ran;”'' 
i«a»u c.;i 
CURVED CUMp 
8PAEKS AND 8PLINTER8 
When I lost ray wife, every family in the 
town offered me another; but when I lost my 
horse no one offered to make him good. 
Athletic sport for ladies: jumping at con¬ 
clusions ; walking around a subject; running 
through a novel; skipping full descriptions. 
"I bhouldn’t care much about the bugs," 
eaid a thin, pale lodger to bU landlady, “ but the 
fact is, ma’am, I hain’t got the blood to spare.” 
A clergyman at Springfield who has a bad 
habit of adding “ ah ” to many of his words, told 
last Sunday of those who bad been brought up 
on the Lord’s side ah. 
A ckaubed old bachelor says women are the 
greatest thieves in existence because they steel 
their petticoats, bono their stays, crib their 
babies and book their dresses. 
“ Wkue you ever at Cork, Mr. Foote P ” asked 
an Irishman to the great comedian. “ No, I 
never was at Cork,” replied the wit, “but I have 
seen a good many drawings of it.” 
Puor Wise says he intends making a trip in 
a " balloon with dyspeptics.” We didn’t sup¬ 
pose a balloon was ever troubled with dyspepsia; 
gastrio fever would bo a more likely ailment. 
“ A man who’ll maliciously set fire to a shed, 
said Mr. Slow, “ and burn up twouty cows, ought 
to be kicked to death by a donkey and I’d like to 
do it myself!” Slow is very severe sometimes. 
Russian to Turk, who rcooivos a bayonet 
tburnt—“But my poor Turk, you don’t seem to 
object?” Turk—“It is the first time in eight 
days that anything has gone into my stomach.” 
A preacher who arrived at the kirk wet 
through, asked an old Scotchwoman what he 
would do, to which she replied. " Gang into 
the pulpit as suue as ye can. Ye’ll be dry 
enough there." 
“ Ma,” said a thoughtful boy, “ I don’t think 
Solomon was bo rich as they say he was." “ Why, 
my dear, what oonld have put that into your 
head ?" “ Why, the Bible nays he slept with his 
fathers ; and I thiuk, if he had been so very 
rich, he would have had a bod of his own.” 
A Laos' sent a note to the newspaper to get a 
recipe to cure the whooping cough in a pair of 
twins. By a mistake a recipe for pickling onions 
was unconsciously inserted and her name at¬ 
tached, aud she received this answer through the 
“ Answers to Correspondents ; ” “ Mrs. L. H. 
B. If not too young, skin them pretty closely, 
immerse in scalding water, spriuklo plentifully 
with salt, aud immerse them for a week in salt 
brine.” 
A French noblemen being very ill, and deeply 
in debt, said to bis confessor, that all he pre¬ 
sumed to solicit of heaven was that he might 
live to pay all his dobtB. The confessor, be¬ 
lieving his penitence to be sincere, said, that 
as his design was so j list and laudable there 
was reason to hope that his prayer would be 
granted, “Should heaven he so gracious," said 
the sick man, turning to one of his oldest frleuds, 
“ I shall certainly live forever." 
A little girl of five or su summers, stopping 
with her parents at one of the fashionable hotelB 
at Saratoga Springs, was invited at dinner to 
take some wine as it was passed around. She 
declined. “ Why do you not take wine with your 
dinner, Minnie?” “’Tause I doesn’t like it.” 
“ But take a little, then, my child, for your 
stomach’s sake," he urged. “ I ain’t dot no 
tommlk’s ache," indignantly replied the little 
miss In the most emphatic manner. 
Soon aftor the Oopernican system of astrono¬ 
my began to be generally understood, an old 
farmer went to Ids parson with the following in¬ 
quiry : “ Dr. T., do you believe in the new 
atory they tell about the earth moving around 
the sun ? ” “ Yes, certainly." “Do you think 
it is according to the Scriptures ? If it’s true, 
how could Joshua command the snu to stand 
still ? ’’ “ Umph ! ’’ quote the parson ; “ Joshua 
command the sun to staud still, did he ? ” 
“Yes." “ Very well. Did you ever hear that 
he set it a-going again ? " 
Knitter, 
For pamphlet fully explaining flic above 
tliiiMration, it drive** 
THE LAillK KNITTING MACHINE CO., 
Chicopee Falls, Maas. 
SANDWICH 
Manufactg Company, 
Sandwich, BeKalb Co., Ills. 
Adnmit’ Parent J*el 1-Feed lug Power Corn 
!»lieller» (Widely known ft* the Sandwich Sliellors), 
oi sixes and eapadtic* to suit nil wants. 
GREATLY IMPROVED THIS SEASON. 
FARM HORSE POWERS of all ilz.-s anti most 
advaitagnous forms. HAND 811 ELLERS of lilvli- 
est grade of excellence In material and manufacture. 
Send for lllusu-ttod Circulms, 
.1. P. A DAMS, Secretary. 
WHEN THE 8WALLOW8 llOMEAVATtl) FLY 
^¥1 'll ^ A Thin I* a combination of 
■ Kc fl capitalists to supply ccm- 
M j j > vi »nrn ( r? only throughout 
the jjnltrd Staten with 
, , PURE TEAS on the 
mutual principle, by getting up clubs. Send for 
New Price-List. 
CONSUMERS’ IMPORTING TEA CO., 
P.O. Box 5300. No. 8 Church 8t., New York City. 
and Revolvers. Illustrated Price L'stfree. 
Great Wmtern, Gun Works, Pitt-burg, J’a. 
