: American after-dinner orator in England 
will soon be able to say:—“Speaking the same 
language, glorifying in the same literature, of 
the same blood, and subject to the same potato- 
bug," etc. 
“Do those bells sound an alarm of fire?” 
said a stranger, the other Sunday, &b the church 
bells were calling together the worshippers. 
“Yes," was the reply, “but the fire is in the 
next world." 
Teacher — Define the word “ excavate.” 
Scholar—It means to hollow out. Teacher- 
Construct a sentence iu which the word is prop¬ 
erly used. Scholar—The baby excavates when 
it gets hurt. 
A rich, but parsimonious old gentleman, on 
being taken to task for his unoharitableness, 
said ,—“ True, I don’t give much; but if you 
only knew how it hurts when I give anything, 
you wouldn’t wonder. 
The Orientals are very trusting to each other. 
“ Are you not afraid to go away from your Bhop 
without locking it?” a traveler asked of an 
Egyptian. “ Oh, no,” answered the man coolly, 
“ there is not a Christian within three miles.” 
An Irish gentleman, parting with a lazy 
servant woman, was asked, with respect to her 
industry, whether she was what is termed afraid 
of work. “Oh! not at all,” said he, “not at 
all; she’ll frequently lie down and go to sleep by 
the side of it.” 
Scientific Exchange: “People who never 
have reflected on their eyes probably do not 
know that 400,000,000 wave-lengths of light 
strike upon the retina in a single second.” And 
probably they don’t care so long as a brick, or 
something that way, doesn't strike on the same 
spot in less than a minute. 
“ Ai.l the world’s a stage,” he ruminated, “ and 
all the men and women merely players, and most 
of the plays are from Shakespeare too 1 Be¬ 
fore we were married, Juba and I played 
* Romeo and Juliet,’and now its mostly ‘ Tem¬ 
pest-And when the skies aro clear again, it 
is found to be “ Much ado about nothing.” 
A r jMPOtrs Scotch advocate succeeded in be- 
muddling a country witness by asking him 
whether ho thought the prisoner was compos 
mentis. The witness could only grin and look 
foolish. At last the judge interposed : “ Noo. 
jist tell me, do ye think is there onything in 
him ?" “ De 1 a thing,” burst out the man, with 
a smile from ear to ear, “ “ but what’s put intil 
him wi’ the spune ! ” 
A FULL LINE OF 
CIDER MACHINERY. 
BOOMER Sc BOSCIIERT PRESS CO., 
Syracuse, N. Y. 
t a;e.Ko c#c. 
Thresher & Cleaner. 
The best Vibrating Threshing Machine extant. 
A Iso, the best Lever Horse Power ai 0 One and Two- 
Horse Railway Powers. Are manufactured by the 
ALBA1- Y A<i L WORKS. O. H. P. Cornell, Pro¬ 
prietor. Albany. N. Y. Send for Circular. 
INNOCENCK ILLUSTRATED. 
Voice up Stairs .—“ Thomas Henry, what are you doing down there?” 
Thomas Henry. —“ Oh, I’m sitting quietly on a chair, mamma!" 
Men’s Full Husking Gloves, per pair.$2 00 
Bovs’ “ " “ . 1 75 
Half *• “ " . 1 00 
Single Point Husking Pins, 15c. each; 4 for50c. 
Double " “ “ 15c. " 4 " 50c. 
Sent by mall, prepaid, on receipt of price, to any 
address. Ask your merchant for them, or address 
HALL HUSKING GLOVK COMPANY. 
145 So. Clinton St., Chicago, Ill. 
Manufact’g Company, 
Sandwich, Deltalb Co., Ills. 
Admit*’ Patent Sell-Feeding Power Corn 
Sheller* (widely known as the Sandwich Shelters), 
of sizes and capacities to suit all wants. 
GREATLY IMPROVED THIS SEASON. 
