372 
®il anil §ttmor. 
SPARKS AND SPLINTER8. 
The bell-punch noteth even the fall of a swal _ 
low. 
A weul-dbessed dog wears a collai’ and pants 
in the summer. 
A bad marriage is like an electric machine—it 
makes you dance, but you can’t let go. 
Lay aside the irracefnl ulster. 
Fold its arms with tender cure; 
Brins' you out the linen duster 
Much the better thing to wear. 
A Slawbon clergyman announces the marriage 
fee at $5 ; children, half price. 
How can five persons divide five eggs so 
that each shall receive one, and still one re 
main in the dish ? One takes the dish with the 
eggs. 
“ Have you ever read the 1 Tale of a Bumble 
Bee?”' aBked George of Sarah Jane. '‘No,’ 
said she, as 6ho turned the color of red paint • 
“ but I’ve felt em.” 
Pbofi'Rsou—“ Miss Q,, tell me what is tha ^ 
instrument called by which we ascertain musical 
pitch ?” MiBs Q. (hesitatingly)—“ A pitch-fork.” 
An audible giggling in the class. 
Little no tin from creditors. 
Little hills on fla’\ 
Make the average uauk cashier 
Rehypothecate — St. Lou in Post. 
Bull Run has been made a post-office. There 
was considerable of a stamp-ede there once, you 
remember.—Hartford Times. And a good deal 
of licking done on both sides.—Com’l Adv. 
At the door of the European Congress : Rus¬ 
sian to Turk — 11 See here, now, you know ! We 
are friends—treaty of alliance—complimentary 
telegrams exchanged, and all that sort of thing. 
Smile, d—n you ; look cheerful or I’ll lick you 
again.” 
“Before wo were married,” said he, “she 
used to say bye-bye so sweetly as I went down 
the steps!” “And what does she say now?” 
asked a friend. “Oh, just the same—buy, buy.” 
“ Oh! I see; she only exercises a different 
spell over you.” 
When Jonah interviewed the whale 
And haunted his iutenals, 
As erst it is recorded in 
The truthiidest of Journals, 
What monarch did he symbolize ? 
(A far-fetched Joke you’ll style it.) 
It seems;to me he might have been 
A sort of paunch's pilot.—Yonkers Gazette. 
A Dutchman, having lost his horses, started 
in search of them. Meeting a man in 
the road he inquired of him ir he had seen 
them. Being a stranger in those parts, the man 
asked Hans to describe them. “ Veil,” said be, 
“ dey was very mooch alike, ’specially the off one. 
Von looks so mooch like potb, I can’t tell toder 
from which. Ven I vent after the one, I alvays 
caught de oder; an’ I whipped de one most dead 
because de oder kicked me. fcleen anything of 
dem, hey?” 
The Bishop of Exeter tells a good Btory of a 
speech which was once maue to him. He had 
gone to stay in a country parsonage of his 
diocese for a confirmation or some other clerical 
function, and the “ house and parlor maid ” had 
evidently been strictly enjoined on no account 
to omit to say “ My Lord ’’ when addressing the 
Bishop. In the morning, while going down to 
breakfast, ho met the damsel on the stairs, and 
asked her whether she could toll him who had 
taken his letters to the post the night before. 
The answer, given smilingly, was, “ The Lord, 
my boy!” 
“You cannot, oh, day star of ray life ! ” he 
pleaded, throwing liimself at her feet; “ you 
cannot refuse the rich, exhaustless mine of love 
I pour at you foot; you cannot turn from the 
rare treasures of my heart’s devotion that I cast 
before you l . you cannot turn away from all this 
lavish wealth of heart and hand that is yours to 
take, and say me nay !*’ She couldn't and she 
didn’t; it sounded too wealthy. That was .nearly 
four years ago. Day before yesterday he gave her 
f3.85. to run the house a week and when she 
Baid she would have to have a now pair of shoes, 
he raised the appropriation by an even dollar, 
and grumbled about woman’s extravagance till 
he was out of bearing. Oh, woman, woman, 
thou art of tender heart and trustful soul, if you 
don’t scalp a man raw every time you get a 
chance, you are a little idot all the same. 
■ - 
The Prevention of n Terrible Disaster. 
No disorders, excepting the most deadly forms 
of lung disease, involve such a tremendous de¬ 
struction of organic tissue as those which fasten 
upon the kidneys. Such maladies, when they be¬ 
come chronic—and none are so liable to assume 
that phase—completely wreck the system. To 
prevent this terrible disaster, recourse should be 
had, upon the first manifestation of trouble, to 
Hostetter’s Bitters, which experience has proved 
to bo highly effective as a means of imparting 
tone and regularity to the organs of urination, as 
well as to the liver, stomach and bowels. Another 
beneficial result of tills medicine, naturally con¬ 
sequent upon Its diuretic action, Is the elimina¬ 
tion from the blood or Impurities which beget 
rheumatism, gout, dropsy, and other maladies. 
By increasing the activity of the kidneys, It aug¬ 
ments the depuratlve efficiency of those organs, 
which are most Important outlets for the escape 
of such Impurities. 
iil 
trmje 
MARK 
THE CORTLAND 
k 
Platform Wagon. 
1 o the Farmer nnd Dairyman, to whom a lieht- 
draft, easy-riding Wagon, capable of carrying from 
ten to fifteen t undred pounds, is a necessity, this is 
the 
CHEAPEST ANA BEST 
Platform Spring Wagon made. 
Kvei y SVugon fully warranted. 
