684 
Mr. Youngwoman wants to know “what 
is the best way to mark table linen ?” Leave 
the baby and a blackberry pie alone at the 
table for three minutes 
A man in Iowa has been arrested for assault¬ 
ing his own wife, and he has been found 
guilty, even though it was shown that he only 
stuffed her month full of putty when he 
wanted to go to sleep. Do men have no rights 
at all ? 
“ I’d have you know," exclaimed Mrs. Uppa- 
krust, haughtily tossing her head, “ that ray 
family always moved in the upper circles." 
“ Yes," whispered Mrs. Blunt to her friend 
Sarah Jones, “I’ve hern tell that the scum 
allers rises to the top,” 
“ Weld, Ethel, dear,” said an uncle to his 
little five-year-old niece, “if you like your 
new toy, come and put your arm around my 
neck and give ire a kiss." The little maiden 
complied, but as she did so, she remarked: 
“Oh, uncle, howl do spoil you !” 
“ Ant letter for me ?" asked a young lady of 
the female postmaster, in a country town. 
“No,” was the reply. “Strange,” said the 
young lady aloud to herself as she turned 
away. “Nothing strange about It,” cried the 
f. p., through the delivery window, “ you ain’t 
ans’erea the last letter he writ ye!” 
“ Write carefully,” says De Quincey. “You 
can never tell how much good your work may 
accomplish.” No truer words were ever 
spoken. A man brought around a perfectly 
lovely poem about the sun-kissed leaves of 
September, yesterday, just as the office boy 
had nuilt a fire in the grate and was looking 
for something to light it with. 
“ Bob Brown, did you say that my father 
had not as much sense as Billy Smith’s yellow 
dog?” “ No, I never said any such thing. I 
A HARD CASE. 
Major Dunnup“ Awf’lly dull down here, isn’t it, Miss Maria ? ” 
Miss Maria :—“Do you think so? Why don’t you go, then? You’re a bachelor, and have 
only yourself to please.” 
Major Dunnup ;—“ Only myself to please! You don’t know what a doosed difficult thing that 
is to do." 
THE IMPROVED 
Make the best syrup and sugar with legs fuel an.l 
labor than an,- other uppmsiua. Will coiuteinc 
Gwcct elder Into deliclon* Jelly ut the into of 
i'our barrels per hour. Amenta wauteJ. 
bend for descriptive circulars. 
VT. MACHINE CO., 
BELLOWS FALL S, VT. 
GET TfIJi REST FARM 
; GRIST MILL 
The grinding parts are steel. 
They take lens power, are mere 
riuruble, uiniiile and cheap, xend 
/or tlMcri jrfrnn catalogue. 
W. L. BOYER &BR0., 
Philuric Ipliiit, Pa. 
Also Mamif'rs. of Celebrated Union fiorne power, etc. 
THE NATURAL BUTTER COLOR 
Wan awarded the diploma of highest merit at the In¬ 
ternational Dairy Fair, New York, by the Committee 
of Judges, el ® 0 at the St. I.ouis and Illinois State Fairs. 
It is the cheapest and host In the market. Cheese color 
by the gallon. For sale by de-alem. Manufactured by 
R. S. WHITE & CO., Fort Atkinson, Wis. Write for 
circulars and price list, 
Mention THE Kukat. Nuw-Yobkeh. 
BADGER STATE 
Butter Color. 
Received the only honorable mention granted to any 
Butter Color at the International Dairy Fair of 1879. 
If not for sale by your dealer, send for circular, he., to 
the manufacturer, E. SHELDON, Fort Atkin¬ 
son, Wis. 
NEW DESIGNS 
WILTON, AXMINSTER, MOQUETTE, 
IRITY orTONEl 
RICHMOND CITY MILL WORKS, 
KICimOINU, IN D. 
Manufacturers of 
XWIIX.X. 3TON3S 
and 
Flouring Mill Machinery. 
W e manufacture . 
le best French Burr VLrjp“2W. Hj 
3RN AND FEED MILLS 
i the country. Send jjjljfflk ifl 
»r description and il'Tflttejli’Ilfl 
State you saw tills - 
, " r “ l V‘ fl Do Your Own 
£>>#1 Printing! 
■■£&{•>. JiroJ83 Pres* for cards.envolops.ete. 
»- lAi'f'^WSTAjr f U other sly.es. @ 8 . $14, $ 2 o, $44. he, 
AJe / v ' f Type setting easy by printed tu- 
•§! structious. V)o your own printing 
W'l and advertising Moneymmiefast 
A to any place Jobbing or running-ft 
paper. Catalogue of Presses. Type, Cards, ifec., for 2 
stamps. Kelsey <Jk Co., IWnn’Prs, Meriden. Conn. 
Mill Manufactory 
Established 1h5l, 
CRIST MILLS, 
On FRENCH BOHR BTONK 
For(*tus Mill* tor F xrmiin, 
S»w Mill*.no.; IR bUcj; over 
S,000 in U'O. Price from $80 
up. Complete MU) and Stoni¬ 
er, $96. A boy e»n grind end 
keep In order. Adapted to^eny 
Monarch and Young America 
CORN A VI) COB MILLS 
Only mills made with 
Cast Cast Steel Grinders. 
Warranted superior 
to auy in use, for all pur¬ 
pose?. Will grlud faster, 
run canter anil wear Ion- 
-rer. Sutt-iJ'ueh'oii guar¬ 
anteed. AJso, Corn Shell- 
ere. Feed Cutlers, Cider 
Mills, he. Bend for circu¬ 
lars and pricer. 