FARM HORSE POWERS of all Bls-.cs and most 
advantageous forms. II AND SHEl-LttRS of high¬ 
est grade of excellence in materia) and manufacture. 
Seud for Illustrated Circulars. 
.1. P. A DAMS, Secretary. 
jN PRINTING PRESS! 
Print* Curds, Envelopes, Ac., 
equal to any Press. lairger sizes for At tjutilL ijA 
largework. Uo your (non. printinyandVr TOLdfcir-y 
advertising and save moyiey. Excellent!,,». i 
spare-hour amusement lor Old or VCk.Tu- js/ 
young. Or It can be made money- fire 
making business uuywhere. Send 3c. rtr-KiTrViNiA'r 
stamps for large Catalogue, to |Cfc.N.lt-Miti«td 
KELSEY' A CO.. Manufacturers, Meriden, Conn. 
TCA<J New and Best Terms 
H I » ever offered to Club Organizers 
I Wm I I I and Large Consumers. 
TEAS AT WHOLESALE prices Iu lot* to suit cus¬ 
tomers. All charccs pni<i on $10 orders and upward. 
SEND FOR NEW PRICE LIST. 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA COMPANY, 
P. O. Box 5t)43. 31 and as Vesey St., New York. 
It Our Risk.—You can remit by Draft, P. O 
>ney Order or Registered Letter at our risk. 
.Wind Mill World Eclipsed. 
(See Jury report of Centen¬ 
nial Award)—“ Strongest 
Wlud-Kiigine made.” 
Tested 9 yrs. l.UJUluuse. 
PERFEOTIV SEIF-XEOUIATINO. 
A solid Wheel Mill, with no 
loose joints or sections to 
blow In pieces, and 15 per 
ct more power guaranteed, 
e build 13 size* Mills. Send 
Ulust’d Circular. Address 
\.: R. Salmon, Sec’y Beloit,Wis. 
niin A Tins is a combination of 
f ■ * L 1 /m capitalists to supply con- 
■ j /“U turners only throughout 
the Vnlted Slate* with 
Pt’RK TKAH on the 
mutual principle, by getting up clubs. Send lor 
New Price-List. 
CONSUMERS’ IMPORTING TEA CO., 
P.O. Box 560H. No. 8 Church St., New York City. 
>m Wear Your Hands Out , 
BUT USE HALL’S PATENT 
1 HUSKING GLOVES 
A N I) I’ I N H. 
MADE BETTER THAN EVER. 
TO OOR LOCAL AGENTS. 
Your County Fairs are announced, and will be held from 
the present time until October. 
It is to our mutual interests that your Clubs should he 
increased, and no more fitting opportunity for this purpose, 
than these Fairs, presents itself during the entire year. 
You should make arrangements to be prepared to display 
your Posters and freely distribute Specimen Copies of the 
Rural. 
You can secure more subscribers at less "expense than by 
any other means. 
^Communicate with this Office, at your earliest conveni¬ 
ence, and we will mail you private instructions, that will be 
to your pecuniary advantage to carry out. 
RURAL PUBLISHING CO., 
78 Duane St., New York. 
Skinner’s Portable 
1 ENGINES, 
j 2 1-2 to 10 Horse Power. 
1 FOR FARM AN0 SH0P USE. 
k Greatly supperior to Up- 
right Engines. 
Send for Circular. 
SKINNER A WOOD, Erie, Pa. 
BOW. YOUR CORN, 
WHICH WILL HE HIGH. 
BOIL YOUR POTATOE8 
TO SAVE YOUR CORN. WITH 
THE PROFIT 
Farmers’ Boiler. 
Send for Circular to 
D. R. SPERRY Sc CO., 
Munuf’rers of Caldrons, Sugar 
Kettles, Hollow Ware, Etc., 
Bulavin. Ills. 
Ask your dealer for our Hollow 
Ware—the nicest and handiest 
made. 
CORNELL’S ABC 
