OCT. 30 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
a 
gjnmotons. 
Kissing is somewhat like Beven-up. If he 
begs, and she thinks she can make points in 
the game, she will give one. 
A Syracuse grocer used to smoke his pipe 
while leaning against the kerosene barrel. His 
mail now goes to the dead letter office. 
One of the first requisitions received from a 
n :wly-appointed railway station agent, was: 
“Send me a gallon of red oil for the danger 
lanterns." 
“ There's one kind of ship I always steer 
clear of,” said an old bachelor sea-captain, 
“ and that’s courtship, ’cause on that ship 
there’s always two mates and no captain.” 
A Mobile paper describes a young lady with 
hair “ as black as a raven’s.” The ravens 
weren’t wearing any hair to speak of last Sum¬ 
mer, but we suppose the style has changed this 
year. 
“Ella, is your father at home?” said a 
bashful lover to his sweetheart; “I want to 
propose something very important to him.” 
“ No, Clarence, papa is not at home; but I am. 
Couldn’t you propose to me just as well?” 
And he did, with perfect success. 
I waited anxiously with dread unfeigned— 
I held my breath, my utterance was choked— 
My muscles twitched, my every nerve was 
strained—With humid tears my handkerchief 
was soaked—Till in a moment agony was 
eased—I quickly turned my head aside—and 
sneezed! 
A gentleman, recently about to pay his 
doctor’s bill, said, “ Well, doctor, as my little 
boy gave the measels to all my neighbor’s 
children, aDd as they were attended by yon, I 
think you can afford at the very least to de¬ 
duct ten per cent, from the amount of ray bill 
for the increase ot business we gave you.” 
A soldier of a cavalry regiment was brought 
up for stealing his comrade’6 liquor ration. He 
was an Irishman, and his defence was unique. 
“ I’d be sorry indade, surr, to be called a thief. 
I put the liquor in the same bottle, and mine 
was at the bottom, and sure I was obliged to 
drink his to get at my own !” 
"How came these holes in your elbows?” 
said a widowed mother to her only son. “ Oh, 
mother, I hid behind the sofa when Col. Gob- 
ler was saying to Maria that he’d take her even 
if you had to be thrown in ; and he didn't 
know 1 w as there; and so I held my tongue and 
laughed in my sleeves till I burst 'em.”—[Lit- 
tell’s Living Age. 
“Why, Bridget," said her mistress, who 
wished to rally the girl, for the amusement of 
her company, upon the fantastic ornamenting 
of a plate of 1 utter, “Why. Bridget, did you 
do this? You're quite an artist ; how did you 
doit?” “Indade, mum, it was myself that 
did it,” replied Bridget. “Isn't itpritty, mum? 
I did it with your flue-tooth-comb, mum.” 
“ Can you tell me where to buy a white 
shirt?” said a gawky fellow to a mau at Lex¬ 
ington. Ga. The information was given, and 
the inquirer—who was accompanied by a 
blushing girl—said to the merchant while buy¬ 
ing tile shirt: “ Can you tell me where to get 
a marriage license ?” Of the license clerk he 
asked : “ Who's tlie best minister to tie the 
knot ?” Thus the couple cautiously proceeded 
toward matrimony. 
-- 
Poisoned Atmosphere, 
And poisoned water, having lost their purity and 
become contaminated with the rank effluvium 
and noxious soluble products of decaying vegeta¬ 
tion, breed not only malaria in Its various rorms, 
but give rise to disorders of the stomach, liver and 
bowels, always of a dangerous character. No 
antidote to malarial poison has yet been dis¬ 
covered which has so signally demonstrated 
Its remedial value as Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters, 
which breaks up the worst paroxysms of fever and 
ague and bilious remittents, and prevents the first 
attacks, or a recurrence of these and kindred 
malarial disorders As a stomachic and general 
tonic, as a recuperant of vital energy, and as a 
restorative of bilious regularity, active secretion, 
anl a healthy habit of body, this preparation Is 
unrivalled. Throughout those portions of the 
United States and In tropical countries where 
such disorders are prevalent. It Is regarded as a 
standard antl-malarlal specific. 
WANTED, 
Young Men and Ladies to learn Telegraphy. Good 
situations guaranteed. Address with stamp. 
UBERLIN TELEGRAPH CO., Obeulin, Ohio. 
INSINUATING. 
Customer.—" Give me a pint of half-and-half !” 
