36 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
J^u morons. 
INVALIDS AND OTHERS SEEKING 
“Better behave yourself,” said the turnip 
to the potato, “or some one will come along 
and take the starch out of you.” 
Mast a young lady is perfect in pressing 
autumn leaves who leaves all the pressing of 
her clothing to her aged mother. 
“I wish I was a saloon,” said a loving 
woman to her husband. “Why?” he inquired, 
with some degree of surprise. “Oh, because 
you w ould run in 18 or 20 times a day to see 
me.” 
A negro held a cow while a cross eyed man 
was to knock her on the bead with an ax. 
The darkey observing the man’s eyes in some 
alarm, inquired: “You gwine to hit whar you 
look?” “Yes,” “Den,” said cuffee, “holddis 
cow yourself.” 
“William, my son,” said an economical 
mother to her boy, “for mercy’s sake don't 
keep on tramping up and down the floor in 
that manner. You'll wear out your new 
boots.’ (He sits down.) “There you go sit¬ 
ting down 1 Now you’ll wear out your new 
trousers, I declare, I never saw such a boy!” 
“Ah, old fellow,” said a gentleman, meet¬ 
ing another on the avenue, “so you are married 
at last. Allow me to congratulate you, for I 
hear you have an excellent and accomplished 
wife.” “I have indeed,” was the reply; “she 
is so accomplished. Why, sir, she is perfectly 
at home in literature, at home in music, at 
home in art, at home in science—in short, at 
home in everything except-” “Except 
what?” “Except at home.” 
The day was young. Two men, each car¬ 
rying a lot of tools, came slowly up to the cor¬ 
ner 0 { - street and there paused. A Mil- 
ton car had just passed the corner and was 
fully 20 feet away. “There’s our car,” re¬ 
marked one, calmly. “No matter,” replied 
his companion, we’d have to hurry to ketch it. 
There’ll be another in an hour,” and they 
seated themselves in a doorway and lighted 
their pipes They were plumbers. 
During the organization of the schools last 
Monday, in a certain town in the suburbs, the 
£ clq^lnu* were iuterrogatecUas the occupa¬ 
tion of their fathers. The question reaching 
a bright little six-year-old girl, she responded 
that her father was a florist. - florist 1 ’ 
asked the teacher. “Where is his greenhouse?” 
“His green home 1 He hasn’t any greenhouse, 
ma’am.” “Why, then, do you call him a flor¬ 
ist?” “Oh! he makes floors for Thompson & 
Taylor.” 
ptettllanmsi ^flvertissiug. 
Kahoka, Mo., Feb. 9,1880. 
I purchased five bottles of your Hop Bitters of 
Bishop & Co. last fall, tor my daughter, and am well 
pleased with the Bitters. They did her more good 
than all the medicine she has taken for nxyeers^ 
The above ts from a very reliable farmer, whose 
daughter was In poor health for seven or tight years, 
and could obtain no relief until the used Hop Bit¬ 
ters She Is now in good health a* any person in 
the eouutrv We have a larov sole, and they are 
making remarkable cures. VT H 
JOSH BILLINGS HEARD FROM. 
Newport, R. L, Aug. 11. 1880. 
Dear Bitters—\ am here trying to breathe in all the 
salt air of the ocean, and having been a sufferer for 
more than a yeur w'th a rpfra' torv liver. I was In¬ 
duced to mix Hop Bitters with the sea gale, and 
have found the nurture a dortous result. * * * 
I have been greatly helped by the Bitters and am not 
afraid to say so. Yours without n struggle, 
J JOSH BILLINGS. 
uses* 
t AVE MA pate< p d RO vemeni s 
not found itj HEB hakes 
THAT Will WELL REPAY Ahf 
INVESTIGATION 
by THOSE WHOg T o SECllRE 
THE BEST SAFE 
MARVIN SAFE GO. 
NEW YORK, PHILADELPHIA, 
LONDON. ENGLAND. 
