564 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
it aitir lurnur. 
IH FREUD DRILL! 
ITS DOUBLE FORCE FEED. 
The following two set* of week-day rhymes 
are common in the North of England 
Monday’s bairn 1b fair of face, 
Tuesday's bairn is full of grace, 
Wednesday’s bairn is full of woe, 
Thursday’s bairn haB far to go, 
Friday’s bairn is loving and giving, 
Saturday ’a bairn must work for hia living. 
But the bairn that's boro on Sunday 
Is brisk, beanie, wise and gay. 
An editor who has been married but a 
few daya, inquires Beriously, “ Is civil 
war eminent ?” This looks bad. 
A becent issue of the Detroit Free Press 
contained an advertisement of “ For Bale 
—A piano by a lady with modern legs.” 
Science says that it took millions of 
years to evolve man from the oyBter; ob¬ 
servation showa that it takes less than a 
minute to transfer the oyster to a man. 
“ I wish to be a friend to the friend¬ 
less, a father to the fatherless, and a 
widow to the widowless,” said a gushing 
speaker at a reoent revival meeting. 
“Fine nainsook, embroidered, makes 
lovely slips for children,” says a fashion 
writer. Orange peel on a sidewalk con¬ 
tinues o be good enough for men.— N. 
O. Picayune. 
Swell : “ I want you to make me a short 
coat, without tails or seams in the back. 
Do yon know what I mean ?” German 
tailor: " Yaas, yaas; I know vat you vant. 
You vant a strait-jacket.” 
He gave her a hearty Bmaok. “Don’t 
kiss like that,” she said. “ I waut a Bweet, 
tender pressure when I'm kissed. I don’t 
waut any fireworks." He left out the 
explosion in the next act. 
AGAIN, 
Bora on Monday wlU have health, 
Boru on Tuesday will have wealth. 
Boro on Wednesday will have good luck, 
Born on Thursday will meet with losses. 
Bora on Friday will meet with crosses, 
Born on Saturday will do no good, 
Born on Sunday has nothing particular. 
Sows all kimls or Grain from Flax- 
Seed to Corn and flea its. 
The general report at the Centennial Judges 
re-published by us from the official report special¬ 
ly recommend It. as superior to others, ;uid for 
this reason noothor Drill Manufacturers publish 
it. Send for it. For Particulars and Prices, 
mention this paper and address. 
FARMERS’ FRIEND MANUFACTURING CO., Dayton, 0. 
§ 
*7 C/2 O - 
|3f 3 
.1 
f JO - £ iJ 
»§2 S’’ 5 . W 
§* 6*1 n 
S O > w t* 
I ? ~ O O U U 
c s o»|n 
ia St, *-< % ? Qj 
r “ lilbll n 
-^ o 2 3“ 
*3 a . 3 5} 
III a s 
RHlMf 
Ask your Druggist for it, or send for Circular to 
N. B. PHELPS, Proprietor, 
No. 6 MURRAY ST., NEW YORK 
Two lawyers, while bathing at Santa Gruz 
the other day, were chased out of the water 
by a shark. This is the moBt flagrant case 
of want of professional courtesy on record.— 
San Francisco Post. 
A wag in New York seeing a man driving a 
tack into a card, through the letter “ t” of the 
word “Boston ’’printed on it, seized the latter 
and exclaimed; “Why, what are you about: 
don’t you know that laying tax on tea in Boston 
once raised a thundering moss there ?” 
A judicious instance of punning upon a name 
once took place in a judicial court of New York, 
which is thus told: Counsel had been question¬ 
ing a certain witness named Gunn, and in dol¬ 
ing he said to him, “ Mr. Gnnn, you can now go 
off." The Judge on the bench, seeing the pun, 
gravely added, “Sir, you are discharged.” Of 
course au explosion in oourt immediately ensued. 
—New Haven Register. 
On the Fourth a native American was upbraid¬ 
ing a naturalized German for celebrating the day 
eo enthusiastically. The German replied, “You, 
sir, are an American from necessity; I am one 
from choice. And besides, sir, when you came 
into the country, yon hadn’t a Btitoh of clothing 
upon yonr back, while I was comfortably clad.” 
The American has been thinking about it ever 
since.— Turners Falls Reporter. 
Irish Bulls. —Mr. D., an Irish gentleman 
A Pantomime. 
BEST i N THE WRLD. The Best jj the World. 
For HARNESS, CARRIAGES* Readyl Use. 
41 
(DOTS, SHOES, HOSE, BEITS, ETC. 
offices and factories : 
Cleveland, New York, Gblcngo, St. Louis. 
Send for Circular, Etc. 
Address NAIAD OIL AND BL’K’G CO. 
\ FACTORIES: 
CL]e vk 7JVW > 
- jf t-.vk w VO RK , 
n cun:3a «, 
v STm MjOViS ‘ 
AN Y ~SH ADE 
Al *r cn^ DESIERD. 
Rubber Paint Co.: Dundee, N. Y- 
Gentlemen :AU of our customers who have used 
your Paint, speak in the highest terms of its cowr- 
ina capacity, cheapness ana beautiful yloisy finish. 
We consider two coats of the Rubber Paint fully 
equal to three coats of White Lead and Oil. 
