THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
• • 
J^muorous. 
“Well,” said the doctor ‘to me it’s plain, then. 
That the business of a lawyer don’t make angels out 
of men." 
“Well, doctor,” said the lawyer, “in that I must 
opine 
That the medical profession’s just the opposite of 
mine.” 
Teacher: —“Suppose you had two sticks of 
candy, and your big brother gives you two 
more, how many would you have then?” 
Little boy (shaking his head):—“You don’t 
know him: he ain't that kind of a boy.” 
Daughter of the house (to a gentleman with 
whom sbe had been flirting desperately the 
whole evening, in a whisper, on his taking 
leave:) “Next Tuesday i shall beat borne the 
whole afternoon!” Visitor:—“So shall I.” 
A would-be wit once said, speaking of the 
fair sex:— “Ah! it’s woman’s mission to make 
fools of men.” “And bow vexed we are,” 
saida bright eyed femiuiue present, “to find 
that nature lias so often forestalled ns ” 
“How can I get rid of this dyspepsia?” 
asked an invalid of his physician. “Have 
you tried prepared chalk?” “Yes, I’ve 
been getting my milk from a milkman for the 
last six years. The doctor says that’s wbat 
gave me the dyspepsia." 
A traveler through Arabia writes that 
when a Bedouin is asked to drink, bis answer 
would frequently be: “No, thanks—I drank 
yesterday.*’ In this country the answer 
usually is: “Well, I’ve been at it all the morn¬ 
ing, hut 1 guess 1 can stand another." 
{Stout lady passenger in a car. wincing (he 
has trodden on her bestcorn)—“Phew—clumsy 
—” Polite old gent—“Very sorry, my dear 
madam; but, if you bad a foot large enough 
to be seen, such an accident couldn’t occur.” 
And then the lady smiled. 
Burdette has evidently worked upon a 
farm. He remarks:—“Where the zephyrs 
dimple the flelds of golden ry e, I hear Ihesong 
the harvesters are singing, clear and high. I 
hear a note that rises above the reaper’s hum. 
I know the driver’s trioiMo clear the cog-wheel 
with his thumb.” 
PijjrcUancous. Advertising. 
£ 
Mothers Don't Know-How wbiit children are 
punish- d for hrjpn uncouth, wilful, and Indifferent 
to lust motions nr rewards, simply be iu<t- they are' 
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dve, the little ones moderate doses of Hop Bitters 
_or two O' three week>, the iblldreu would be all a 
parent could desire ” 
Battle Cheek. Mich., .Tan. . 11 .18*9. 
Gentlem s Having been aitllcted for a number of 
j ears with Indigestion and general debility, by the 
advice of my doctor I used Hop Bitters, and must 
say they afforded me almost Instant relief. I am 
glad to be able to ttstlfy In their bfbalf. q 
EATON, ftludi-on Co-, N. Y. 
MANUFACTURERS OF 
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IMPRACTICABLE. 
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5 Judge —“ Nonsense ! I suppose you mean that he said, * I stole the pig’! ” 
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RE SPREADER 
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