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ELLWANGER %BARR Y 
SEPT.48 
Why is the world like a piano? Because it 
is full of sharps and flats. 
“ Are you asleep, dearest?” “ Yes, mamma, 
and the doctor particularly said that I needn’t 
be waked up to take ray medicine.” (snores.) 
—Punch. 
A young mau boasted that he had a well- 
stored miud; whereupon a young lady mur¬ 
mured : ■* What a pity we can't fiud out where 
he stored it ?” 
The pastor of a church is reported to have 
prayed Lhe other Sunday for the absent mem¬ 
bers who were “ prostrate on beds of sickness 
and chairs of wellness.” 
The Emperor of China has 400,000,000 sub¬ 
jects, and not one of tbem is named John 
Smith, but as every third man of them is 
called Ilop Sing it is just as bad. 
Some wicked Yaukee says that he has in¬ 
vented a new telegraph. He proposes to place 
aline of women fifty steps apart, and commit 
the news to the first aB a very profound secret* 
Division of Labor.— Aunt Mary : “ Well, 
Tommy, shall I carry your bat and stumps for 
you ?" Tommy—“ No, aunty, tanks I Me 
tarry bat and 'tumps. ’Oo tarry me /”—Punch. 
“ Is that the second bell?" inquired a gen 
tleman of a colored porter.—“ No sah." an 
Bwered the porter; “ dat am de second ringin’ 
ov de fust bell. We hab but one bell in dis 
establishmum.” 
Little Johnny went fishing without con¬ 
sulting his parents. Next morning a neigh¬ 
bor’s boy met him and asked : “ Did you catch 
anything, yesterday ?” “ Not till I got home, ” 
was the rather sad response. 
Sitting Bull's son consented to have his 
photograph taken if he might be permitted to 
hold his revolver ready to shoot the artist if 
the camera should go off, aud the photographer 
look the chances and got a flue cabinet picture 
of the frightened brave. 
“Hi! where did you get them trousers?’’ 
asked an Iriahmau of a mau who happened 
to be passing with a pair of remarkably short 
trousers on. “ I got them where they grew," 
was the indignant reply. “Then, by my con¬ 
science,” said Pat, “ you’ve pulled them a year 
too soon!” 
“ I can’t tell for the life of me," said an old 
farmer at the White Mountains to a party of 
city visitors, the other day, “what you fellers 
see up here to draw ye. For my part, these 
old-fired hills have been the worst thing we’ve 
had to contend with. Still, it's all light if ye 
like it; we’re glad to see ye ; only it’s mighty 
funny.” 
Veteran Corn Shelter 
FOR HAND OR POWER. 
Just the Thing for Mill, Farm or Plan¬ 
tation. 
Power and Hand Corn Hhellers of ull sizer 
umi to kuD all wants. 
HORSE ifc'OWtC.RS, JACKS, «fco. 
Write for Descriptive Circulars and prices. Ad¬ 
dress SANDWICH MANUF’H CO., 
Sandwich. Illinois. 
SUNDAY AT THE SEASIDE. 
Aren’t you coming to church with us this morning, Herbert ? ” 
t.— “No, an excursion train is just in, so I shall stroll about on the beach and 
; breakers—the Sabbath breakers, I mean ?” 
Premiums 
ROCHESTER, TV. V., 
Offer the largest n nd most complete Stock oi 
Kruiiand Ornamental Trees in iheU.S. Hxioed 
Cnliilogu-* sent u» follows: No. 1, Fruits with 
plate, id cts.: plain, 10 ote. No. 2, Ornamental 
Trees, etc., with plate. 2.1 cts.- plain, 15 eta. No. 3, 
Greenhouse, Free. No. 4. Wholesale, Free. No. 
5. Catalogue of Roses, with beautiful colored plate. 
10 cts.: plain. Free. No. 7, Catalogue of Strawber¬ 
ries and Small Fruits, Free. 