Grocer.—“Half-and-half ?” 
Customer —“Exactly : half milk, half water.” 
Halladay Standard. 
VICTORIOUS AT 
Phila., 1876—Paris, 1878 
25 Yearn In Dae. 
GUARANTEED SUPERIOR 
To any other Windmill Made. 
17 Sim-I MAN TO 45 HORSE POWER 
Adopted bv the leading ft- R. Co.'s 
and bv the tJ. 8■ Govt, at 
Forts and Garrisons. 
$8,800,000 worth now in Use, 
Send for Catalogue “B" and 
Price List 
U.S. WIND INO. AP VP CO., 
Batavia, III. 
._.CHALLENGE WIND MILLS 
? f'f Victorious at all fairs. Over 7,000 in 
tactual use in every Htate and Terri- 
' «*tory of the U. 8 . 11 1b a section wheel— 
h&a been made by the present Co. for 
ten years; in all that time not one lias 
blown down without tower breaking— 
, .... a record no other mill can show, we 
leave it to the public to determine tbeir merits. Mills 
sent on 30 days' triad. Best Feed MlilB, Com Shellers, 
&c., &c. Catalogue free. 
CHALLENGE MILL CO., Batavia. HI. 
IMPROVED CALIFORNIA 
IMPORTED CLYDESDALES 
ASMg 
HAMBLETONIANS, 
and other desirable strains of Trotting .Stock, for 
sale, clienp, aud on ensy terms. All stock guaran¬ 
teed as good as represented. Catalogues sent free. 
Correspondence solicited. Address 
POWELL BROS., 
Sprlngboro, Crawford Co., Pa. 
V eteran Corn Sheller 
FOR HAND OR POWER. 
Just the thing for Mill, Farm and Plan¬ 
tation. 
Power ami rTaml Corn Shellers ol all sizes 
and to suit all wants. 
HORSE POWERS, JACKS, Etc. 
write for DeBOripuve Circulars and price*. Ad¬ 
dress SANDWICH RIANliK’O ( (»., 
* Sandwich, Illinois. 
Bicycle riding Is an accomplish, 
ment easily nonuired, and is rapid- 
the mor.t popular of 
>lth resto: 
ly becoming „„„ 
OUt-door snorts; as a boa 
zatyucj* vT 'y. “ restora¬ 
tive it is Invaluable, bringing Into 
action every muscle of the body, 
strengthening the luuga, and in¬ 
vigorating th« wearied brain. The 
practicability of the machine is 
generally conceded throughout the 
daily useTrT^^tl/ttrClri °nu^ 
»ra e o ,lBt aud 
78 Summer Street, Boston, Alasa. 
For Young 
or Old. 
Do Your Own 
Printing! 
Press for cards,envelops, etc. 
14 other sizes, 88, $14. $25, 844. Ac. 
Type setting easy by printed in- 
Btruction«. Do your own printing 
and advertising Money made fast 
— iu any place Jobbing or runninfira 
Catalogue Of Presses, Type, Cards. Ac., for 2 
in’Prs, Meriden, Conn, 
paj>er, , iccre, , 
itamps.Kelaey dk Co., Man 
NEW DESIGNS 
IN 
WILTON, AXMINSTER, MOQUETTE, 
VELVET, BRUSSELS AND INGRAIN 
CARPETS. 
Expressly for the Season’s Retail Trade. 
THESE GOODS WILL BE 
TO AN UNUSUAL EXTENT 
FOUND TO COMBINE ' 
Elegance in Style and Finish, 
Durability in Wear, and 
turers. 
WIND MILL. 
Simple, Strong, Durable, Rosette Wheel 
and perfectly Self-regulating, avoiding 
lull wearing joints. Also, Steven's Pony 
Feed Grinder and a ported Rotary Mo¬ 
tion attachment, without gearing, the 
power being communicated by the lift 
or up strokenf Pump Rod, Can be used 
for cutting feed, churning, &c. The 
beet, cheajiest and most useful power in 
the market. Full particulars, circulars. 
iic., sent lrec. Address the Mannfac- 
CLAIIK & GO.. SOUXMADX. ILL. 
L/WDSMHOMES 
IN SOUTHWEST MISSOURI. 
1,000,000 acres well-watered Timber 
anil Prairie Lands along the line of the 
St, Louies and San Francisco It. 11.for sale 
at from S2.30 to $8.00 per acre on 
seven yen>■ s’time, Excellent, for Stock, 
Fruit, and Farming. The best Tobacco 
Region lu the West Short winters, con¬ 
venient markets, superior schools, lovr 
taxes, heal tilth L climate, good society. 