It bas been the custom of The Rural New-Yorker, as it is of many other journals, as thi 
year grows old, to give considerable space to its own advertising, for the purpose of increasing its 
subscription lists for the new year. So far as our reading columns are concerned, we propose to 
discontinue this custom, and to rely upon other methods of accomplishing the same results. Fore¬ 
most among them is our hope to make The Rural & better paper than it has ever been before—to 
introduce new features, and to secure a grade of talent, in all its many departments, that shall 
create for it a demand aud a kindly recognition, not only throughout our own couutry, but wher¬ 
ever the English language is spoken. Several circumstances, of a somewhat singular character, 
combine to render this aspiration practicable. 
Tho financial condition of Tiie Rubai, New-Yorker is such that, even in those trying timeB, 
and at this most trying part of the year. It Is utterly free from debt. This, even though ther< 
should be no further increase in the subscription lists, beyond past years, enables the proprietor- 
to begin the new year with amplo pecuniary ability to oarry out a part, at least, of their plans. 
The Rural Grounds now comprise eighty-two aores, a greater part of which is designed foi 
experimental agriculture -tho rest for horticulture. All now trees, shrubs and smaller plants ; al 
vegetables and fruits or promise that come within our knowledge, will be faithfully tested, and thi 
results Impartially made known. 
Seeds of favorite, easily-cultivated ornamental plants will be—as they have been during the 
past summer—raised and gathered for free distribution among our subscribers aud friends. Tin 
announcement of those we are nearly ready to distribute will be made in our issue of Nov. 10th 
We earnestly desire in every way to strengthen the friendly relations between The Rural and its 
readers, and this seed distribution, and our intention to distribute certain plants in the same way. 
before 1879, are respectfully offered as substantial evidences of sincerity on our part. We believe, 
further, that he who strives to effeot a higher—a more general—appreciation of horticultural prac¬ 
tice, is engaged in a praiseworthy work. 
The Rural is referred to, for the most part, as a farmer’s paper. Bo it is. But in no secta¬ 
rian sense. Agriculture is but one department of the farmer's pursuits. While The Rural pro¬ 
poses to fill its department of agriculture with the best thoughts of our most original aud practical 
writers, adapted to all sections—it shall consider, in no less a degree, every department appertain¬ 
ing to the farmer’s life and welfare, aud to those of his wife and family. It is no more tho farmerV 
papor than it is the paper of the suburban resident or of the citizen whose thoughts, sickened with 
the monotony of city life, turn for relief to a study of the fields and woods, the garden and trees- 
from a more practical knowledge of which he is, in a great measure, deprived. While, therefore, 
we shall seek to help the farmer to pursue his work with less labor and with greater results, we. 
above all, direct ourselves to the general well-being of all people, whether living in the city, its 
suburbs, or in the country, who love to see plants grow, or who arc in any wise interested in their 
study or culture. 
We invite all nurserymen, florists, farmers or horticulturists to send us specimens of new and 
excellent products, whether of grain, roots, fruits or flowers, that we may have them engraved and 
published for the benefit of all. 
We also invite our readers to suggest topics about which they desire information. Generally 
a topic upon which one person desires light is a topic of interest to all. 
Fiually, we would Bay to our readers, once for all: We desire to please yon. If successful, 
U86 your inflneuce in behalf of The Rural with your friends. Any assistance of this kind will help 
us the better to please you. But, in spite of all our words. The Rural must speak for itself. We 
aBk not your interest based upon what it is going to be—but upon what it is to-day. Examine it 
and examine other periodicals before you subscribe for another year; and if the comparison i- 
unfavorable to The Rural, we ask not your support. 
The original drawings—by Messrs. Forbes, Gbaether, Hockstkin, aud other distinguished 
artists—of animals, trees, shrubs, buildings, etc., eto., will be continued, and more numerous than 
ever before. 
Touching writers for another year, something may already be judged. As we have found it an 
excellent rule to guide us in all things—we propose to furnish more than we promise, our plans 
tor another year are many. Let time unfold them. 
That persons who do not read The Rural may be induced to do so, we offer, for the present, 
three-mouth subscriptions. 
We are always happy to send specimen copieB free to all who apply. Indeed, we solicit such 
applications. 
OCR TERMS ARK THE BEST. 
Send for our New Reduced I’rice Lint. 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA COMPANY 
P. O. Box HI and .Hi Vesey St., Now York. 
MANU FA CTO R Y O F 
HmgZi CRIST MILLS 
V PC j| PORTABLE MILLS, 
M I Kor Farmers, Sow- Mill 
keep ui - Tdcr. Adapt¬ 
ed to any kind of suitable power. B-if-nt'ing: 8elf- 
feedlnc i AdlUAtablo-bal meed . Long Roarings. 
NORDYKE, M iBMON & CO.. Indianapolis, Ind. 
Ho! Farmers for Iowa 
Bend a Postal Card for description and maps of 
lCiOO.OOO Ami It K. lands for ante on ft. It. 
Tor mi, by vhc Iowa it. R. Lund Oo> Climate 
and soil nrst-class, and adapted to arulu.com and 
grazing Tickets free to Innd-buyeTs from Chicago 
und return. Address J. H. CIA LFIOIIN, Land 
Commissioner, 9* Randolph 8t., Cnioago, or Cedar 
Rapids, Iowa. 
Established in 1844 
CHE NEW CLIMAX WRINGER 
B O xBSf t - c ' i -O T » 
f ,0-11 llers supplies 
Address STRAUB MILL CO., Cincinnati, O, 
It In a mistake r.o suppose that, any depart¬ 
ment or a paper may be slighted. The most im¬ 
portant Information Is to be found, at times, under 
the gulBe of art advertisement; and It is agreeable 
to the advertiser and a courtesy to the publisher 
to mention tl>0 source of your Information—In 
other words, to mention the paper. 
Act ua Agent!—Reader if there is no agent for 
the Rural 1b your locality please become one by 
forming a club. It will vnv. 
T) C u 
um 
