i»n»i 
N RIVALED 
A DOUBTFUL COMPLIMENT. 
Ilarry (wishing to tease his 6ister)—“ See here, Carrie, here is an image of you!” 
Carrie (getting angry)—“ And these are your sisters, too!” 
ELGIN WATCHES 
all styles, Gold, Silver and Nickel, $8.0t) to 
l$ia(i Chains, etc.,eeut 0. O. 1)., to be ex¬ 
amined. Write for Catalogue to Standard 
American Watcli Co., Pittsburg, Pa 
PAYNE’S FARM ENGINES 
Teacher—" What is a score ?” Pupil—“ A 
base-ball record," Teacher—"No, no; what 
I mean is, how much does a score signify nu¬ 
merically? What idea does it give you? That 
is to 6ay, if I were to tell y ou that 1 had a score 
of horses, what would you think ?’’ Pupil— 
" Please, inarm, I should think you was 
stuffin'.” 
He looked over all the papers on the news¬ 
stand, and not finding what he wanted, said to 
the plump, pretty girl-clerk, "I want a com¬ 
panion.”—"What, sir?” she blushed. — "I 
want a companion," he repeated.—“ Oh, yes, 
sir; I hear you now," and she chewed the cor¬ 
ner of her apron; " well—well—do you think 
I would do ?" It turned out happily. 
A okay hair was espied among the raveu 
locks of a charming young lady. “ Oh, pray 
pull it out l" she exclaimed —" If I pull it out 
ten more will come to the funeral,” replied the 
one who made the unwelcome discovery.— 
"Pluck it out, nevertheless,” said the dark¬ 
haired damsel; " it’s no consequence how man y 
come to the funeral provided they all come in 
black.” 
What he was Quick at.—A clerk was dis¬ 
charged. and asked the reason. "You are so 
awfully slow about everything,” said his em¬ 
ployer. " You do me an injustice,” responded 
the eltrk. " There is one thing I am not slow 
about.” "I should like to hear you name it,” 
sneered the employer. " Well,” said the clerk, 
slowly, "nobody eau get tired as quick as I 
can.” 
A gentleman traveling in a railway carriage 
was endeavoring, with considerable earnest¬ 
ness, to impress some argument upon a fellow- 
passenger who was seated opposite to him, and 
who appeared rather dull of apprehension. At 
length, being slightly irritated, he exclaimed, 
in a louder tone, "Why, sir, it’s as plain as 
ABC!”—"That may be," quietly replied the 
other, " but I am D E F !” 
A merchant desirous of collecting a large 
outstanding debt, wcut to an agent and told 
him he would give him half the bill as com¬ 
mission for its collection. The agent agreed. 
MonthB elapsed. One day the merchant met 
the agent. "By the way, Mr.-, have you 
collected that bill yet?” "Not quite," said 
the agent, moving down the street, "1 got my 
half two months ago, but your half I cau’t 
collect to save me." 
An old darkey who was asked if in his expe¬ 
rience prayer had ever been answered, replied - 
"Well, sah, bolus pra’s is ansued au’ some 
isn’t; ’penes on what you axes fo.’ Just after 
de wah, weu it was mighty hard scratchiu’ for 
de cullud breddren, I observed dal weu ebber 
I pway de Lord to seu' one o' Marse Peyton’s 
652 
KER. 
SEPT. 25 
Patent spark-arresting farm and Dairy Engines of 
all sizes, from 2 to 13 horse-power, mounted or un¬ 
mounted. Warranted to bo the Dost and Cheapest 
engines made. Prices from *Io<l upwards. Send 
for Illustrated Catalogue "A " which will give you 
full information and prices to 
B. \V. PAYNE * SONS, 
Box 841, Corning, N. If. 
“THE LADIES OFTHE 
WHITE HOUSE,’ 
on is iue 7 
UOIUK OF THE PRESIDENTS. 
A History of every Administration from IVanliiagtuiv 
to the present time. Includes much Personal and 
Private history never before published. Agents 
wanted. For full description address the Publishers 
Bbadlky & Co.. 66 Nurth Fourth St.. Philadelphia, Pa. 
fat turkeys fo’ de ole man, dere was no notice 
took of de partition ; but weu I pway that he 
would sen' de old man fo’ de turkey, de latter 
was ’tended to befor' sun-up nex’ mormn’ dead 
sartiu!” 
What Nervous People Endure, 
Nobody but themselves can adequately understand. 
The symptoms are often unaeflnable, though 
Inexpressibly tormenting, and It well may be 
doubted whether any acute malady inflicts more 
tortures than chronic weak nerves. Invlgoratlon 
Is the surest course to overcome undue sensitive¬ 
ness of the nervous system, which proceeds from 
weakness: the proximate cause of which is usually 
imported digestion and assimilation. Thai superb 
invigorunt, Hostetler s stomach flitters, remedies 
that enfeebled and disordered condition of the 
stomach, which is the most fruitful cause of ner¬ 
vousness, and a rapid increase of vigor and ultl- 
utulc disappearance oi all nervous and dy speptic 
symptoms, may surely be counted upon by those 
who are wise enough to employ Mils genuine rem¬ 
edy, In preference to the many palliatives oi ner¬ 
vousness. A tableapoonful before meals will be 
found to Improve appetite, as well as facilitate di¬ 
gestion, and a repetition of the dose at night 
promotes repose. 
IVOCHiJSiTEIV, IV. Y., 
Offer the largest and liiosl complete Stock ol 
FrulrundOrniiiueiiialTrern Id ibcll.8. **rice<l 
C3fttiilostu>'i» nt'iii n» follows! No. ]. Fruits with 
plate, lu etc.; plain, lt> (da. No. 2, Ornament id 
Trees, etc., with plate, 25 cte,: plain. Id eta. No. 3, 
Greenhouse. Free. No. 4, Wholesale, Free. No. 