Yours truly, M. E. BENNkTl A CO, 
&T SEND FOR CIRCULAR, ETC. 
KINGSFORD’S 
OSWEGO CORN STARCH 
well-known in New York, was lately invited to 
dinner by a wealthy Sooth resident, at whose 
geDerons table he met a number of his host’s 
oountrymen. The conversation tnrned on Irish 
bulls, of whioh one and another of the com¬ 
pany reported several, until the table was in a 
For Puddings, Blanc Mange, Cake, Etc. 
PURE AND DELICATE-PREFERABLE to BERMUDA ARROW ROOT. 
F»t<*uL«d May V^Lh, IMS 
The Patent Self-Acting_Cnw Milker M’f’g Co. 
Every one who owns a cow should have one of our wonderful Milkers. 
Sent free to any imrtot the United Stales on receipt of |2. Send for otir 
Illustrated Pamphlet on Hie Cow, containing sectional views of a cow s 
teats and bug dlsauuteri and scientifically explained, by Drs. White and 
Wilson of this city, bentfrec to any address. 
1 GEO. E. KING, President. 
Office, 575 Broadway, New York. 
THE UNION CHURN 
\ oF\loo\. 
^ AT REDUCED PRICES. 
Introduced 13 years ago and 
’ UNION 60.1) t) now In actual use. The 
, CH tjBN. UNION Is the acknowledged 
standard ('burn of the country. 
Everv Churn is warranted to 
■-T give satisfaction or returned 
„t our cost. BiWtly operated, 
taaliooL V easilycluaued. and roiikcaticau- 
t=S^r'/l - tlfnl butter L>y the extra work- 
lug of the dasher oli the but- 
1 If ■* ter while churning. Five sizes, 
churning from 3 to 36 gallons 
Power Churns a Specialty. AddresB 
TIFFIN 
rns a Specialty. Address 
UNION CHURN CO., Tiffin, Ohio. 
roar. The Irish guest kept quiet until his pa¬ 
tience was exhausted, bat ut length blurted out: 
“ Bay, Mr, 0., an' do you know what I think ?" 
“Why, indeed, what do you think, Mr. D.?” 
“ Shure, sir, an' do you know that I think, in- 
d&de, that not more than one-half of these lies 
that they all tell abont the Irish are trne.” 
This unintended contribution io the subject 
brought down the house. 
pr inferior and spurious articles are often sold as Klngnford’s. .ftl 
To avoid GROSS IMPOSITION see that T. KINGSFOttD & SON Is on each Box and on 
each Package. 
Iverjlai 
His Own 
Printer, ^celsio* 
$3 PressSl 
Lie. tSoll’-!nkur$S) l) Larger «, 
l’or pusinaw, pleasure, young or o' 
Catalogu. ol I'rt.&its, Typo, Et<. 
for 1 KELSEY A- Co. 
Meriden, Cor • 
nrFFORIVS SWINGING STANCHION. 
Lx Self-closing, self-fastening. First farm right 1 
jach town for 30 cts. In storing For Illustrated Cii 
jular,address W» C. GIFFORD. Jamestown. N, V 
POWER 
iflenWiue 
mm m er** ThiB Is a combination of 
r ■ 1 jL< /K ^ capitalists to supply con- 
■Fj earners only throughout. 
the Untied States with 
PURE TEAS on the 
mutual principle, by getting up club*. Send for 
New Price-Liet. 
CONSUMERS’ IMPORTING TEA CO., 
P.O. Box &60H. No. 8 Church 8t.. New York 01 
WHEAT. 
THEGREAT EXPERIMENT 
LOW PRICE FOR TRIAL. 
PREMIUM RONE. 
Pure, OdorlesH. Fine Ground, Clean, Raw 
Bone, t’ut up In now barrels, nett weight 2.3 pounas, 
Regular Ton Price per barrel, IC.SlHl Price per bar- 
rellfor trial onl v, I5.62H- tkfDellvered free on curs 
at Salem, (.*. Send Money In Registered Letter 
P. O. Money Order. Address, 
Excelsior Fertilizer Works, 
SALEM, OHIO 
B.W, Payne & Sons, Corning,N.Y. 
Established iu 1840. 
Eureka Safety Power 
h.p. cyl. ht. space, wt. price. 
“ITa>s 4 -Ibin, 40x'45 900|$1B0| 
“4’l“Jxll| 6ft I 48x80 1600 251) 1 
72x40 8700 400 
PRESS. 
Double Platform 
BOOMER A BOSCHERT 
PRESS CO., 
Syracuse, N. Y. 
pn 
if 
I 
i, i. »■ 
rl 
, Also, SPARE ABEESTIMQ PORT¬ 
ABLES, and Stationary Engines Jot 
'P lantations. Send for Circulars 
Please state wheru you saw this. 
Another Great Reduction 
_ _ m ^ IN PRICES. BEST INDUCE- 
L A V MENU’S EVER OFFER ED 
I hend for new price-list 
’HU GREAT AMERICAN TEA CO 
’ ... .. mi oi V V 
P. O- Box 6843. 
31 and 33 Vesey St., N. Y. 
. mi a and Revolvers. Illustrated Price List trof 
t U MS Great Western Gun Works, Pittsburg, P* 
