556 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
AU6 n 
jtjmuomig. 
“An’ tbat’s the pillar of Hercules!”she said, 
adjusting her silver spectacles. ‘ 'Gracious 1 
what’s the rest of his bedclothes like, I won¬ 
der?” 
A neighboring paper, reporting a recent 
social, says: “The opening piece was rendered 
by a mule quartet.” The reporter wrote it “a 
male quartet," but the compositor knew bet¬ 
ter. 
Grandpapa— “Whatl Bob in love with 
Miss Foritalba, the comic actress at the Par¬ 
thenon?’ liob (firing up)—“Yes, grandpa; 
and if you’ve got a word to say against that 
lady it had better not be said in my presence, 
that's all." Grandpa—“I say a word against 
her! Why, bless your heart, my dear boy, 1 
was head over ears in love with her myself— 
when I was your age.” 
“How many of your parents, children, say 
grace?” asked the Sunday-school teacher, 
“Please, mum, what's them?” asked an over¬ 
grown girl iu a last year’s hat. “Why, Mag¬ 
gie!” exclaimed the teacher; is it possible you 
don’t know what grace is? Doesn’t your 
father say something before you eat?’ “Oh!” 
responded the girl, with aglow' of intelligence, 
“yes, mum; he does; he always says, ‘Don’t 
make hogs of you gelves—that’s all the butter 
there is iu the house.’" 
Three objections— Jones—“I have a great 
mind to buy a bicycle." Smith—“What for, 
pray?” Jones—“To ride on, of course. A 
friend of mine who is a dealer in bicycles 
says they have many merits and only three 
objections.” Smith—“I had one once. Your 
friend is right. A bioyole has but three ob¬ 
jections. The first one is that you are liable 
to break an arm; the second is that you are 
liable to break a log-” Jones “Good 
gracious!" Smith—“And the third is that 
you are liable to break your neck.” 
“Ma, I am now seventeen. Mayn’t I enter 
society?” “You w ill have to ask your father, 
Lizzie?” “Oh, but he’s so grum; I’m afraid 
to.” “Speak to him prettily, dear, aud he will 
answer you. He's in the sitting room.” Liz¬ 
zie summons courage aud goes to her father. 
“Pa, dear, I’m now seventeen; may I enter 
society?" “What kind of society?’ “Why, 
the best of society, of course.” “No. Do you 
suppose Pm going to have you make a fool of 
yourself ugoin' about here saying 'caw fur 
car, and *fnw’ fur for, aud such talk? No, 
never.” 
I hail severe attacks of gravel and kidney trouble: 
was unable to get a medicine or doctor to cure me 
until 1 used Hop Hitters and they cured me In a 
aliort time, a Dibtinoci.-.hku Law tku or Warns Co., 
N. Y. 
Colormmk and ooi.n. A young girl deeply regret¬ 
ted that she was so colorless and cold, Her face was 
too white, and her hands and feet felt us though the 
blood did not circulate. After one bottle Of Hop 
Bitters hail been taken sbe was the rosiest and heal¬ 
thiest girl In the town, with a vivacity and cheerrui- 
nuss of mind gratifying to her friends. 
With Force Feed Fertilizer Attachment. 
Always reliable! Pio Speetnl Device required 
lor IHitiilluu Corn. Send for Circular, giving full 
Informatl on, to EMPIRE I) K 11 , 1 , t'O., 
Box H. MliorlavUle, N. Y. 
-nm HFH.OlHBS & C 0 
* fdonufacturora of 
Canton, 0 • 
NERVE. 
Brown. —Say, Smith, lend me your umbrella, won't you? 
Smith. —Well, I want to use it myself or— 
Brown. —O, thunder! you are always thinking of yourself alone. 
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INVALIDS AND OTHE RS SEEKIN G 
HEALTH 
STRENGTH AND ENERGY WITHOUT THE XJ8E OF 
DRUGS. 
Are requested to arnd for THE 'ELECTRIC RE. 
VIEW, an Illustrated Journal), whleb is publish¬ 
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It treats of ITkai.th. Hv.iikst., and Physical Culture, 
and Is a complete encyclopedia of Information for 
Invalids and those who suffer from nervous, exhaust 
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YOUNG HEN nnd others who suffer from ner 
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Address, for Free copy, THR ELECTRIC RE 
VIEW. 1 1 flit Broadway. New lork, 
REDR^ity 
km 
SPECIAL OFFER 
To Actual Settlers 
open only between the 1 1 t 
dayof Maichandtlie-31 vt 
d»y of Dec., I8S*. 
The lends In¬ 
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ir. tho Untied 
Stales now 
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First appli. 
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Homeseokors, 
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For Maps, 
llluafrated 
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^"formation regaidifft 
Write to J. B- 
Land and Immigration OommUaioner, 
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ST. PAUL, MINN. 
A 4 ' 
GOOD NEWS 
to L ADIES! 
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“ACME" 
Pulverizing Harrow, 
c Cloo Crusher AND Ieveler 
* SEND FOR PHAMRHLET 
NASH &c BROTHER T 
SOLE MANUFACTURERS. 
Branch Office MILLINGTON, 
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delivered free on board at distributing Depots 
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N.B. phamrhlet -Tillage is Manure'.' 
Sentfree !e parties who name this paper. 
MAST. FUQS&GO. 
SPRINGFIELD, 0., 
J 
fnAHUFAC- 
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OF 
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