3, Catalogue of Rowes, with beautiful colored plate, 
IO ct«. ; plain, I' reo. No. 7 , Catalogue of Btru wher¬ 
ries and small Fruits, Free. 
a Do Your Own 
Printing! 
S3 Press for curds,envelops, etc. 
14 other sizes, $8, $14, $25, $44. &o. 
Type setting easy by printed in- 
si ructions, Do your own printing 
and advertising Money madefast 
in any place Jobbing or runnings 
paper. Catalogue of Presses, Type. Cards, tec., for 2 
stumps, Kelsey dC Co., iUnn’l’ra, Meriden, Conn. 
51 ill Manufactory 
K. t . iitffl Ibot, 
CRIST MILLS, 
OsFlilhNOH BUHttbToNE 
I'riflnblo Milla for Funnnrs, 
Saw Mills uio*; 16 sites; over 
2,000 in 11 c - Price from $40 
*jp. Compu te Mill ami fthcU* 
er, $95 1 A boy can grind and 
l cep iu order. Adapted to tiny 
kind of suitable power. Com- 
|det© Flouring and Corn Mills. 
OR DYKE & MARMON CO., 
ludiauapolia, JLud. 
NEW DESIGNS 
WILTON, AXMINSTER, MOQUETTE, 
VELVET, BRUSSELS ANI> INGRAIN 
CARPETS. 
luittnt liy Onrseivss 
Expressly for the Seusou’s Retail Trade. 
THESE GOODS WILL BE FOUND TO COMBINE 
TO AN UNUSUAL EXTENT 
Elegance in Style and Finish, 
Durability in Wear, and 
Economy in Price. 
WE ALSO OFFER AN EXTENSIVE ASSORT¬ 
MENT OF Turkish, Persian AND Last Indian 
CARPETS, RUGS AND MATS. DOMESTIC OIL¬ 
CLOTHS, AND OTHER Popular Fluor Cover¬ 
ings AT 
Extremely Moderate Rates. 
J.&J.DOBSON 
CARPET MANUFACTURERS AND RETAILERS, 
40 *fc 42 WEST 1 ITU STREET, N. Y. 
JOHN VAN GrAASBEEK, 
Manager. 
W INTER RESORT.—Tp those who must Win¬ 
ter South, the dry,equable atmosphere of Tryou 
Mountains, with its Thermal Belt, offers great advan¬ 
tages as the intermediate clime, suited to ui! troubles 
ol the Lungs. 
The care of Invalids a Specialty. Address 
1>R. L. R. AIcABOY, 
Lyuu P. O., N. C. 
C IDER PRESSES AND GRATERS. 
Boomer & Bosciitnx Press Co., Syracuse. N. Y 
Monarch and Young America 
V4H » 
CORN AND COB MILLS 
Only mills made with 
Cast Cast Steel Grinders. 
Warranted superior 
» to any in use, for all pur¬ 
poses. Will grind faster, 
run easier and wear lon- 
ifpT ger. SattVaeikrn guar- 
E- anttvd. Also, Corn Shell- 
■Sp era. Feed Cutters, Cider 
Mills. Ac. Send for circu¬ 
lars and prices. 
AGRICULTURAL CO, 
St. Loots, Mo. 
Manufactured b; 
WRITS 
RICHMOND CITY MILL WORKS, 
ft IF IIIION I>, IN D 
Manufacturers of 
MILL STONES 
and 
Flouring Mill Machinery. 
W e manufacture 
the best French Burr - f 
CORN AMO FEED MILLS 
In the country. Send MHL 
for description and {MlBllllli 
State you saw this 
In RuaAl. N.-V. ; 
BOOKWALTER ENGINE 
Compact, substantial, eco¬ 
nomical and easily managed. 
Guaranteed to work well and 
give full power claimed. 
Emmie and I,oiler complete, 
Inducing governor, feed¬ 
pump. drive-pulley, etc., etc. 
at the low price of 
3 Horse (lower... .$240 
A,”'-- ‘' x - _ Mauufacturedat Springfield, 
Ohio. Send for Descriptive 
Pamphlet. 
J AME8 1EFFEL & CO., Springfield, 0, 
Or, 1 IO Liberty Hi.. New York City, 
All Iron but the Hopper. 
Cheap, Effective and 
Durable. 
CAN BE RUN BY ANY 
POWER. 
Capacity from H to so bushels per hour, according to 
Size. Send for Catalogue and prices. 
U. S. WIN’D ENGLVE & PI MP CO., 
Batavia, Kano Co., ill., U. S, A, 
THE IMPROVED 
For Making 
SUGAR, 
SYRUP 
sugar with less fuel and 
iHuur than n Tty other apparatus, Will condense 
eweet cider Into delicious Jelly at the rate of 
four barrels per hour. Agents wauted. 
Bend for descriptive circulars. 
BELLOWS FALLS, VT. 
strengthening the lungs, and in- 
, - -ity of the machine 1 h 
generally conceded throughout the 
- country, and the thousands of bi¬ 
cycles in daily use arc constantly increasing in uum- 
ber. Send He. stamp for catalogue, with price list and 
full information, THE POPE M’K’U CO., 
Id Summer Street, boston, Mass. 
COLUMBIA BICYCLE. 
Bicycle riding la an accomplish¬ 
ment easily acquired, and is rapid¬ 
ly becoming the most popular of 
out-door sports; as a health restora¬ 
tive it is invaluable, bringing into 
DUTCH 
BULBOUS 
ROOTS. 
Descriptive Priced Catalogues of our new importa¬ 
tions now ready for mailing to applicants. 
J. M. THORBURN A CO., 
15 John htrccl, Now York. 