Free transportation from St.Louls to pur¬ 
chasers of laud. Rend for mops and circulars, 
W. li. COFFIN, Land Commissioner, 
Temple Building, St. Louis, Mo, 
RiQes, Shot (Jan*. Rc?ol?.rt,«nn t«. o. d. for examination 
Breech-Loading Shot Guns, 820 to $300. Double Shot 
Guns. to $150. Single Guns, 83 to $au. Rifles and Cart¬ 
ridges, 8« to $76. Revolvers, 81 to 826. Send stamp 
for Price List GREAT WESTERN GUN WORKS. 
Pittsburg. Pa. 
GREAT 
ELGIN WATCHES 
all styles, Gold.Silver aud Nickel,$tl.OUto 
$150 Chains, etc., sent C. O. D., to be ex¬ 
amined. Write for Catalogue to Standard 
American Watch Co., Pittsburg, Pa. 
BIG GAINT CORN MILL. 
Every Man His Own Miller. 
The only Mill that will 
grind Corn with Shuck on 
without extra expense. The 
Only Mill grinding Corn and 
C ob success!ally that will 
grind Shelled Corn tine 
trough for family use. 
Grinds twice as fast hr any 
Oil:or Mill ot qwtne site and 
price. Manufactured by 
J. A. FI ELD, SON A CO. 
922 N. 2d 8t., St. Louis 
I IIL. UtkkS 
■w ■ ■ 
FEED CUTTER 
The Best Feed Cittn 
In the World. 
THE ONE THAT RU1 
LIGHT ENOUGH FOR 
WIND-POWER. 
Send for circular, referents 
&c. Nhiuo this paper whi 
you write. 
DAVID LAWTON, 
Manufacturer, Racine, W 
Economy in Price'. 
WE ALSO OFFER AN EXTENSIVE ASSORT¬ 
MENT OF Turkish, Persian AND Eaat Indian 
CARPETS. RUG8 AND MATS, DOME8TIC OIL- 
CLOTHS. AND OTHER Popular Floor Cover¬ 
ings AT 
Extremely Moderate Bates. 
J.&J.DOBSON 
CARPET MANUFACTURERS AND RETAILERS 
40 & 42 WEST 14Tn STREET, N. Y. 
JOHN VAN GAASBEEK, 
• Manager. 
BPBOIAL 
PROPOSITION! 
We will Bend by MAIL, i 
age paid) 3M LB. PACKAGE of 
our celebrated SUN - SUN 
CHOP TEA on receipt ol 
S2.50. It is the FINEST 
Imported BLACK TEA, with a 
GREEN TEA, flavor. War¬ 
ranted to SU1X’ AI L TASTES. 
Parties wishing to te«t it before 
buying lu quantity, we will 
send 
Sample on receipt of 6 otP. 
Postage stamps taken. SPE 
C1AL TERMS ON LARGE 
ORDERS. Particulars free. 
The Great American Tea Co. 
IMPORTERS, 
31 and 33 VESKY ST., 
P. O. Box 423d New Yobk. 
Tiie Victor again Victorious. 
The. Victor Double Huiler Clover Machine excelled 
the BirdseH , Monitor. Jr. and Ash aud Clover Hullers 
on every point in the great national Clover Huiler 
trial. at Toledo, Ohio, Fair, on September 16 and 17, 
Ashland Huiler was ruled out in first days trial for 
bad work. Second day the Victor got seven per cent. 
more seed from same quantity ot straw than Birdsell 
Monitor, Jr, did, aud HUUper cent, more seed from the 
Mouitor, Jr. straw than the Monitor Jr. did from Vic¬ 
tor's straw, aa will be seen by Committee’s report 
which will bo sent free upon application to 
HA6EBSTOWN AG’L IMP. M’F. CO. 
Hatferstown, Mil. 
SIMPSON, HALL, MILLER & GO., 
•Manufacturers of 
FINEST QUALITY SILVER-PLATED TABLE WARE 
OF 1 EVERY DESCRIPTION. 
Sales Room, 36 East 14th St., Union Square, N. Y. Factory at Wallingford, Conn. 
HEHVTX) FOB. t t.t. tth>pt» a t titi n a o’ a T. orUTM. 
