THE R13RAL NEW-YORKER 
utuorous 
“IIeioh-iio!” said Mrs. Spriggins, “I see 
that poor old Mr. Wilkins has died intestate. 
I alius said high living would ruin his in¬ 
nards.” 
“Oh , don'^ propose tome here!’’ exclaimed 
a young lady, whose lover was a 1 »out to pour 
out his avowal as they were riding by a corn¬ 
field. “The very com has ears.” 
Lxtti.k Dot’s mammu harl l>een ill with a 
severe attack of neuralgia. A visitor called, 
aud while waiting in the parlor, asked Dot 
how her mother was. She replied, “she is 
sick, she’s got the morality.” 
“What is the price of this axle-grease?” 
asked the new clerk of a grocery dealer; 
“there is no mark on it.” “ltdependson your 
customer. If he asks for axle-grease, charge 
him 15 cents a pound; but if he wants butter, 
make it US cents.” 
Wmuc the very young daughter of a 
country clergyman was playing in the garden 
one day, a stranger came along and inquired 
if her father was at home. “No,” she replied; 
“hut my mother is in the house, and she will 
pray with you, you poor, miserable sinner.” 
A LITTLE fellow with a tall, stalwart wife 
was asked hy a friend if the contrast between 
them didn’t, often expose him to mortifying 
remarks. “O, i don't mind that,” he said 
cheerfully; "but since Sarah’s gmwn near¬ 
sighted 1 have to look sharp for fear she’ll 
step on me.” 
Little Freddie was talking to bis grandma 
who was something of a skeptic. “Grandma, 
do you belong to the Presbyterian church?” 
“No.” “To the Baptist?” “No.” “To any 
church?” “No.” “Well, grandma, dou’t 
you thiuk it’s about time to get in some¬ 
where?” 
Two K1DKS TO A QUESTION.- “Say. Smith, 
arc you coming down town to-night?” “No. ’ 
“Why not?” “Well, my hired girl left this 
morning, and Mary will bo lonesome by her¬ 
self.” “My hired girl left this morning, too, 
anti that’s why I’m coming down. I’d bo awful 
lonesome with Maggie.” 
“My dear,look down below,” said a gradioso, 
as lie stood on Waterloo bridge, gazing at a 
tug hauling a long lino of barges. “Such is 
life; the tug is like a man, working and toil¬ 
ing, while the barges, like women, are—” “I 
know,” interrupted Mrs. G., acridly, “the 
tug docs all the blowing and the barges bear 
all the burden.” 
ftllRAtpBWp- 
OI'Tt FARM SIZE 
We make eight different sizes. S 
scrljitlve circular and prices. 
auburn, n. Y 
Mrs. Mary li. Welch, Teacher of l)onie»i«io 
Economy at the Iowa State Agri¬ 
cultural College, says s 
“lean unhesitating commend the Charter 
Oak Range, with the wonderful wire gauze 
oven door, made by the Excelsior Manu¬ 
facturing Co., of St. Louis, and Invented 
by Mr. Giles F. Fillcy, as the best cooking 
apparatus within my knowledge, and one 
that will not fail in any respect to give 
the fullest satisfaction to all who may 
use it.” 
T—S.R.NYE IMPRPY.E 1 > 
REAPERS. MOWERS 
HOSTS LESS for 
REPAIRS. i 
Circulars free, d 
nnd you will 
uuc no other. 
m / M THE BEST in use. ^ 1 
■•r r/lftr 'v Agents wanted in unoc- j 
B«n. . •’ • logue. MOWKIl 
BRADLEY <Sc CO., SYRACUSE, N. Y 
ITS leading merits are 
That It will not scratch your ground Nj'df no> ad- 
JiiHtmWJt, but will rako Clean cm nil purln.e*. WlU 
not scatter lit till i.-udK will form s .’jS? wmL 
lienw orirromi (,-ru.M Ih cjimly hold down wnueas 
worlc Wnlduiupcaslly. Will ridoeaelly. W ill turn 
SSly. Will make l^ noiac. and U the most expen- 
jnvnly built mid handsome®! ltake til the market 
BELCHER & TAYLOR AGR’L TOOL CO. 
BOX 75 UU1COPEE RALLS, MASS. 
VAPORATING FRUIT 
t Full treatise on unproved 
methods, yields. prolate, priovi 
and general etatietai*. PBBK. 
AMERICAN MAN’F’G CO. 
Box P WAYHESBOBO, PA. 
SCIENTIFIC 
CORN AND FEED 
NEW ROOFS. _ , 
Rubber Roofing being very clastic, is atom;/ 1 /rec¬ 
ommended hy Architects, corporations, Public in¬ 
stitutions, Builders, and leading men in all sections: 
Can he In Id oneroid shliqjleB. felt^ilnsUe aud mastic 
roofs with jiosirttY! satis 
OT.O ROOFS. . „ 
Protect your Buildings by using Clines* Suite Roof¬ 
ing Paint,’which neither emcfesln winter nor runslu 
.summer. Old shingle roofs cun he painted, looking 
ttute/i better, fi-iut / i.- ting lunge*' than tirtc shingles 
without the paint,for one-fourth the co®t of rt—shin¬ 
gling. f>» decayed thlngl#* 11 1111m up the holes and 
pores aud gives a uew tnbttantiolroel that lasts for 
vears. t 'urle.d or irnrpril shltlKles It tiring* to their 
places rind hreps them there. This slate jiatut re- 
■ liilri -> no heating or thinning, Is applied with a brush, 
aud very ornamental. Be sure you obtain our ortiu- 
fa* art tele, which Is vhacoUite color and Is to all In¬ 
tents utel purposes alatt. Un 
TIN OR IRON ROOFS. , , ^ 
the red oolor Is often preferred.andls acknowledged 
tlic best point in the market for durability on metal 
surfaces. It 1ms u heavy body hut Is easily applied 
expands by heat, contracts by cold, is a slow drlen 
and never erttef* nor senlr*. Due coat Iscijualto -l 
of any ..thrr paint . Buildings covered wltn tar-felt 
POSITIVELY 
THE BEST MILL 
ON EARTH. 
Grinds perfectly. Corn and Cob, 
Shelled Corn, and all Grams 
Made in Four sizes, and fully 
guaranteed. 
Grinding Plates are a special metal 
perfectly hard: axe sell sharpen¬ 
ing, ami can be run in ei;«her direc¬ 
tion, making Hem very durable. 
turlt!6. rdf, pliisticauo limsuc 
nwim w*v« ^^o.te^o.avi&faciloD. wl11 notdraw Ijl hot 
weather; shedg witter readily, mid Is a strictly relia- 
ble article. 
NO TAR OR GRAVEL USED. 
We mail sueh e&mvlt directions for applying that 
any one can roof hi* own /unite. 
Mills, foundries, and factories a tpecialtv. Materi¬ 
al;. <ampletc f*>r o uric steep or flat Itoof of t.llues 
Rubber Koofltigoo-H but about half the price of re- 
shlngllna. For private house*, burns, and buildings 
at all descriptions It Is far superior to mo/ other 
rooting In the world for convenience in laving, and 
corallines the ornamental appearance, durability and 
fire proof qualities of fin. at one-third the cost. 
MARBI.ETZED PLATE 1IANTF.1.S. 
Cheap »- wood; beautiful eulnr-: newest styles. 
Send stamp for Boot vj nesigna. We can save you 
money. 
i„ i«T Church St., Philadelphia, Pa. 