BURPEE’S Si 
M to any uddress. It is a 
handsome book of over 100 pagw. and tells nil about the 
BESTGARDEN.FARMiFLOWERQCCnQ 
including IMPORTANT NOV l^l‘-uLCUu 
ties el Real Merit, which onnnot^ ™ ™ 
be obtained elsewhere. It. contains bund reus of beautiful 
PL 1ST 15 ( ATA 1,00 HISS puiuiHnea ana snouio ye iu 
the hands ol every farmer and gardener. Burpee’s Heeds are 
warranted of beat nimlily, and priceB very reasonable 
W. ATLEE BURPEE & CO 
m SS1I3 K: Philadelphia,Pa. 
RATHER EMBARRASSING. 
School Board Officer .—“You see, my good woman, your children must be educated.” 
Mrs. Flanagan.—" Faix, I see nothin’ ov the koind I You an’ me hev’ done well enu w d 
out it!” 
"rr t p it ? *5; floral 
y> A ^ G-XJIXDE 
A beautiful work of ISO pages. Colored T'lritp, mid 1000 illus¬ 
trations, with descriptions of the best Flowers end Vege¬ 
tables prices of Seeds end Plant*, and bow to grow them. 
Printed in English and German. Price only 10 cents, which 
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Che Garden, and how to get it instead of running to the grocery 
at. the last, moment to buy whatever seed a are left over, meeting 
with disappointment after weeks of waiting. 
BOV ONLY VICK’S SKEDB AT HEABQUAJRTERS. 
f 0 KTHT.Y TV f AGAZ1NT., Colored Plate in every 
STRENGTH AND ENERGY WITHOUT THE USE OF 
DRUGS, 
Are requested to send for TURK L Et'T RICRE- 
VIEW, an Illustrated Journal), which is publish 
ed for Free Distribution. 
It treats of Hkai.tii, QYonsKX, and Physical Culture, 
and Is a complete encyclonedin of Information for 
Invalids and those who suffer from nervous, exhaust¬ 
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on health and human happlnesKrecetvesattention in 
its pnges; and the many questions uskedby suffering 
invalids who have despaired of a Cure are answered, 
and valuable Information Is volunteered to all who 
are In need of medical advice. 
I OLNfJ >115N and others who suffer from uer- 
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consulting Its contents. 
Tlie Elect rlc Review exposes the unmitigated 
frauds practiced hv quacks anil medical Imposters 
who profess to ‘'practice medicine,’’and points out 
the only safe, simple and effective road to health, 
vigor and bodily energy. 
Address, for tree copy. THE ELECTRIC RE¬ 
VIEW, lltf-J Uroatlway. New York, 
EOZiIFSS 
POST HOLE DIGGER. 
The greatest LA BOR-SAVING 
tool ever invented for digging holes 
In the ground. This machine works 
on a new principle, and Is uu Ike any- 
thing lu the market. It Is neither au 
augur nor a plunger, hut Is driven in 
the ground with a driving rod which 
works in a pipe, similar to a tele¬ 
scope. We cl Im for tills tool: 1st. 
That one man enn dig from r wo to 
th ree him tired holes two feet deep 
in ordinary ground In one (lay. 2d. 
That It will dig holes any »i'ac or 
h required 2d. That It will 
work successfully in very liurdor 
rouuli grouud where other diggers 
and augurs will not work at all. 4th. 
You stand up straight while using It, 
consequently no back breaking work 
is required. It will pay you to send 
for desiei tpfclvccirculars and prices to 
l OLE «V KLF HI INC, 
Manufacturers, Springfield. Ohio. 
j T"TICK’S TLIffSTEATED TONTHIV f AGAZ1NE, Lolored Piute in every 
V niiiii- Lber and many Jr I fine 111 us-.iv 1 1 rations. Pr.ee f 1.25 a year; I-tve copies 
T. f ; J- sueeimen numbers 10 cl* ; 8 trial copies 28 CIS, At c will send to one address A Ink s 
Magazine and any one of tile following publications atI hr Yi* *?• or Wde A wake' 
price of one—Century, ?4.50; Harper’s Mouthly, |4.00; H. NwhnU^Mt.^ii. Good ,lke > 
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OTJK. ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE 
— OF- 
PIANO-PORTES. 