If there is no agent or dealer in your town, send 
for Circular and Price List to the 
CORTLAND WAGON MF’G CO., 
Agents wanted. Cortland. N. Y. 
Igi 
Th# “ Eclipse’' Victorious 
(Sm Centennial Judge?’ Report.) 
CT2CK0EST WINE MILL MADE, 
Tested 10 years. Thousands In 
use. A solid wheel without joiuta 
Produces 15 per cent, more pow¬ 
er, ami will not blow away. 
WE BUILD 13 SIZES MILLS 
for pmnpingaud power purposes. 
Illustrated Circulars froe. 
Eclipse Wind Mill Co., Beloit. Wis. 
The Rectangular Churn 
Simple, efficient.and always 
reliable. No inside fixtures. 
Kitty per cent, in labor saved 
overaitwoffttvchuiN. 5 sizes 
wade. Thu Highest award 
given over all competitors 
at. the late Dairy Fair In Obl- 
oho. An energetla mui 
wanted In every town, to act. 
as agent. One oh urn sent at 
wholesale whore we have DO 
agent. CORNISH & CURTIS, 
Fort Atkinson, Wis. 
POWER 
The most perfect, simple and only Elevator that 
raisoB the nay from wagon and curries it in barn any 
required distance. Economical, durable, labor-sav- 
ing. Semi for Illustrated Circulars and prices to 
J. It. KITZHCGH, 
_ , IdJH Barker St., Philadelphia, Pa. 
Branch Office : 55 Beckman fit., New York. 
PRESS. 
WITH 
Double Platform 
BOOMER &B0SCHERT 
PRESS CO., 
Syracuse, N. Y. 
B3T Inferior and spurious articles are often sold as Kinggford’*. 
To avoid GROSS IMPOSITION see that T. KINCSFORD &: SON Is on each Box and on 
each Package. 
BEST I N THE WORLD. The Best ii tie World. 
ForHARNESS,CARRIAGE TOPS Ready l Use. 
BOOTS, SHOES, HOSE, BELTS, ETC. 
OFFICES AND FACTORIES : 
Cleveland, New York, tliiciuco, Si. Louis. 
Sand .for Circular, BIO. 
Address NAIAD OIL AND BL’X’G CO. 
Ready I Use. 
£\ FACTORIES I 
CIjKl J£ 
h/ftfi'-; 4 kV/i,’ U' VUAk, 
a | jlJlSWq- cumcjiuo , 
% ya, Wat. i. ours. 
ANY SHADE 
«;*rco^ DKSIRED. 
Rubber Paint Cn,: DUNDEE, N. Y. 
Orath-men:All of onr customers who have used 
your i’amt, speak In the highest terms of Its cover¬ 
ing capacity, rlic-a jaunts 111111 beautiful gin .sg finish. 
We consider two coats of the Rubber Paint fully 
equal to three coats of White Feud and Oil. 
Yours truly. Al. K, BENNETT & CO. 
UT SEND FOR CIRCULAR. ETC. .jJJ 
FOR ALL LUNG TROUBLES, 
as well as Complaints of the Throat, Dr. 
Jayne s Expectorant is certainly a palliative 
and often a curative, as the testimony of thousands 
and its world-wide reputation attests. For Coughs or 
PLATONIC AFFECTION. 
KIN GSFORD’S 
OSWEGO CORN STARCH, 
For Puddings, Blanc Mange, Cake, Etc. 
PURE AND DELICATE—PREFERABLE to BERMUDA ARROW ROOT. 
Colds no surer or more effective remedy can be found. 
THE UNION CHURN 
AT SEDUCED PRICE*. 
Introduced 13 years ago Mnd 
50.0 (1 now in actual use The 
UNION is the u< know lodged 
standard Churn ol the country. 
Every Churn Is warranted to 
give siitisfuetion or returned 
Ht our cost lCtudiy operated, 
easily cleaned, and makes beau¬ 
tiful butter by the extra work¬ 
ing of tile dasher on the but¬ 
ter while churning. Five sizes, 
churning from :» to 25 gallons. 
Power Churns a Specialty. Address 
TIFFIN UNION CHURN CO.. Tiffin, Ohio. 
GUNS 
and Revolvers. Illustrated Price List free- 
Great Western Gun Works, Pittsburg, Pa 
C 1IDEK PttESSEM AND GRATER*. 
j Boomek & Bohchbrt Press Co., Syracuse, N.Y 
TEAS REDUCED 
OCR TERM* AUK THE BEST. 
fiend for our New Reduced Price List. 
THIS GREAT AM E RICAN TKA COMPAN I 
P. O. Box 5643. 31 and 33 Vesey St.. New York. 
SEND TEN CENTS for SAMPLES of 
IMPORTEDSCRAP PICTURES 
For Ornament lug Srmp Books, Pottery, 
Japanese Jurs, Are. 
Satisfaction guaranteed as to price and quality of 
goods. OSCAR. W. YOUNG, (30 Fourth St„ 
Brooklyn, E. D., New York. 
This is a combination of 
capitalists to supply con¬ 
sumers only throughout 
the United States with 
PURE TEAS c.n the 
mutual principle, by getting up clubs. Send for 
New Price-List. 
CONSUMERS’ IMPORTING TEA CO., 
P.O. Box 5509. No. 8 Church 8t., New York City 
Fire on the Hearth. 
VENTILATION 0 / a Fire-place; 
RADIATION of a Stove; 
CIRCULATION of a Furnace. 
Send for testimonials of Prof. 
E. L. YomnUii and other practical 
experts. 
OPEN-STOVE 
VENTILATING 00,, 
115 Fulton *r„ N. Y. 