Aimual Exhibition 
THE LADIES OFTHE 
WHITE house: 
TO BE HELD AT WASHINGTON, D. O., 
Commencing October 5til and CIomuik Octo¬ 
ber 10th. 1880. 
Fiun Mile Track and Commodious Buildings on the 
New National Fair Orouuda, within live minutes' ride 
of the Capital. Steam-oars direct to t he Grounds by 
the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad. 
Trotting Races October D, 8, 7. 8 and V. I’virses, $8,000. 
Entries close at li • 00 p. in, September 21,1880. 
International Tournament, Military Frizes, Incu¬ 
bator-hatching OhJekeim, Bicycle Races. Grand Caval¬ 
cade of animats on the track. 
The largest premiums ever offered in the country for 
Horses, Cattle, Sheep, Poultry, Ac. Liberal awards 
for Household, Agricultural Departments. 
An entire Undoing devoted to Horticulture. 
Premium List now ready. 
Excursion Tickets at reduced rates on all the Rail¬ 
roads centering iu Washington. Liberal arrangements 
made for transportation of objects intended for exhi¬ 
bition. w. M, Galt, President. 
Edwabd C. Dean, Secretary. 
Address all communications to the Secretary. Office 
803 Pennsylvania Avenue. Washing-ton, D. C. 
on IN THE * 
HOME OF THE PRESIDENTS. 
A History of every Administration from Washington 
to the present time. Includes much Personal and 
Private history never before published. Agent* 
wanted. For full description address the Publishers 
Bradley & Co., 66 North Fourth St., Philadelphia, Pa. 
THE IMPROVED 
APORATORS | 
ESSBni SYRUP 
J. & J. DOBSON 
After Uselessly' Battling 
With rheumatism for years, a course of Hostet- 
ter's Stomach Bitters has afforded the desired re¬ 
lief to many, who, grateful for the relief obtained, 
have borne emphatic evidence to the excellence of 
this grand medicinal staple, which eliminates 
from the blood the seeds of the agonizing dis¬ 
ease, and neutralizes their further development. 
The genial glow It diffuses through the sj tern, and 
its invigorating action also tend to counteract the 
effect, or exposure Ift damp or otherwise inclement 
weather, aud render it peculiarly serviceable to 
tuosc troubled with an hereditary tendency to 
rheumatism, than ruling causes often ag 
into a serious attack of the malady, wide; 
ARE NOW OPENING LARGE LINES OF NEW 
DESIGNS AND STYLES IN CARPETINGS RE¬ 
CEIVED FROM 
Their Own Factories, 
WHICH WILL BE FOUND TO COMBINE TO AN 
UNUSUAL EXTENT 
Elegance in Style and Finish, 
Durability in Wear, and 
Economy in Prices. 
Make t sugar with less fuel and 
labor than any other apparatus. Will condense 
eweet cider Into delicious Jelly at the rate of 
four barrels per hour. Agent# wanted, 
bend for descriptive oirculnrit. 
VT. FARM M4CHlAi£ CO., 
B£LL0W8 FALLS, VT. 
\ AND 
Grater 
BOOMER &-B0SCHERT. 
PRESS CO, 
SYRACUSE.N.Y. 
■■■■■■■■■■Ml__ill is per¬ 
haps the most inveterate one against which medi¬ 
cal skill Is exerted. The medicine insures com¬ 
plete digestion and assimilation, healthfully stim¬ 
ulates the kidneys and liver, and promotes regu¬ 
lar action ot' the bowels, in short, possesses reme¬ 
dial and preventive qualities constituting it a most 
valuanie household remedy. 
SEND 
- FOR 
Circular 
COLUMBIA BICYCLE. 
L Bicycle riding is an accotnplinh. 