UNEQUALLED IN 
Tone, Toncli, W orMnsUp & Dnralrility. 
** WILLIAM KMBE Sc CO. * 
Nos. 204 and 206 West Baltimore Street, Baltimore. 
No. 112 Fifth Avr-nne. New York. 
Full of valuable cultural directions, containing three colored 
plates, and embracing everything New and Rare in Seeds 
and Plants, will be mailed on receipt of stamps to cover postage 
(6 cents). To customers of last eeason sont Free without application, 
PtTER HENLSk&ON OL Co 
35 & 37 CORTLANDT STREET, - - - - NEW YORX. 
TEbe 
’J&Ktt. 
“ACME” 
4 
AGENTS > 
WANTED. 
It Is the best selling 
tool on earth. 
PULVERISING HARROW, 
.g mC^ Clod Crusher, 
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any Set of Politicians or Manipulators; 
Devoted to Collecting and Publishing all 
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Address. THIS SUN, New York City. 
Tiii. ill M mihleeia Uia.ftOtt U I he action of u. Ste-koYu»i,e- and Lssu&er an'to the Cutting, lifting, 
terly fall works perfectly on light so1l,and >s the only Harrow that cuts oxer ike entire. ,i irfaee or kr un 
Variety ol Si M# . 4 to 15 leer wide. - We deliver iree at n.tr di^r.bui.ng depot* 
DO NOT BE DECEIVED. Don’t let dealers) palm off a baste imitation or some 
inferior tool under the assurance that it is better, but satisfy yourself by wdenngm ACM& 
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Send for Pamphlet containing Thousands of Testimonials from 4S different States and Territories. 
it a*k iu sYi r Ktii 'i’A. Nash & Brother, N EW'JERSEY^' 
N.B “’TILLAGE 18 MANURE and other Essays.’’ sent free to parties who NAME THIS PAPER. 
gNATIONAL STOCKMAN ^FARMER. 
THE AMERICAN BREEDERS’ AND FARMERS’ JOURNAL. 
PRACTICAL. PllOGItE^Hl VI5. JtLLIABLE. 
to agents. ^P^/t’jrculalion then nny other Live Stock Journal in America. 
AITELL, RUSH & CO., Pittsburgh, Pa. 
jyjotto £mbossed Qards. EMPIRE GRAIN DRILL. 
with name in Fancy Type. HC R A1* C’A K I>H, 12 for 
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THE 
GreatAmerican 
uim 
I Company I 
0001) NEWS to 
LADIES! 
Greatest Inducements ever or 
fered. Now’s your time to get up 
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COMBINATION 1IM events of U. S 
history, geography of the States, grammar, difficult 
words to spell, ami abrevla linn son 53 cards with rules 
— , . — for use. A favltnitlng and Instructive 
J sV.-i ~7\ game By rnsll 30c. Key to this cipher 
17 i 7 a for secret correspondence free with 
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Gotloral Advertising Uuinn ol 
THS RURAL NEW - TORKEU. 
The following rates are invariable. All are there, 
fore respectfully informed, that any correspondence 
with a view to obtaining different terms will protv 
futile•. 
Ordinary Advertisements,per agate Uno. ...SO ecu *, 
One thousand lines, or more, within one year 
from date at first Insertion, per agate line, 25 “ 
Yearly orders occupying 14 or more lutes 
agate space......25 “ 
Preferred nosltlons. .25 per cent, extra 
Heading Notices, coding with “Adc., per 
Une, miuiou leaded....,...75cents. 
Terms of Subscription. 
The subscription price of the Rural New-Yorker Is: 
Single Copy, per year.$2.00 
“ “ Six mouths.. l.lo 
Great Britain, Ireland, Australia aud 
Germany, per yeur, post-paid.$3.01 (12s. 6d.) 
France. 3.01 (lt’dtf fr.) 
French Colonies. 4.08(2BJ$fr.) 
Any one sending a club of seven is entitled to one 
copy, one year, free. 
Agents will be supplied with canvassing outfit on 
application. 
Entered at the Post-office at New York City, N. Y„ 
as second-'.quasi mall matter. 