Mauutai" • by ___ 
WHITMAN AGRICULTURAL CO , 
Sr. Louis, Mo. 
Tarry Not 
until you are driven to the verge of distraction by 
a disordered liver, but as soon as the organ turns 
mutinous, discipline It with a course of Hostetter’s 
Stomach Bitters, an antl-blllous medicine which 
ensures active secretion by the liver, and a regular 
habit of body. Pains through the right, shoulder- 
blade and ribs, vertigo, nausea, coating of the 
tongue, constipation, and alck-headaches, which 
are all Incidental to biliousness, are promptly 
remedied by this active and thorough specific. 
As a remedy for debility It cannot be surpassed, 
strengthening the stomach and promoting diges¬ 
tion, enriching the blood, and invigorating the 
nerves. It protects the system against malaria, 
and cures the disease In its various forms radi¬ 
cally—It overcomes a tendency to rheumatism, 
remedies disorders of the kidneys and bladder, and 
expels Impurities from the circulation. 
|>l«U) Flouriog *.od CoroMiU«. 
ORDYKK * MAHMOJf 00., 
ln<Uau»iwU4, iu<!« 
COLUMBIA BICYCLE. 
Bicycle riding is an aceomplinh 
meut easily aeouired, and iB rapid 
ly becoming the most 
out-door sports; as a he 
tive it is invaluable,' 
action every u:li sole of the body 
the 1 
the wearied bram. The 
practicability of the machine is 
generally conceded throughout the 
__— country, and the thou rands of ui- 
csyc.en in dally use are constantly increasing In num¬ 
ber. 8 end 80 . aturop for catalogue, with price list and 
lull information, THK PuPE M'rO QO.. 
76 Buuuner Street,Boston, Mass. 
AGENTS WANTED to Sell the NEW BOOK 
TELLS HOW TO 
Cultivate all the Farm Crops in the BeBt Manner; 
Breed, Feed and Care for Stock teGrow Fruit; Manage 
Farm BuBineas; Make Happy Home*, and 
How to Make Money on tlie Farm. 
eEverv Farmer should have a copy. 860 Daces. 
140 Illustrations. Send lot circulars to 
J. C, McCURDY CO., Philadelphia, Pa» 
N RIVALED 
restova. 
B 
f 
■ 11 i; b 1 ■ 
A 
never said that your father had not as much 
sense as Billy Smith’s yellow dog. All 1 said 
was that Billy’s yellow dog had more sense 
than your father; that’s all I ever said.” 
“ Well, it’s well you didn’t say the other, I 
tell yon.” 
Johnny wanted to go to the circus and his 
father said: “Johnny, I'd rather you’d go to 
school and study, and may be you’ll be Presi¬ 
dent some day.” “Father,” said Johnny, 
“ there’s about one million boys in the United 
States, isn't there?” “Yes.” “And every 
one of them stands a chance of being Presi¬ 
dent?” “Yes.” “Well, dad, I’ll sell my 
chance for a circus ticket." 
VELVET, BRUSSELS AND INGRAIN 
THEBE GOODS WILL BE FOUND TO COMBINE 
TO AN UNUSUAL EXTENT 
Elegance in Style and Finish, 
Durability in Wear, and 
Economy in Price. 
WE ALSO OFFER AN EXTENSIVE ASSORT¬ 
MENT OF Turkish, Persian AND East Indian 
CARPETS, RUGS AND MATS, DOMESTIC OIL¬ 
CLOTHS, AND OTHER Popular Floor Cover¬ 
ings AT 
Extremely Moderate Rates. 
JOHN VAN GAASBEEK, 
Manager. 
Is now the finest in the country, and thrives admira¬ 
bly at the South as well as North. Fall is the best time 
to plant all tbe Small Fruits and Grai >« Vines. In 
large ijuantity and at low rates with very liberal offers 
For Catalogue address 
Cornwall-on-Hudson, 
New Yorlt. 
E. P. ROE 
Manufactured liy Ourselves 
Expressly for the Season’s Retail Trade. 
CUTHBERT BERRY 
An Irish nobleman, riding along a country 
road in Ireland, saw a very fat boy dozing by 
the roadside. “ Which is the way to Macroom, 
my lad ?” asked the noblemau. “That way,” 
replied the boy, lazily moving the toe of his 
boot in the direction of the place. Astonished 
at his extreme laziness, my lord dismounted. 
“ Boy.” said he, “ if you can show me a lazier 
act than that I will give you half a crown.” 
The boy eyed him speedily for a moment, and, 
turning half over on his side, muttered : “Put 
it in my pocket, sor.” He got his half-crown. 
A Leap Year Incident.— Not a hundred 
mileB from Thornhill a young lady had been 
spending the day with a bachelor minister and 
his sister. The young lady, whose name was 
Miss Hope, had been very gratified with the 
kindly treatment received at the good old Scot¬ 
tish manse, and ou leaving expressed her 
thanks for the kindness of the minister, mak¬ 
ing at the same time the retnaik, “That she 
had not heard him in the pulpit; but” she 
contiuued, “ I will be over on Sabbath to hear 
you ”—“ I shall be very glad to see you, Miss 
Hope, and uoder the interesting circumstances 
you might suggest a ‘ text ’ for the occasion, 
and I will do all the justice to it I can."—“1 
will be glad to do that, sir” replied the lady. 
“ How would this one do—‘Lav hold of the 
‘Hope ’ set before you ?’ ” 
J.&J.DOBSON 
CARPET MANUFACTURERS AND RETAILERS, 
40 tfc 42 WEST 14TI1 STREET, N, Y. 
CARPETS. 