Kg? mont easily acquired, and is rapid- 
\//%. ly becoming the most popular of 
f /■/%. out-door sports; as a health restora- 
tive it is invaluable, bringiug into 
action every muscle of the body, 
Wr--jV strengthening the lungs, and in- 
\V\ J/sP vigorating the wearied brain. The 
VCyewa practicability of the machine is 
\ V S V/V generally conceded throughout the 
country, and the thousands of bi- 
THEY ALSO OFFER AN EXTENSIVE ASSORT¬ 
MENT OF Turkish, Persian AND hast Indian 
CARPETS AND RUGS, AND other popular Floor 
Coverings AT EXTREMELY MODERATE RATES. 
New and Rare Winter Flower¬ 
ing Plants.—New Fruits, 
Dutch Bulbs, &c. 
New Pears, new Peaches, new Chotries, new Grapes, 
new Strawberries, Ike., with a large stock ot all kinds 
of Fruit trees, shrubs, ocv. 
DUTCH llL’-LBS —Large importations direct 
from the leading growers in Holland. First quality 
Bulbs, Beautiful Uot-bouBe plants. Orchids, Drachmas, 
Crotons, &c. Winter flowering plants, Roses, &c., well 
all styles. Gold, Silver and Nickel. 86.00 to 
$150 Chains, rate,, sent C. O. D„ to be ex- 
amined. Write for Catalogue to Standard 
American Watch Co., Pittsburg, Pa 
cycles in dully use are constantly increasing in num¬ 
ber. Bond 3c, stomp for catalogue, with price list and 
full information. THE PuPE M'F’G 00., 
76 Summer Street, Boston, Mass. 
NOR 
40 «fc 42 WEST 14TH STREET, N. Y 
UNION STOCK YARDS 
Near 6tli Avenue Elevated R. R. Station. 
MT VPPNriN SEEDLING & KIRKWOOD 
IVI I ■ VLnllUN STRAWBERRIES. 
lhe two largest, best, and most productive. Intro¬ 
duced in 188 1 . Each yielded t 0,000 quarts per acre, 
and sold at from auo. to line, per quart. Catalogues free. 
Address Wm. Pabby, Nurseryman, Parry P. u., Bur- 
iington Co„ N. J. 
JOHN VAN GAASBEEK, 
Manager 
GUN WORKS, 
j-^Pjttsburidt. 
INTEND TO PLANT Small 
Fruits, Roses, Trees, or Shrubs 
this season, before buying 
send for the Catalogue of 
GEO. 8. WALES, Rochester, N.Y. 
Send stamp for Catalogue. 
Rifles, SbotGuns. Revolver*,eent o.o.d. for examination 
Breech-Loailiug Shot Guns, $20 to #360. Double Shot 
Guns, to $156. single Guns, 83 to $20. Rifles and Cart 
ridges, $-1 to $75. Revolver*, $1 to $25. Send stamp 
for Price List GREAT WESTERN GUN WORKS, 
Pittsburg. Pa. 
NONPAREIL 
FARM & FEED MILLS 
The Cheapest and Best. 
C Will Crush and Grind Any thing. 
|jr Illustrated Catalogue FREE. 
S? Address L, J. MILLER, Cincinnati, 0. 
Our BONE MANURES stand without a rival tor Wheat and Grass. 
They are dry, and drill fvlth regularity. tsr send for circulars 
Every Bag guaranteed, 
.Will Mannfactory 
Estab IshMiail, 
CRIST MILLS, 
Of FRENCH BOUB STONE 
Portable Mills for Farmers, 
Saw Mills eta.; J Katies; over 
2,000 iQ TJ «. Price from $*0 
up. Complete Mill aud Shelt¬ 
er, 906, A hoy can grind and 
keep In order. Adapted to any 
kind of suitable power. Com¬ 
plete Flouring aud Corn Mills. 
N0RDYEE & MARMON CO., 
Indianapolis, Ifid* 
•Manufacturers ot 
FINEST QUALITY SILVER-PLATED TABLE WARE, 
Factory at Wallingford, Conn 
